In the Beginning .. .. .. Nov 2021

In the beginning: .. .. ..

God's mum: Where are you going, dear?

God: I think I'll go and make a world to play with.

God's mum: That will be nice, dear. Nothing too big though, be back in six days for your rest, dear.

God's Mum: Lovely to see you home again, dear. Did you have a good time?

God: Yes, thank you. I made a lot of stuff and there was quite a lot of junk already there. I enjoyed making a nice garden but it's a lot of hard work.

God's Mum: That's nice dear. So will you go back and tend the garden, dear ?

God: I don't think so, it's so much hard work. Is there any angel cake left?

God's Mum: That garden you made all that time back, dear, some earthlings are living in it now, dear. They call it Eden, dear.

God: Good luck to 'em. Are they keeping it tidy?

God's Mum: Seem to be. They have some strange ideas about you, dear.

God: Me? I was long gone before they arrived.

God's Mum: I was sure that you were, dear, and I know the earthlings need someone to blame if the crop isn't perfect. Some folks outside the garden have started to write a book, dear. It looks like you are going to be a superstar, dear. Drink your milk, dear.

Laughter is the best medicine.😎

And it came to pass .. .. In the Garden of Eden:

Eve: Wow, what is THAT !

Adam: I don't know.

Eve: What's it for?

Adam: I don't know.

Eve: Where did you get it?

Adam: I've always had it.

Eve: Wow, Can I touch it?

Adam: No ! You've broken yours off already.

God's Mum: Have you looked in at your world lately, dear.

God: No, not lately. It's a bit boring and I've lost interest in it. Are the earthlings getting on OK?

God's Mum: They certainly enjoy reproducing, dear. There's lots of them now, dear.

God: I expect it keeps them busy.

God's Mum: They have some pretty crazy ideas about you and where they all came from, dear.

God's Mum: You look deep in thought, dear.

God: Yes, I'm examining this species, I'm going to call them Bishops.

God's Mum: That's nice, dear. What do they do?

God: Not a lot. They wear frocks and big hats, make a fortune out of confusing ordinary mortals, and pretend they can talk to me. I hope I can use them to help me understand the earthlings.

God's Mum: Wouldn't your little mortals be better off without them, dear?

God: Most certainly but they can't have it all their own way, can they?

>6 PinkSeeSaw:

God's Mum: So what are all your little Bishops doing now, dear?

God: They've invented something they call "theology."

Gods Mum: That's a nice new word, dear. What does it mean?

God: Theology is the practice of thinking up excuses for believing in bullshit.

God's Mum: Oh dear, dear.

God's Mum: This Adam and Eve, dear. Their offspring now populates the whole world, dear. And their religious leaders say it is all because of you, dear.

God: What ?? I left eons before they evolved. Ok, sometimes I give them a poke with a sharp stick when I'm bored, but they don't know that.

God's Mum: The leaders pretend they talk to you from the top of mountains, dear. And that you say no-one must eat meat on Fridays, dear. Will you have to smite a few of them, dear.

God: No, I'll think of something much worse.

God's Mum: The earthlings have written a book, dear. They have called it The Bible, have you seen it, dear?

God: No, I've been busy lately, what's it all about?

God's Mum: It will make you laugh, dear. It is supposed to be all about you, dear.

God: Me ?? How can they write about me? They know nothing about me.

God's Mum: You won't believe what they are saying about you, dear.

God: In that case, I know the Bishops are involved in it somewhere.

God's Mum: Your little self perpetuating earthlings, dear, the ones who live all over the world you visited, dear.

God: Yep, what about them?

God's Mum: The Bishops have told them, that you said, that when earthlings pop their clogs at the end of their season they rise up to here and live with us for ever and ever, amen, dear.

God: What? .. .. What? .. .. Heaven Forbid !!!

Laughter is the best medicine. 😎

The Bible. The ultimate mixture of comedy and fiction.

God's Mum: It was a tragedy, dear. But at least no-one was hurt.

God: What? Where? When?

God's Mum: The Pope was conducting prayers in his big square in Rome. They prayed for the poor and the hungry, dear. Prayed that the world's wealth could be evenly and fairly distributed, dear.

God: So what happened?

God's Mum: They think is was a lightning bolt, dear. Hit the Vatican, dear. Caused over $2,000,000 in fire damage. And that was just the drapes, dear.

_{Credit: Mohamad Jones.}

>12 PinkSeeSaw:

God's Mum: They're having trouble at the Vatican dear. They have had to ask two of the contractors fitting the new drapes after the fire to leave, dear.

God: Why is that?

God's Mum: Because they are Atheists, dear.

God: So Pope WhatsHisFace has picked these two out, has he?

God's Mum: Yes, dear. Two nice boys as far as I can see, dear. Kurt n' Rod, dear.

God's Mum: So, popped-their-clogs is just a nice way of saying an earthling has passed away, dear, like falling leaves in autumn, dear?

God: Yep. There do seem to be a few earthlings who get themselves lost after they pop their clogs. They wander about in the ether. That nutter down the road takes a few of them in from time to time. Only if he needs staff, though. The one with the big ostentatious gates.

God's Mum: You mean St Peter, dear.

God's Mum: "Bartachin witnesseth; Who begat Enceladus, Who begat Ceus, Who begat Tiphaeus, Who begat Alaeus, Who begat Othus, Who begat Aegeon, Who begat Briareus, Who Begat Bartachin, Who begat Enceladus, Who begat Ceus, Who begat Tiphaeus, Who begat Alaeus, Who begat Othus, Who begat Aegeon, Who begat Briareus, Who Begat Rosios."

I was reading The Bible the other day, dear. Fascinating, isn't it, dear."

God: Un~putdownable. It certainly fills a much needed gap.

I don't make this stuff up.

Every conversation posted here in God's Mum is a genuine overheard snippet passed on to me by a holy angel who mows God's Mum's grass.

Sworn by PinkSeeSaw on Cardinal Pell's Holy Bible. Oct 2021.

See: "Come home Cardinal Pell".
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_Minchin

God's Mum: It is hard to believe there are still places on earth where earthlings are put to death for what they call blasphemy, dear.

God: Killing another human? For saying they do not believe some church leader's guess-work about me?

God's Mum: Yes, dear. That's what is happening, dear.

God: Then why can't they be honest and call it Human Sacrifice?

Laughter is the best medicine.😎

And it came to pass .. .. .. God said "Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not commit adultery."

"It's a bit late for that, Lord." said Moses.

Credit: Spike Milligan.

God's Mum: It says here, dear ~ "Pope John Paul 11, He transformed the teachings of the Church. John Paul II was a scholar who promulgated the Catechism of the Catholic Church in 1992, He reformed the Eastern and Western Codes of Canon Law during his pontificate, and authored 14 encyclicals, 15 apostolic exhortations, 11 apostolic constitutions, and 45 apostolic letters." What do you think of that, dear?

God: Yippee ! ! When the world's poor and hungry hear about it they'll start dancing in the streets.

God's Mum: (Sigh !) Is that called sarcasm, dear?

God's Mum: What are you laughing about now, dear?

God: Oh ! this Flying Spaghetti Monster is just wonderful.

God's Mum, Yes dear, I was reading about that a while back, dear. Very amusing, dear.

God: Brilliant concept. I will be laughing all day today.

God's Mum: Would you like pasta tonight, dear?

God's Mum: The earthlings really do believe that you are able to listen to millions and millions of prayers every day, dear.

God: Yes I know, and I don't hear any of it and never have. It's the Bishops who preach this nonsense. What more proof could anyone need that it is all bullshit?

God's Mum: Language, dear.

God: Sorry mother. Any of that angel cake left?

God’s Mum: Sad news, dear. Don’t upset yourself, dear .. .. But .. ..
I know you’ve been working hard on your next tsunami and not keeping up-to-date, dear. It's awful, but . . . but . . . Jesus Christ is dead, dear. Those beastly Romans have . . have . . . done away with him, dear. (snifff) .. .. ..

sob

sob

Snifff

sob

sniff

God: .. .. Who?

>22 PinkSeeSaw:

God's Mum: Jesus Christ ! Jesus Christ ! dear. In the earthling's bible/book, dear.
Surely you remember Jesus Christ dear? He was the one who said you were his father and also a ghost and then claimed he was really you, dear. Then that he was all three rolled into one, dear. Oh, and his mother was a virgin, dear.

God: Oh! Another one of those, I get 'em all mixed up. Wasn't he called Pope Something or other or was it Billy Graham?

God's Mum: You remember when the young girl was about to be stoned to death for sin, dear? Then Jesus picked up a rock and said " Let whoever is without sin cast the first stone."

God: So, she was saved?

God's Mum: No, dear. Sadly, his mother threw the rock and killed the girl, dear.

God: His mother must have been a good shot.

God's Mum: She'd had plenty of practice, allegedly, dear.

God's Mum: There was a brilliant cave-rescue this week in England dear, did you see it, dear?

God: No, I've been busy. You mean people who explore underground?

God's Mum: Yes dear. An experienced caver fell from a steep rock face and was badly injured a long way underground. Their emergency network went into operation, a doctor/caver made her way through hours of tunnels to get to him and stabilise him.

God: But they still had to get him out?

God's Mum: Yes, dear. Cave rescue volunteers came from all over the country with emergency equipment. Set up catering and accommodation and set to work. Police and ambulance helicopters on standby ready to help, dear. They moved him slowly through tight squeeze caves, many get completely submerged in floodwater, dear. It took days and days, dear. But they did it, dear, they saved him, dear.

God: That's wonderful, I'm sure the press had a field-day.

God's Mum: Yes, dear. The Bishops said it was one of your miracles, dear.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-59219380

God's Mum: Your expression "popped their clogs" dear. I cannot find it in any of the earthling's holy books, dear.

God: Did you make a thorough check, mother?

God's Mum: Very, dear. I made a point of it, dear. No reference at all, dear.

God: Oh well. I suppose "poppeth thy sandals" doesn't have much of a ring to it, does it?

God's Mum: Good morning, dear. The Ten Commandments, Dear, Tell me about them, dear.

God: Well, you know that Moses tells a few ~ stretchers ~ and you know he says he went up the mountain to talk to God and th .. ..

God's Mum: Sorry to interrupt, dear, I don't know, dear, because I wasn't there, dear.

God: Neither was I.

Laughter is the best medicine. 😎

And it came to pass ~ The lord offered His commandments to all peoples .. .. ..

They replied to their Lord:

•Reuben, No thanks.
•Simeon No thanks
•Levi No thanks.
•Judah (יְהוּדָה‎‎ Yəhūdā) No reply.
•Issachar (יִשָּׂשכָר‎‎ Yīssāšḵār) No thanks.
•Zebulun (זְבוּלֻן‎‎ Zəḇūlun) No thanks
•Dan (דָּן‎‎ Dān) No Thanks
•Naphtali (נַפְתָּלִי‎‎ Nap̄tālī) No thanks.
•Gad (גָּד‎‎ Gāḏ) No Thanks.
•Asher (אָשֵׁר‎‎ ’Āšēr) No reply.
•Benjamin (בִּנְיָמִן‎‎ Bīnyāmīn) no thanks
•Joseph No thanks.
•Moses: How much are they?
God: They are free.
Moses: I'll take ten.

God's Mum: So you think some of the Bible stories are ~stretchers~ dear?

God: Joshua made up a lot of Bible fairy~tales. How about the one where he says I stopped the sun moving across the sky to give him longer daylight to kill his enemies?

God's Mum: Did you not then, dear?

God: Mother, the sun does not travel across the sky, the sun stands still. It is the earth that is turning and if the earth were to stop spinning it would explode into small fragments.

God's Mum: I think it looked to them as if the sun travelled across the sky, dear.

God: And what would it have looked like if the earth were turning?

>28 PinkSeeSaw:

God's Mum: So Joshua's ~ stretcher ~ about the sun not moving in the sky, dear, is proof he was economic with the truth, dear. So why, after all these years do Bishops and earthlings still believe him, dear?

God: "A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest."

God's Mum: "All lies and Jest", dear.

Credit: Paul Simon.

Laughter is the best medicine. 😎

And it came to pass ~ that Moses (who had shares in a family clinic) said "that God had told him" that all males must be circumcised.

On the morrow all males who could walk had gone from the desert camp.

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Thank you for being with God's Mum all the way through November 2021.

A new topic And then .. .. .. Dec' 2021 (Here) takes over until the new year.

We look forward to seeing you there .. .. ..