Every Last Word

Crazy Again Today

(Full disclosure: I received a free electronic ARC for review through NetGalley. Trigger warning for depression, anxiety, self-harming behaviors, and suicide.

Review title pulled from the lyrics of Fiona Apple's "Paper Bag," which was a staple on my college-era depression playlists. It'll click once you read the book, okay.)

Then I see the walls.

I spin a slow three-sixty in place, taking it all in. All four walls are covered with scraps of paper in different colors and shapes and textures, all jutting out at various angles. Lined paper ripped from spiral-bound notebooks. Plain paper, threehole punched. Graph paper, torn at the edges. Pages that have yellowed with age, along with napkins and Post-its and brown paper

show more

lunch bags and even a few candy wrappers.

Caroline's watching me, and I take a few cautious steps closer to get a better look. I reach for one of the pages, running the corner between my thumb and forefinger, and that's when I notice handwriting on each one, as distinctive as the paper itself. Loopy, flowing cursive. Tight, angular letters. Precise, blocky printing.

Wow.

----------------------

Sixteen-year-old Samantha McAllister is dreading the start of junior year - and with it, the disappearance of "Summer Sam," the better, braver, happier version of herself. It's not that she's ostracized or unpopular; just the opposite, in fact. She's been best friends with Kaitlyn, Alexis, Olivia, and Hailey since kindergarten; collectively, they are known as the Crazy Eights (they've lost a few members over the years), THE "it girls" in school.

While these lifelong friends should provide Sam with some measure of support and stability, they're just as likely to send her into an "Eights-induced thought spiral." Led by head "Mean Girl" Kaitlyn, the clique is quick to pick apart each other's hair, makeup, cloths, nicknames, taste in guys, you name it. So it's no wonder that Sam hides her "crazy" from them. Imagine what they'd say if they knew that she's suffered from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) her whole life, and that her level of dysfunction is such that she's been taking anti-anxiety meds and sleeping pills and seeing a psychiatrist once a week for the past five years? No thanks.

The Eights seem to bring out the worst in Sam - so, at her psychiatrist's suggestion, Sam decides to try making a few new friends this year. In pops Caroline who, with her stringy hair, ironic t-shirts, and aversion to makeup, is the complete opposite of the Eights. She finds Sam at her lowest, crying in the theater after being snubbed by her "friends" - and promises to show her something that will change her life: the Poet's Corner, a secret poetry club that meets in a hidden room under the theater every Monday and Thursday.

There she discovers the catharsis of poetry, the acceptance that comes with true friendship, even her first real love in the form of AJ, the cute guy whose heart she and the Eights crushed so many years ago. But just as Sam's starting to feel healthier - normal, even - a shocking discovery threatens to upend her recovery.

My love for this book is big and wide. It's an emotional roller coaster, with an unexpected, twisty turny ending. Even though it's best described a contemporary young adult fiction, it has an almost supernatural feel at times. The characters are complex and multidimensional and just a pleasure to get to know. I especially love Sue. I wish I had a Sue, you guys.

I don't have OCD, though I have struggled with social anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. (Literally. Some of my earliest memories are of having breakdowns as a toddler, tearing my hair out at the roots an banging my soft little noggin against the white ceramic tile of the bathroom wall.) Granted, it's not the same; but social anxiety and OCD do have windows in the same mini-mall, okay. I can't speak to everything, but I think Stone does a wonderful job on the obsessive side of things: the sufferer's overwhelming helplessness to control persistent negative thoughts, no matter how illogical or ridiculous they may be. Like Sam says, it's "like telling someone who's having an asthma attack to just breath normally." It's just not that easy.

In the Author's Note, Stone explains that it was the diagnosis of a family friend with OCD at the age of twelve that inspired her to write Every Last Word. She penned the novel with said friend's input, as well as that of four mental health professionals, not to mention reams of academic and online research. The result is a nuanced, compassionate, compelling, and - dare I say? - accurate look at a teenager wrestling with anxiety and depression.

She also tried to portray a healthy and respectful relationship between Sam and her psychiatrist Sue - one that "mirrors the relationship between the real-life teen who inspired this story and her therapist for the past four years." It's such a lovely thing to behold, as is the support and commitment Sam receives from her family. When she starts to have an anxiety attack in the presence of the Eights, little sister Paige goes in to the lion's den to cover for her, while mom talks her down from the ledge and engages in some DIY exposure therapy (which isn't usually recommended in the home setting, as Stone is quick to point out).

Also beautiful are the new friendships Sam forges with the Poets, including AJ. I really enjoyed watching Sam blossom in this environment - and the Poet's love of words certainly fed the geek in me.

Every Last Word is just a charming, heartwarming, enlightening read; even if you're not usually one for "issues" YA, give it a try - you won't be disappointed.

http://www.easyvegan.info/2015/06/19/every-last-word-by-tamara-ireland-stone/ show less

High school is tough. To survive, one instinctively knows that one needs to get in with the right crowd with the right group of friends and avoid attracting attention. Sam has the first part down. As a member of the Crazy Eights, she is among the upper echelon of high school society, even if the group members can turn on each other as quick as a snake strike. The avoidance of attention is something she does not have under control, and therein lies her problem. For, Sam suffers from Purely Obsessional OCD, in which she gets stuck in a word spiral of negativity and nasty thoughts that result in anxiety attacks and insomnia. She has a few compulsions, but all of her fears revolve around the discovery of her obsessions. It is a never-ending show more cycle of anxiety and worry that prevents her from ever truly relaxing and enjoying herself in any sort of setting.

The only time Sam is truly happy and anxiety-free is in the swimming pool. Summer Sam, as her therapist has dubbed this looser, freer version of Sam, is everything School Sam is not. That is, until her friend Caroline provides the support and understanding she needs to step outside of her comfort zone. Together, they harness the power of words through poetry that is every bit cathartic as it is life-changing. Caroline pushes Sam to be happy, even if that means leaving the Eights and social safety they provide. Ultimately, Sam must decide who she is and what makes her happy, even if that means putting herself out there in a way that is more frightening than anything else.

Every Last Word is a unique look at a disease that does not usually garner attention. Unlike someone suffering from compulsions, obsessive thoughts do not manifest themselves in obvious manners. As such, someone like Sam is truly suffering debilitating effects; however, there are no obvious external reasons to explain her reactions to others who are not privy to such personal information. In high school, when no one wants to stand out or mark themselves as different, the fears associated with Purely Obsessional OCD are that much greater. Ms. Stone does an excellent job capturing Sam’s fears and daily struggles to avoid negative word spirals and obsessive behaviors. Through Sam, she sheds light on this unusual but equally harmful disease and reminds readers of the importance of empathy because one never knows what someone else is experiencing.

Every Last Word is a poignant, heart-breaking and yet uplifting story about overcoming obstacles and finding one’s true self. In Sam, readers see an incredibly fragile young woman not only struggling with typical high school issues involving cliques and popularity but also frantically striving to prevent her darkest secret from taking control of her entire life. The writing throughout the novel is gorgeous; the poems interspersed in the story are even more so. The characters are an eclectic mix of snobby mean girls, shy loners, and everyone in between, but none of them feel hackneyed. There is a freshness to the characters that exquisitely compliments the story and makes it a novel worth reading and sharing among young and old alike. show less

4.5 Stars

CW: Teenager living with OCD, suicide off page of teenage girl 10 years prior, suicide note read

This book felt really precious and quite important. The writing was so engaging and so authentic that I honestly felt like I knew Sam/Samantha. Her pain felt raw and real and I desperately wanted her to grow in confidence and find her voice. I truly hope that there is a 'Poet's Corner' out there for everyone who needs a place to be themselves. It's such a powerful thing to speak your truth.

E iti noa ana nā te aroha
A small thing given with love

I feel like this book is THE stereotypical contemporary YA novel. It hits just about every trope for a high school romance/coming-of-age sort of story and they aren't done in a particularly interesting or emotionally compelling way either. It was hard for me to get invested in it when most of the plot and character beats are so played out already.

As for the mental health angle, Sam's OCD seemed increasingly like an afterthought as the book progressed. There's no inherent problem with having a mentally ill protagonist without making the mental illness the main focus, but that's not really how it's handled here. Her OCD is talked up a lot. It's said to be severe and it seems in the book's description and in the opening that it will be a show more major issue for her. But despite this, it never really feels like it affects Sam significantly. It's easy to hide even from her hyperjudgmental mean-girl friends and the symptoms she does show aren't given much weight. Then at the end (view spoiler) With these two issues together it feels to me that the issue of mental illness was treated with kiddy gloves with a side of inspiration porn.

Speaking of topics that were treated too lightly, bullying comes up as an issue in this book as well. The bullying itself is portrayed as really nasty, but luckily we get to gloss right over all that to get to the insta-love, falling for a hot emo boy with a guitar cliché. While bullying had a severe impact on the victim in the past, its effect is squarely in the past, and the romantic relationship between bully and bullied is in no way affected by it. That, along with the fact that Sam hadn't reflected on her behavior or felt any remorse for being a bully until she got the hots for a boy she'd bullied (conveniently now conventionally attractive and without the stutter that had got him bullied in the first place), left a bad taste in my mouth.

Overall, the issue with this book is that it lacks emotional depth. I found it to be a cliché, but serviceable, popcorn book with some slightly uncomfortable undertones. show less

Every Last Word is the story of a young woman in high school who struggles to manage her mental illness while attempting to conceal it from her friends. We quickly learn that she and her friends comprise the clique of popular girls, the highest of the pecking order who make it a point to ensure that everybody underneath them knows their status by making their lives miserable. While Sam struggles internally with her mixed feelings about her friends and treatment of her peers, she starts to have to make decisions about who her real friends are.

Along the way, she discovers a secret (literally underground) society of poets, the schools' outcasts who hide away during lunch hour to perform poetry, spoken word, and musical compositions with show more each other in a non-judgemental setting. There is of course drama as Sam has to prove herself to this group of people, led by a student she had mercilessly bullied throughout his life. Of course, all of this is still happening while she tries to conceal her obsessive compulsive disorder from others.

Boiled down, Every Last Word is a fantasy novel where the popular girl realizes that she was an asshole, finds real friends, apologizes to those whom she wronged (and starts dating one, no less), realizes that it's important to be open to her friends about her OCD, and lives happily ever after.

As a woman who was bullied incessantly throughout my entire primary school life, and sympathizes so much with AJ (and not only because of our names), I really found his motivation for forgiving Sam so quickly, and starting to become romantically involved with her, rather absent. Even now, 13 years after graduating from high school, I'm not sure I'd give any one of my ex-tormenters the time of day, much less become their BFF and jump into the sack with them. And if it did happen, it'd take more than a few weeks to gain the trust of people who spent years making me hate going to school every day. I liked AJ as a character, and I'm really glad he wasn't much of a manic-pixie-dream-boy, but I just don't buy it. I appreciate that the author tried to tackle the subject of bullying from both perspectives, but I think it was lacking pretty much all around.

I also found Sam's experiences with her obsessive compulsive disorder to be rather conveniently tidy. Firstly, and I don't know why so many authors do this, psychiatrists these days don't give therapy, they prescribe meds. Most psychiatrist visits are about 20 minutes long, and while the doc does discuss the larger issues going on in life (mood, sleep, obsessions, compulsions, hallucinations, etc.), psychiatrists don't get trained in formal therapeutic techniques such as CBT, DBT, ACT or anything else. Sam would have been seeing both a psychiatrist (for meds) and a therapist / psychologist / counselor for therapy. Secondly, Sam's illness, while clearly triggered by the stress of maintaining a facade around the popular girls she's friends with, pretty much disappears entirely by the end of the book. I'm not saying that's impossible, but it's sort of like a perfect package with a dainty bow on top. I would have found the book more believable if it was still a work in progress for her.

All in all, I enjoyed reading Every Last Word, if for no other reason than it was well written and compelling. While I don't find the storyline to be at all believable, it is a work of fiction, so I suppose in an alternate universe it could be quite true. show less

So Many Feels for this book... I am not even sure where to begin. So far every book I have read by Tamara Ireland Stone has been great. I enjoy her characters and their lives and they are relatable, but I think Sam takes the cake in this area. She is by far the most realistic of characters I have read in a long time and it isn't just because of the OCD, that is a big factor but her troubles and worries are that of a teenage girl in high school and I really appreciate that.

This book was so much deeper than I ever expected and while maybe not the most realistic portrayal of OCD in a person it was still VERY well done. As a reader who suffers from anxiety issues, a lot of this was an approachable take on mental illness (esp. for younger show more readers).

The story follows Sam as she is learning how to handle herself and her life in high school. It is not how she wants it to be and her 'friends' aren't the greatest group, especially because she feels she cannot tell them about her illness. Sam goes out of her way to find something better and happens upon the Poet's Corner, a way to break out of her 'normal' surroundings and people and be herself in front of others. In doing this she finds her true voice, friendship, herself through the 'crazy', and even a partner.

The book made me think about what it means to be different, about bullying, about mental illness, about friends, and about emotions. It was a lot of feels in one place and the last 6 chapters had me in tears, and not because it was sad - but because it was an elegant ending to an emotional roller coaster. I would recommend this book to everyone. show less

I really need to learn not to read books like Every Last Word on the train ride to work. Or at the very least, I need to always have sunglasses to hide my weepy eyes. Tamara Ireland Stone has written an amazing book. It deals with OCD, with what real friendship is, and even with acceptance. Acceptance not just from the people around you, but from yourself. I found myself completely caught up in this book from the moment I finished the first page. I'll warn you now that when you pick this up, you should definitely have some tissues handy.

This is the story of Samantha McAllister. A pretty girl, with a loving family, a popular set of friends, and Purely-Obsessional OCD. I fell for Samantha pretty hard once I recognized her dilemma. How do show more you be the perfectly put together popular girl, and secretly harbor dark and obsessive thoughts? How do you keep a pristine outer shell, and hide the fact that every moment of every day is filled with keeping your true self hidden? I felt for her. Highschool is a tough enough place anyway. Dealing with all of this only makes it harder.

Now I have to admit that this is pretty much a fairy-tale in the way that it's told. While Every Last Word deals with a lot of tough topics, and does it quite well, there is an overall sense of sweetness to the whole thing. I ate it up, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, but I do think people will notice this. Sam's friends, despite being with her for a long time, don't know about her illness. Her family is perfect. Her therapist is perfect. Even the new friends, and the adorable boy, are all perfect. If you can set that aside, and focus on Sam as a growing character, you'll love this book. If you focus solely on those things, it might be a different experience.

Getting back to the overall story though, I happily lost myself in Sam's life. I watched as she grew to love herself. My eyes teared up as she found a set of friends who accepted her for who she was, and made her a stronger person. I may or may not have actually cried a bit when Sam poured her heart onto the page, in the form of poetry. Even the little romance here had me giddy. I very much enjoyed my time spent with Sam.

If you enjoy poetry, and the idea that it allows people to share things that are difficult for them otherwise, you'll love this book. If you enjoy stories where good things happen, and the protagonist learns a lot, you'll enjoy this book. I love all of those things, and so I really loved Every Last Word. I highly recommend it. show less