A Lie Someone Told You About Yourself

In Peter Ho Davies’ compelling account of fatherhood, A Lie Someone Told You About Yourself, the unnamed narrator is an author and creative writing professor. The novel opens with him describing the guilty emotions that he and his wife experience when they decide to abort a first unborn child, when prenatal tests suggest something might be seriously wrong with the fetus. He then goes on to describe their attempts to conceive again and the pregnancy that follows. After a difficult birth, the narrator explores the joys, stressors, and overwhelming changes that parenting brings about, personally and in his marriage as well. The narrator’s candid honesty is refreshing as he describes the ups and downs of raising a child.

This complex show more novel addresses the emotional roller coaster ride of parenting, such as its attendant guilts, pleasures, and frustrations, and the sense of duty it instills. While serious in places, the narrator’s wry humor makes a regular appearance. Even though no names are provided for the father, mother, or child, most readers will come away feeling as if they know this family better than their own. This is a story that will especially resonate with parents. But its appeal should be universal since what Davies describes here is the circle of life. Well done indeed. show less

A Lie Someone Told You About Yourself traces the complex consequences of one of the most personal yet public, intimate yet political decisions a family can make: to have a child, and conversely, to choose not to have a child. A first pregnancy is interrupted by test results at once catastrophic and uncertain. A second pregnancy ends in a fraught birth, a beloved child, the purgatory of further tests—and questions that reverberate down the years.

Short interesting take on the struggles of parenting after abortion. Honest about the emotional weight of parenting in upper-middle-class US, gets a bit more cheerful toward the end. It's worth reading but I didn't enjoy it.

Here's my spoiler: "shame" is the lie someone told you about yourself.

A well written and complicated auto-fiction (?) story of a couple choosing to abort their probably-damaged-fetus who do eventually have a healthy child. The guilt and politics which torment them as they cope with having a new baby and the writer's introduction to fatherhood make for absorbing reading. The narrator is a writing teacher at a local college which contributes to the humorous subplot in this moving family story.

3.5 A decision a couple makes, a decision that at the time they felt was right, that there was little choice. A personal decision that continues to haunt, the father, the mother, the marriage and even their view of the child they eventually have. This child, a son, different, having his own difficulties. A pervading sense of shame, failure, did they do the right thing, are they doing the right thing now? Thoughts, doubts, second guessing, atonement.

The father, mother, son are never named. The book is told mainly from the father's point of view. An intimate look at fatherhood, sex, marriage parenting and decisions made. This is a unique read and an important subject but also presented me with a conundrum. It is told realistically I show more believe, though of course I'm not a man so may not be the best judge. But are men likely to read this book? And while the subject is an important one I always felt as if I was being held at a distancee. To be honest, reading over 200 pages of someone thoughts, regrets, which were often repeated, can get tedious. So ultimately my feelings, thoughts on this book are mixed.

ARC from Netgalley show less

The first section of the book, Chances, started off strong and was a gripping account of a couple debating an abortion based upon information from the doctors that the baby may not be normal. This is an emotional and engaging section of the book. This section was previously published in a slightly different form as a short story.

However, the subsequent sections as their son grows up is rather boring. His day to day activities as he ages are so hum-drum. He plays, he goes to school, he draws, he plays with his Lego blocks, he gets pets. OK, I get it. The ending is also weak.

The first section should have either been expanded or left as a short story.

For readers who have been there and done that, this is a gripping oh-so-real book. It could potentially be triggering for those dealing with the aftermath of abortion or with family members who have autism or Asperger's or Alzheimer's, but read at the right point of your life, it is beautiful. Five stars.