Oddly Normal: One Family's Struggle to Help Their Teenage Son Come to Terms with His Sexuality

Inspiring in an understated way, Oddly Normal is as affecting as any memoir I've read. Schwartz's journalistic credentials serve the book well as he relates the highly personal story of how he, his wife, and his son Joseph managed the confusing issues of Joseph's childhood: how they came to realize Joseph was gay long before he came out to them, how they advocated for him in schools that weren't homophobic but didn't quite know what to do with the problems presented by this "squirrelly" kid, how to give Joseph all the love and support they could while still letting him come to his own sense of self. No parents of a gay child will have an experience like the Schwartzes' in every particular, and if they had it to do over there are things show more they would change, but Schwartz was motivated to write the book to inform other parents whose children struggle with their difference. I would further recommend it for anyone touched by an LGBT person, anyone touched by mental illness, or anyone interested in a window to these human experiences. Schwartz intersperses the story with broader context about the science and politics behind the issue, conveyed clearly and objectively. Knowing that Joseph is still in school makes the Schwartzes' experience all the more topical, and I wish them the very best. show less

"'You have to come home,' Jeanne said on the phone. Her voice was urgent, shaking. 'Joe has taken a lot of pills.'" So begins Oddly Normal, a memoir by The New York Times correspondent John Schwartz about his son Joe. Jeanne and John knew from an early age that their youngest son was gay, but what does that mean to a child at 4 or 6 or even 10? Schwartz does a brilliant job intertwining their journey and Joe's story with studies and information about homosexuality and various disabilities, historic and current. Joe was an exceptionally bright yet challenged child. He could read at a very young age, but couldn't tie his shoes and struggled to do the athletic things that boys of his age could do, preferring Barbies, beads, bangles and show more jeweled wizard castles. John and his wife formed their own support group of gay "uncles" who advised them on how to handle Joseph's coming out, at the same time the schools told them what they though his disability was and how he should best be handled.

This is a book that could be easily devoured as it is so well written. I chose to savor it a chapter at a time, really thinking about what Schwartz had to say and how this spoke to me, particularly as a teacher and as a parent of a special needs son. It's an honest story - the author owns his mistakes and shares the family's and Joseph's triumphs. In the end, it encouraged me to accept the unusual child, all children really, but especially those who walk a unique path. This is a great addition to my library's multicultural, GLBTQ and memoir collections. It would make a great book club selection as well. show less

"Oddly Normal" is a very fitting title for this book! Part memoir, part journalistic reflection on statistics and studies, John Schwartz takes the reader through his family's journey with their youngest son, Joe. It happens that Joe is both gay and what his father refers to as "squirrely", a description of his learning and social challenges. I was taken with the narrative -- Joe is a wonderful boy and this reader rooted for him from the author's first descriptions of his toddlerhood and his parents' initial thoughts that Joe might be a gay child. The Schwartz's love their son and try to find ways to help him through school struggles and identity issues. They obtain support from a network of supportive friends and professionals...but show more when Joe finally decides to "come out" at school, his peers' reactions drive him to attempt suicide.

It may sound as though this memoir is dark... it is not. There are periods in Joe's school / life struggles that are dark and depressing, but overall this memoir is a story of a family who LOVES their child unconditionally and goes to great lengths to advocate for him.

I must also point out that the scientific / journalist chapters are a great addition to what otherwise might be labeled as just-another-memoir. John Schwartz has done his research! He includes the latest studies in a way that is meaningful to the reader -- not boring in the least.

The final chapter is written by Joe himself. It is a story he wrote and drew as a part of a creative writing course. It brought tears to my eyes.

I would recommend "Oddly Normal" for all readers. If you have ever loved someone who is gay, learning disabled, socially challenged, or just plain awkward ('squirrely') you will identify with the Schwartz family journey. In short, I LOVED this book! show less

Oddly Normal, John Schwartz (Gotham, 2012)

Oddly Normal is a teenage coming-out story, but with a twist. It's told by the teen's father and focuses largely on the experience of the parents as they seek to do right by their child.

I enjoyed this different perspective - both as a parent and someone who has "come out" myself, it was nice to hear that side of the story. The author, John Schwartz, is a journalist, and his skills shone through the entire text. He includes a preamble that references some of the recent scandals and fiascos that have resulted from journalists and media not fact-checking and not being fully honest in their retelling. In this shadow, he spent significant time double-checking his memory and aligning dates and events show more with emails and outside sources. All of this makes it not choppy, but rather gives it a realism and a sense of currency. He's also just a really good writer, so it's enjoyable to travel through the story with him. He weaves some science and research into the book, but it's done skillfully and without the awkwardness that I've encountered so many times before. You get the sense of all the strong emotions that filtered in and out of the family during the period of the story - with the knowledge that things work out OK in the end, so you're able to just enjoy the ride.

Many of the previous generation's coming out stories focus on the deep and overt homophobia surrounding them and the alienation from their families. Thankfully, in many communities today, our youth aren't coming out into the same society, but they have their own challenges to address. This book will ring true for many youth (and families who love youth) and is an important addition to the field. show less

Mixed feelings about this one. I wanted less of the father and more of the queer kid's experience, especially since the father, though very well-meaning, lapsed into straight/entitled cluelessness too often for my comfort. Maybe someday the kid will write a thinly-veiled autobiographical novel. That I would like to read.

Written by a NY Times journalist, this memoir tells one family's story of their difficulties dealing with their son's school in regards to his special needs and his coming out as gay. It is written in a very straightforward, easy to understand manner, and interspersed between the personal story are discussions of gay rights in the U.S., bullying of homosexual youth and resources available. There were many more layers to the author's son's life other than his sexuality which I did not expect. (SPOILER: As a therapist working with young children in a school setting, I felt their son could have benefited from more structured therapy and that the school should have better informed the parents of their rights in implementing an IEP sooner). show more Well written and researched. Ends with optimism and a unique final chapter. show less

This is a combination of memoir and journalistic exploration of what it is for a family to have a teenage son come out as gay---in this case, a family who was all to ready to help him, but didn't know how until it was almost too late. It was a book that could surely be helpful to families faced with a similar situation and without much information or understanding to start with, but it was slightly less effective as a memoir for those who find memoirs compelling---as a father's book about his son, it retained some remove from the actual experience of the son, who approved of the book but didn't seem to have participated extensively in the recollections that created it.