Fruitful: A Real Mother

FRUITFUL (1996) is a book I've had on my shelf for several years now, from a bulk buy when I'd just read a few other Anne Roiphe books, most notably her later memoirs, EPILOGUE and ART AND MADNESS. I first read her work more than fifty years ago, when her UP THE SANDBOX! was a bestseller and was adapted to the screen with Barbara Streisand starring.

This one is a kind of combination or hybrid of memoir and a deep dive into the feminist movement which resurfaces about once a decade. Roiphe herself seems ambivalent about it, and is definitely doubtful of the more strident man-hating members. She has been married twice, divorced the first time (from an alcoholic writer), and widowed the second time after a long happy marriage. She has show more struggled as a single mother and a stepmother, and has three daughters, one of whom is a recovered drug addict. And the real focus here is motherhood, something Roiphe loved, and had even wanted more children. She quietly notes that, despite the pill and legalized abortion, the "pull to reproduce was not a political decision but deeply primordial, a response to rhythms and tides not always accessible to reason."

And, regarding men, "there are many things that I have liked about men." And she goes on to mention their smell, their hairiness, how she feels "protected" by men and also how she has protected them. She was obviously very lucky in her second marriage, from all she has to say about her husband (a doctor).

I took my time reading this book, because it gives you so much to think about - husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, childhood, becoming adults and more. As an old school husband/father, patterned after my own dad, I found myself often wincing guiltily as Roiphe talked about the new kind of father, who is more involved in hands-on parenting. Although FRUITFUL was published more than twenty-five years ago, it remains extremely relevant when it comes to the core ideas here - feminism, parenting and, most of all, mothers and motherhood. I will recommend it very highly - to BOTH mothers AND fathers.

- Tim Bazzett, author of the memoir, BOOKLOVER show less

I got about 75 pages into this and couldn't bring myself to finish it. As a young woman contemplating becoming a mother one day, I found the book depressing. In fact, I decided to stop reading it because it had given me a negative filter through which to look at all things parenting-related. Maybe this is non-mother naïveté, but the book seemed to dwell on only negative emotions surrounding motherhood, namely guilt and anger.

I have found that for me, life is what I make it. If I wake up and decide to have a good day, it's generally pretty good. If I wake up angry and decide to stay that way, my day's going to suck. So I didn't like reading the words of another mother telling me that motherhood was going to be all anger and guilt. I show more choose to approach things differently in my life. I'm sure some parts of being a parent suck and I'm sure you do feel angry and guilty at some times. But for myself, I'd rather not wallow if I feel like that. I don't find that it's a healthy way for me to live.

Maybe the book got better after I stopped reading, but I couldn't take any more of it. I did skip to the last chapter, and it had some interesting ideas about feminist approaches to political issues, such as child care. So at least it ended on a more positive note. show less

a fascinating exploration of what it means to be a parent; it sensitized me to mothers- including my own and the mother i will one day be; an uncommon balance of reason and emotion; she is an incredibly self-aware writer