Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free

Untrue from Wednesday Martin is an interesting read that makes a lot of good points, though not a lot that isn't available elsewhere. I bumped my rating up just because reading this will offer the bigger points without jargon, though not as well written nor coherent as a whole as many other books on the subject.

First, for potential readers who see reviews that make this sound like a book advocating free love for all, take those with a block of salt, not just a few grains. Research has largely shown that, in addition to monogamy being a relatively new concept in human history it is also not universally accepted as best (unless you subscribe to a worldview that says one half of the pairing is superior and the other inferior and show more subservient, in which case you need monogamy in order to maintain your legalized slavery). The widespread inability of people, men and women, to stay monogamous is not a negative aspect of them nor is it a sign of the times, since this is not a new phenomenon. The times when it becomes problematic is when it is part of being deceitful. In other words, if society wasn't so Puritanical, people could be honest and be non-monogamous if they choose and also be monogamous if they choose. So the issue isn't the monogamy but the dishonesty. And a big factor in people feeling they must be dishonest is that society still has far too many people deciding what everyone else should do and making it sound like their little mystical man in the sky decreed it. Nonsense, but still widely followed, though in the US at the current time they openly demonstrate that what they demand of others they will never demand of themselves. But anyway...

The writing is at time conversational but slips far too often into just disorganized. Many points get lost in anecdotes and less-validated research is given as much or more space as solid research, which gives the naysayers ammunition to dismiss everything, since they tend to be baby with the bathwater types.

That said, if you want an introduction and aren't sure if you want to risk reading something too heavily written in researchese, this is an okay choice. I would recommend following up with other works in the areas that you might find most interesting. And when you read this, don't make the mistake of thinking Martin is trying to tell everyone how they must be. It is more about helping women who think they are "unusual" realize that they are not only not unusual but they may well represent a majority. Once the topic of forced monogamy, which society does its best to enforce, is brought into the light then we can advance.

Reviewed from a copy made available through Goodreads First Reads. show less

This short book provides a cursory introduction to women who are non monogamous. The author references interesting original work by Esther Perel as well as female primatologists who have challenged the stereotype* of men seeking multiple partners/variety and women seeking monogamy/"security." There is little here in the way of original research--which, to her credit, the author discloses in the introduction, noting that her sample size is small and non representative--and it feels like this information would have worked better as a full length magazine article than a pop culture book. Not recommended.

*The most interesting part of this book debunks the "science" behind the sexual dichotomy that evolutionary biologists, sociologists, and show more the gossips in the neighborhood hide behind: men seek variety/women seek security. I learned that this theory was extrapolated from a small study by Bateman in fruit flies (Drosophila)--and the findings could not even be replicated! show less