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Intolerable

by Kamal Al-Solaylee

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849321,335 (3.9)24
In the 1960s, Kamal Al-Solaylee's father was one of the wealthiest property owners in Aden, in the south of Yemen, but when the country shrugged off its colonial roots, his properties were confiscated, and the family was forced to leave. The family moved first to Beirut, which suddenly became one of the most dangerous places in the world, then Cairo. After a few peaceful years, even the safe haven of Cairo struggled under a new wave of Islamic extremism that culminated with the assassination of Anwar Sadat in 1981. The family returned to Yemen, a country that was then culturally isolated from the rest of the world. As a gay man living in an intolerant country, Al-Solaylee escaped first to England and eventually to Canada, where he became a prominent journalist and academic. While he was enjoying the cultural and personal freedoms of life in the West, his once-liberal family slowly fell into the hard-line interpretations of Islam that were sweeping large parts of the Arab-Muslim world in the 1980s and 1990s. The differences between his life and theirs were brought into sharp relief by the 2011 revolution in Egypt and the civil war in Yemen. Intolerable is part memoir of an Arab family caught in the turmoil of Middle Eastern politics over six decades, part personal coming-out narrative and part cultural analysis. This is a story of the modern Middle East that we think we know so much about.… (more)
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» See also 24 mentions

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The author was born in Yemen in the 1960s. He was the youngest of 11 siblings and was only 3 years old when the family moved to Beirut (Lebanon), then not long after, they moved to Cairo (Egypt), where he spent his years growing up, and figuring out that he was gay. Most of the family eventually headed back to Yemen, but long before then, Kamal knew he had to get out of the Middle East. He yearned to go to England or the US, where he felt he would be able to be himself and not hide. He managed a scholarship to study in England, and from there, he eventually made his way to Canada.

This covered the 1960s (when the people of Yemen and Egypt were relatively free and not so constrained by religion) up to and including 2011. As Kamal yearned to leave, he hated to leave his mother and sisters behind, the way women were being treated by the time he got out. Some of his brothers had gone fervently religious, too much for Kamal’s liking. He tried to not look back on his life there, and even speaking to his family was difficult, as he was still hiding who he really was and it reminded him of how bad things were in the country he was born in. As things got worse in the Middle East, and in Yemen in particular with a civil war happening in 2011, he did seek out news from home.

This was really good. It was also very interesting, to read the cultural differences between the Middle Eastern countries he lived in and the Western countries. As a Canadian myself, it was really nice to see how accepted he was in Canada (Toronto, though I am from the West), regardless of his nationality and his sexual orientation. Completely not book-related, but as someone who has taken bellydance classes off and on, I had to take a brief break from reading to look up a famous Egyptian bellydancer his father hired to perform at one of his sisters’ weddings. ( )
  LibraryCin | Sep 6, 2019 |
I read this book as part of the Canada Reads Book of the month. We are reading the Canada Reads books. I was quite glad I picked this one up.

Kamal Al-Solaylee was the youngest of 11 children born to Yemeni parents. His father was a business man who was involved in real estate in Aden, Yemen. When the socialists took over, they lost all their property and were driven out. They ended up in Beruit, followed by Egypt. The family moved as racial tensions rose and unemployment for his siblings occurred. They finally ended up back in Northern Yemin in Sanaa'a. The story tells of the hardships and poverty the family and other Yemenis endured. Kamal, as a gay man, was also in fear all the time. His brothers began to embrace Islam and the freedom the family had in the past as a non-secular family was erased. Kamal eventually emigrated to Canada, where he wrote this book to connect with his roots, his family and to move forward in his life. Very touching and educating. ( )
  Carlathelibrarian | Feb 5, 2019 |
A beautifully-written memoir that explores the author's childhood in the Middle East, the increasing influence of conservatism and political instability on his daily life, his immigration to Canada, and his experiences as a gay man. Caught between his home in the West and his family's home in Yemen, Kamal Al-Solaylee explores identity and belonging in this compelling book. ( )
  bucketofrhymes | Dec 13, 2017 |
Great memoir! ( )
  Kimmyd76 | Jun 29, 2015 |
One of the good things about Canada Reads is that it brings to my attention Canadian books that would otherwise escape my attention. I am really glad that this book was one of the ones nominated for the finals in 2015 because I found it a fascinating tale.

Kamal Al-Solaylee was the youngest child of 11 raised by an Anglophile Muslim man and an illiterate former shepherdess. Kamal's father was a real estate tycoon in Aden and his family had many luxuries. That all came crashing down after the British pulled out of Yemen and the family had to move to Beirut. Refusing to believe that the loss of his income-producing properties was permanent Kamal's father installed the family in a large and expensive apartment. Then sectarian violence forced the family to leave and they went to Cairo. Some money from bank accounts in England was available but with rising costs it was necessary for the older children to go to work and help support the family. Cairo at this time was a moderate community and the young women in the family wore makeup, went out on their own and even posed in bikinis when they went to beaches on the Mediterranean. The oldest son was the first convert to fundamentalism--he went to prayers 5 times a day, thought women should be covered from head to toe and wanted to move back to Yemen. Slowly but surely changes occurred in how the women dressed and where they went and eventually it was decided to move to Sana'a in Yemen. The author, having realized his sexual preference was other men, feared returning to Yemen because the punishment for being gay was flogging or death. He had no choice but to return for a while but he did manage to get a scholarship to an English university to study English literature. That was the start of his freedom from the fundamentalism sweeping Arab nations. He saw his parents and siblings forced to make changes to their lifestyle which was particularly hard for the females. As a momma's boy it was difficult for him to turn his back on his mother but he knew it was the only way he could survive. Although he deprecates his scholarly accomplishments Kamal has a Master's degree and a Ph. D. in English literature.

He felt he had to immigrate to a country where his religion, nationality and sexuality would not be a problem. Australia, New Zealand, USA and Canada were all acceptable to him but Canada gave him the easiest time so he moved to Toronto. The dedication of the book is:
"To Toronto, for giving me what I've been looking for: a home."

I am always fascinated by learning the stories of people who immigrate to Canada. It was a long time ago that my ancestors came here and I have never known what propelled them. This book is one story only but it presents an interesting perspective. ( )
1 vote gypsysmom | May 5, 2015 |
Showing 1-5 of 8 (next | show all)
Al-Solaylee tells his family’s story in a basic, no-nonsense style, which turns out to be a perfect counterpoint to the intricate twists and turns in each chapter. He lucidly illustrates the evolution of the region – or devolution, as he sees it – through the eyes of someone who felt forced to remove himself from it entirely....Intolerable crosses so many lines of identity as to make a reader’s head spin: class, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, nationality, religion and degrees of religious observance. This beautiful book about a family’s tortured relationship to history – and a region’s fraught relationship to modernity – is everything a great memoir should be: It’s as moving as it is complex.
 
his forthright and engaging memoir. A gifted storyteller, he exposes his own soul-searching in this very readable account of his family’s life in various Middle Eastern locations, beginning with his parents’ arranged marriage in 1945....Al-Solaylee writes well, and Intolerable is finely tuned. Deftly interweaving the personal and the political, and covering more than 50 years of Middle Eastern history, this memoir is anything but nostalgic.
 
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To Toronto, for giving me what I've been looking for:  a home.
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I am the son of an illiterate shepherdess who was married off at fourteen and had eleven children by the time she was thirty-three.
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In the 1960s, Kamal Al-Solaylee's father was one of the wealthiest property owners in Aden, in the south of Yemen, but when the country shrugged off its colonial roots, his properties were confiscated, and the family was forced to leave. The family moved first to Beirut, which suddenly became one of the most dangerous places in the world, then Cairo. After a few peaceful years, even the safe haven of Cairo struggled under a new wave of Islamic extremism that culminated with the assassination of Anwar Sadat in 1981. The family returned to Yemen, a country that was then culturally isolated from the rest of the world. As a gay man living in an intolerant country, Al-Solaylee escaped first to England and eventually to Canada, where he became a prominent journalist and academic. While he was enjoying the cultural and personal freedoms of life in the West, his once-liberal family slowly fell into the hard-line interpretations of Islam that were sweeping large parts of the Arab-Muslim world in the 1980s and 1990s. The differences between his life and theirs were brought into sharp relief by the 2011 revolution in Egypt and the civil war in Yemen. Intolerable is part memoir of an Arab family caught in the turmoil of Middle Eastern politics over six decades, part personal coming-out narrative and part cultural analysis. This is a story of the modern Middle East that we think we know so much about.

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