The Person Below Me #38 - Degrading Confessions and Depraved Acts

Link to previous thread

Say what you will, the title will attract people to the cause.

My veins hum with the nectar of the titans (fully caffeinated.)

TPBM prunes shrubs to look like animals.

Um, just where am I going to have enough space for shrubs?

The person below me has plenty of space for shrubs.

I do, and trees, and out buildings and wild animals and several million mosquitoes...

TPBM loves the outdoors

Depends on the weather. And just how, um, natural the outdoors are.

The person below me has an indoor cat.

I do love the outdoors - as long as I can come back home and turn on the air-conditioning, have a nice long shower, put the TV on, ...

TPBM has a green thumb for indoor plants

Oh, goodness, no! Sometimes my outdoor plants survive, if nature takes care of them, but my indoor plants always die. Quickly. Actually, there is one exception: aloe plants. If I have one of them, it grows and grows until it takes over the house.

TPBM has cultivated a plant that they suspect may be a triffid.

There is an vine along my back fence that I believe qualifies. We're still trying to identify it, but the correct response may well be a small axe taken to the root.

TPBM knows that invasive species can be an issue.

WAT IS YU TALKING BOUT

I refer you to the above.

TPBM has something Elvis wore.

A smile.

The person below me is just infatuated with mz.dawayne.

Isn't she just the sweetest thing EVER?

TPBM has something amusing planned for this evening.

Yes... sleep. Sleep should be plenty amusing. At least, it will be for my dog, who has apparently developed insomnia and has spent the last several nights playing with everything he can get his little paws on.

TPBM is familiar with the insanely adorable Otter (http://www.iamotter.co.uk/).

How cute! My daughter had a ferret once, but she didn't have a site for him

TPBM has an unusual pet.

PeeEss~I have watched otters swim, though it was from a slight distance. They looked as if they were playing.

Surely you must be joking, Boo!

It's my wife's.
It's annoying (even to her).
I swear it wants to go outside.

TPBM hasn't filed his/her income taxes yet.

Filed the taxes, received the refund, and applied the last payment to son's final college tuition bill. He graduates in 3 days.

The person below me is watching election results for his/her state this evening.

I just looked to see what is happening with the sales tax issue. Lots of jobs on the line... (Not mine, thank heavens.)

The person below me is having company over the Memorial Day weekend.

I'm going to my aunt's house, but my fiance is tagging along.

TPBM has an obsession with crime shows.

oh yes, I am researching the perfect murder ie one I can get away with.

TPBM knows someone they would do away with, if they could get away with it

When it comes down to it, no, even if I was certain to get away with it. The world will be a marginally better place once my brother has left it, but age will take care of that (he bullied me mercilessly throughout my childhood/teenage years, despite the fact that he is 20 years older than me and really should've known better).

TPBM also has disowned a relative in order to save their own sanity.

My sister-in-law, when young, resigned from her family. It didn't last - the resignation that is.

TPBM will offer a better answer to Sophie's question.

That would be my ex-husband. I think it's working ... but it may be too early to tell.

TPBM has a really wonderful relative, and will relate an incident illustrating said wonderfulness.

(#21 - I would have said; my husband's family. Unfortunately, they haven't quite got the message yet)

Wonderful in the original sense of causing wonder. Crazy aunt I already mentioned; she married the same man 5 times. The last four times were on a National Tour when she married him twice more on a visit to Las Vegas, and then once in California for the benefit of his family there and again in South Carolina for the benefit of his family in that state. The bride wore white, unless like surgical gowns they've began putting patterns on straight jackets to make them less threatening.

TPBM draws strength from a family member.

My mum's family is pretty stunning; they all beaver away in the background doing good works without necessarily getting accolades for it. Whenever husband's family is getting me down, I can look to my relatives and keep my chin up :-)

TPBM has a funny anecdote about their kids.

no kids, but I have some great stories about nieces and nephews

TPBM is also happy not having rug rats permanently in the home.

Very happy, thank you very much. I have a baby brother I love dearly, though, and wish I saw him more often.

TPBM hates rugs.

I do hate rugs, only because my dachshund can't help but play with and destroy them. If my dog wasn't so hell-bent on demolishing every loose bit of carpet in sight, I'd love to throw a few rugs down to make the hardwood floors less... well... hard!

TBPM spoils their pets.

Currently no pets but I did have Buddy The Coolest Cat of All Time and yes I did spoil him. I don't have any kids and never will but I am pretty sure if I did I'd be a hard ass with them. And I'm also pretty sure I'd ship them off to military school as soon as possible. But, and I know this as a fact, I am an awesome uncle. It's a fun gig as long as it's part time. They come over, we go Mt. Vernon or the track, fire assault rifles at the range, I dust them off and give them a book and they go home. Poifect.

TPBM has worked with, or is, a professional interior decorator.

I suppose I did, long ago. Although the 'professional interior decorator ' concerned would have thought that title rather poncey - he was a painter. He set me to work (it was a student vacation job) painting unsalubrious rented bed-sitters between lets. Interesting technique - slopping on enough paint covered up the previous tenant's grease and grime quickly without any need for cleaning. The redecoration didn't last long -- but then neither did the tenants.

TPBM recalls another temporary employmentr in their callow youth.

I used to work in a baker's shop for my 'Saturday job' to earn some pocket money, and again in the summer holidays. We used to get a free cake twice a day with our tea break (we could have anything but not an expensive fresh cream cake), and at the end of a Saturday, if there were any cakes left over (no matter how expensive they were) we could take one home to our family for a weekend treat. It was a happy memory working there, but it played hell on my feet standing all day - not to mention my weight!

TPBM will tell us what they had to do to earn their pocket money - in a job or doing chores at home.

Sort of a mix - my parents started doing a market stall with second-hand goods when I was about 11, and slowly became Proper Antique Dealers (although we never had the obligatory Volvo estate) and after a while, they started to specialise in antique/used cameras and equipment. So my pocket money was earned lugging great boxes of stuff around, packing and unpacking, going on tea runs and minding the stall. It was excellent fun as, although I loathed school and was bullied mercilessly, I had this other life and friends of all ages to make life more pleasant, and developed a good knowledge of the motorways and towns of the UK to boot!

TPBM saw an excellent film recently.

My usual film fare are blockbusters and whatever is on at a friend's house. The last movie I saw was the new Sherlock Holmes- I liked it but it probably wasn't excellent.

>>31 abbottthomas: I worked at a Sears catalog store my junior year in high school. The local economy wouldn't support an actual department store, so people would choose items from the catalog, and order then pick up through us- no home delivery. Sears' policy was to accept all returns, all the customer had to do was give a reason. One day this guy comes in carrying an electric alarm clock, the kind with the roman numbers in red. I asked him why he was returning it and he said 'it's broken, the numbers never change'. Turns out the clock came with a plastic film over the face, and the manufacturer had printed numbers on it to show what it would look like when it was plugged in, he'd just never taken the film off. I check the 'broken' box on the form and asked him if he'd like to order a different clock.

TPBM has a funny work story.

I worked as a residential real estate appraiser for a mortgage company that was serious about property risk analysis. (I know, hard to believe nowadays.) We were expected to look for unusual circumstances that might affect value and marketability in the future.
One property I inspected, in a gated community of mini-estates, had a next door neighbor who appeared to be a bit off-balance. The neighbor’s property was surrounded by an earthen dam about 6 feet tall. Over it, you could glimpse the house with broken out windows and other indications of serious neglect.
When I reported it, along with the neighbor’s name, it turned out, he was the loan applicant as well.

And then there was the time my visit coincided with a person taking soil samples just beyond the rear boundary of the subject property. He was dressed in a full environmental suit. This neighbor happened to be a US Munitions testing ground.

TPBM has a crazy neighbor.

Yes, many: it's a side effect of living anywhere with the population density we do.

The person below me had a good laugh at something today.

I'm afraid, with me, it comes back to the kids; I find - especially with the baby - that my life revolves around them, whether I will it or no (though usually, I yes). We had a good giggle at their antics after they had gone to bed. Sometimes, I find myself having to scold them, while trying desperately to keep a straight face and stifle my laughter, so I don't send the wrong message.
My one-year-old insists on sticking his foot up on his feeding tray at meal times, mainly because he knows I disapprove, and he thinks it's hilarious. Today, he was a bit tired (hard life, you know), so he flopped over and put his head down on his tray. Imagine that, without saying "ouch"; it's an effort for me to get out of bed some days, but there he was with his foot quite happily waving behind his ear, and him not feeling any discomfort.

TPBM will forgive me for wittering on about my kids.

No need - there's nothing to forgive.

TPBM had an unplanned expense recently.

My car just broke down on Monday. It just wouldn't start. Apparently we needed a new battery, which cost me some good $400 that I just didn't have. Who knew those things were so pricey?

TPBM does make ends meet successfully, at least most of the times.

I have been, but the future is currently shrouded in shadows as far as my employment is concerned.

$400!? for a battery what do you have a hybrid? most car batteries cost $40-$90 dollars depending on the quality around here.

TPBM is willing to pay me to say at home and putter around in my wood shop (please!)

Wish I could. I'm going to run for congress- pay's good, the benefits are great and even if you flunk the performance review you still get retirement.

TPBM thinks that any time France and Germany are yelling at each other the rest of us are in deep kimchi.

You betcha'.

TPBM is worried about world conditions.

Somalia, Pakistan and Afghanistan, Israel and all the Arab states, South Korea tightening up on its citizens, China, Thailand, the Us just falling apart. What's not to worry about?

The person below me has rescued a pet from the pound.

Yes! Lovely old mixbreed we called "Spottie".

TPBM has never had pets in his/her life.

#40: No hybrid (I wish!), I have an old sedan.

You must be new around here...

If you have the time - read this

TPBM eats Oreos filling first.

No that just slows me down, I throw the whole cookie in my mouth as one bite.

TPBM also has a similarly poor table manner.

I slurp my noodles.

The person below me can eat spaghetti demurely in public.

Oh hell no, spaghetti is event horizon food- something is going to happen.

TPBM never eats soup in restaurants.

I usually manage not to embarrass myself too much with soup, but my husband watches me with glee when I eat bruschetta in public.

TPBM ate out today.

I did! My fiance and I went out to lunch after a particularly trying morning.

TPBM has killer heartburn sometimes.

No, but I have to deal with Achalasia, so it's just a matter of time.

TPBM has had pie recently, and will tell us what kind.

I was in the grocery store tonight reaching for what I thought was a cherry pie until I saw that it was half apple and half cherry. I hit infinite loop trying to figure out why they did that, and by the time I rebooted I was reaching for german chocolate cake instead (my turn to cook dinner.)

TPBM has pastry chef skills.

Nope - I've only just started to try my hand at baking (my mother was not the conventional kind who taught me cookery skills, insisting that by the time I grew up all the men would be able to cook - she was largely correct!), so when it comes to pastry I'm still on the frozen stuff.

TPBM has also learned a new skill relatively late in life.

I have certainly, lots of IT stuff. When my PC goes kaput, instead of giving it to our IT department to fix, I ask them to do it at my desk and show me how to fix problems if they occur again in the future (which is much quicker, as our IT department are 2 guys coping with several hundred PCs)

TPBM can do very complex spreadsheets and similar things on a PC

Complex spreadsheets are like undocumentable assembler code, but yes, I can do it. I can even decipher the conundrums left by former employees in spreadsheets designed by them and forgotten by time.

TPBM likes spreadsheets.

They can make life much easier. It depends on how well I set them up in the first place.

The person below me has visited or will be visiting and old chum soon.

I'm hoping to get over to visit an old friend next week. She lives out at Poundbury, a 'model village' designed by Prince Charles. It's a weird place, grand mock-Georgian townhouses and Italianate clock towers stuck in the middle of the British countryside. From a distance if appears to be made of lego.

TPBM has an architectural oddity near where they live.

The entire city is an architectural oddity! It is a mix of different styles and eras all over. I love to walk through the East side: it is filled with gorgeous contemporary buildings that seem to defy all known rules of construction.

TPBM has an impressive view of the city from one of his/her house's windows.

ETA missing part

Ah yes - from my kitchen window, I have a grand overview of the city's first parking lot to include semi-permeable pavement. They did a lovely job of landscaping it, too.

TPBM enjoys gardening.

You have reminded me that before I sat at the computer a couple of hours ago I was indeed gardening - I'd better get back to it while the sun still shines and forget about Wadham College in the 1790s.

TPBM has a 'riot of colour' in their back yard.

Not really, but considering that it's mid-May in central Texas, a couple of blades of green grass might be the equivalent. In fact, things are unusually green, all factors considered - except for the deer that have been using my yard as a Noontime luncheonette. I have to go now - one is signaling that it would like more water. They don't tip well, but I don't have to buy fertilizer.

TPBM has got big plans for this weekend.

No, I'm working on stupid-head home projects. If the humidity is still low tomorrow, I will also prolly take a drive down the Shenandoah valley and catch a movie at the Community Theater in Woodstock, Virginia. It's almost unchanged from when it was built in the 40s, and even though the bottom right quadrant of the screen is blurry, it's my favorite place to watch movies.

TPBM has a home theater. And is willing to share.

We do have a home theater. And if you want to come to North Carolina, we'll let you hang out with us. It's above the garage, reachable from in the house. The room is 20' x 16', with 10' ceilings, sand in the paint for acoustics, and one window with a blackout shade. The room was built with 6-inch staggered studs, extra insulation, AND a steel door so that when my husband blasts I don't hear it. Heaven.

However, when I do go up there to watch something, it's quite enjoyable. We don't use it as much as we'd like because it costs about $500 to replace the projection screen bulb. So we watch on the TV downstairs most of the time.

TPBM has a special TV series they're watching these days.

Yes! I just jumped on the Big Bang Theory bandwagon and can't believe it took me this long to watch it. I love Sheldon and the rest of the gang. Such good humor!

The person below me is addicted to trivia and can tell me an interesting fact.

December 8 is National Barbed Wire Day - every year.

TPBM will mark it on his/her calendar, and tell us another bit of trivia.

Marked.

God is dog spelled backwards.

TPBM will share a cleverer palindrome with the class.

A Man, a plan, a canal, Panama.

Quite a good one as there is some internal meaning.

TPBM can do better.

alirgnahsmorflrig girlfromshangrila

The person below me knows when Napoleon was able and can explain it.

(I actually got beat to the punch so to speak, but technically mine still works.)

It was a foggy day when he was sent into exile. He was afraid of his boat being dashed on rocks because he was a poor swimmer. He complained (in French) that he couldn't see even the nose in front of his face. After a while, the fog lifted, which gave us the palindrome (once translated to English. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I'm sure the French have palindromes as well, but I don't know of any.

TPBM has a better explanation.

The British were so eager to heave Nappy onto the island that during the night they speed by the pier. Napoleon hauled himself up on top of a box of nails and said 'Yew eediot shop keepers! You hove past it!' and gesticulated wildly back to were they had just been. They left the box of nails with him so that he could build a new empire, in fact they tied it to his ankles, and threw him overboard.

>>63 karenmarie: km- Am arriving in NC tomorrow with every zombie movie made in the last 40 years. Have hubbie start the grill, I'll pick up a case of wine on the way from airport. Or we can just order pizza for the first few days.

TPBM has had a moment.

Yes, but I can't remember it.

The person below me accomplished something.

For the first time since I was out of diapers, I managed to pee in my pants. Blame it on #70's response to #63.

TPBM will be building something this weekend.

If "building" can include a new jewelry piece (or three), then absolutely.

TPBM can keep a secret.

No, I'm not good at secrets and lies, being too absent-minded to keep track of what must/must not be said.

TPBM gets burdened with other people's secrets.

Oh, the things I know...

TPBM dislikes having to be secretive - not to be confused with secreteive, which said P would also dislike, probably.

I can't stand it - my heart sinks when someone says to me: "I don't know if I should tell you this secret or not ...", because they ALWAYS do, and then I'm burdened!

TPBM is pleased that WHL finally has a pet he can get along with.

I was away. Did I miss something?

The person below me will have Chinese food this weekend.

Dinner tonight is supposed to be Chinese.

TBPM has an obsession, unhealthy or otherwise, with crime shows.`

We usually order pizza or Chinese when I get off of work on Sunday nights, but I'm not working this Sunday. So if I want Chinese, I'll have to make it myself.

TPBM makes Thai at home.

No. Although when we lived in Bangkok, our cook made the most *wonderful* batter-dipped prawn.

The person below me is learning to adjust to changes in living arrangements. (My son just moved back in with us so I can sympathize.)

Only bachelor style. I'm cataloging my books so there are piles all over the joint and everything on flat surfaces has been moved to make way for more piles.

>>km- WHL and I have been knocking and ringing the bell all day. We know you're in there because we can hear the blender. If you don't let us in, we're going to start staging scenes from Dawn of the Dead in your front yard, as soon as settle the slow zombie/fast zombie matter. (It's always safe to go with the classics, I say, but nooooo.)

TPBM is learning to play chess.

I have neither an obsession with crime shows nor am I learning to play chess.

The person below me has and is.

I love reading about crime, but the only TV show about crime that I really love right now is the Dexter series, and I don't watch it regularly, just rent the DVD's.

As for chess, I have a very simple knowledge of it and no plans to learn more.

TPBM is a member of a club or organization that they would like to tell us about.

I was a member of Samuel Hall in college; the school was deeply suspicious of us and I was subsequently invited to attend another institution of higher learning. I was just over 1 semester from graduating and I think the admin was simply trying to frighten me. When they asked if I would be more comfortable somewhere else, I said 'Hell yes.' The only person who didn't seem genuinely shocked was me. Loved the church, hated the school bureaucrats. The Lord High Executioner was wearing a polyester brown suit. I mean, what the hell did he think I was going to say? I finished up at George Washington in DC.

TPBM has another school story.

What in Sam Hall are you talking about?

#76 - Sophie, where did you get the mistaken impression that there could possibly be a pet I could tolerate?

TPBM is watching the pilot episode of LOST.

I have never seen an episode.

>>Samuel Hall, a frat at Brigham Young U in Utah. Good times, good times.

TPBM has never owned a TV.

I, personally, have never owned a TV that I purchased or that was mine and mine alone. I have, however, always had a TV in the house, usually belonging to "everyone" in the household.

TPBM knows how to get to Sesame Street ;)

Once, about 20 years ago, when I was at home sick from work, I discovered that by channel surfing you could watch Sesame Street all day. (I had no children at the time.)

The person below me has lived in a fantasy world.

I still am - this one!

TPBM has an unexpected guest.

#85 - WHL, I refer you to message #61 - you sound relatively fond of that deer!

Anyway, talking of non-humans, we had an unexpected guest on Friday - the large black-and-white moggy who lives over the road had been knocked down by a car and consequently lost a leg. And once home from the vets' surgery, he promptly disappeared for two days, sending his poor owners crazy with worry. But on Friday night he came limping through our cat flap - he plainly didn't want to go straight home and get a scolding, so used us as a go-between ...

TPBM isn't quite so anthropomorphic about cats.

Of course I am. Anyone who is familiar with cats knows how much personality they have; it's very hard NOT to be anthropomorphic about them!

TPBM feels like having a lazy kind of Sunday.

It's Sunday evening here, and having been on the go since 6am with dogs, horses, gardening, etc., I am about to sink into the sofa and watch Time Team.

TPBM has been on a dig.

Can't say that I have.

Sophie, don't confuse wildlife with pets -they're two different animals (so to speak).

TPBM was already aware that Grackles are omnivorous.

Of course. Most birds are!

TPBM has illustrated a childrens' book (published or not).

Doh! Started and went to get a cup of coffee.

I did not, but with a name like Grackles I'm not surprised.

TPBM is debating whether or not to brave the high humidity and make a run for it.

Too good to pass up- TPBM has illustrated a childrens' book (published or not).

No, but I have written a fairy tale. I was handed back a rough draft that I'd given an old friend some 20 years ago. Apparently, she'd held on to it for me. I'm afraid to read it now because I have suspicions that it might be really awful.

The person below me has a fondness for literary fairy tales.

When I was a child my mother had The Grimm's German Folk Tales. There are 210 stories in the book, and I read them over and over again in all their gory detail. No wimpy little sanitized versions for me.
And in the process of writing this I discovered that I had missed cataloguing it.

TPBM writes poetry.

Only when I'm depressed. Thankfully I haven't had a reason to write any poetry lately.

TPBM has read an entire book in one sitting recently.

Nope, I don't usually have more than a couple of hours at a time. I did finish Martin Amis' Night Train this weekend; it's a fast read.

>>94 RandomActofMuse: I do know a painter who's done some brilliant childrens'/fantasy work: Jesse Simpson. I bought several of his watercolors about 6 years ago. He's taken a dark turn lately and what's on his site is nothing like the charming work he used to do (he also doesn't have copies up of work from earlier), but if a publisher is reading this you really should ask to see his fantasy work from 2003-2004. Remarkable.

TPBM knows or did know a great painter.

Well, I've illustrated a children's book (for a story my dad wrote when I was little, and we never tried to publish it), but I thought that surely I can't be the ONLY person who had done so.

I do know a great painter. Not famous, but I met her on deviantArt, and for 15 she's amazingly good.

TPBM has an artsy streak.

Yeah, I went to art school, but a lot of good it ever did me.

TPBM writes books.

Well, I write short stories, some of which will be published in about a year. Does that count?

TPBM watched the LOST shows tonight, and is very confused about what the ending meant; no spoilers though - some may not watch it until tomorrow.

I have never watched even one episode of LOST. I caught parts of tonight's episode while flipping through channels and the whole dang thing confused me because I don't know who anybody is or what's going on with any of it.

TPBM cries at weddings.

Only if I discover they're being stingy with the champagne.

TPBM loves to dance.

Only if the curtains are closed so that I don't frighten the birds!

TPBM loves looking after the wildlife in their garden.

It depends on what is growing in the garden. They can have all of the weeds they want.

The current resident is a young male deer which has apparently been exiled from the herd to reduce competition for the alpha male. This fella's welcome to stay for as long as he wants.

TPBM tends to root for the underdog.

Absolutely. I empathise.

This weekend, the kids and I went in for the club swimming championships. We all came in at the tail end of things, but we had fun; but it was done to encourage my eldest to keep going for his lessons. My husband's still impressed, though; I haven't got into the pool in two years - what with expecting a baby, and then having an extremely clingy baby, who won't be left with anyone else - let alone raced. I suppose our one year old could have won his race, but I didn't think it was fair, since I was doing all the swimming, against the 3 and 4 year olds who were swimming by themselves.

TPBM did something spectacular (and will tell us what) this weekend.

I revived my blog and hope to make a spectacle of myself.

TPBM also has a blog.

Yes, and it needs reviving, too.

TPBM has a blog with more than 100 entries.

What's a blog?

TPBM tends to not wander too far from home on the Internet Machine.

Well, given that "home" is about 15 different websites... I guess not. Don't have much of a reason to!

TPBM has watched the same movie more than once in the same day.

Of course I have! Plenty of times. I tend to play my two favorite movies in a loop during sick days. One of them is "The Matrix".

TPBM prefers sci-fi books to sci-fi movies.

Absolutely - you get much better characterization and plot in books, and I can imagine really great explosions for myself.

TPBM hasn't seen Avatar yet.

Nope. Keep meaning to. Have it. Just haven't gotten around to watching it yet.

TPBM has too many favorite book genres to list.

No, I get in a bind with sub-genres. I'm a fool for love anything with snow in it. So mysteries with snow are top of stack for me, and if the characters are snowbound my heart goes pitter pat. I'm breaking my books down into broad categories and then tagging the hell out of them.

TPBM has the kind of home library that will make us salivate.

No. I've got only one cookbook.

TPBM never measures anything when s/he bakes or cooks.

Not when I cook, but baking needs a finer touch. However, I did achieve my grandmother's "measuring by eye" breadbaking skill with my bread machine. But even she measured the yeast.

TPBM hates baking.

That'd be me.

I am in charge of the stoves (upper burners? I'm losing my English), and my husband does the baking.

TPBM wouldn't cook even if the survival of the entire human race depended on it.

Sadly, yes. I have tried. My best meals are the BLT and scrambled eggs. (After much practice.)

TPBM has an amazing recipe they would like to share with us!

I have my grandmother's Chicken and Dumplings recipe, which my family adores. I'll be happy to share with anyone, but unfortunately it's at home & I'm at work right now. :(

TPBM is currently reading a nonfiction book, and will share the title with us.

Optimizing Oracle Performance by Cary Millsap so far pretty good.

TPBM would also find this book interesting.

Only if that Oracle is somehow related to the one in the Matrix series, which I would be inclined to believe is not the case here.

TPBM is not computer savvy either, but would like to be.

In the morbid curiosity aspect of it, possibly. I'm really not a believer in mysticism, but I'm curious as to how one might go about improving a soothsayer's abilities.

A tad slow on the draw this morning...

I'm a computer programmer (when I can get the work) by trade, but only in the Dead Languages. I could use the money, but have no real desire to learn any of the 500+ newer ones that currently exist. If I could find work in some other field, I'd never program a computer again.

TPBM prefers more reality-based reading.

If by "reality-based" you mean "novels about things that could feasibly happen but probably didn't actually occur at all," then yes! That's my favorite kind of story!

TPBM is fluent in a spoken language that is not his or her native tongue.

You are witnessing it right now: English is my second language. Spanish is my native one.

TPBM is fluent in a language less worldwide-known (spoken? my flaws in this language showing right here) than those two.

Nope. The only language I'm fluent in is English. (I can read basic French if I put my mind to it, and I know a little tourist HTML, but neither really qualifies as fluency.)

The person below me is trilingual.

A challenge. I'm going to fudge a bit - my other two languages are computer languages - Fortran (oldie and moldie) and Powerhouse - both for HP 3000 computers. I definitely work in a legacy environment.

Sigh.

TPBM wears contact lenses.

No. I've worn glasses most of my life, but I have no inclination to put anything into my eyes.

TPBM knows of a good remedy for a very sore throat.

I swear by Hot Rum Toddies:

1 liberal shot of rum
a couple tablespoons of honey (to coat the throat)
fresh squeezed lemon
fill cup with hot water

Also a yummy treat on a winter evening.

TPBM celebrated Victoria Day yesterday.

No. I celebrated May 24. ;)

The person below me will tell us what historical thingey they'd like to make into a recognized holiday, and when we should mark our calendars for.

If I were king of the US, I'd make Bob Hope's birthday a national holiday (May 29). I'd also make right on red a felony.

TPBM has two family members with the same birthday.

yep my twin sisters

TPBM knows at least 2 other people with their birthday.

I don't know them personally but apparently I share a birthday with Anne Rice, Buster Keaton and Alicia Silverstone.

TPBM has given up counting the candles on their birthday cake!

Candles? who needs candles? They just make the frosting all waxy!!

TPBM never gets their preferred birthday cake, cuz nobody else likes it.

Nobody likes cheesecake where I live.

TPBM thinks only a madman would celebrate his birthday.

A slight detour - everyone likes cheesecake here. I don't get it - fatty sugar, yuck. Maybe I need to move where you are.

Sorry, go about your business.

Will do.

Mr. House and karenmarie~
I loved programming with FORTRAN IV, using commercial subroutines. I'm acquainted with COBOL, but we are not good friends -- too much pencil pushing. Also learned Assembly for the IBM 1130. Yeah, I've been around since the day before dirt. lol

If people were still programming in those languages today, and if I were still physically able to work, I'd jump at the chance to program. Unlike Mr. House, I most thoroughly enjoy programming.

Please carry on with the game. Thanks. ;-)

I don't think only a madman would celebrate their birthday. My aunt is nuts and she's been celebrating 55 for twenty years. Her husband is now older than she claims to be but never seems to notice.

TPBM is going to hit the streets tonight.

Damn! I was planning on staying in this evening. I hope I don't hit too hard.

Boo - I enjoy programming - it's very creative work. My last 2 contracts, although represented as "programming" involved very little of it. In the last one, I actually wrote over 15,000 lines of code (in COBOL). When they cancelled the Project, the program was around 6,000 lines long. They changed the specs on an almost daily basis, and these revisions obsoleted most of the code I had just finished writing. Funny how they never changed the due-date of the deliverables. I spent most of my time in meetings, and THAT is why I want to get away from I-T. That, and wasteful Project planning sessions.

TPBM would prefer to work at a craft rather than a profession.

No, I'm not very crafty, except that I suffer from CRAFT moments.

Mr. House, sorry I misinterpreted your meaning. I don't think I would enjoy programming today, as I don't think it's quite the same. My favorite programming was done on a freelance basis, and I didn't have anyone breathing down my neck.

TPBM enjoys logical thinking.

I depend on logic to get me two-thirds of the way and emotional intelligence to get me the rest of the way.

The person below me is grilling bratwurst for dinner.

No but I wish I was, a low fat, low cal, pretty tasteless chilli con carne doesn't really do the job.

TPBM never goes on a diet

Nope, never! I was brought up in a sensible way - instead of "you must eat everything on your plate and then you'll get dessert", I was told "if you're full, you don't need to eat any more".

Hence I never overeat and can trust my tummy to tell me when I've had enough, which means that, despite being a lazy beast, I don't put on weight.

TPBM is not such a lazy beast.

I am engaged in a constant battle with sloth.

TPBM is battling some other creature.

I have fought an ongoing, mostly-losing battle with insomnia since I was about 13.

TPBM always gets enough sleep.

Until last week, I slept only 5 1/2 hours a day. Now that my husband has been laid off and I don't need to wake up at 4:15 to prepare the meals he would take to his blue-collar job, I get to sleep two more hours. Talk about mixed feelings.

TPBM has never been laid off.

I have never been laid off...the only times I was unemployed was right after college, and for about 6 months after moving to Texas, when I got to stay home with my baby (who is now 26!)

TPBM has never been a stay-at-home parent.

I've never been a parent of any locational variety.

The person below me is thinking of a number between 1 and 10.

'and' isn't a number.

TPBM is wondering what that has to do with 150...

No, between 1 and 10 I never think of 150. 3? Maybe. 5? Uum. 111 certainly. And, for some reason I don't fully grasp, magenta. But 150? Never!

TPBM has one of those hats that you can fit cans of beer in. Or coffee.

No, but my husband has a miniature hockey jersey that fits over a beer bottle.

The person below me is hot. In any sense of the word.

No, but if that means I could read undisturbed for hours without having to abandon my book to brew some more coffee, I sure as heck would.

Wait a minute... How would you keep the coffee hot?

TPBM is physically as well as emotionally unable to function -properly or not- before the first morning coffe.

Hot? Yes, and not in a pleasant way. We are into energy saving mode at the building where I work (darned government measures). This means the a/c has been off the whole morning, while we are having summer weather in my side of the tropics, and my uniform policy involves wearing a cuffed shirt, a sleeveless cardigan, and a blazer. *wipes forehead with hankie*

TPBM also has to wear a uniform at work.

I did once in the past. It was not fun.

TPBM wonders if "between 1 and 10" excludes 1 and 10.

Depends on which programming language you use...

TPBM likes wearing a uniform to work because it reduces the decisions on what to ware.

I understand that thinking, but in the Navy we had to pin on pins and stuff, so it was a pain in the neck. Finding a minimal set that satisfies a dress code is even easier. My last job allowed shoes, slacks, and a polo shirt with the agency's logo.

The person below me dresses up wherever they go.

I never dress up. Too much trouble.

TPBM understands that "from 1 through 10" (as compared to "between 1 and 10") would include both 1 and 10, in spoken or written Engilsh. It doesn't matter which programming language you use, but rather whether you start your counter at 0 or at 1, and whether you add to it before or after your counter reaches 10.

Well, yes, I do understand that.

The person below me is not particularly enamoured of binary situations.

There's only one response to that.

TPBM hoards coins.

Yes, we do. We hoard our change to give our daughter to put in her savings account at Christmas.

We also hoard coins as in coin collecting.

#139 Boobalack - I took one look at Cobol and thanked Le Bon Dieu that I never had to earn my living writing code using it.

TPBM prefers fine point pens to medium point pens.

I prefer medium because my handwriting is bad and fine points seem to make it better.

>>139 Boobalack: Boo- Case in point. The casinos in Las Vegas are always tweeking the odds in their favor. There are all kinds of weird 21 games you can now play that favor the house even more. One thing they've done with craps is to change the wording of some side bets from 'to' to 'for'. Por exemplo, the odds that any given roll will be 12 is 1:36. When the mob ran the place the wording on the board was usually 1 to 30, so if you had 1$ on 12 and won, the house gave you back your dollar and 30 more. Now some casino tables read 1 for 30, so if you win the house takes your dollar and gives you back 30. And this is why, come revolution, the beans counters are the first to go.

Edited to get the damn house pay right. The odds are 1:36, but the house pays 30$ to/for 1$.

TPBM thinks pay-to-park is a deal breaker.

I think that, in this crowded corner of a crowded island, I 've gone past that point. A place to park is a deal maker and if it's cheap, or even free, then WOOHOO!! Last week, for the first time, I paid for a couple of hours parking on a suburban street with a credit card via my mobile phone. Not so very long ago I could have managed with a single coin.

TBPM would be happy in a cashless society.

I'm a little uncomfortable with the amount of information that using a card provides to governments/corporations etc, not that I have anything in particular to hide, just a vague desire for privacy... I prefer to use cash for everyday shopping.

TPBM cares nothing for privacy.

No, I'm a fan but think in this day and age it's a pipe dream. I hope they never do away with cash, though, because having 'hookers and blow' on the credit card statement would raise too many red flags.

TPBM has a great idea for a book.

several, but I never write down my ideas, and when I finally take time to try something I can never remember any of them.

TPBM is a little more proactive in such things.

I carry a notebook with me wherever I go - not the computer kind. I've just started my second Moleskine(r)(®) notebook. The first would fit in my shirt pocket, but was really too small and cumbersome to write in comfortably. This one has about 4x the surface area.

TPBM knows how to make the actual "registered" symbol that I faked above.

Edited to try AnnaClaire's solution (below).

Testing... ® (that's ®).
That work?

The person below me thinks proficiency in HTML should be required to graduate from high school.

Not really. By the time they'd get to be even half my age, HTML (or any ~current~ programming language) will be a Dead Language.

And, thanks.

TPBM wishes things wouldn't be in a constant state of change.

Definitely - change, chaos and entropy are not my friends, they all beget anxiety.

TPBM has been in the same job for 5+ years.

Yes and since this is my 15th year (longest time EVER at a job by a factor of 3!) I'm getting an additional paid week of vacation so now have 4 weeks paid vacation. Hooray!

Of course I'm here at work on LT..... tee hee.

TPBM uses post-it notes as bookmarks.

Nevah! But only because I hadn't thought of it.

TPBM is about to commit to spend a lot of money.

yep, I'm hoping to break ground on a new Garage in June and that is going to be spendy.

TPBM has bought something for more than $3,000 that wasn't an automobile or a house.

Does it count if it's related to a house? I bought a $5,000 furnace once upon a time ... took forever to pay that off, too.

TPBM has recently gotten a (well-deserved, I'm sure) raise.

ACK!! Too long a response caused me to have to revise my answer!

Considering I haven't had any employment in almost 3 years, I'd have to say, "No."

(Original response, to #174)
Six custom-made bookcases and a Dictionary Stand.

I've got another bookcase (that I designed) on order, and expect that it will be ready to pick up within the week. It's a corner case - 3'x5', and although it's also designed to sit on the floor, it's going to be mounted to the wall(s) above my desk.

TPBM also has some custom-made furniture.

yep, I made it. Here's my latest book shelf http://www.flickr.com/photos/snapafew/2605533691/

TPBM would like one like that.

(Forgot my TPBM....)

Who wouldn't?

TPBM has zero craftiness factor.

How did you know? I do have some handmade bookcases, though not made by me.

TPBM would like to be able to do something crafty -- knit, crochet, quilt, make furniture -- just about anything!

Well, no, not just about anything, but yes, all the household things that a homeowner is supposed to know that I don't. And I'd like to know carpentry and cabinetmaking. If I could run a printshop, mostly letterpress, I would be glad.

The person below me has another craft that they actually have been successful at.

I'm a pretty good seamstress. I'm currently finishing my daughter's wedding dress, which is coming out well. The last dress I made her was a bridesmaid's dress, and people were asking her where she bought it. I was just a LITTLE proud ;-)

TPBM prefers to work with wood and/or metal.

Primarily wood though I've done minor metal work. I make trunks/chests and I Bind them with steel that I cut and bend myself, the link above goes to my flickr account if anyone is interested and I have quite a few examples there.

TPBM can draw well.

Just boas from the inside and from the outside. I quit drawing due to a poor critical reception.

TPBM knows what that means.

Snort. Nice one. And yes I do know, I can't draw stick figures without them looking like something by Miro that fell down.

TPBM thinks that most modern art will be swept away by the sands of time.

That depends on the time parameters you set regarding the dates establishing "modern" art. Picasso is modern and in my opinion, some of what he did will survive, as will works by Duchamp. But contemporaries of Bouguereau thought his art would survive beyond the 19th century and lots of people barely know him nowadays.

The person below me is thinks the only good artist is one that's been dead for a century (at least).

Obviously, you're not familiar with the Hudson River School of artists...

I also am drawn (no pun intended) to paintings by Andrew Wyeth.

But ~most~ of what has been produced in the past century is pure crap.

TPBM has a preference for a particular art media.

For me movies are like church and live theater is High Mass.

TPBM got a box o' books from Amazon today.

I haven't started ordering books online yet, because I fear that would be all too slippery a slope. Besides I need to save some money for my old age in case my children refuse to support me.

TPBM is looking forward to a used book sale.

You know me so well!

TPBM is planning a cruise.

I'm planning to take my daughter and grandson to a dude ranch in Colorado in August. It's not a cruise, but weren't covered wagons called something like the sailing ships of the prairie? And they were pulled by horses, so 3rd hand or so, a cruise.

TPBM loves peanut butter.

I love peanut butter every now and then. I only ever want it ever couple months or so.

TPBM knows better than to type in the dark.

It's okay if you have a lighted keyboard. Which I don't. So, yes, I know better.

TPBM will finally make a peanut butter and ham sandwich and will report upon it's excellence.

Um....well...um....no. I will not make a peanut butter and ham sandwich. It's raspberry jam and peanut butter for me.

The person below me is aware of the fat content in peanut butter.

Yes, but it is good fat.

Won't somebody please, please, please make a ham and peanut butter sandwich?

TPBM will make a ham and peanut butter sandwich just to make me shut up.

No, I wouldn't. I have had ham and I have had peanuts, serially, but not simultaneously. Can't say I was thrilled with it. I currently don't have any ham in the house, so I cannot fulfill your request.

I've currently got hundreds of birds in my yard. I can distinguish at least 10 different species.

TPBM has seen hummingbirds recently.

yep, we need to get our feeder filled for the poor little buggers

TPBM already has theirs filled.

Well, we have no hummingbirds, but we do feed the chickadees, and anything else that flies by.

TPBM has a rare bird in their area.

Are spotted doves rare? They come for the cat's food. We have big white egrets nearby; I never saw those as a child in New England.

The person below me has frigate birds in their area.

Possibly, given the number of zoos in the area. But I wouldn't know about in the wild.

The person below me has other interesting wildlife in their area.

You have no idea. Case in point, I think the married guy who lives next door to me wants to make a shirt out of my skin. Honestly, if I didn't have an alarm I'd be concerned. As for critters, we've got squirrels and stray cats. There's also a lost cat that I've been trying to catch for the couple who put up the fliers, but it seems determined to evade both capture and Fancy Feast.

TPBM lives close to a herd of buffalo.

Does about 40 miles count as close?

TPBM has been in the middle of a buffalo herd and has come to understand that it is
NOT a GOOD IDEA!

I can tell it would be a bad idea even without having been in the middle of a buffalo herd. Where do you folks get your ideas of recreation?

The person below me has run in the middle of a pack of wolves/dogs/roombas. (Pick one)

Pack of dogs. Assuming three counts as a pack. We were at the dog park and I was trying to get them to play somewhere other than under my feet at the picnic table where I was sitting. They're very clingy when we go to the dog park. My golden retriever is one of the chickenest dogs I've ever met - won't play with anything her own size because she's lived with little dogs her whole life.

TPBM understand that dogs operate in two senses of time - "right now" and "forever."

... and dinnertime, of course!

TPBM is going book-shopping today.

There is a strong probability that my fingers will bypass my will-power and order stuff from Amazon at some point during the day.

TPBM will tell us where they would rather be.

In bed, asleep.

TPBM doesn't suffer from insomnia.

Oh, but I did this past night. Awake at 4 for no good reason.

The person below me is absolutely committed to finishing a book during this three-day weekend.

I am. I want to finish The Heretic's Daughter before I find another excuse not to! I put it down yesterday to work on a sewing project that could have waited, shame on me.

TPBM has a fondness for watching Food Network Challenges.

Given that we have no TV, it's unlikely! I'd rather cook and eat food than watch other people doing it, though ...

TPBM is wearing comfy shoes.

Yes and no. I'm wearing light slip-on shoes which are very comfortable around the house but are very uncomfortable if I try to walk any distance - no support, I suppose.

TPBM has tried, and maybe enjoyed, barefoot running.

I don't suppose you would qualify the fast nightly shuffle between shower and bedroom as running?

The person below me is pleased with the quiet of this Sunday morning.

Very. After a night of not much sleep (between my preschooler and my dog and my regular insomnia), a nice, quiet Sunday morning is most welcome.

TPBM knows the value of such a peaceful morning.

Yes, I do; and I'm not going to have one until MrsHouseLibrary gets rid of the G**D***ed cockatiel.

TPBM know of a good, cheap pest removal service.

Absolutely. No such luck this morning, but I love waking up late on a Sunday with the curtain already up, so I can see the sun above the trees (very rare sight in this country) and the kids are either downstairs breakfasting with dad or asleep beside me, so I can hug them without enduring their protests. I do try on weekdays, since dad does the school run, but it's never the same. Guilty conscience, probably ...

TPBM had breakfast in bed, or had a special breakfast (and will tell us why).

The only times I've had breakfast in bed were in the hospital. This morning, I had my usual breakfast of a can of Slim Fast and my meds.

TPBM wonders if I am very happy, almost ecstatic, because my daughter and her son will be here tomorrow and will stay for four weeks.

If it's the meds I want some. I came thisclose to trying ham and peanut butter at brunch today, but decided not to because it was excellent Virginia ham and I really didn't want to explain to a table bull of people just what the hell I was doing.

Edited because I inadvertently used html code and it was cutting the message off.

TPBM is going to be on the road tomorrow.

Only if we go to the grocery store (which is likely).

We have a party (if you can call a bunch of old Scout leaders sitting around in lawn chairs yapping away - a party) to go to, but it's a short hike from here, and it doesn't start until 7 pm.

*ETA:

OOPS! Forgot to add the challenge, and Mr.Durick has already responded.... Hmmm....

TPBM has a strange use for a feather duster.

Yes, and it tickles me no end.

The person below me has a jar of mushrooms which are too old to eat, but they're saving them for Christmas decorations.

I would not use a jar of mushrooms for a Christmas decoration, but it is entirely possible that my late mother would have.

Hey, SomeGuy, at least you're getting closer to that ham and peanut butter sandwich. It is good! I don't think my meds would do much for you. They're for old people -- thyroid, osteoporosis, cholesterol -- you name it.

TPBM also has to take multiple meds.

One of these days my family's going to drive me crazy to the point that I WILL need multiple meds just to stay sane!

TPBM has an effective way of dealing with family members they're trying not to hate but have no choice but to interact with (I know that sounds harsh - really, I do - but there are decades' worth of issues that we've been "working on" for years and they still haven't gotten better...)

Read this story about wind chimes.

My youngest sister has 3 imaginary cats. They have the same affect on the same person we're warding off.

I'm in Texas; she's in NJ. The nemesis is about equidistant from both of us.

TPBM has another solution to offer.

Call the hospital and say the offending person admitted to you they're suicidal. Mandatory 72 hour observation. It's a pretty safe move because even if the person is rational, by the time they're arrested, admitted, restrained, and questioned they will be, well, lets call it defensive. Or, you can try this one. I have a cousin who's a junkie. His mom had advanced Alzheimer's and under the guise of being her caretaker kept her prisoner to collect the money for her care. The family finally forced him to turn her over to a hospital where she received superlative care and unlike so many Alzheimer's patients who become morose or even violent, after a few years she died blissfully unaware and happy as a lark. This whole time her son did everything he could to remove her from the hospital, which would have killed her sooner. This caused the family some consternation because my aunt was happy, safe and cared for. I said the solution was simple- the man was addicted to heroin, was he not? His health is precarious and his acquaintances less than scrupulous. Send him $10,000 in cash and he'll be dead in a week. I'm pretty sure it would have worked, too.

TPBM thinks karma's a bitch and best to stay clear of the dark side.

I agree that Karma is a bitch And she drives a Mac Truck.

I don't necessarily want to DO anything to them. I just want them to quit being the kind of Christians for whom the "Lord protect me from your followers" bumper stickers were created. And I would love for them to quit being downright nasty, vile people for whom there are no bumper stickers.

TPBM has an idea for a great bumper sticker.

I keep trying to find one along the lines of "Stay clear. Harassed mum with screaming kids on board - you have been warned"; because where I live, other drivers (not me, obviously; I've been accused of being a Sunday driver) have absolutely atrocious habits. Case in point: my son noticed a man driving on a busy main road with a small child between him and the steering wheel! While I've got my two buckled in with 5-point harnesses. Over here, there are no strict laws about transporting kids.

ps - in response to 221, after moaning constantly to my family about my husbands kith and kin, they finally got fed up, and told me to ignore them ... so I do. It's worked wonders for my sanity. I suppose I should be embarrassed to admit it, but my life (while not being perfect) has improved so much that I haven't got to that point.

Anyhow;

TPBM is a good driver (but can they prove it?)

I've never ever had as much as a speeding ticket issued to me. Ever. My brother goes as far as to call me "grandma" when I'm behind the steering wheel..

But when you get to drive through the dangerous, winding, slippery, scary, falling-apart roads I have to drive to and from work every painful day of the week, roads which are mined with ultimate MANIACS who call themselves drivers, then you'll understand.

TPBM hates driving, and would give it up gladly, if chauffeurs didn't charge such high fares.

Hear, hear! I hate driving. I only drive because I have to. I didn't want to get my license; I had to, though, if I was going to get to work.

TPBM knows how to get away with driving as little as possible.

I tell my husband that I'll just wait until he has to go in to town also, because it would be a waste of gas for us each to make a trip.

TPBM drives large machinery.

No, not by US standards - my car is a Mazda 626 station wagon (although here it is called a station car).

TPBM knows the story of Dupleix Fatihabad.

>224 RandomActofMuse: I have a bumper sticker that says
"Bumper Sticker."

I don't know the story of Dupleix Fatihabad.

TPBM will tell us the story of Dupleix Fatihabad.

Better yet, I will provide you with a link:
http://tinyurl.com/2f93exd

TPBM has laughed energically today and will tell us why.

We were playing Apples to Apples at lunch today, and many of the responses to the green cards were absolutely hilarious.

TPBM is having a craving for some particular food.

I am about to eat something with peanut butter.

TPBM does not like peanut butter.

With compromised senses of smell and taste, it's just not the same. I had PB&J for lunch a couple of days ago, anyway.

TPBM went to a bookstore today, and well tell us what s/he bought.

Haven't had the chance yet. Anyway, I'm trying to not buy books if I can avoid it. I'd rather make a few trips to the library than forgo a vacation again this year.

The person below me doesn't get why people insist on calling a week off a "staycation" (no argument there!).

I don't have a clue at all as to why people call it that. I have never heard the expression before today either (but I would like to know why, if someone will explain it to me?)

TPBM loves to have it rain at least once a week so that they don't have to bother watering their garden/window boxes etc

Once a week would be about perfect, but in Scotland it's more like once a day ... Still, my pots and hanging baskets full of petunias, lobelia, pansies and marigolds are looking very healthy and (so far) have been attacked by neither slugs nor cats!

TPBM also prefers container gardening.

No window boxes, alas. And in my experience the grass has the capability of growing an inch overnight anyway with or without encouragement.

The person below me has noted that grass is taller when you get up in the morning.

At my height, you'd think I would, but I'm usually pretty oblivious to everything (or maybe I just don't get up early enough). Actually, my lawn - sorry- our lawn has bare patches in it, because we've just redone the car porch and drive, and it's had all kinds of things dragged over it (including school bags ...)

TPBM ... TPBM ... um ... grows orchids.

I do, I do! Tiny yellow orchids as well as the bigger, purple ones that happen to be my country's national flower.

TPBM could identify the national flags of at least 100 different countries.

Not I, but I have friends who could. One used to own a shop that sold flags and maps. Actually, half the shop was flags and maps, the other half was crystals and candles and that sort of thing. An early customer gave them their tag line: "From the Geophysical to the Metaphysical!"

TPBM knows of another interesting shop.

At Renninger's Antique Market in Adamstown, PA, there's a guy who sells paper goods (old magazines, movie posters, concert posters, pretty much everything you can think of) who always has a really interesting selection. I guess he raids old warehouses, because he'll have 10 issues of the same 1938 Saturday Evening Post, or 5 of the same old Rin Tin Tin serial posters from the 40s, all in perfect condition. I've checked him out pretty thoroughly and I think they're all genuine and not repros. I don't know his name, but the shop is right next to the indoor cafe.

Renningers

TPBM collects weird stuff.

Well, I love them, but people do react oddly to my sewing machine collection. I have upwards of a dozen right now, most in working order.

TPBM collects something else weird.

I collect movie scripts. I'm not connected to the movie industry at all, I just like to pick them up and walk right into a random scene of one of my favorite films. I don't know if it qualifies as weird to you guys, but I've got odd looks for admitting it before.

TPBM still has VHS or Betamax tapes laying around.

Yes, I have some VHS tapes somewhere. We were a bit late updating to a DVD player, mostly because we have some VHS tapes.

The person below me wonders if the weather will pull any stunts with their commute this afternoon.

There is no weather in almost ten degrees in any direction from me. I should be able to drive to town obstructed only by incompetent or greedy drivers.

The person below me uses tongs.

Only when the situation necessitates it.

TPBM has used a Left-handed Smoke Shifter.

Being in the same category as a left-handed screwdriver, my natural scepticism has protected me from seeking out such things. Good old Google, though, came up with the dahu - an alpine mammalian quadruped with left (or right) legs longer than those on the other side - this enables them to walk around mountains with ease, although only in one direction. You catch them, should you feel the inclination, by making a dahu-like noise behind them causing them to turn around, fall over and roll down the mountain into your waiting colleague's sack.

TPBM learns something new every day - and will tell us the latest.

I haven't learned anything new today (except about the Gore's divorce) but I did learn something new yesterday. I had company over the weekend and she had me watch two movies, one of which was Bill Maher's "Religulous." I learned something about Scientology that I never knew.

I will recommend "Taking Chance," the other movie we watched. Kevin Bacon plays a Marine Colonel taking a Pfc home after the young man was killed in Iraq. I used a boatload of tissues. It was very moving and well worth watching.

The person below me has eaten an avocado recently.

I have never eaten an avocado. I am too lazy to eat things that involve research.

TPBM has bought something that is neither useful nor beautiful.

Time out, I just wanted to express a little envy for your recent movie day. Religulous and Taking Chance are both great. Taking Chance is so powerful, I have a catch in my throat just thinking about it.

OK, back to recent purchases.

I don't think I've ever bought anything that wasn't useful or beautiful!

TPBM trusts their own judgement and doesn't follow fashion.

Yep. Much to the chagrin of my fashionista little sister, I wear broomstick skirts, peasant tops, and sandals, and I like it that way. I have my more "fashionable" clothes for when I have my moments, and I have office-appropriate attire. But most of the time, especially when it's hot, I much prefer my skirts.

TPBY?

>254 humouress:
Wouldn't that be you?
<ducks out the door and heads to lunch>

Where has my head been at?

Back on 31-May, we hit a milestone.

Post #229, by bneilson, was our 15,000th post.
It's taken 2 years, 9 months and the better part of 3 weeks to get to there.
We've been averaging 10.14 messages per day overall.
~This~ thread (#38) is averaging 17.6 mpd.
#2 thread - The Person Below Me.......(new thread - the old one was too long) - was the most active, at 44.6 mpd.

In the spirit of what this thread is about, please refrain from posting asides only. If you wish to include a comment, that's fine, but respond to TPAY, and leave something for TPBY to respond to.

Here's a reasonable way to do it: Reply to the challenge left by TPAY and leave one for TPBY to answer. Check your spelling, and hit that SUBMIT button. Refresh the screen, and click on that Edit Pencil on the right side of your message. Add in the aside, and check your spelling, and hit the SUBMIT button again.

TPBM will roundly congratulate bneilson for posting at the right time.

Sure. Especially since I think it is some sort of Ellis Island version of my name.

TPBM will take any excuse to look up names like Dupleix Fatihabad in their favourite encyclopedia rather than resort to the slightly vulgar LMGTFY :-)

Ouch!

TPBM will politely change the topic.

There are mushrooms growing on the moon, and mildew too.

The person below me has a typewriter.

Yes! It is electric and weighs far more than any of my computers, so haven't been used for quite some years.

TPBM has a mechanical typewriter.

One of those ancient spidery-looking ones. Tres uber groovy. Of course, it's in storage and I haven't seen it in years. If we can get through 2011 without the market hitting 6,000, I'm going to buy a house.

TPBM knows what the future will bring.

Of course, but it is rather limited in scope and time. though I suppose I could give a sufficiently broad statement that it will eventually come true and I'll look like Nostradamus.

TPBM has read a quatrain or two...

Gah. I can't believe I forgot a TPBM. Silly me. Been busy and distracted today and I think I hit "submit" without thinking. Sorry!

Anyway. I have read a few quatrains, and I have realized that poetry is pretty, but not suitable for long periods of sitting and getting lost.

TPBM is less scatterbrained than I am today...

No, I am fairly scatter-brained. You needn't feel alone.

The person below me is trying to avoid the calories found in a dish of ice cream.

You betcha! I avoid eating ice cream if it's in a dish.
Ice cream in sugar cones, though...

SRR - Don't feel bad. Sometimes it can be fun. See my #218.

TPBM is getting rained on.

I'm not actually being rained on, but it is raining outside.

TPBM has to work this weekend.

No, and I'm going to run amok. Maybe two moks if the wind is at my back.

TPBM misses Bob Hope.

No, but I do miss Groucho Marx.

TPBM has a favourite black-and-white film and will tell us about it.

Well, I was thinking about Yankee Doodle Dandy with James Cagney on Monday. But I really liked the original Day the Earth Stood Still. Then there is the Thin Man series...

The person below me also thinks there are too many to choose from!

Yes there are. I'm a great fan of old black and white movies. My favorites are Astaire/Rogers and William Powell.

TPBM collects refrigerator magnets and their whole refrigerator is covered with them and papers and receipts and .....

Geez, Karenmarie, you've been in my kitchen, haven't you? ;-)

My husband complains about how crowded our 'fridge' is, all the time! Most of my magnets have an emotional added value, though. I could tell you an interesting fact or cute story about each one of them.

TPBM just remembered being out of milk, cheese, or any other item that must be stored inside a refrigerator.

I have been dreaming all day of having an omelette for tea, I have been deciding ham or cheese or tomato or.............sigh then I remembered, no eggs!

TPBM is very good at keeping a larder/fridge stocked with the basic essentials

Eh, sometimes. I've been known to run to the store just before starting to prepare food because I didn't have one key ingredient or anything to substitute for it.

TPBM seldom cooks or bakes.

I never bake and seldom cook. I've been in this place for 5 months and haven't turned the oven on. Which is weird because I come from a family and long line of cooks. Both my grandmothers were superlative cooks, and my mom could easily have been a chef. My dad and my brother can both whip up a decent feast. I don't think my grandfathers could do much more than boil water, but being Southern I have no way of knowing.

TPBM can paint the Mona Lisa in frosting.

I could but those pesky guards at the Louvre would tend to interfere...

TPBM gets a kick out of 'art' made from food, i.e. butter sculptures etc.

Wow - don't think I've seen a butter sculpture, but (being the tropics), the place is over-running with ice sculptures. I love doing my sons' birthday cakes, usually with butter icing; it's a superlative effort and then I have to spend a year recovering (and we have to eat butter icing & cake for 2 weeks afterwards). I used to be able to make petal paste flowers, and my mum & sis still do amazing vegetable carvings.

TPBM has a kitchen full of specialised gadgets.

Yes, my husband keeps dragging them home. Most of them I have no idea what they are used for. I use a can opener, cutting board, paring knife, spatula and tongs for preparing pretty much everything, and have no use for any other kitchen gadgets.

TPBM has recently been on a boat.

Only in my mind. I just finished reading The Running Waves and my head is full of sea imagery.

TPBM recently finished a book they did like.

Not quite I should be finishing Red Seas under red skies tonight, I enjoyed the first book immensely and I see no reason I won't enjoy this one, but I try to reserve judgment until the end because the ending has changed my opinion on a couple books.

TPBM has been disappointed by the ending of a book.

Oscar and Lucinda. I harbor loathing for the book because of the ending. I have seen outwardly attractive books on the shelves of stores, then noticed that they were by Peter Carey, and went on my way, my day disturbed by the memory. I threw the book across the room when I finished. The only other time I recall doing that is when I discovered that my reading German for graduate students book was missing a multitude of pages.

The person below me doesn't read very much; there is real life after all.

Mostly because it ended.

#280 wasn't there when I first replied!
I don't read as much or as fast as I'd like to. RL is more of an excuse than a reason.

TPBM has actually thrown a book out because it was ~that~ bad.

Honestly, the only thing that stopped me from throwing The Running Waves was that I got an e-book, not a physical book. Throwing monitors across the room... not a good idea.
Yes, I know this by experience.

TPBM takes apart computers for a living.

Edited to complete an unfinished idea

No, I just push buttons on the World Wide Web for a living.

The person below me is interested in hearing more about girlfromshangrila throwing monitors.

Absolutely! *Makes a batch of popcorn and sits on a pillow on the floor*

TPBM is also interested in the story.

It'll make a good distraction from the wedding dress revamp. I'm so tired of sewing.

TPBM also occasionally needs a break from a beloved hobby.

I did today, I was firing an AR-15 assault rifle and the .22 shell ejected and got behind my eye protectors. Hot! Burned like a mofo and left a red mark just below my eye (who knew shooting guns was so dangerous?) I bought myself a pair a chemical splash goggles at Home Depot on the way back, they look like diving goggles. Does blowing the hell out of tiny pieces of paper count as a beloved hobby? I know WHL has made blowing sailors a hobby, but who am I to judge?

Srsly, girlfromshangrila needs to tell about the whole monitor tossing thing.

TPBM has an espresso machine at home.

Yes, I do. It's an attachment on a Swiss Army Drill I have.

And really! That sexual reference above -- was that really necessary? It's been, for the most part, a very nice, fun thread, and then you had to toss that into it. You still managed to get the story wrong. It was my EX, not me.

TPBM felt that was TMI, and is tired of TLAs.

True Love Always? Those Lousy Armadillos?

I hate being old and out of touch. I did try to look up TLA and didn't easily find anything I thought might fit. So maybe yes, maybe no.

The person below me knows all the acronyms, shorthand, etc.

No, I am in a constant state of perplexity when it comes to acronyms...

TPBM has been looking at something under magnification.

Yes, my pay slip, trying to make the numbers larger!

TPBM feels they are not paid their true worth.

Definitely. I'm a pearl beyond price. Well, I was. Of course, now I get a pension check so I'm paid to do nothing. I recommend retirement.

The person below me has unidentifiable stuff in the refrigerator.

There's some kind of take-out bag in there, no doubt put in by daughter. I haven't looked inside. There's a plate covered with tin foil that's left over tuna-noodle casserole from .... ahem.... last week..... and it may have turned toxic by now. Tomorrow is cleanout day.

TPBM is thinking about leaving Facebook or Twitter.

I was never on Twitter (I don't really need to know what everyone's doing every five minutes), and I thought about leaving Facebook before I realized that it was my only communication option with some overseas friends. Ten hour time differences make phone calls really hard and some of these people are atrociously BAD at checking emails. But they're on Facebook practically religiously.

TPBM plays an instrument, and will tell us which one.

I play the flute and the piano, both very poorly. Would love to take guitar lessons but, who has the time?

Okay, to satisfy everyone's curiosity about that broken monitor, I didn't do the throwing: the earth did. There was an earthquake in my city a couple of months ago, and every object not nailed to the wall flew around the room in all directions. The monitor crashed into the opposite side of the room, some good 6 meters away, and was never quite the same after that. See? Not all that interesting.

TPBM will share their plans for the weekend.

I'm going to spend my weekend recuperating (I hope) from a fairly mild bout of pneumonia.There is a lovely used booksale about 20 minutes from here this weekend, but I'm not up to going. Oh well, there's an even better one coming in July.

girlfromshangrila, I don't consider an earthquake threw a monitor across the room "Not all that interesting". I hope no one was hurt.

TPBM has more interesting plans than mine.

Sorry, no, just boring plans: shop for food, change the car's oil, do some gardening... stuff like that.

Oh, and sorry it came out like that, I was sort of joking. I just figured some were expecting a big fight or something.

Earthquakes are very scary experiences, but as far as I know nobody got hurt in town. A couple of poorly constructed houses did fall in a shanty town nearby, luckily nobody died or was hurt there either.

According to the news, there was only one fatal victim in a nearby city, which is sort of fortunate because it could have been much worse for a 7.something shake, but is still a tragedy.

TPBM has never been through a natural disaster.

My home hasn't been, but I spent 2 weeks helping out in the Red River valley during the big flood in the 90's

TPBM (other than girlfromshangrila )has seen first hand how amazing and scary nature unleashed can be.

We were lucky enough to be on Big Island, Hawai'i when the lava was flowing; you could just walk across the ground and cross a crack in the rock, and if you looked down, you could see the lava flowing slowly underneath - mesmerising. It wasn't dangerous, though; can't claim that. We just had to stand upwind of where the flow entered the sea, because it was hot enough to split the salt into hydrochloric acid and sodium hydroxide, which was then blown about in the sea spray. I must warn anyone who's thinking of going, though, make sure you go on a full stomach. It looks and smells like chocolate brownies (to me, anyway), which was a bit distracting; but not enough that we didn't spend hours there, and returned again and again.

ETA:

TPBM also loves the Sandwich Islands

Some sort of lunch buffet venue? Never heard of it.

TPBM knows how to use a GPS device.

Yes, and we named her Bossyboots. She gets rather snippy if you don't follow her exact directions.

TPBM prefers to hang their wash outside than to use a dryer.

I did before we got Lexi. Lexi being the golden retriever who likes to steal laundry - especially socks, and she'll take them right off your feet (after dropping a toy in your lap, of course). Once she got big enough to reach anything on the line, she decided it was more fun to tear things off the line and go running around the yard with them. We use the dryer now, lol.

TPBM has a clean house for a change.

Only on Saturdays: that's clean-up day.

TPBM likes house chores so much that people would mistake them for Martha Stewart.

No way! She has much better hair!

TPBM knew that MS was a Breck Girl.

Rrrrk, got in too late!

I don't even know what (?) a Breck Girl is.

TPBM is about to start cooking something yummy.

I hope it's yummy. I'm hungry and it's way past time I figure out something for lunch.

TPBM is in a different time/meal zone.

I am; I'm late for bed.

TPBM is having brekky.

goodnight

Nope. We've just had evening sausages, tomatoes and asparagus in the refectory. Just washing it down with a chilled Spanish rose.

TPBM knows how to put accents in their messages.

Yes, but the truth is that my keyboard is set to Spanish, so I can't miss. ;-)

TPBM finds the sound of foreign languages as sweet to the ear as honey is to the tongue. The, uh, literal tongue.

Most of them. Some are just harsh.

TPBM is annoyed with a pushy service provider. (How hard is it to understand that we're getting estimates from other companies before we commit to plunking down $1200 on their services? At this point I'm tempted to go with someone else strictly because of the attitude this guy's giving me, nevermind the price!)

If I were King of the World the first thing I'd do, after making right on red a felony, would be to lock up rude service providers. I had a billing disagreement with a tech provider and asked to speak with the rep's supervisor. Rep puts me on hold, comes back and said the super didn't want to talk to me. I might take that from somebody's roommate, but not from a company! I canceled the service.

>>307 abbottthomas: at- It's easy, if you want a French accent, just read it as 'I canceled ze serveece.' German- 'I canceled das service and invaded Poland.' American- 'Dude. Whatever.'

TPBM has every copy of every edition of an author.

I did but he published another book, so I'm one short.

TPBM avoids owning more than 1 copy of a book.

That depends on what you mean by it. If I could have avoided it I would not have bought a second copy of Nature Girl. There are books I own but cannot find that I have bought identical copies of in order to read; I would not have if I could have found the original purchase (I am thinking of a history of early India, among others). The other day I ordered King Lear in a Norton Critical Edition for the notes and a good text, and, because there are two versions, I ordered another with the two versions published face to face; so that's two copies of one play, which constitutes a book in each of these cases (I also have some complete Shakespeares around) but possibly in your terms different books.

The person below me avoids owning fewer than two cats.

I certainly own less than two cats and, equally certainly, avoid, since our last cat dropped off the twig at the age of 23, owning fewer than two cats.

TPBM has seen a good King Lear on the stage, and will tell us who played the part.

I have watched Ian McKellan play Lear on DVD. He is *amazing* as an actor. On stage live, I've seen Patrick Stewart play Prospero in The Tempest.

The person below me likes that casting.

Yes, I saw many positive reviews of that performance - we're too far from London to see decent theatre in person, though!

TPBM gets unnerved if they're sitting too close to the actors at a theatre.

No; I try to unnerve the actors. I have a powerful glower and can often force eye contact. The best actors won't have it, but some succumb.

The person below me has a personal cruelty in which they indulge.

I try to tell jokes and funny stories to others.

310> I am convinced that when I ask for a supervisor, and he or she comes on the line, it is really just the person in the next cubicle. "Hey, you be supervisor for me this time and I'll do it for you later."

The person below me has a wireless keyboard and mouse.

Why, yes I do! I just used the mouse to click on post a message then maneuver my cursor into this little box! I much prefer using a mouse. Takes less time to move around the screen. The keyboard is sitting in it's box unused. We thought this laptop keyboard wouldn't work out well, but I've gotten used to not having a 10-key-number pad and not having to use the wireless keyboard saves desktop space.

TPBM prefers to use the touchpad on their laptop.

I hate the touchpad. It makes the cursor jump all over the place. So I turned it off.

TPBM wants a nap.

I likely will want one in about five hours.

The person below me hangs out in Borders bookstores for the coffee, free wifi and air conditioning.

Wh-what; they have other stuff in bookshops?

TPBM isn't going to buy any new books for (at least) this week

I fit that description. The Incredible Shrinking Budget is at it again; the only new books I get are the ones I can borrow from the library!

TPBM never has to battle The Incredible Shrinking Budget.

No. And I'm only saying that because it's hiding behind me with a knife pressed against my kidney. If you each send me $100 it will let me live. (Do you guys remember, about 10 years ago, that girl who cranked up $25,000 in credit card debt and started a website where people could send her money? She got the money to pay them off and wrote a book about it. Sheesh.)

The person below me is about to meet a dark haired stranger and take a long voyage.

Well, I did meet a dark-haired stranger (my sister is having friends over for a movie night), but the closest thing to a long voyage I'm going to have anytime soon is a possible trip to a town an hour away for my birthday on Friday. Maybe. There's a restaurant there that my (dark-haired, lol) fiance wants to take me to.

TPBM has seen a good movie lately and will tell us what it was:)

No Country for Old Men. I watch it from time to time.
I even rewatch some of the extra material because the interviews with the Coen brothers are quite funny.

TPBM has recently read a book somehow related to oil and will tell us about it.

Newp. But I have an aunt Pearl who married some guy from Brooklyn and now speaks with a thick New Yawk accent. I was at my folks' house once (My dad's name is Earl) when she called and left a message on the answering machine; "Hello Oil? This is Poil. Kawl me when you get home." She had it tough as a kid and her mother-in-law kind of adopted her. Her kids are all soldiers or firemen and she's been happy, so even if she did marry a yankee we're still glad for her.

TPBM has a remarkable in-law.

My husband's Aunt Maggie, a true daughter of the Emerald Isle (immigrated as an adult to this country). You'd talk to her just to hear the lilt in her responses.

TPBM is in a rut of re-reading old familiar titles.

No, I have discovered two wonderful new (to me) authors recently. This is incredibly rare for me since I have such narrow tastes. I'm pretty sure that it has only happened this month because I've had garage bills and have made a resolution not to buy any more books.

TPBM has been extravagant.

In the past, yes (depending on just how you're defining it). But not recently: I can't afford it, unless I'm willing to forgo things like actually taking a vacation this year. But there is some good news: I've been cheap enough that at lest I'll be able to treat myself to an iPod -- my vacation, should I continue to be cheap long enough, will be to visit a friend and will cost little more than airfare.

The person below me has a new puppy and/or kitten.

My "puppy" is two years old. But you wouldn't know it, the way he behavies - he still acts like a new pup. Hasn't tamed at all, but then, male dachshunds are like that, I'm told. Then again, it may just be that he's living up to his name (Scamp. What was I thinking? Lol).

TPBM has just completed a project.

I did! I just waterproofed my comic collection by doubling wrapping the boxes in contractor-strength garbage bags. The now look exactly like 10 kilo bundles of pot. I'm guessing.

TPBM wound up working most of the weekend.

Always do (at home, rather than the office). Every weekend is laundrette, ironing, shopping, cleaning, gardening, etc....come back to work on Mondays for a rest.

TPBM wishes they had more time to devote to the things they are interested in and would like to do, as opposed to the things they have to do

Don't we all? Making time for hobbies is tough lately.

TPBM has excellent time management skills.

I wish. When I get frazzled, I work on anything except what needs to be done. Like the dishes need to be done, the living room needs a little rearranging for when Spousal Unit comes home from the hospital today, the laundry needs attention, and I have to go to work later. What am I doing? I'm screwing around on LT.

TPBM finds LT relaxing.

Amusing usually. A distraction from more serious work-or-library-related stuff.

The person below me prefers to read books under 250 pages.

Only if I want to stroke my ego by being able to say that I read more than one book a month.
Sometimes, I want to read a variety of different genres, or fatten up my read-and-reviewed list. I also like the challenge of a tome of over a thousand pages, but it'd be the only book I read that year.

TPBM has also not grasped the ability to read down the middle of the page and "take it all in".

Aak! Leaped!

Not even close. I had a boss who could do that, though. That was a hard-core department and I loved that job.

Only the work of certain genre authors, especially horror. I think James Herbert's best work is his shorter stuff, and the same for Graham Masterton. Stephen King jumped the shark with It but I guess he had right of refusal and he refused an editor to chop off 150 pages. I still loved the book; I read it one warm October on a hill overlooking a lake, and every afternoon as the sun set this ginormous herd of geese left the lake and slowly waddled up the hill right around me. Geese are messy and not much fun, but you can catch one with your bare hands. Geese also bite. Bad bird, geese; about as much fun as pinching Faye Dunaway on the bottom when she's all headachy.

TPBM still uses snail mail for letters.

Not really, since I don't write letters. I shoot off e-mails. (I do, however, usually read what I've written before I hit the "send" button.)

The person below me has given up on snail mail entirely.

I never relied on snail mail to begin with. Being in my late twenties, e-mail has always been an important part of my adult life (e.g. for professional letters, sending resumés, paying bills, etcetera).

TPBM misses the good ole days of pac-man marathons and only one variety of Mario Bros., as opposed to a world buzzing with thousands over thousands of new video games every year.

I have been playing MYST on my PSPgo. Unfortunately it doesn't translate well to a tiny screen, although the sound is excellent.

TPBM can remember the old text-only computer games where you had to wander blindly around giving directions like "turn left" and "open door".

Sure. "Kill dragon." "With what? Your bare hands?" "yes." "Congratulations! You have just vanquished a dragon with your bare hands!"

TPBM has seen the source code of that game way back when you couldn't just google for it.

As a matter of fact, I helped in the translation of Adventure and Adventure II from their original Fortran to the proprietary language of the computer I was then using. I've still got the source code printed out on 17" wide computer paper and in a binder in my closet.

TPBM wants me to print out the matrix for the maze of twisty little passages.

Yeah, post it. I never played those games, my first was Quake. I loved it, but falling into the water-filled pits full of zombies really did give me the willies. Buddy The Coolest Cat of All Time ® hated when I played on the computer, so I'd let him jump up and I'd point the gun and say 'Shoot the zombie, Buddy!' and he's bat the space bar, making the world just little safer. Gawd I loved that cat.

TPBM knows how to play Duke Nukem, Quake and Blood on a laptop.

No, but I can play Collapse and Solitaire on my iTouch.

The person below me doesn't play games online.

Never.

TPBM's knowledge of computer games is limited to solitaire -at best.

It should have been, I spent a lot of time playing but the only game I ever beat was Quake.

TPBM reads Tarot cards.

I can, sort of. I took a class. I was in a restaurant and was doing a reading for a friend (just goofing around) and the waitress made me do a reading for her (even if I had to use my notes!). She heard what she wanted to hear. It was an interesting lesson for me.

The person below me has been to a psychic, had the cards or palm read for him/her, or something like that.

Yes, I went to a psychic for a life reading about 20 years ago. Needless to say, most of it was drek.

TPBM is wearing a watch inherited from a relative.

Not me. The only timepieces (including a pocketwatch) I've ever own/worn have been purchased by me. I haven't worn a watch in probably 15 years.

TPBM has to constantly be reminded what day it is (every day).

It is much harder to remember what day it is since we both retired.

>348 karenmarie:, I went to a psychic once just for kicks, and she was rather irritated since I didn't have an appointment. I asked her, if she were a psychic, why she didn't know I was coming in. Then she got hostile, so I left.

TPBM always knows what day and date it is.

I have to: I am the one in charge to update all calendars and date stamps in the office, plus my bosses' agendas. That would be rather tricky if I didn't keep track of the days. Or maybe, that is how I keep track of the days, actually! Hmm.

TPBM actually enjoys getting a D'oh moment every once in a while.

Why, I had one just this morning! Can't remember what it was for anything, lol, but there was definitely a D'oh moment this morning.

TPBM has plans for this weekend.

Well, it says on my calendar that I am going to church on Sunday. The subject of the sermon is not very interesting, and there's a church wide potluck afterwards which, for a kitchenless bachelor, is a challenge. But it is the last sermon at our church of our interim minister, and I feel a duty to be there. Oh well.

The person below me can't imagine making time on a Sunday morning for a church service.

Actually, I can't imagine missing Sunday morning church service. What else would I do with my morning?

Just kidding! I could come up with a long, long To Do list just now, but still will be going to service on Sunday.

TPBM just wasn't raised to be religious, and will switch to a 'safer' topic.

Aak! Leaped!

I was raised to be religious but haven't gone regularly in many years.

There are a lot of butterflies where TPBM lives.

No, but there are mosquitoes aplenty. Luckily, there are also a lot of lizards.

TPBM has a more effective way of avoiding the bugs without avoiding the outdoors altogether.

No, I just swat at 'em or further pollute the air with bug spray.

The person below me believes that humans should live indoors and unmanageable critters (such as mosquitoes, wasps, mice, etc.) should live outdoors.

The critters get short shrift when they venture in, but I'm not giving up on 'outside'. Mind you, the south east of England has a pretty low 'unmanageable critter' count - although the news has been full of an urban fox in east London sneaking in to take a chew on a pair of 9-month old twins.

TPBM approves of fox hunting. Tally-ho!

I approve of all kinds of hunting although I don't indulge, or won't until hell is full and the dead walk the earth to feast upon the living and I have to hunt deer in order to survive because the grocery stores are death traps. As for fox hunting, anyone who's willing to go to all that trouble to catch a predator should be applauded. Like a butcher dressed as a bishop; you have to admire the style.

TPBM has lost something valuable down a drain.

My grandma used to say that a lady's tears are valuable pearls... so technically, if you cry and then wash your face, you are throwing pearls down the drain! Eek!

TPBM will share a cute/funny/interesting story about one of their grandparents.

I locked my grandmother in a closet once. Does that count?

TPBM never locked anyone in a closet.

ACQUITTED!

TPBM has painted her/himself into a corner once.

No, but I've mopped myself into a corner many times.

TPBM is tired.

Yes,but a good tired. Worked, had a doctor's appointment, volunteered for an hour at the thrift store, had dinner with husband (waited on by daughter the waitress), cleaned automatic cat waterer, and got onto e-mail, bookmooch, and LT.

Next is Jeopardy and reading my book until I fall asleep.

TPBM works nights and is just starting their day.

No, I downloaded Stephen King's It from the local lie-berry and am going to turn the a/c down to stun and take a listen.

TPBM listens to a lot of audiobooks.

I do. I credit them for saving my life many times while driving fairly long distances.

The person below me has ridden in an ambulance (amblance, according to my stepdaughter when she was six).

I have ridden in an ambulance. Once, when I was giving birth to my son, because my water broke while I was in the middle of a regular appointment at my doctor's office and she didn't think I needed to be driving to the hospital myself.

TPBM has never been hospitalized.

I wish!
I average multiple-night stays in a hospital about once every 5 years.

TPBM has never had stitches.

I wish! A childhood spent wandering everywhere with a book in my hand led to a lot of falling-over episodes (the worst of which drove my two front teeth into my gum). Most people put their hands out to break their fall, but I was too concerned with hanging on to my precious book ...

TPBM has terrible trouble making small-talk with hairdressers, taxi drivers and the like.

oh yes, it's one of my nightmares that I get into a taxi with a chatty driver. Often they will talk non-stop without expecting an answer, which is fine, or I just sit in the back of a black cab and pretend I can't hear with the window between us, but in a car type taxi when you sit next to the driver, it is a living nightmare. Same with hairdressers, I let them talk and just mutter uhuh every now and again.

TPBM only goes to the hairdresser/barber when their hair is down around their knees

I haven't seen the inside of a hair salon for myself in nearly two years. I prefer not to bother, but I suppose I'll have to go soon; once my shortest layer is down past my sounders I want to get it all the same length again. Don't know what I was thinking, putting layers in my hair. They're nothing but extra aggravation when I want to braid my hair and it refuses to stay braided.

TPBM can explain to me how a four-year-old with no sense of time and the same bedtime every night instinctively knows how to sleep as late as possible on school days and get up before the alarm on the first day of summer vacation.

'Tis a mystery, m'dear.

TPBM hates summer vacation.

Only because I no longer get one...

TPBM works for a school and so still gets a summer vacation.

I do! And the last day of school was Friday, so woo woo! Summer vacation!

TPBM has been invited to a wedding in the near future, and plans to attend.

I have. A good friend is getting married in three weeks:)

TPBM wishes days came with 36 60-minute hours instead of only 24.

Some days I do. Other days I wish they came with 24 30-minute hours.

The person below me has a new toy.

How did you know? I just bought me a new mobile phone. It rocks! :-)

TPBM has never had a cellphone in his/her life.

I have, but only two. I use them until they break. My current phone looks like something you'd find when you cleaned out the attic.

TPBM has the very latest something.

I have a third-generation iPod touch, which arrived yesterday. I'm still figuring out how to use it. And trying to decide if I should suck it up and get new earphones or if I should suck it up and use the uncomfortable (but iconic) ear buds that came with.

The person below me wonders why new earphones would be such a huge thing after getting an iPod.

Not exactly. I wonder how people can bear being inside earphones all day.

The person below me lives in a forest and listens to it.

<snort>
I've heard of New York being described as a variety of jungle, but that doesn't make it a forest.

The person below me lives of has lived in a jungle -- a real jungle.

Can't run to a forest (or a jungle, Anna), but we've got a small wood in front of our house - trouble is there's a road between us and it. I do listen and hear little owls quite often, wood pigeons all the time, green parakeets regularly, a woodpecker (spotted) occasionally, other little birds, magpies and crows interacting, foxes noisily seeking sex in season and - only rarely, thank God - young toe-rags riding their unsilenced trail bikes. Oh yes, and around November 5th, the rich surgeon who lives in the middle of the wood sets off a lot of fireworks. The continuo to this performance is provided by the constant whine from a nearby main road and aircraft leaving Heathrow. Now it's summer we get 4X4s with the windows down and volume up - some C&W has just passed by.

TPBM would like the sound of silence occasionally

Yes. In fact, I'm sure I'll appreciate it all the more come August and the END of summer vacation, lol. I have my four-year-old and a friend's two-year-old all summer. It's bound to get noisy.

TPMB can explain something else I don't understand. Why do we say that weddings go off without a hitch when we call getting married, "getting hitched?" (Shouldn't weddings go off with at least ONE hitch?)

Aak! Leaped.

Must account for the high divorce rate, weddings aren't taking hold.

I would. I agree with Anna that city living often requires a sound track (go with the Sony Walkman headphones, I did. Better sound quality and they ain't falling off your head all the time.) Apartment living has it's own challenges and I'm currently in a High Noon thing with Disco Dada next door. ( I blogged about it.) My other next door neighbor is new, a pleasant Southern woman in her 60s and as quiet as a mouse. Love her. If I want quiet I go to the bedroom and read.

TPBM belongs to one of those wholesale clubs and buys staples in bulk.

Twice a year we make a pilgrimmage and spend $350-$400 for paper products, non-prescription drugs, and cat food.

TPBM likes Hoops & Yoyo cards.

I hadn't heard of them until I saw your TPBM challenge so I had to go run a quick online search. I gather they started in the UK?

The person below me is an Anglo-phile.

Perzactly. God save the Queen! And his mom Elizabeth II! One recent event that really galls me is the relationship between the US/UK even being called into question.

TPBM likes party games.

I do if I am drunk enough and I'm with people who won't tell!!

TPBM finds parties a bit of a bore really

It depends on the party and who's there. If it's awkward, of course it's a bore!

TPBM can make any kind of party liven up.

Well, I can at least get a discussion going! If you're looking for congo lines and lamp-shade fashion, I'm not that good.

The person below me went window-shopping today.

I did, as I do every day during lunch break: I work right next to the most fashionable mall in town.

The person below me just watched the football/soccer match. (France vs. Uruguay)

Edited. Can't remember the code for crossing a text. I shall forget my own name soon. *sigh*

Nope, soccer is the metric system of sports in the US. It's everywhere, people talk about it, it's interesting, but has never caught on. Plus, I don't watch sports unless I can't help it.

TPBM can read minds.

I knew you were going to ask that.

TPBM will respond to this message.

Why, yes. I most surely will.

TPBM is easily led.

It depends on who's doing the leading.

TPBM has a lot of trouble letting people spoil them on their birthday. (I do. Spent all day trying very hard not to feel weird about people trying to spoil me. I don't know how to handle that!)

Okay, dear SRedRose, that's something you'll have to get past. Fortunately, I do not have that issue at all. Spoil me! Go right ahead. I will think fondly of you.

The person below me will find someone to spoil themselves today.

Well, granddaughter Charlotte (16 months) is spending the weekend with me, so of course she'll be spoiled, just a bit. And boy am I tired! :0

TPBM will spend the day indoors as it is too hot where they live to do anything fun outside.

About 92F, high humidity. Blech. We're indoors waiting for the US-UK soccer match.

TPBM just found a book they've been looking for and is VERY excited about it.

Not exactly. I've cataloged all the books in the apartment (yes, I'm going to keep mentioning that until someone throws me a cookie) and I've found a lot of books that I knew I had but are suddenly much more interesting to me than when I only knew, say, The Captain by Seymour Shubin as that book in the first case somewhere in the middle. It's currently on deck, but if I hadn't cataloged every book in the apartment I wouldn't have read it until doomsday.

TPBM has watched/will watch a World Cup game in the stadium.

Nope.

SGiV - log off of LibraryThing; Delete all the files in your Cookies folder; the log into LibraryThing again. Tim will send you about a dozen cookies. Until then, don't give yourself a sprain by patting yourself on the back!

TPBM thinks that was sound advice.

Yes I do. I delete TIFs and cookies frequently.

TPBM also keeps up with computer housekeeping.

I don't see why I should do that when every other kind of housekeeping sits and waits (and waits and waits ... )

TPBM is waiting for something special.

Never. My fiance's the computer geek so he takes care of all that stuff.

Errr... scratch that. Something special. Yes. I'm waiting for the seamstress to finish up the stitching on my sari so I can wear it to my friend's wedding in a few weeks.

TPBM is hooked on a new (or new to him/her) book series.

I am midway through Trollope's Palliser series, but they are incredibly hard to find secondhand and incredibly expensive to buy new, so it may take me a while...

TPBM has a dog trying to climb into their lap.

I'm dog-sitting three very wide labradors, who crave attention. I'm afraid I wouldn't emerge if I encouraged lap sitting.

TPBM has a water view beyond their computer terminal.

The kitchen sink is the best I can offer.

The person below me is rummaging through stuff this morning.

I was indeed rummaging through stuff this morning. I was trying to find a bib for my son.

TPBM has used the word "cute" and the word "spider" in the same sentence (see reference picture: http://jsz.deviantart.com/art/Not-sure-if-serious-166546005)

I will not look at the reference picture. However, I will use both words in a sentence:

Spiders are not cute, although watching Spousal Unit dispose of one for me is cute.

TPBM is phobic about something else.

Ask my husband; he thinks my list is as long as Mr Monk's. Not quite - I'm ok with things like milk and heights, but germs *shudder*. I can't quite convince my kids of that, though ...

TPBM has just bought a car seat, or some other major piece of kid-centric equipment.

I just bought a Ruger .22 semi-automatic pistol for my inner child.

>>401 WholeHouseLibrary: WHL- Nice. One more thing I'll have to do for myself. It's like the prom all over again!

TPBM desires beauty over knowledge.

Nope. I am one of those who thinks that beauty and athletics ought not to be elevated above knowledge and wisdom.

The person below me will start a new thread.

If you insist....

Continued here