Dog Medicine: How My Dog Saved Me from Myself

I received an ARC through Goodreads.
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Wow! That was an intense and inspirational read. Depression is no joke, and it is becoming widely acknowledged.

I love how Julie wove her story and her struggle with that of Bunker. It was like them coming together was meant to be, they were clearly made to be there for each other. You can feel the unconditional love and support between the two, especially during the rough, dark and ugly times. Depression is not easily understood, but Julie somehow managed to give us a glimpse of it and allows us the readers to peek into the mind of someone suffering from depression.

It is amazing how a pet (more like a friend) can be your lifeline and help push away those demons and provide unlimited comfort and show more love. Bunker certainly loved a very happy life, even through his painful surgeries (which I teared up and winced every step of the way as Julie describes everything).

Thank you Julie, for sharing your story of your battle with depression and how Bunker lighted your way to taming those bad thoughts and finding happiness. show less

At 23, Julie Barton, suffering from clinical depression, is rescued from the floor of her NYC apartment by her mother and brought home to Ohio to recover. Therapists and drugs helped, but it was the love of a golden retriever puppy that allowed her to finally live her life. It’s not the type of memoir I typically read, but I was drawn in by the cover and blurbs by Pam Houston and Cheryl Strayed, and then immediately hooked by the narrative. Depression is a dark and difficult subject to read about but it is Barton’s recovery from the depth that brings light to the narrative. This is truly a memoir of hope, healing, and recovery. Julie’s candid story was often difficult to read and I cried through the final chapter and epilogue – show more from both joy and sorrow. show less

“Too much pain too early in life could change this beautiful animal”.
What a powerful, poignant statement. While speaking of her beloved dog, Bunker, Julie Barton may not have realized this is a truth relevant to humans as well as animals.
In Dog Medicine, Barton chronicles the story of her childhood – a story that isn’t all bike rides and ice cream cones and sprinklers on long, hot days – and how it leads into an adulthood that threatens to shatter her, physically and emotionally. With a brother who clung to violent tendencies toward her, a physically absent father and an emotionally absent mother, Barton’s struggle to gain a sense of self-worth lasted well into her early adulthood. So, when she spoke of Bunker feeling too show more much pain at such a young age, it’s easy to wonder how well she saw that in herself – how abuse and neglect can forever alter a human as well as an animal.
After a debilitating breakdown and a heroic (possibly life-saving) rescue from her mother, Barton – literally – scrapes herself off her kitchen floor in New York City and allows herself to be whisked back to Ohio to her childhood home. Days turn into months as she struggles with, well, everything. Spending most days on the couch, in and out of consciousness, without any reason to go on, Barton really questioned whether the world was a better (but probably worse) place with her in it.
Then one day, the idea of a puppy is mentioned and while she brushes it off at first (seeing it as truly impossible to care for another being when she can’t even care for herself), it quickly becomes the greatest idea.
And in romps Bunker – this clumsy, sweet little golden retriever that ends up being the missing piece to Barton’s soul. Through weeks of training, playtime and snuggles, the two come to understand and greatly love one another. Bunker quickly becomes Barton’s best friend, teacher, and savior. Barton begins to truly find herself with Bunker by her side – she moves out of her parents’ house, gains employment, makes friends and just becomes generally good at life – like she never imagined she would.
When faced with, possibly, the toughest decision (yet somehow, I’m sure, the easiest), painful memories come back and she is forced to deal with them. But with grace and a kindness in her heart, she discovers the beauty in forgiveness. And once she forgives those who wronged her, her tormentor and finally, herself – life opens up in a way she probably never imagined.
Dog Medicine has heartbreak, love, a little bit of angst and a whole lot of dog fur – the ingredients for a superb story.
“What if I could forgive myself…? What if I just decided that all of those mistakes were teachings? Maybe all of those choices I’d made were so that I could learn that what I wanted wasn’t drama and sorrow, just love: love in the way Bunker gave love. Unconditional. No expectations. No strings. Just love, because what is more beautiful than that?”
Ask yourself, what if? show less

I am going to rate Dog Medicine 4 stars as a ‘dog’ book. From the standpoint of a true story of a lady dealing with and recovering from depression, I give it 5 stars. I am always impressed when people can completely bare their soul and story. I know it is the best way for others to learn and deal with their own stuff, and we all have stuff.

As I often do with my reviews, I will add some excerpts from the book, first on her depression and then on the dog:

‘The sorrow on that lonely walk back to my apartment was like the strike of lightning that cracked the dam. I didn’t know this then, but depression can be like a slow leak. Once the dam’s hit, water starts to seep through and as the days and weeks go by, the crack grows show more bigger.’

‘Then, as was my habit, I placed this diagnosis right next to all the other diagnoses I’d absorbed over the years. Ugly, Weird, Stupid, Fat, Unlikable, please meet your newest teammate: Depressed.’

‘My favorite place was officially the dark crease between the cushions on the back of the couch. My face felt best pushed deep into that crack. Sensory deprivation had become the only way to comfort myself. I needed to be alone with no light, no sounds, no smells, and as little air circulation as possible. The breeze from an opened door hurt my skin.’

Then hope comes in the form of a golden retriever puppy:

'I studied each page with surprising focus and found myself returning to golden retrievers: easy to train, loyal, big, great running partners, and beautiful. A family dog. My new family.'

‘In that moment, of course, I knew. There he was. I hadn’t been forced to choose; I’d been chosen. I picked him up and he licked my nose. He smelled like dirt and metal and wet dog. My dog had found me.’

‘It was as if the moment I picked him up, I felt lifted. Already I couldn’t fathom the thought of ever letting him go. I felt a perceptible shift the moment I met him. A reuniting. A lifting. A glimpse of hope.’

‘The blackness fizzled when I touched this dog, and in their place appeared a quite calm.’

‘I couldn’t imagine treating myself kindly, with gentle understanding. But I could, without question, do that for my dog. Perhaps part of what began to save me was that I started creating this sacred, safe space where he and I met. In this space, there was not ridicule. There was no doubt or loneliness. There was no sorrow or anger. It was just pure, beautiful being. It was us looking at the world with wide-eyed, forever hopeful puppy wonder.’

‘I took a deep breath and felt the blackness loosen its grip. Dog medicine. I’d found it, and I swallowed it whole.’

When you go down a long rough path with someone, it feels great when you can find a way to pull out of the darkness with them. We can learn with them. Even though stupid mistakes. It gives us hope we can pull out of stuff we may have to deal with it. I particularly liked this lesson we have to remind ourselves of:

‘What if I just decided that all of those mistakes were teachings? Maybe all of those choices I’d made were so that I could learn that what I wanted wasn’t drama and sorrow, just love: love in the way Bunker gave love. Unconditional. No expectations. No strings. Just love, because what is more beautiful than that?’

In summary, if you are looking for a ‘dog’ book I may recommend other books, depending on what you like, but if you like a nice true-life story of recovery and hope (with a dog) then I would recommend this book. It is one currently in Wesley Banks ‘100 best dog stories of all time’ so I can check off having read another one from that list, but I disagree with it being one of the best ‘dog’ stories though.

PS: if you are one who doesn’t like to read dog books when Kleenex is needed at the end of the book, then just don’t read the Epilogue. But you would miss other great stuff that is in the Epilogue. But really, I just recommend you getting over the inevitable we all have to face in order to enjoy all the great joy that is a dog, or that is in a great book with a dog. show less

I am going to rate Dog Medicine 4 stars as a ‘dog’ book. From the standpoint of a true story of a lady dealing with and recovering from depression, I give it 5 stars. I am always impressed when people can completely bare their soul and story. I know it is the best way for others to learn and deal with their own stuff, and we all have stuff.

As I often do with my reviews, I will add some excerpts from the book, first on her depression and then on the dog:

‘The sorrow on that lonely walk back to my apartment was like the strike of lightning that cracked the dam. I didn’t know this then, but depression can be like a slow leak. Once the dam’s hit, water starts to seep through and as the days and weeks go by, the crack grows show more bigger.’

‘Then, as was my habit, I placed this diagnosis right next to all the other diagnoses I’d absorbed over the years. Ugly, Weird, Stupid, Fat, Unlikable, please meet your newest teammate: Depressed.’

‘My favorite place was officially the dark crease between the cushions on the back of the couch. My face felt best pushed deep into that crack. Sensory deprivation had become the only way to comfort myself. I needed to be alone with no light, no sounds, no smells, and as little air circulation as possible. The breeze from an opened door hurt my skin.’

Then hope comes in the form of a golden retriever puppy:

'I studied each page with surprising focus and found myself returning to golden retrievers: easy to train, loyal, big, great running partners, and beautiful. A family dog. My new family.'

‘In that moment, of course, I knew. There he was. I hadn’t been forced to choose; I’d been chosen. I picked him up and he licked my nose. He smelled like dirt and metal and wet dog. My dog had found me.’

‘It was as if the moment I picked him up, I felt lifted. Already I couldn’t fathom the thought of ever letting him go. I felt a perceptible shift the moment I met him. A reuniting. A lifting. A glimpse of hope.’

‘The blackness fizzled when I touched this dog, and in their place appeared a quite calm.’

‘I couldn’t imagine treating myself kindly, with gentle understanding. But I could, without question, do that for my dog. Perhaps part of what began to save me was that I started creating this sacred, safe space where he and I met. In this space, there was not ridicule. There was no doubt or loneliness. There was no sorrow or anger. It was just pure, beautiful being. It was us looking at the world with wide-eyed, forever hopeful puppy wonder.’

‘I took a deep breath and felt the blackness loosen its grip. Dog medicine. I’d found it, and I swallowed it whole.’

When you go down a long rough path with someone, it feels great when you can find a way to pull out of the darkness with them. We can learn with them. Even though stupid mistakes. It gives us hope we can pull out of stuff we may have to deal with it. I particularly liked this lesson we have to remind ourselves of:

‘What if I just decided that all of those mistakes were teachings? Maybe all of those choices I’d made were so that I could learn that what I wanted wasn’t drama and sorrow, just love: love in the way Bunker gave love. Unconditional. No expectations. No strings. Just love, because what is more beautiful than that?’

In summary, if you are looking for a ‘dog’ book I may recommend other books, depending on what you like, but if you like a nice true-life story of recovery and hope (with a dog) then I would recommend this book. It is one currently in Wesley Banks ‘100 best dog stories of all time’ so I can check off having read another one from that list, but I disagree with it being one of the best ‘dog’ stories though.

PS: if you are one who doesn’t like to read dog books when Kleenex is needed at the end of the book, then just don’t read the Epilogue. But you would miss other great stuff that is in the Epilogue. But really, I just recommend you getting over the inevitable we all have to face in order to enjoy all the great joy that is a dog, or that is in a great book with a dog. show less

A touching memoir about a woman with severe depression and the dog that saved her from the darkness. From the book cover: "Dog medicine captures the anguish of depression, the slow path to recovery, the beauty of forgiveness, and the astonishing ways animals can help heal even the most broken hearts and minds." This book really got to me and I am not going to lie, I sobbed uncontrollably while reading. :)

This book reminded me how much your twenties can suck. But it gets better! Loved this memoir. Loved the mention of places in Seattle--like the Marymoor dog park. I have a lot of happy memories of taking my dog Fletcher there when he was young. This book made me miss Fletcher terribly.