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A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue

by Wendy Shalit

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553843,888 (3.9)3
Revised and updated, this fifteenth anniversary edition of A Return to Modesty reignites Wendy Shalit's controversial claim that we have lost our respect for an essential virtue: modesty. When A Return to Modesty was first published in 1999, its argument launched a worldwide discussion about the possibility of innocence and romantic idealism. Wendy Shalit was the first to systematically critique the "hook-up" scene and outline the harms of making sexuality so public. Today, with social media increasingly blurring the line between public and private life, and with child exploitation on the rise, the concept of modesty is more relevant than ever. Updated with a new preface that addresses the unique problems facing society now, A Return to Modesty shows why "the lost virtue" of modesty is not a hang-up that we should set out to cure, but rather a wonderful instinct to be celebrated. A Return to Modesty is a deeply personal account as well as a fascinating intellectual exploration into everything from seventeenth-century manners to the 1948 tune "Baby, It's Cold Outside." Beholden neither to social conservatives nor to feminists, Shalit reminds us that modesty is not prudery, but a natural instinct--and one that may be able to save us from ourselves.… (more)
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Showing 1-5 of 8 (next | show all)
As a graduate project this book deserves 4 stars for in-depth research along with an engaging voice. Made for great discussions in our book group and I'd love to get my teenage, cute daughter to read it...someday. ( )
  rebwaring | Aug 14, 2023 |
This book is basically a rant. It’s a very pained rant, although not very true. I suppose that at that age, kids tend to either rant or screw around, but she really placed herself above them.

For some theologians, there are Seven Deadly Sins, but for much of the culture, “sin” means “lust”, end of story, and lying and bullying don’t count as sins— and pride is *good*! It’s a strategy, not the truth, and it’s hard to win over the other side when you’re so obviously lying to them.

I don’t think she understands the harm that she does to her argument. After explaining that everyone is a whore and nobody wants to shut the whores down: “What! Afraid to sound like me! I’m the greatest!”

I think the highlight for me was when she defended bars—yes, alcohol bars. Sometimes the right has this issue where they’re not sure if conservative means the Bible or conservative means ‘like folks’, not academic, so they simply assume that the two must be the same. So being clingy and possessive must be biblical because it’s the opposite of being liberated. Liberals hate something—must be great!.... Duels are great! Guys used to shoot each other down, must be romantic!

But my favorite is this: bars are “sexist”—let me pay for that beautiful— therefore they are places where women will be “treated well”, never mind all the 18th-century novels about disastrous seduction that she likes so much, and the ***whole fucking point of a book about sexual purity***! Whoops!

Enemy! Me Tarzan! Me have enemy!

And I’m going to cut it there, because I actually feel kinda bad for her.
  smallself | Aug 1, 2019 |
There were a lot of good things about this book, but I often found myself wishing she had written it about fifteen years later. She was young and a bit naive when she wrote this and some parts felt more like a rant rather than an informed and researched argument. I had a hard time following her reasoning sometimes, but I appreciate that there is a book out there defending modesty. I especially appreciated that she addressed issues of gender differences, natural consequences, and accountability. ( )
  aclaybasket13 | Jul 29, 2016 |
Many of the problems we hear about today -- sexual harassment, date rape, young women who suffer from eating disorders and report feeling a lack of control over their bodies -- are all connected, I believe, to our culture's attack on modesty.
  kijabi1 | Jan 1, 2012 |
LOVED it! A great read. Very relevant! ( )
  brownew | Aug 5, 2009 |
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Revised and updated, this fifteenth anniversary edition of A Return to Modesty reignites Wendy Shalit's controversial claim that we have lost our respect for an essential virtue: modesty. When A Return to Modesty was first published in 1999, its argument launched a worldwide discussion about the possibility of innocence and romantic idealism. Wendy Shalit was the first to systematically critique the "hook-up" scene and outline the harms of making sexuality so public. Today, with social media increasingly blurring the line between public and private life, and with child exploitation on the rise, the concept of modesty is more relevant than ever. Updated with a new preface that addresses the unique problems facing society now, A Return to Modesty shows why "the lost virtue" of modesty is not a hang-up that we should set out to cure, but rather a wonderful instinct to be celebrated. A Return to Modesty is a deeply personal account as well as a fascinating intellectual exploration into everything from seventeenth-century manners to the 1948 tune "Baby, It's Cold Outside." Beholden neither to social conservatives nor to feminists, Shalit reminds us that modesty is not prudery, but a natural instinct--and one that may be able to save us from ourselves.

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