If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood

While reading If You Tell, my pacifist self fled and I suddenly wanted to kill several people. I also wanted to hug my mother.

To say this is a difficult read is a massive understatement. I read a lot of true crime, but this is the rare one that haunts me. The content is shocking, horrifying, tragic, and difficult to believe. How did these things go on for decades without anyone noticing? And what the hell was wrong with the people who suspected abuse but did nothing? I know red flags are always easier to spot in retrospect, but rational, caring adults were woefully absent throughout these sisters' lives.

This book is written like the best thriller, with an engaging narrative. But if this was fiction, I'd likely accuse the author of show more creating an over-the-top plot. It's all too much, and yet it's all true. I'm astounded that three children were able to survive with any semblance of humanity, much less go on to become caring, productive adults.

I do wish Shelly's husband Dave's part in this had been more thoroughly explored. I felt he got off easy, both legally and within these pages. He was, without question, complicit and, at times, a contributor in the abuse of all three girls, as well as in the murders. The claim that he spent most of his time away, working, and therefore didn't know the extent of what was happening is nothing more than a convenient excuse for his cowardice.

If you're a fan of true crime, I definitely recommend this book. Just be prepared for a range of uncomfortable emotions while you read. show less

Possible Triggers: - Gruesome Torture & Murder
A true story of three abused sisters who helped put their mother behind bars.
I really like Gregg Olsen's writing and was looking for a book for the month of April for my library discussion group. This is NOT going to be April's book...or any other months for this group

It was a bit odd to me that absolutely nobody seemed to notice when the live-in babysitter vanished from Dave and Shelly Knotek's home in the tiny town of Raymond, Washington, in 1994. In a town this size it seemed almost beyond impossible for someone not to have noticed that this woman had not been seen anywhere. Then two more of the family’s boarders disappeared, and Shelly’s three daughters suspected the frightening show more truth: The Knotek's had murdered these missing people.

In this true-crime book, Gregg Olsen tells the almost unbelievable, yet true story. The sisters' fears proved to have been justified... after the older two went to the police, Shelly and Dave were arrested in 2003 and sent to prison for their roles in the death of the babysitter Kathy Loreno and two others.

A word of warning... It’s a grim tale, told in 85 short chapters which showed the sisters’ courage, strength, and love for one another. For years, Shelly inflicted what was nothing other than sadistic abuses on all her boarders while her daughters stood by terrified that they would be next...and did nothing while Dave either helped or passively stood by also.

One boarder, Loreno, was drugged, beaten, starved, and subjected to a crude form of waterboarding using a bucket and modified seesaw. The Knotek's’ other victims endured similar tortures and cruelties. Gregg Olsen had direct access to the three sisters, Dave Knotek, and a grandmother. It was a horrible...almost unbelievable tale. Gregg Olsen is a very good author, but even he was understandably a little overheated and repetitive in the telling. It almost robbed the victims’ stories of the high emotional impact they deserved.

The three sisters resembled movie screen characters starring in the most horrible horror movie you can imagine. We have Nikki; the strong-willed oldest; Sami; the willingly accommodating middle child; and Tori; the youngest who understood nothing...until she, far too late...understood everything. The theme was a strong argument for the "nature vs. nurture" theory. Their mother, “Shelly, was "Cujo personified". Throw in Freddy Krueger and Stephen King's Pennywise the clown, and you still only have a small idea of her actual self.

For all its sordid details, the story never actually answers the question that is at its very heart and soul...the one that I repeatedly questioned throughout the entire reading: In this small town in which everyone tends to know everyone else’s business, how...in the name of everything holy...did these horrific crimes go undetected for so long? As interesting as it was in its own sordid way...be warned THIS IS A TRUE STORY...IT'S NOT FICTION!! It's murder and torture, mixed with sisterly love that is far, far beyond anything remotely in the realm of normal. show less

As I got to the last couple of pages in the afterword by Katherine Ramsland I knew what I wanted to do with this book. And throw it across the room I did, after taking a large gulp of a glass of my Cab Sav. thinking, I can't believe that she (Shelly) is getting out of jail in 2022.
This novel is certainly not for the emotionally weak, or for those who put words to imagery, which I do. It is gruesome, unbelievable, uncanny, distorted, and just plain out scary. Gregg Olson writes a very descriptive account of the Knotek sisters, their mother and father, the murders, and countless years of abuse and torture that occurred within their homes.
"Dave was Himmler to her mothers Hitler, blindly doing whatever evil bidding she'd demanded." As soon show more as I read this quote I felt that the author had been reading my mind right from the beginning of this relayed account of abuse and murder. I felt that Shelly somewhat portrayed the characteristics of Hitler quite remarkably throughout, always having to have control of the situation and making other people carry out her dirty work. Dave was a useless man who had no spine. At the same account the only person who showed any courage to stand up to Shelly was Shane, and well, look what happened to him.
It was amazing to me how, throughout the girls account of their mothers actions, they all still loved her, with the exception of Nikki, but even that took a while for her to process, being that her mother was the devil. This made me question what the definition of being a mother was? And what it actually means to be a mother? That a child, later an adult, could have unconditional love for someone albeit something, who can take so much pleasure in a weaker persons pain, and be the root cause of this pain and torture, is beyond me. Although I'm not, nor have ever been in the sisters position, and hope I never will be, I'm not sure I could sit back and watch all of the gruesome acts be carried out, and be thankful that it wasn't happening to me. Which seemed to be a theme with the sisters when Kathy and Ron arrived, thinking they were walking into a home of friendship and love, but ending up taking severe beatings and given copious amount of drugs. This made them compliant to being a beaten slave, thus taking over the position and some of the brunt that the sisters were enduring.
This novel did its due diligence in causing outrage and fury that's for sure. But it did more than that- it made me question my own morals and what I would do if I was put in that home and that position.
Although a horrendous account of a true baffling story, it was a 5 star read. I couldn't put it down.
Thank you Gregg for bringing this story to my doorstep. And thank you to those who reviewed it which made me want to read it! show less

Trigger warning: this book contains severe abuse, graphic descriptions and serious neglect.

Holy hell. This book is heavy. It’s dark. It’s sad... and it’s a true story. Honestly, Gregg Olsen is one of my absolute favorite true crime authors, because he is able to tell a horrible story with such delicate eloquence, but he does the truth justice. He is fair, well researched and thorough. This book, at times, made me feel physically sick. There were times I had to put the book down, and step away. Times I cried. Times I didn’t think I would be able to finish. But I did. As hard as it was, reading about all of the brutal, unfair, atrocities that took place within this family... I finished the book. This one sat in my gut for a few show more days after I finished reading it... simply because trying to process what happened from any type of logical place... with any type of common sense just seemed to make it worse. Buckle up- you’re about to witness something completely devastating, and it’s going to grab ahold of you and not let go. show less

Oh. My. God! This story will curl your toes and keep you up at night. The fact that it's a true story makes it even worse. Gregg Olsen did an outstanding job gathering the facts about Michelle (Shelly) Knotek and her husband, David, and laying them out as they happened on the rural coast of Washington through the 80s and 90s until they were convicted in 2004. I felt like I was living in the house with those girls while they were living through the worst nightmare imaginable. I did have a problem with how the victims played a part in their fate by not telling someone or trying to escape from that crazy house. Especially Sami, who the author reminds us several times, was the middle child. As a child, she had the most normal life, choosing show more to stay silent to save herself while she witnessed the severe abuse of others in the home.

Then, after Sami was in college, she remained silent, only deciding to talk after learning of her younger sister's abuse. It's hard to make sense of this kind of passive-save-myself-attitude while living in a home where horrific abuse takes place every day for years. I'm glad the author included the afterword at the end of the book, where Katherine Ramsland, a Ph.D., describes the phycology behind a victim's silence. It allowed me to have more empathy for Sami. Beware residents of Raymond, Washington! Shelly, the insane torturer murderess, will be released from prison in 2022. Please take care of each other. show less

I have read a considerable number of true crime books over the years, and few of them have failed to fascinate me in one way or the other. Even fewer of them managed to simultaneously fascinate and repulse me the way that Gregg Olsen’s If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood did. The fascination comes from what Michelle “Shelly” Knotek was able to get away with for so long. The repulsion, maybe revulsion is an even better word, comes from having to be in her company for the three days it took me to read this account of how evil the woman was – and from all accounts, still is.

That Knotek’s three daughters (Nikki, Sami, and Tori) have managed to live relatively normal lives show more after the horrible physical and mental abuse they suffered at their mother’s hand and direction, is astounding. Although it is not addressed much in Olsen’s book, it is hard to believe that the three of them are not still suffering the consequences of the years their mother tortured them. Nikki, the oldest, is married and raising a family in Seattle; Sami, the middle daughter, is an elementary school teacher in a rural Washington town where much of the abuse happened; and Tori, the youngest is now in her early thirties and living somewhere in central Oregon.

Others of her mother’s victims were not so lucky.

Shelly Knotek was never happier than she was in the middle of physically torturing her victims. She lived for nothing more. And with the help of her third husband, Dave Knotek, a pathetically weak man who still defends his wife’s actions, she was able to hide what was happening from authorities for years. Ultimately, Shelly would be convicted of her crimes (via what is called an Alford plea agreement) and sentenced, after having talked herself into an extra 5 years for arrogantly denying everything at her formal sentencing, to 22 years in prison. It appears that she will be released sometime in 2022 after having served about 18 years of the sentence. Dave Knotek was sentenced to just under 15 years in 2004 and was released from prison in 2016.

If You Tell includes an Afterword by Katherine Ramsland that goes a long way in explaining how Shelly Knotek so easily found victims outside her immediate family. In one heartbreaking passage, Ramsland sums it up this way:

“First, they look for compliant people with few resources: their own children or elderly parents, friends in need, homeless people, the mentally ill, or those without family ties. Then they pursue a program of steady erosion of their victims’ ability to resist. Even in the face of outrageous behavior, such people will be too frightened, docile, confused, or incapacitated to retaliate or seek help.”

But it is Nikki, Sami, and Tori who are given the last word, a warning to the public, especially to those who are vulnerable to people like their mother, that she will be released soon – and that she will do it again. show less

A superbly written, horrible and tragic story
This book is the most shocking true crime novel I have ever read. It's along the same line as "A Child Called It". Except in that book, there was a singular victim. In this book, there are eight.
The multi-voiced narrative is from the surviving victims, friends and relatives, as well as law enforcement and psychologists. The author combined this well researched information, family history and interviews into a chronological unfolding of horrifying and sickening events.
My mind is reeling at how these heinous crimes against humanity could go undetected for so long, and so recently. And also at how a dubious plea deal kept the story out of the media, and facilitated Michelle Knotek's upcoming show more release from prison.
Disturbing, poignant and heartbreaking, you will not forget the strength of these sisters and their survival instinct. show less