Arrangements in Blue: Notes on Loving and Living Alone

Arrangements in Blue by Amy Key (audiobook also narrated by Key) is not so much a book lamenting her status as single and living alone as it is reflecting on what her expectations (and society's) have been throughout her journey to this point in her life. As such, it speaks deeply to any of us who have been through, or are living, a similar life experience. Even if we haven't arrived at the same current destination as she has.

Following Joni Mitchell's iconic album, Key's essays dive into moments and feelings of inadequacy as well as those moments when she realizes there are not inadequacies in her so much as in how we as a society perceive life to be for a single person. I used to be one of those that seemed to be as much in love with show more the idea of being in love as with the actual people I loved. As several relationships faltered, I came to the realization that intimacy is not confined to either romance or the physical acts we so often mistakenly call making love. Devoid of any feeling for the other person they are definitely empty, desperate acts, but the feelings don't have to be a claiming as in most romantic relationships.

I found Key's honesty in looking at both herself and at the society within which she lives refreshing. Like most of us can relate to, there is far less certainty and far more questioning in our daily lives than we want to admit, even (perhaps especially?) in our romantic relationships. The facade of certainty is often what allows us to keep playing the game even if we don't want to. For those fortunate enough to want to play and to have found their ideal (or close enough) partner, it can be wonderful. But that doesn't mean that is or should be the goal for everyone, we are all different. Now if only society would stop implying there must be a defect in anyone who is single for any length of time, or, God forbid, by choice long term.

I fluctuated between taking in these "notes" as memoirish work that has me inhabiting Key's life vicariously and as thought pieces that use personal anecdotes to drive home the ideas. So I spent some time thinking about how she might have felt during some of these periods and some time reflecting on my own life and beliefs. This worked very well for me, I didn't feel alone while working through my personal feelings and felt care for her while she worked through hers.

This is not going to feel the same for every reader, even more so than most books. Some will get defensive when they recognize themselves and lash out, some will only see whining where I see trying to understand oneself. But for those who connect with attempts to understand one's life, this will largely be a very well-written success.

Reviewed from a copy made available by the publisher via NetGalley. show less

Arrangements in Blue is a heart felt memoir capturing in a way only a poet could have, the author's experience of a void in her life, a sometimes profound sense of grief over living her life devoid of romantic love. It expounds on her sense and experiences of aloneness and how society is designed to cater to couples and love and not to singles and aloneness. In her girlhood the author became emotionally attached to Joni Mitchell's album, Blue. It became her personal anthem and she thrilled to the songs secure in the knowledge that someday that romantic love depicted in those songs would be hers.

Yet as the years went on, the romantic relationship that leads to deep, abiding love and couplehood, marriage and children did not happen. And show more as more and more time went by, and her friends became married and had children, Ms. Key started to feel the void, the "loss" or lack, more and more. Her writing is sublime, as you often find when a poet has turned to prose; and she has the ability to record her experiences and emotions in a wonderfully flowing, heartfelt manner.

Ultimately this book is a love letter to the self and a reminder that we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves as we often are. Arrangements in Blue truly resonated with me. I understood much of what the author went through though of course every person's experiences are unique. I often think back on how I attached my emotions to music at a young age and in so doing it seems deceived myself, causing myself to live in an alternate reality. That seemed to correlate with the author's attachment to Blue.

The author's journey to how she has come to terms with living without romantic love is laid bare and her bravery in exposing her innermost feelings and experiences is commendable. She has done a fine job of it. show less

In [b:Arrangements in Blue|61403417|Arrangements in Blue|Amy Key|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1671437339l/61403417._SY75_.jpg|98716403] Key writes about her life as a single childless woman in her forties and how she feels about it. The framing mechanism of Joni Mitchell songs is fairly flimsy and places only a loose structure around her personal narrative. I decided to read it because I too am a spinster and ended up fascinated by the vast contrasts between our experiences. While Key and I have totally different emotions about middle-aged singledom, our practical priority is exactly the same: housing security. We are both deeply thankful to own our little flats, having escaped the chronic show more insecurity of renting in the UK.

[b:Arrangements in Blue|61403417|Arrangements in Blue|Amy Key|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1671437339l/61403417._SY75_.jpg|98716403] is not a happy book, nor is it advocating for the single lifestyle. Key has reconciled herself to her situation and sees the best in it, but it isn't what she wanted or expected. She discusses a lot of painful topics, including childhood abuse, caring for a close friend who died of illness caused by alcoholism, debt, unhappy relationships, and her desire to have children. Her frank honesty is lacerating at times, but I appreciated this introspection and found it gave me food for thought.

At the end of the book are a series of conclusions and affirmations, of which this was my favourite: 'I deserve to dream a good dream of the future. I've stopped waiting for it to begin.' I appreciated how carefully Key examined her own complex and ambivalent feelings about romantic love. Although they are quite different in tone and focus, I think [b:Arrangements in Blue|61403417|Arrangements in Blue|Amy Key|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1671437339l/61403417._SY75_.jpg|98716403] would be interesting to read with [b:Alone: Reflections on Solitary Living|123227253|Alone Reflections on Solitary Living|Daniel Schreiber|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1688266486l/123227253._SY75_.jpg|92865819] by Daniel Schreiber. show less

I am always interested in books on solitude, but this is more about loneliness and extreme neediness set against the narrator's fondness for Joni Mitchell's album, Blue, and her failed relationships: "I wanted love so badly I persuaded myself things were present in our relationship that were not. Every word of rejection, denial and disinterest was reshaped by me into something more ambiguous, more promising." Not my cuppa, but I salute her for heartfelt reflections.

I am always interested in books on solitude, but this is more about loneliness and extreme neediness set against the narrator's fondness for Joni Mitchell's album, Blue, and her failed relationships: "I wanted love so badly I persuaded myself things were present in our relationship that were not. Every word of rejection, denial and disinterest was reshaped by me into something more ambiguous, more promising." Not my cuppa, but I salute her for heartfelt reflections.

loved it, so sad and bracing. idiosyncratically honest and brilliant and moved me tremendously.