Burglars Can't Be Choosers

“Burglars Can’t Be Choosers,” first published in 1977, was the first of eleven “burglar” books published over the next two and a half decades. It is a crime fiction story that follows the old pulp classic theme of a man on the run from the law after being suspected of a murder he didn’t commit. Yet, it cannot be described as a hardboiled story. It is not dark and gloomy as most crime fiction is, but somehow light and humorous as bizarre as that sounds. Block, who is most well known for his Matt Scudder series, featuring a cynical, former police officer who nearly drinks himself into oblivion, purposefully fashioned the burglar series as something far different –perhaps more irreverent, more silly, more accessible.

This show more story is terrific and Bernie Rhodenbarr is a hell of a burglar. Yes, that is what he does for a living, although he is not a vicious, violent kind of burglar. He would prefer to burgle your home when you are not at home so as not to trouble you. He has fairly friendly relations with the local officers who know him on a first name basis, but he is a whiz with his tools and there is no lock that he can’t pick. His luck and his karma are not to be trusted, however. And, even though he is the most excellent burglar you will ever find, he often breaks into an apartment and doesn’t realize that there is a body in the bedroom, one still oozing blood all over the floor. At least in this story he doesn’t realize that the body is there until the police find him in the apartment. Is it just bad luck? Has he been set up? Why is he a convenient fall guy? show less

3.5***

This is the first in the series starring Bernie Rhodenbarr, a professional burglar with loads of charm. He’s successful and has an apartment in a nice building on the upper West Side, where he’s known as a good neighbor. He never burgles in his neighborhood, is methodical in his planning, quickly fences his take and lives a quiet life. He also always works alone. Until now. When he’s approached by a stranger offering a significant fee if he’ll retrieve a certain blue leather box, Bernie’s curious and agrees. Seems like a simple job. But the box isn’t where it should be, while a body is … and so are the police.

I love this series, and this is a second reading, though I didn’t remember any of the plot, so the twists show more were all a surprise to me. I like Bernie as a character. He’s smart and nonviolent. He has a way with the ladies, but he’s a gentleman, through and through. The plots are intricate and the supporting characters a delight. I love his cop “friend” Ray Kirschman – honest, though not above taking a little cash to look the other way. And I love the way Block writes about New York City; I really feel as if I’m walking the streets right along with Bernie. show less

“Imaginative persons could probably find interesting things to do with handcuffs and a nightstick.”

Cozies are fun, but every genre needs variety to stay interesting for the reader. The same old can get ... well, old after awhile. This book delivers that twist by having the main character be an unapologetic cat burglar who opens the book breaking into an apartment, enjoying it, and then getting caught up in a far worse crime.

It may be morally wrong, but the quirk works, especially since Bernie is fun. He has his criminal morals and decent values, despite his knack for theft, so remains likeable. Definitely not the typical doe-eyed cozy lead. The lead detective is as funny as Bernie himself.

Berney is a character not duplicated in show more many other cozies - I like the charm of them but this one brings a punch of fun, something different, a crossing of the moral lines, a little humor, first person POV.

I have to say this book has the funniest cozy body discovery I've read about - ever.

Mystery wise, it works since the MC gets clues, follows leads, gets misdirected and solves the mystery cleverly enough, stylish speech and all. This follows up with an end twist that I didn't see coming. And no, I didn't guess the culprit. Ms. Sherlock Holmes I am not. Looking back it makes sense but it's not something I noticed, so mystery kudos to the author.

If you enjoy fun but not obnoxiously sweet/sappy humor mysteries, you may like this one. I know Lawrence Block has a highly regarded reputation and these aren't considered his best. Still, enjoyed this intro to him here.

Definitely a series I'll continue reading. Appreciated the afterword from the author with the details of how he came up with the concept, funny how those ideas work. show less

A Lighter Chip off the Block
Review of the LB Productions eBook (September 9, 2020) of the original Random House hardcover (1977).

We exchanged hellos and I extended a hand for a shake. This confused Loren, who looked at my hand and then began fumbling with the pair of handcuffs hanging from his gunbelt. Ray laughed. “For Chrissake,” he said. “Nobody ever puts cuffs on Bernie. This ain’t one of your mad dog punks, Loren. This is a professional burglar you got here.”

Burglars Can't Be Choosers introduces Lawrence Block's second longest running series character, the gentleman burglar Bernie Rhodenbarr. It also marked Block's breakthrough out of the pulp paperback market with his first hardcover published by Random House and then show more also as a Book Club Edition. Even the early Matt Scudders in 1976 were first published as Dell paperbacks. Before that there were only the dozens of pulp standalones published under pseudonyms in the light erotica and crime market.

Block developed the idea for Bernie out of an earlier short story A Bad Night for Burglars, originally published under the title Gentleman's Agreement in Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine in 1977. Block himself pondered whether he should take up burglary as a side job to make ends meet while trying to make a living as an author. He then imagined being a burglar who finds a dead body while breaking into an apartment.

So that is the plot of Burglars Can't Be Choosers. Bernie takes on a commission job to locate a blue leather covered box at an apartment. Not long after he has made his search of the rolltop desk in the library, the police arrive (a neighbour had apparently reported noises) and the owner's dead body is found in the back bedroom. Bernie had been assured by his contact that the owner would be out. After attempting a bribe of the cops (shades of Matt Scudder and the corrupt NYPD days), Bernie manages to make a dash for it and hides out in a sometime friend's apartment. With a city-wide alert out for him, he has to solve the case himself before the police track him down. He suspects that he was setup as a scapegoat.

See cover at https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/...
Front cover of the original 1977 Random House hardcover edition. Image sourced from Goodreads.

This first Bernie Rhodenbarr now reads a bit cringey and doesn't standup as well as the noir hardboiled world of the Matt Scudders. The wise cracking humour feels dated and the sex antics (the female characters fall for Rhodenbarr immediately) seem pulled out of Block's earlier light erotica fiction such as the Chip Harrison series (1970-75, first published under the pseudonym Chip Harrison). The final twist reveal seemed hardly necessary, but was only a way to add a bit of complexity to what otherwise would have been too straightforward.

Still it is Lawrence Block, so at least a 3-star rating for the memories and the good old days.

Trivia and Links
I read a considerable number of Lawrence Block books in my pre-GR and pre-reviewing days. Probably 40 or so out of the 100+ that are available. That included all of the Matt Scudder books, several of the Bernie Rhodenbarrs, several of the Evan Tanners, several of the Kellers, a dozen or so standalones and some of the memoirs. There were even a few of the earlier pulp novels which were originally published under pseudonyms. This re-read is part of a look back at some of those.

Lawrence Block (June 24, 1938 - ) considers himself retired these days, but still maintains an occasional newsletter with the latest issued in August 2024. He self-publishes some of his earlier works that have otherwise gone out of print, using his own LB Productions imprint. This current eBook edition of Burglars Can't Be Choosers is one of those. show less

So Block has three major series: Scudder the alcoholic detective, Keller the professional killer and Rhodenberry the burglar who solves murders. The impression I have is that I've written them out in order of decreasing popularity, which turns out to be the inverse of how much I like them.

It was a bit of a surprise, then, for me to re-read this and discover that Bernard Rhodenberry isn't all that likeable a guy. He's sexist, mildly homophobic and a thief. Block makes him sympathetic (or at least tries to) by having him be funny, honest about his motivations, averse to violence almost to the point of cowardliness (additionally hating guns) and someone who only steals from the rich - even though there's no giving to the poor involved, as show more well as making him the victim of false murder charge.

Somehow it works; I'm rooting for Bernie to solve the murder and clear his name.

Our society is changing fast by the way; this is the mid-nineties for Bernard and there are no mobile phones, nobody has heard of the internet - in fact computers are never even mentioned - and these facts stand out like an elephant in a high street, giving things a quaint air of past times that are not even a 1/4 century past. show less

A fun lighthearted mystery with a little edge. This is the first book in Lawrence Block's Burglar series which feature the criminal activities and subsequent misadventures of gentleman burglar Bernard G. Rhodenbarr - Bernie the Burglar.

It all starts when Bernie's hired by an odd little man he doesn't know - but who knows him - to retrieve an item from someone's apartment while they aren't home. Simple enough task for someone with Bernie's skills. Except when the police catch him in the act... except when a dead body then shows up in the next room... except when Bernie freaks out and makes a runs for it!

After the initial setup the story coasts at a pace that verges on plodding, for a chapter or so there's not a lot happening other than show more Bernie going over everything that has led him to be a fugitive and trying to piece together a clue. Once the first clue is discovered the story starts moving again and keeps a fairly steady pace. The ending struggles a little, the plot is somewhat convoluted and the whole thing teeters on the edge of implausibility (a common trait among several stories in the burglar series) but it's all great fun.

In typical Block fashion the author sprinkles a few obvious - and some not so obvious - clues here and there giving the reader the impression of being oh-so-clever because they already know exactly where the story is going and then, again in typical Block fashion, he turns it on its head and you realize you've been gobbling up the trail of bread crumbs he's left for you and never focused on the inconsequential things that may or may not have been the real clues (some are, some aren't) and it's all incredibly satisfying because the only thing greater than outsmarting a great mystery writer is falling so completely into his web that you don't even know you're on the wrong track until it's too late.

If you are only familiar with Lawrence Block's more famous character Private Detective Matthew Scudder then you might be in for a big surprise because the Burglar series has always been much more lighthearted. It's full of the kind of puns, laughs, wise cracks and occasional silliness that you would never find in a Scudder novel.

There is some violence and sexual content, most all of it is more implied than explicit and the language does include a few 4-letter words but it falls well within the PG-13 range. I would recommend this to just about anyone who likes mysteries, and detective novels with the possible exception of those who prefer them hard-boiled and no nonsense. show less

This is the debut for the Bernie Rhodenbarr series. Bernie is a witty, likable guy and I enjoyed the satire and humor in the story. This is a perfect read in between heavier books and I look forward to reading more of Bernie's exploits.