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The Everything Box: A Novel (Another Coop…

The Everything Box: A Novel (Another Coop Heist)

by Richard Kadrey

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Qaphsiel, God's angel of heavenly office supplies, has been sent to Earth after the great flood to purge the bits of remaining humanity. He has been entrusted with the Everything Box, a device that when opened will unleash the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. However, when Qaphsiel reaches into his robe's pocket, he discovers that it is missing. This incompetence gets him barred from heaven until he can recover the box, which he has failed to do for the last four thousand years.

While the angel continues in present day to find the box; Coop, a thief skilled in the theft of magical objects, has been hired to skill the box, which will be sold to the highest bidder. This task will be difficult since several groups hope to thwart his plans by stealing it first, including the Department of Peculiar Science, a covert governmental agency; and two paranormal creature-worshiping cults hoping to initiate the apocalypses in the name of their respective deities.

If you are a fan of Christopher Moore's novel, this novel is a must read for you. It's farcical plot had me chuckling from cover to cover. ( )
  John_Warner | May 26, 2017 |
A good urban fantasy, Kadrey's Coop is snarky and cynical. Dark without being depressing, easy to read and full of humor. I'll look out for other Coop heists. ( )
  emjmace | May 25, 2017 |
This was a very enjoyable read. Anyone who is into Terry Pratchett will definitely enjoy the humor and ridiculousness of the story plot. I am looking forward to the next Coop adventure called "The Wrong Dead Guy". ( )
  marysneedle | May 2, 2017 |
Good strong and witty first pages. Too bad it drops down to dull quickly. The characters all qualify as creepy losers, without enough of a hint of redemption to keep any interest ongoing. Felt like I was wasting time with deplorables when so many good characters await elsewhere.
  2wonderY | May 1, 2017 |
Thousands of years ago, God decided to destroy the Earth and all who resided on it. Fortunately, us pesky mortals are pretty good survivalists and we didn’t all perish as was intended. This time, God sends an angel named Qaphsiel to Earth with a special box that would take the rest of us out for good. Except all didn’t go as planned. Qaphsiel lost the box.

“So, you’re the angel of Death?” The angel shook his head, a little embarrassed. “I don’t have that honor. In Heaven, I’m the celestial who bears the great golden quills, the silver Chroma, the holy vellums upon which the Lord God inscribes the fate of the universe.” Tiras’s eyes narrowed. “You’re in charge of office supplies. You’re the angel of office supplies.”

Thousands of years after the box was lost, we’re introduced to Coop. Coop has had it a bit rough lately. He’s a thief who was hired to steal some documents because his natural aversion to magical booby traps made him the perfect man for the job… but things didn’t turn out so well and he was soon thrown in prison for an undetermined amount of time. An old friend pulled some strings to get him out but only because a man by the name of Mr. Babylon requires Coop for a job. A job to steal a mysterious box. But once he does steal it, he’s instructed to steal it back for a secret government group that goes by the name of the Department of Peculiar Science, or else it’s straight back to prison. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Problem is, there are two doomsday cults trying to get the box so they can trigger the apocalypse, criminals who want to sell the box for money, a mysterious stranger that only brings destruction, and the original angel that misplaced the box in the first place trying to get it. Coop wants nothing to do with it but he’s soon embroiled in a world-ending conflict.

“I’m not sure I should smile at people anymore.”
“Yours is a little strained these days,” said Morty.
Sally came up with a drink in each hand. “Definitely don’t smile at people. You do look like you wonder what their liver tastes like.”

The pending apocalypse has never been more fun. Kadrey brings a bizarre sense of humor (and magic) to the end of the world and Coop is the hilariously witty spokesperson. The focus is less on worldbuilding and more on extending the hilarity for as long as possible (and sometimes beyond) but I can’t complain because this story made me laugh far more than I expected it to. The multiple storylines were handled well without getting too convoluted but again, the focus was on the humor at all times and the bit players were, for the most part, a ludicrous bunch and it wasn’t vital to keep a close track on exactly who was who. The Everything Box is a refreshing variation on the Urban Fantasy genre that feels much like a Men in Black/The Italian Job mashup in all the best ways. ( )
  bonniemarjorie | Apr 4, 2017 |
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Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 0062389548, Hardcover)

Reminiscent of the edgy, offbeat humor of Chris Moore and Matt Ruff, the first entry in a whimsical, fast-paced supernatural series from the New York Times bestselling author of the Sandman Slim novels—a dark and humorous story involving a doomsday gizmo, a horde of baddies determined to possess its power, and a clever thief who must steal it back . . . again and again.

22000 B.C. A beautiful, ambitious angel stands on a mountaintop, surveying the world and its little inhabitants below. He smiles because soon, the last of humanity who survived the great flood will meet its end, too. And he should know. He’s going to play a big part in it. Our angel usually doesn’t get to do field work, and if he does well, he’s certain he’ll get a big promotion.

And now it’s time . . . .

The angel reaches into his pocket for the instrument of humanity’s doom. Must be in the other pocket. Then he frantically begins to pat himself down. Dejected, he realizes he has lost the object. Looking over the Earth at all that could have been, the majestic angel utters a single word.


2015. A thief named Coop—a specialist in purloining magic objects—steals and delivers a small box to the mysterious client who engaged his services. Coop doesn’t know that his latest job could be the end of him—and the rest of the world. Suddenly he finds himself in the company of The Department of Peculiar Science, a fearsome enforcement agency that polices the odd and strange. The box isn’t just a supernatural heirloom with quaint powers, they tell him.

It’s a doomsday device. They think . . .

And suddenly, everyone is out to get it.

(retrieved from Amazon Thu, 12 Nov 2015 05:04:10 -0500)

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