Spare

I'm not a royals person, but friends kept telling me to read this one. It was heartbreaking to read about Harry's constant life of scrutiny and persecution by the paparazzi. The lack of anonymity is my worst nightmare. There's also an air of petulance that may be unavoidable when you're treated like a child who can't make decisions about their own life. It's a bit meta to write a book for the public about your life when the main theme is how you don't want the public to have access to your life. Yet at the same time, I understand the desire to set the record straight after so much manipulation. Very readable and honest, but sad.

*Excellent on audio as Prince Harry reads it himself.

People seem to either love or hate the British royal family. I'm somewhere in the middle. On one hand, it's hard to relate to those living such a privileged life; on the other, it's hard not to empathize with the lack of privacy and affection and not having the right to lead one's own path. The rigid rules of being a royal and the control exerted by "the courtiers" would be hard for anyone to live with. We heard plenty about "the grey men" from Harry's mother Diana, and many of the same complaints arise in his memoir. And, of course, both suffered the relentless pursuit of the paparazzi, whom many, including Harry, blame for is mother's death. Even more than Camilla or the grey men, the press and the paparazzi are the prime villains in show more his story.

If you can get past the money, the fame, and the perks and put yourself in Harry's shoes, you might just find yourself on his side. Think how it would feel to have every move you make broadcast, dissected and distorted by the press. Think how it would feel to be in love, to have to ask your family (including the queen) if your loved one was sufficiently acceptable, and to have every aspect of your wedding dictated by "the rules," down to whether you can keep your beard or your bride can wear a veil. Think how it would feel to have your phone tapped and your private conversations turned into salacious sound bites, or to know that a family member was leaking details about your personal life to the press. I'm very glad that I'm not in those royal shoes.

The main criticism of Harry's book seems to be that he is "disloyal" to the family in telling his side of the story. If you think that keeping a stiff upper lip and bending to all of the petty rules, even when they are destroying you and the ones you love most, is what "loyalty" means, well, don't read this book. It's pretty sad to think that the US provided a haven for Harry and his young family. We have our gossip rags here, but the American press is far less relentless in pursuing celebrities like prey, and apparently our laws offer better protection against tabloid lies. Harry says many times in the book and in the interviews he has given that he felt it was important to speak his truth and stop playing the impossible role that his birth determined for him. I think that's rather brave, and while there is undoubtedly a bit of exaggeration (probably due to the level of hurt and disappointment he experienced), for the most part, it is, indeed, his truth. You may not like it, you may not want to believe it all, but there it is.

I enjoyed listening to the book on audio and learned a good deal about the inner workings of the monarchy and the enormous control it exerts over its members. show less

I can pretend that I came to this memoir cold and without any information - but as a kid I was very into following the royal family. As much as an American can - I followed all their stories and lives. There was a time I was very pro - British Royal Family in the very broadest way and would have no room for sympathy for anyone given the opportunity to live that life and decide not to wholeheartedly buy in.

I do not feel this way anymore.

Even before reading this - I sympathized very heavily with Harry. This is a person who suffered an unimaginable tragedy in losing his mother at age 12. Paparazzi had chased her and her family for years and made their lives difficult and dangerous. This was not an event that happened out of thin air but show more was the culmination of years of abuse at their hands. Literally something they feared and worried about ended up causing her death. How could that not create trauma in a kid that age?

I can not imagine, given that life experience - then seeing that same kind of attention from the Press coupled with disgusting vitriol and racism aimed at his wife what kind of fear and panic that he must have felt.

I believe his choice to disengage and move away is completely understandable.

The real revelations in the book for me really came with how complicit Charles is with media. How readily he chooses not to protect or speak up for his children and how that is just accepted.

I don't think the Monarchy will look like it does for much longer. Seeing people who care more about preserving an institution than their actual family members is not inspiring - it's embarrassing.

In one of the most poignant moments in the book, Harry recalls walking behind his mother's coffin as part of the funeral procession and he asks " why did the adults do that to us?". This stopped me dead. At the time I would have said - well they had to - tradition! But that is such BS. No child should have to do that. It was something no one would have batted an eye if those kids were spared from that. But spectacle and creating dramatic sympathy for the family took priority. It is that kind of decision making is so loathsome to me.

To be clear, I do not think Harry and Megan are perfect - I don't find them endearing or likable all of the time - but I get why they are where they are - and I don't find their decision making at all mysterious.

I think Charles is really unfit to be a role model of any kind - and I for one am ready to see this family take a much smaller role on world stage and spend some time tending to themselves as people and as family instead of grooming a public relations machine.

The book itself was pretty readable, I found the long Army interludes slowed things down quite a bit. But I understand how important those years were to Harry.

As for the more salacious and hurtful disclosures he makes, its not great - but again - sometimes people who have been very hurt lash out. Its not pretty - but I get it.

This book helped me organize and clarify my thoughts about the current Royal Family. I hope it was cathartic for Harry and I hope Harry and Megan live a long happy life in the way they wish - although I am sure the pain of the lack of support of their family will always be felt. show less

I read this and listened to the audiobook at the same time, which made for a more engaging experience. Prince Harry's voice came out very clear even through the written words. Kudos to his ghost writer who captured the essence of his personality.

I do not know much about Harry as I do not follow the escapades of the royal family, but I have heard snippets of his naughty scrapes in his youth. Prior to reading this book, to me, he was a privileged boy who does humanitarian work. How much and how involved, I had no idea.

I must have had expectations, because the book disarmed me.

The first part was about his childhood, especially right after his mother died, and how he coped with the pain and trauma of it. It brought me to tears as Harry's show more suffering reminded me of my own son's behaviour (who lost his father at 5years old).

The second part was about his adulthood, and Harry was very honest and raw about his weaknesses, his mistakes, the coping mechanism he employed, and the salvation he found in the army. He was also very consistent with his loathing against the British media, his frustration at not being able to fight back, or at least the way the institution (his family and their minders) prevented him. Here, Harry was a frustrated, traumatized young man trying to find a way (any way, even temporary ones) to alleviate the pain, and to survive the restricted life he was forced into as a royal, including being the target of vitriol based on lies. He debunked more than a few of the stories written about him in the British tabloids. And confirmed a few basic truths. It was a really clever move as the media can no longer use those to make up stories about him.

The third part was about his meeting Meghan and their life together. And what they went through. This was heart-wrenching. And my thought was, Meghan was his lifeline, the final rope that pulled him out of the golden quicksand he was neck-deep in, and into the freedom he now enjoys. At the expense of herself—her mental health, public image, and her own freedom.

You can feel, almost taste, how much Harry adored his wife and kids. Maybe it was my love for romance novels, but one could not help but root for them. Their story is one of the most beautiful, torturous, and sweetest that I have every read.

The book was also a study of human behaviour. About how the Royal Family operates, why they behave as they do. King Charles couldn't help what he is because he was trained to be like that, to the detriment of his sons. Especially his heir, William. Harry was the luckier one.

And while there is glamour at being a royal, it is also very sad to be one. Harry and the other members of the family that were not heirs were like gold-plated, diamond-encrusted servants to the crown. It makes one think why would one even want to be born into it. A person born into a non-royal but rich family is so much better off. Harry lacked love, freedom, and money. Yes, money. Despite the net worth of the estate of the royal family, Harry was very dependent on his father's hand-outs (as most of the royals are including Charles brothers and sisters). And not because he was lazy, but because he wasn't permitted to have a career outside being a royal. His being a soldier was the only exception allowed, because it adds to the prestige of the Royal Family. King Charles was both Harry's father and employer, and the man wasn't very good in either role.

Harry was a pauper underneath the princely trimmings.

And Meghan was the warrior princess in a shining armour made of everything Harry didn't have but needed. She was educated, confident and free, both financially, emotionally and intellectually. And they bonded because they were made of the same empathetic heart. She came at the right time for him, when he was already restless, and finding a reason to break away.

Spare was beautifully written, and Harry as the narrator for the audible file was perfect. I highly recommend it. show less

I feel as though I’ve been a relatively passive observer to the British monarchy (I know more about their Tudor times than now), but it’s still so entrenched in random news and culture that it’s inescapable. But I absolutely love that Harry was able to tell his story (well with the help of a truly excellent ghostwriter) as that’s never been done. I love memoir, and this is the epitome of it with Harry sharing those moments of meaning from his life; it’s heartbreaking that it really starts at his mother’s death as she was that through line for him before and after.

Since we live in these interesting times, it will be fascinating to see how this bombshell resonates in the future as the succession moves forward. I have to say show more though how horrified I am by the press over there; apparently there are literally no rules, and the viciousness contained by these assholes is mind blowing.

(Special shout out to Libby’s “Skip the line” for allowing me to get a chance to listen to this before the other bajillion holds on it; I mainlined almost sixteen hours of Harry’s voice in about four days.) show less

Growing up is hard. Growing up famous sounds awful. Growing up royal sounds impossible. And growing up a Spare sounds devastating.

I’ve said before, and I believe, that there are always three sides to every story: your version, my version, and the truth. Therefore everything in Harry’s memoir should be considered with a degree of bias. But if even half of this is true… my God.

If Prince Harry had to boil this book down into one sentence, I expect it would be, “I will remain devoted to my mother forever, and I despise the paparazzi to the very core of my being.” That would be an accurate description of this book, but it does leave a lot out.

Harry talks about his education (not distinguished), his relationship with his brother and father (alternately loving and heartbreakingly cruel), his time in the military (action-packed), his time spent in Africa and the charitable work it led to (inspiring), his relationship with his grandmother (close), and much more.

As much as Diana and the paparazzi dominate the book, the writing really comes alive when Harry departs from those topics. One example is when he talks show more about the military. The part that really shines is less his descriptions of his time in war zones, and more his thoughts about what being in the military meant to him, and his frustration that his title prevented him from seeing much action. The narrative also comes alive when Harry describes meeting and falling in love with Meghan, who of course becomes another major theme in the latter half of the book.

But surrounding all that is Harry’s loathing of the paparazzi, and he doesn’t mince words about it. He details story after story that come out in the British tabloids (and even some more reputable news outlets) that are just plain lies, recounts his battles with the palace about how to respond to them, and suggests more than once that certain people within the palace are feeding information to the press. The palace’s unwavering policy of not responding, even to the tabloid stories that were clearly untrue, along with Harry’s suspicions of a leak in the inner circle, led to a major breach between Harry and Charles and William.

Of course, we have only Harry’s side of the story here, and as Goethe tells us, “One man’s word is no man’s word; we should quietly hear both sides.” But the palace continues its policy of silence, and it’s unlikely that any further developments will be done quietly. So we have to take Harry’s word for it, for now, which is very easy to do after reading this candid memoir. show less