Hollywood Park: A Memoir

This was an incredibly moving memoir. Mikel’s parents were members of Synanon and at six months old he was handed over to a “school” to be raised as a “child of the universe” - which, in a practical sense - meant being raised without parents, or any notion of family. When Mikel is 4 years old, his mother escapes the cult with him and his older brother Tony. The scars from the cult run deep, but perhaps worse is the continuing trauma he experiences being raised by his mentally ill mother. So, there was no recovery. No healing. Just more pain.

The author tries to tell his story in the age-appropriate voice, to express how he perceived it. This is very effective. Describing situations that he couldn’t quite explain with show more language available to him as a child, you can feel along with him. Interestingly, much of what we know about the trauma he experienced is presented alongside his mother’s complete denial of his perspective, and in some cases reality.

He does an uncharacteristically bold rejection of his mother’s world when he says he wants to live with his father. As a preteen, having been conditioned to cater to every one of his mom’s needs and none of his own, he manages to grab the lifeline of moving in with his dad. A future of success is still just a fantasy as he struggles with drugs and alcohol in his early teen years. Mikel describes in painful detail the masks he wears for others, because he is certain he is worthless.

He describes the moment - after a terrible accident - that he realizes he doesn’t want to die. And he reaches out to his dad and Bonnie for help. And they do. He still has many mountains to climb and set backs to face, but it is a corner turned, a possible future opening up. What kept me reading from successes and failures in school and relationships was the burning question… How did he survive?

I listened to the audiobook and I am glad I did. The book is read by the author and set with music from his band. Beautifully done. show less

Hollywood Park is getting such fabulous, well-deserved advance publicity, with early reviews and interviews and sneak peeks at the songs written based on events in the book that I don’t feel there is anything left for me to say except if you don’t read any other book this year you must read this one. It is amazing. It will touch you deeply and won’t let go.

When I received the ARC from Celadon Books I didn’t know what to expect. I had never heard of Mikel Jollett or his alternative band and wasn’t sure if maybe there was something from NPR or any articles he had written I was familiar with, but probably not. I knew a little about the Synanon cult from what I read in the paper years ago and I knew that Hollywood Park used to be show more a racetrack. So I thought maybe this book was another tell-all expose of life in a cult and the story of the cult leaders. Wrong. This is the story of a boy and his brother and what that cult and their mother did to them, took from them, marked them. Jollett was only five years old and leaving the cult as the book began, so the part of the story about his life there is small. But the effects of those five short years he lived at Synanon are large. Huge. Tragic. Heartbreaking.

When Jollett is first speaking in the 5-year old’s voice in the book I was confused and hoped this wouldn’t continue throughout the entire book. But as the story progressed I realized what a masterful approach this was. You are put right in the experience of his world at that age, with the accompanying confusion and fear of the young child, and then the adolescent and so on. What is already compelling and powerful becomes even more so, unbelievable, sad, haunting, making you remember events and feelings from your own childhood that you had chosen to forget.

The harmful effects of the years in Synanon and the later years with his mother can’t be overestimated. He became the superchild, the achiever, the boy who knows boys are born to take care of their mothers. After all, she told them often enough, didn’t she? No, they weren’t hungry, scared, angry, sad. She was. Didn’t they realize all she’d been through? So he took up the job of taking care of her. At age five. His brother got the role of scapegoat, the one who always acts out, who fails. Mikel Jollett was destined for greater things so therefore couldn’t fail. I wanted to rescue this little boy and his brother or make his mother go away.

Jollett’s father is initially painted as the bad guy, the ex-con, the drug addict, the one who left his mother the victim. But as time goes on you see what a good man his father is, how hard he works to take care of “his boys.” As for the mother, even though she was later diagnosed with mental illness I found it hard to feel much sympathy for her. Perhaps if this had been the story of her life, but what she did to her sons can’t be easily forgotten or forgiven.

Jollett is a superb writer. Hollywood Park is not always easy to read, but that is because of the painful lives they were living. The words flow smoothly, the descriptions vibrant and clear, the feelings real, the story compelling. I often did not want to stop reading because I just had to see what happened next, if just one thing would go right for him and stay that way. By the end of the book Jollett makes you feel as if you know him, and you are proud and happy for all he has achieved against such odds, for what a brave boy he was and what a brave man he is.

Thanks to Celadon Books for providing my advance copy. This is truly the best book I have read in a long time. All opinions are my own. I so enjoyed this book and highly recommend it. And have my copy of the Hollywood Park album on pre-order!
#HollywoodParkMemoir #CeladonReads show less

(21) This long memoir was moving and mesmerizing - unputdownable for me. I have never heard of the author or his alternative rock band but he is brilliant. We are both Gen X's with similar cultural touchstones and I loved Bowie in the 80's and to a lesser extent The Cure and Robert Smith. I also was that townie that didn't know the punch line to the prep school jokes in my snooty liberal arts college as well. Painful. I am watching a few of his music videos on You tube as I write - love his love for literature and songs with no hook that are weird and speak to the outsider. His memoir of growing up with a family that escaped from a cult in the early 70's. The confusion and mental and emotional dislocation of being a child in an show more ever-changing world with unreliable adults that don't see to your needs and at times disappear. Broke my heart. God - the mistakes we as parents make despite our efforts. We muddle through our own foibles and addictions and broken relationships and mental illnesses and try and carry our kids with us. I had empathy for his mom, but at times I wasn't sure he wanted me to. I definitely had some 'big talks' with my boys while reading to make sure that I validated their feelings and let them know I would always protect and care for them -- i.e. parenting is not about me.

Jollett, with the love and support of his ex-con uneducated father and a keen intelligence inherited from his emotionally abusive needy mother, narrowly evades delinquency, perseveres, attends Stanford and eventually becomes a successful music journalist and front man for an apparently successful indie rock band. Amazing - like Westover's Educated in many ways, but much grittier; more raw and plaintitive. Yet he does for the most part avoid melodrama and pretension.

I do feel like Jollett has a way of writing (and likely with his music too) that allows people to feel known/seen that I doubt he could do without his experiences. Kudos for such honesty (especially from a rock star...) I think maybe avoids a perfect rating from me as it could have used some trimming/editing to make a bit less repetitive and more powerful - especially toward the end. I didn't buy his narration of his father's death - it felt long-winded and not as authentic. But.overall - Bravo! So happy that he has landed safely. show less

I received this book through a Goodreads giveaway - thank you, Celadon Books!

This is an absolutely enthralling memoir. I was drawn in by the cult aspect, but Hollywood Park is about so much more than a cult. Heartbreaking, funny, and tender at the same time, Jollett's writing is gorgeous, expressing emotions and experiences in a way that made me feel as though I was living them now. I share very little in common with Jollett, yet I related to so many of the emotions he expressed, especially around his relationship with his brother in their childhood.

I've lost count of how many times this book made me cry. His writing is beautiful. Heartfelt. I see it as a series of love stories - some familial, some romantic, some unhealthy and some unrequited. The most important love story was that of self-love. Jollett's story is remarkable and impossible to tear yourself away from while also having to pause to catch your breath. I recommend listening to it so you can experience his rich voice from toddler to adult. You will also hear his music which is lovely. His story will stay with me.

This was a well-written memoir and once again proves my point you don't necessarily have to be familiar with the person ahead of time in order to appreciate their story. Mikel spent the first few years of his life in the Church of Synanon which was a cult. Thankfully he and his family escaped but obviously the experience is something that stays with you and the long-term effects is just one of the subjects Mikel explores in his memoir.

The main reason I chose to read this one is because I have this odd fascination with cults. I'm always curious about the reasons why people end up in a cult, what the heck goes on while they are in a cult, as well how they manage to leave. The Church of Synannon in which Mikel's family were members, show more mandated children at 6 months old be separated from their parents and raised in the cult's "School". So Mikel and his older brother didn't even have much interaction with their parents until after they left the cult. And while leaving the cult was the right thing to do, it didn't mean that Mikel's life was smooth sailing afterwards. He was five years old when his mother took him and his brother and escaped so the book focuses mostly on the aftermath of leaving a cult although he does share his memories of his time being raised in what was essentially an orphanage type environment.

I think Mikel Jollett is a talented writer and I loved how he told his story. Rather than talk about his childhood from only an adult perspective, he relates his experiences of the cult and growing up after escaping in more of a kid's narration style. If you have read the fictional book, Room, it's something similar to that method of storytelling. Mikel even as a child is pretty insightful and wise beyond his years. Given this is a memoir about his life, eventually Mikel's perspective goes from young boy, to teen, and then adulthood. And it truly felt like I was reading the words and thoughts of a child, and then teen, and then an adult. It might sound like a simple thing to do, but I don't think most writers could have pulled it off so flawlessly.

There were two things that really stood out for me in this memoir. I thought the topic of addiction was handled in a way in which you could really understand the devastating effects it has not just on the person who is addicted but also on loved ones. And without going into too much detail, Mikel's mother was someone I found fascinating to read about and I appreciate how the dymanics between mother and son was explored in the book.

Definitely check this one out especially if you enjoy memoirs.

Thank you to Celadon Books for sending me an advance reader's copy in exchange for an honest review! show less

An extraordinary story told in absolutely beautiful prose. I knew nothing about the author before reading this and am very glad I didn't, as it made the emotional arc of his story so much more powerful. Don't google him before you read it. Just jump in with him and swim.