When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

In my "perfect little world", everyone would own this book...and, read it annually. Kinda silly of me to say this being that the whole point of the book is that, not only is life not perfect, it's not even safe and secure.

I found this book shortly after the love of my life made a (necessary) choice to let me go. I held myself together just long enough to walk through my front door...28 hours after leaving Europe. A couple of days later, I was looking for a quote to hold on to. I ended up at Goodreads...then was gently led to "When Things Fall Apart". Naturally, the title is what caught my attention. I ordered it the moment I finished reading the summary...and, began reading as soon as I ripped the box open.

Wow. This book was not only show more just what I needed at that exact moment in my life, but it's going to be one of those gifts that keeps on giving. It gave me a totally different perspective on my present devastation...and, the bigger picture of my life. In a nutshell, the only difference between a "regular" person who happens to be a spiritual leader/guru and a regular "regular" person is that the former views fear and loss as an opportunity for growth instead of something to run from. POWERFUL. OK...it's going to take a lifetime of effort to change some deeply engrained habits (some genetic???), but it's a huge start. I've already marked my calendar to remind me when 365 days have passed...we'll see if I haven't already picked it up again at that point.

I only wish the title did not lend one to believe that this is only a book for "difficult times". I wish I would have read this as a young adult and gotten a head start on falling into my fears at a much earlier age...not just the fears that arise in difficult times, but those little ones that impact us every day and hold us back from taking necessary risks and living life to the fullest.

Time to end this review and try some meditation!

P.S. I gave the love of my life this book...and, my "difficult time" ended shortly thereafter. Now when fears about the relationship threaten to overtake me, I meet them head on. show less

I had multiple people recommend this book to me when I was hit with my cancer diagnosis during a global pandemic -- if that isn't a difficult time, I guess I don't know what is! Chödrön is an American Buddist nun and this book is a collection of talks she gave from 1987-1994. She calls on us to turn towards the difficulties in our lives, to use them as a path to wisdom and peace, and to break the habit of distracting ourselves when faced with suffering. She does this with a light touch, some helpful anecdotes and techniques, words from her Buddhist teachers, and often some humor. I particularly liked the technique of Tonglen -- using the breath to take in pain, and let out feelings of healing and peace, starting with your own and show more extending out to others (https://www.lionsroar.com/how-to-practice-tonglen/). The chapters are short and rich and I did a lot of marking passages that I know I'll come back to again and again when I need a little perspective.

I have been working to incorporate meditation into my daily life for about six months, and doing a lot more reading about the mind and both Buddhist and non-Buddhist approaches to non-dualism and nonattachment. A lot of it is clicking for me and truly is helping with my mental health. I am, however, always a little concerned about appropriating a culture and religion that isn't my own and sometimes struggle with finding ways to use the techniques of this rich cultural and spiritual tradition that are respectful and honest. Basically I don't want to be all white mindfulness convert lady with this stuff, because I think there is way more here than can be condensed into a motivational phrase or comforting instagram story.

I'm still trying to figure that out, and I'll continue to explore what is out there and what works for me. I'm glad that this text can be part of my journey and I'll definitely be pulling Chödrön off my shelf again in the future. show less

This may very well be the most impactful book I’ve ever read. I first picked it up during a season when I felt life was unfolding beautifully, only to discover how much deeper and richer life could become.

As I journeyed through its pages, I was struck by how often I’ve blinded myself to the subtle ways I may have caused harm—whether through ingrained habits, unexamined patterns, or the way I relate to others. The book gently revealed how easy it is to miss those signs, even when others have tried to point them out. That realization was both humbling and transformative.

What makes this book truly remarkable is its sincerity and accessibility. It offers wisdom for difficult times, guidance for living with openness and intimacy, and show more encouragement for navigating life without fear. Though I hesitated at first because of its Buddhist roots, I quickly discovered that it is not “about Buddhism” in a doctrinal sense—it is about life, in its rawness and wholeness.

Coming from a strong Christian background, I actually found the perspective here immensely complementary—nurturing, fertile, and in many ways aligned with the universal longing for peace, healing, and fullness. Honestly, I did not practice any of the Buddhist exercises (meditations and recitations) but still learned a great deal.

Simply put, this has been the most beautiful and life-giving book I have ever encountered. show less

I truly value this book. Chodron clarifies and redefines some of the main obstacles I've come to in trying to "understand" Buddhism, which mainly surround my perception of its seeming negativity. Perhaps it's because she's a woman (I've only read male Buddhist perspectives so far), maybe it's because she's an American (I've only read Asian Buddhist perspectives), or maybe it's because she's just a good writer. Either way, Chodron focuses more on the journey and less on the destination, which makes it great for those who find the ground has slipped from beneath them. I will always come back to this book.

*****

I can't tell you just how many times I've come back to this book over the years. Chodron gives me a loving kick in the pants every show more single time and reminds me to open myself up to every experience, no matter if it's the best or shittiest. show less

A dear friend gifted me Pema Chodron’s “When Things Fall Apart” knowing I could use a little help with some dark aspects of my life. Not certain what to expect, I delved into this book with a perplexing blend of the eager and open beginner’s mind, along with the conscious trepidation of the habitual human intellect. I found the lessons, advice, and methodologies illuminated in this book to be pure, expansive, and compassionate. Chodron extracts from her teacher, Trungpa Rinpoche, teachings specific to our human tendency to run, hide, ignore, neglect, and struggle with conflict, pain, and our ultimate demise. She sheds light on the intense suffering that we cause by doing this. The only true path, she concludes, is to stay show more grounded in all of the chaos, “even the most horrendous situations life can dish out. Jean-Paul Sartre said that there are two ways to go to the gas chamber, free or not free. This is our choice in every moment. Do we relate to our circumstances with bitterness or openness?” The sage introspection throughout this reflective book offers us gracious and heartfelt advice to help us flourish in our precious time on earth. It is one book I will assuredly refer to as I encounter challenges, bringing me back to the essence of true freedom within myself. show less

Like many others, I came to this book during a crisis, so long ago I don't remember which crisis it was. Pema made it clear it wasn't my fault, I wasn't crazy, I was just human. It took several years of retreats, dharma talks, books, and sangha conversations, for me to even begin to see the underlying messages in the book: things fall apart for everybody; things will fall apart again. And every time they do, this book will still be relevant.

4 / 5

this book is full of extremely important shit. i love buddhism, have always been enamored with its simplicity and care for the body and the spirit - i especially love buddhist teachings that incorporate true stories of personal suffering. because when things fall apart, we don’t know what to do or how to pick up the pieces. this book is a how-to in picking up the pieces.

one thing i can and must say: this book was adapted from a series of talks from a while ago. this means that the structure of the book is a little hard to follow. also, it’s really hard to glean EVERYTHING from every chapter. this is a book you have to read again, and again, and again to fully understand the importance of what CHÖDRON is talking about. that show more said, what i did glean from this book changed my outlook on a lot of things. fear, control, suffering, self-compassion, being connected to your body - this book is a must have for anyone who has struggled with emotional regulation.

it took me much, much longer to get through than i thought it would. despite the language being accessible, the ideas are not as accessible - for a western audience, this book does a pretty good job at bridging the gap to buddhism, but there’s still some concepts that escape me. i plan to read this again, and again. whenever i feel like my life is falling apart, im gonna pick up this book. breakups, job transitions, you name it - this book will be helpful for you.

i can’t in good faith give it 5 stars, because it is a little dense. there’s just so much great information that it gets boring and hard to parse through after a couple of chapters. this is not a light read, despite its length.

i’ve learned a lot and intend to keep learning about buddhism. of course, i’m in my early 20s, and everyone in their early 20s has a brief love affair with buddhism. but i’m hoping that i can take these lessons beyond my youth - i know this book will be helpful to me when i’m 70 (if the world hasn’t been consumed by fire by then). i loved it, i learned from it, and you will too. 4 stars! show less