Scarred: The True Story of How I Escaped NXIVM, the Cult that Bound My Life

I may be saturated now. I think NXIVM is the best-documented cult out there, and there are many. I say "best" because so much is known directly through actual recordings, both video and audio. In spite of watching SEDUCED and both seasons of The Vow and listening to many episodes of the podcast A Little Bit Culty, I still wanted to read Sarah's book.

Sarah, who hosts A Little Bit Culty with her husband Nippy, gives us a bit of background on her life, but not too much. She gets right to it instead: how she got into NXIVM, what happened to her there, and how she got out.

As is typical, Sarah was seduced by the possibility of great self-improvement. She is a junkie for improving herself and NXIVM seemed like just the thing. Interestingly, show more she did not fall headlong into it. She questioned aspects of the 5-day training right from the start, and even as she got further into the organization she still had her eyes open. She noticed inconsistencies and odd teachings and mostly laughed about them because she believed she was getting what was good from it.

Sarah was gradually sucked into the culture, a culture similar to that of other cults: privileged information, secrecy, worship of a leader. The basic tenet was that you are not a victim. Never be a victim. This sounds good and empowering, but it can be turned against you, and it was. Over time, Sarah noticed that she was feeling less and less powerful and more and more insecure. She was becoming dependent on the organization.

In spite of her belief in Executive Success Program (a subset of NXIVM) and what she was learning, she continued to have questions now and then. Until she could block out the inconsistencies no more.

Perhaps most interesting to me was just how she got out. She got out "noisily" and quickly. Fast hits. She used her ability to connect with others to reach out and stop others from going through what she did. Her efforts had a direct effect on the organization, and she was sued by one of the funders. She and Nippy braved the shunning by former friends in the interest of saving them. Apparently this "rescue" effort is also common to former cult followers.

The story blends her experiences with what Sarah learned later - so that we would learn what she did and what was done to her along with an explanation of what was really going on. I wasn't sure I preferred this method of explaining. Would it have been better if she led us on the way she was led on? And then later set us straight? I'm not sure. Either way, it's a good example of the kind of person who gets into a cult, whose personal ethics make it hard to get out. It isn't the mindless followers who fall for cults; it is those who are dedicated to doing more with their lives to make the world better, who will work tirelessly if they believe they are helping others. show less

Look, I really don't like giving lower star ratings for books containing deeply traumatic lived experiences BUT there was just something about this story that didn't sit well with me, it needed some serious editing and I couldn't connect with the author at all. At times I wanted to throw the book across the room, each time I read the words 'green smoothie' a rage like no other just swept through my body, how many times can you insert your love of green smoothies in a memoir about escaping a cult?! Half way through I was sick of reading all the NXIVM cult jargon and had to keep pushing myself to finish it. I finally got there in the end.
I wanted to hear more about Sarah's story and her escape from the self-help cult NXIVM, after having show more recently read the New York Times exposé Article and listened to the CBC podcast 'Uncover' (which I would highly recommend! ) I was excited to learn that Sarah had written a personal account and even better that a copy just landed in the bookstore I work at. Although I finished the book in only a couple of sittings, it just *really, really* wasn't for me and I wish I just stuck with the podcast. show less

If you haven’t heard of the NXIVM cult, it started out as a self-help type organization with expensive personal and professional development seminars that were supposed to help you realize your full potential as a human. It was structured as an MLM – the more people a member brought in and got to sign up for the seminars, the more money the member made. Of course, most of the money went back into the company as there were always more seminars and workshops for members to pay for and attend.

Edmondson was in NXIVM for years, slowly working her way up the ranks when one day her best friend, who was one of the highest-ranking people in the organization, asked her to be in a secret club where Sarah would be the slave and she would be the show more master. She sold it to her as a group of women helping other women grow and develop. However, it soon became clear that wasn’t the case. The “slaves” were actually being groomed to be sex slaves for NXIVM’s leader.

You may recall when actress Allison Mack was arrested for sex trafficking. I was shocked that the fresh-faced blond could have been involved in something so sinister. I was hoping that Scarred would give me some background on Mack and how she became involved and ended up the head sex slave master but it didn’t. Edmondson was based in Canada and ran what could be described as a branch office of NXIVM, while Mack, her slaves, and the organization’s headquarters were based in Albany. This turned out to be very lucky for Edmondson. She was able to remain on the periphery of the sex cult. However, that means that her book doesn’t have many details about what the lives of the woman having to interact with Mack in person was like. There are two documentary series about the cult that I’m told have a lot more information about the nitty-gritty than this book does. I’m afraid to say that this book was a bit of a snooze. It piqued my interest in NXIVM but I was left wanting more. show less