A Grief Observed

A Grief Observed was the first book that I was able to read after my beloved cat of 19 years passed away. I knew that it wouldn't be exactly applicable to my situation, but I was looking for a story of grief from a Christian's point of view.

Some sections of the memoir worked very well for me, while others (particularly Chapter 2, when C.S. Lewis has lost his faith) do not. I found Chapter 3, where a great healing is taking place, to be the most helpful as I also learn how to heal. The evolution of Lewis' grief is what I think most people will find useful in this book, as it may give other readers hope that we will come out of the depths eventually.

The honesty of this memoir impresses me. It shows such bravery for this Christian man to show more display his loss of faith so openly to the reader. If nothing else, A Grief Observed showed me quite clearly that I did not lose my faith during the time of my own grieving. That did give me a significant amount of comfort.

The version that I read has a lovely and honest introduction by Madeline L'Engle. show less

This review was first published on BookLikes: http://brokentune.booklikes.com/post/821471/c-s-lewis-follow-up-a-grief-observed


Just over a week ago I wrote a review of The Problem of Pain, one of Lewis' early works, in which I tried (and failed) to come to terms with Lewis' notion that pain is an expression of divine love and an instrument of God's to shape humans into more complex beings.

As some of my BL friends have aptly pointed out, Lewis wrote The Problem of Pain from a theoretical and rather detached point of view. The Problem of Pain does (of course) not reflect on the profound personal experience he was to have years later and which gave birth to his book A Grief Observed.

A Grief Observed originated as a collection of journals show more which Lewis wrote after his wife passed away from cancer and which he used to help him cope with his loss. I would not go so far as to say he was trying to make sense of his loss because A Grief Observed clearly portrays a man who struggles with the notion that there is a purpose to loss, to pain, to suffering. And this is where A Grief Observed becomes so much more important than The Problem of Pain - Lewis, the professor, no longer claims to know all the answers. However, Lewis, the man, dares to challenge his convictions, his longstanding ideas, and ultimately his faith, in search of a way of coping with his own grief on very real - non-hypothetical - terms.

There is so much more I want to write about A Grief Observed, but nothing I can type is an adequate reflection of the sheer emotional and intellectual challenge this book was to me. When I say emotional challenge I do not compare it to the cheesy purposely-moving-to-tears gimmicky works of some other authors. A Grief Observed is an utterly frank, unpretentious, account of a man who is in pain, and it is the frankness and helplessness experienced by him - like by many others of us in - that, even though it may not give a purpose to pain itself, gives a great deal of meaning to book. Not in the sense of sympathy with Lewis, but as a proof of the bond of our shared humanity.

After all, as William Nicholson puts it so elegantly in his bio-pic about C.S. Lewis: "We read to know that we are not alone." show less

Based on the author's journals, this is a very personal account of his grieving process. It was originally published under a pseudonym, which makes sense, given he's laying his soul bare on the page.
This is what I hoped to find in Miracles - C. S. Lewis. Here, Lewis does not try to convince anyone of anything. It's not meant to provide a general truth, but a very personal one.

It's probably the most intimate book I read.
I imagine it's one of those books you appreciate differently in various moments of your life.

Summary: Lewis's reflections after he lost his wife, Joy, that explores the different seasons of grief and his honest wrestling with what it means to believe in God when facing profound loss.

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.

At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me."

These are the first words of show more this extended reflection on the experience of grief by C. S. Lewis after he lost his wife Joy to cancer. It is not a theological treatise but an unvarnished account of the devastating experience of loss Lewis faced. During his life, he published this under a pseudonym (N. W. Clerk), only permitting it to be published over his name after his death.

So much of the book is like these opening words, simple description of the experience, and seasons of grief, the loss of energy, the moments of brightness followed by gloom, the remembering, the ache for one with whom he had been so intimate. He wrestles with the question of why, so late in life, he was granted to taste the joy of love with an intellectual equal, only to have her snatched away so quickly.

He speaks of how little comfort he finds in his faith at these times:

"Talk to me about the truth of religion and I'll listen gladly. Talk to me about the duty of religion and I'll listen submissively. But don't come talking to me about the consolations of religion or I shall suspect that you don't understand."

In fact he struggles at times in not believing evil of God and admits it. Certainly he struggles with the concept of the goodness of God. At one point he comments, "What do people mean when they say, 'I am not afraid of God because I know He is good'? Have they never been to a dentist?"

He struggles with memories, and the question of how memories distort the character of the beloved. He speculates about the afterlife, but without but confesses that while he believes in the resurrection, it is something he does not understand. He also comments that between Lazarus and Stephen, Lazarus was the greater martyr, who had to die twice.

This is not a book to explain the inexplicable. Not even Lewis could do that. Rather, he simply gives word to his own grief, and perhaps that of others and the impossibility of just "getting over it." We see someone facing the grief every widow or widower faces of being parted with one you've shared life and love with--whether for just a few years, or nearly 70 like my father. It is never easy, and the amazing thing is to watch Lewis lean into believing when one does not see, when all seems dark--with humility, with faltering steps, and with honesty that does not sugar coat death and loss.

This is a book we all need, whether to give words to our grief, or to listen, and maybe have a notion, of what our friends or loved ones struggle with in their grief. Read, reflect, and learn. So much in such a slim volume. show less

CS Lewis is my all-time favorite author. The breadth of his talent and depth of his knowledge are breathtaking. Growing up, I loved the beautiful imagery and suspenseful adventure in his tales of Narnia. But there is a profundity and vulnerability to his writing in his apologetic works that both challenges and thrills me. I have read this little tome before and yet I still find new veins of gold every time I go back through.

This book, owing to its powerful emotions, can be difficult to follow at times. It is absolutely worth the effort, especially for those who may be grieving or trying to support someone through profound grief. It’s only 76 pages but it will change the way you view and (I would venture to guess) experience grief. show more Highly recommend. show less

When I read great thinkers like C.S. Lewis, I often find myself saying "Yes! Yes! That's EXACTLY what I was thinking! I just had no idea how to say it!" This journal of his experience of grief was one of those moments for me. His was maybe a bit stronger of a loss, for he wrote this regarding the grief he experienced from losing his wife and soul mate. I recently lost my father. So, while my grief and loss was not quite a strong, he still hit on several points I think a lot of us go through when we lose someone close to us. The things people say to you, in their hope of comforting you, but they have no idea if they are true or not. How you go through several phases of grief, you question your faith, you question the meaning of show more everything, and you stop finding joy in the things you used to. Nothing anyone ever says to you makes it better. But, you work through the phases and hopefully come to peace at the end.

I cannot recommend this book enough to those who have experienced grief on this level. Your grief is not C.S. Lewis' grief. But, hopefully after reading it, you will see we all share similar experiences show less

Years ago, one of my college professors told me that the only thing permanent in life is impermanence. Paradoxically, she also claimed that the residual effects of grief could never be expunged from our minds. At the time, I rejected these ideas, but as I grow older, it becomes clearer to me that grief has a way with us like the seasons do. It's an ebb and flow. A tsunami of feelings may threaten to drown us some days, and on others, the sun and the wind give us strength and mental acuity. Doubtlessly, we all wish that our pain would go away for good. In time, the pain tends to fade, but is never quite done clutching onto our souls.

In this short account of Lewis's, he doesn't have any solutions to offer, but he does offer us a raw show more account of grief that, in turn, offers us an experienced understanding during our own rock bottom times (and beyond). He records his doubts, his anger, his hopes, his fears, his questions. He stares at pain and pens what he sees, then shields his eyes and writes some more. And then, he reflects. He seeks to unravel his own behaviors, and to understand the mind's internalization of a lost loved one. For instance, in chapter 2, Lewis writes:

"But it is my own mind that selects and groups [the details of H.]. Already, less than a month after her death, I can feel the slow, insidious beginning of a process that will make the H. I think of into a more and more imaginary woman. I shall put in nothing fictitious (or I hope I shan’t). But won’t the composition inevitably become more and more my own? The reality is no longer there to check me, to pull me up short, as the real H. so often did, so unexpectedly, by being so thoroughly herself and not me."

It is perhaps an even sadder thought to think, that not only is someone that we loved no longer here with us, but that our memory of them will now be transformed into a form more imaginary than real. In regard to family members that have died, I sometimes find myself thinking, This is what they would have wanted for me. They wouldn't want me to be sad like this. But how could I know such a thing for sure? Who's to say that my grandfather wouldn't feel grateful if I still felt sad about his untimely death? Our changed memories of loved ones, then, seem in part an effort to cope; to romanticize the dead's wishes in order to bolster our spirits. Whether this is a good or bad thing, I don't know. If it helps us cope, is it harmful to entertain such thoughts?

Lewis also questions his beliefs about God, about Heaven, and that which he has always taken for granted about the afterlife. We all know that we live temporary lives, and yet, when we're with others that we grow attached to, we wish that our connections would never become severed in the future. Death is something that comes suddenly, even if we know of its arrival in our lives beforehand. Like Lewis, I am a Christian, and have found myself doubting God during the worst times of my life. I often wonder if my bitterness, like my grief, will remain distilled within me. Perhaps that's the way it will always be, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Well, Lewis doesn't have all the answers, and neither do I. Still, I think that everyone who has gone through any type of grief will find this book to be helpful. Even if you don't share Lewis's Christian beliefs, you're bound to find some common ground with him that'll help you understand more about your grief and the lifelong process of grieving. The only work that I knew Lewis for was Narnia, and that was a long time ago, so it's nice to see the other side of his writing with such a somber subject.

"They say ‘The coward dies many times’; so does the beloved. Didn’t the eagle find a fresh liver to tear in Prometheus every time it dined?"

*2024 edit: I think it's pertinent to mention that I no longer consider myself a Christian, but I still agree with much of what I said in this review. show less