Vertical Run

** spoiler alert ** Transsexual gangs, deadly viruses, and Vietnam flashbacks. Vertical Run has it all. But as we’ve learned from Universal Soldier 2 and Jane Eeyre alike, guns and trannies aren’t always enough to fill that plot-shaped hole. And this is holier than the Swiss cheese the pope used to hit Jews with back in his youth.

The basic story goes like this: Dave Elliot goes into work. It’s just an average day until his boss tries to shoot him in the back of the head and a group of goons t...more Transsexual gangs, deadly viruses, and Vietnam flashbacks. Vertical Run has it all. But as we’ve learned from Universal Soldier 2 and Jane Eeyre alike, guns and trannies aren’t always enough to fill that plot-shaped hole. And this show more is holier than the Swiss cheese the pope used to hit Jews with back in his youth.

The basic story goes like this: Dave Elliot goes into work. It’s just an average day until his boss tries to shoot him in the back of the head and a group of goons tries over and over to kill him while he plays hide and seek in his office building. So pretty much like Die Hard, right?

No, not right. Not right at all.

For example, let’s just play the imagination game for a second. Imagine that you’re a mercenary, a hired thug who has braved the jungles of Da Nang and the deserts of somewhere else Asian that we hated. Now, imagine that your job is to kill an ex-special forces dude who works in a functioning and fully-staffed office building. Your principle advantage is that he has no idea that anyone is out to kill him. You have the full authority of the government behind you and all of its resources.

Take 30 seconds and come up with a plan to kill Mr. Elliot.
…

What did you decide? To get a cop uniform and take him out of the building and shoot him in an alley? To have an agent dress as a hobo and knife him on his morning jog? Or did you decide, like Ransome, the principle bad guy, to hand the job over to Elliot’s elderly boss? If you did, you’re fired from Imaginary Government.

All of this aside, let’s take a moment to compare a key Die Hard element. If you recall, Bruce Willis, when he has the chance to make a quick quip to the baddie, came up with the simple yet effective “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!” What is Elliot’s version? “Up your poop with an ice cream scoop.” Yeah, for real.

And what about characters? The female lead is Marge. Her real name is Marigold Fields, but she prefers Marge. Let’s demonstrate her first encounter with Elliot from her point of view, as imagined by Yours Truly:

“I was in this computer room with my boss. He’s a jerk and he was hitting on me, saying that sleeping with him was the only way I was getting anywhere in the company. He was persistent, but I was holding my own. Then, this psycho comes out from the floor and beats the holy hell out of him. I guess I was supposed to be happy about that. He kept staring into my eyes, like he was in love or something. He managed to convince me that he was in trouble and needed help, so I agreed to help him out with his needlessly complicated plan. Once I agreed, he said I would need an alibi and then punched me in the face and knocked me out. What an ass.”

After that Dave makes his ek-scape from the building. Marge goes home, but shortly thereafter a visitor comes knocking on her door.

For some reason, the bad guys come to her house. And for some reason, they are dressed as cops (NOW you figure it out?). And for some reason, they try to convince her that she was raped while she was out cold. And for some reason, even though she turns it down, for some reason they give her a forced gynecological exam of some kind. And for some reason, even though this would surely be the most horrifying experience of most womens’ lives, for some reason she is awfully sexually inviting to Elliot when he comes back to her house after knocking her out. Oh, and stealing the cash from her wallet for some reason (really!).

I know this is getting very blow-by-blow, but bear with me. It’s worth it, I promise you.

Out in the streets of New York, Elliot changes his appearance by bleaching his hair and combing it forward, a change that inexplicably makes everyone assume that he is gay. SUPER gay. In the span of five pages he is called Cupcake, Fruit, Pixie, and Three Dollar Bill. He appears so gay, in fact, that a tranny prostitute refuses to believe that he doesn’t want her services. Things escalate quickly and Elliot soon finds himself surrounded by a gang of trannies trying to kill him.

I’m going to stop here for a second. This should be the best book ever. I don’t know why someone isn’t attacked by a gang of tranny prostitutes in every book, but it’s just not the world we live in. But if you found a way to weasel it in, don’t let me down. Don’t you let me down. This isn’t a plot device you can toy with, this isn’t a magic stone or some kind of elf or a wacky neighbor. This is a gang of trannies with straight razors. Get it together.

The most frustrating part of this book, besides everything, is that it was so full of missed opportunities. There was a brief period where Elliot is unsure whether he is experiencing things realistically or just having flashbacks, an interesting idea that is trashed right away. There is the idea of companies and government in bed together, an idea that would have been very ahead of its time, but they never bother with that either. And, of course, there is a mob of trannies. I'm sorry, I'm just not over it yet.

That’s most of what I want to say about the book. Oh, except for it seemed like it was redeeming itself in the last 20 pages or so only to completely screw itself over again. Not as bad as “It was all a dream,” but about as close as you care to get.

Overall, Vertical Run was a lot like the onion that fell behind my microwave: Never really great in its own right, signifying potential, and only worse as it aged. show less

I read Vertical Run twenty years ago or so when it first came out in paperback, and I just discovered that it still has a space on my bookshelves. It is entertaining, but for the most part it is an uninspired rehash of Die Hard with some Rambo mixed in for good measure, with lead character Dave Elliot arriving to work one morning to find everybody - up to and including his boss - trying to kill him. A cat-and-mouse game in a fifty-story high-rise ensues as Dave tries to stay alive while trying to find out why no one wants him to succeed at staying alive.

For a book written in the mid-nineties, parts of the novel have a distinct eighties feel to them, including Rambo reminiscent war flashbacks and a glimpse into what the author considers show more "looking gay" actually entails. There aren't many surprises in Vertical Run, and plenty of plot holes and dubious events, but like any B-list action movie, it delivers what it promises. Of course, the large Clive Cussler blurb on the front cover of the paperback should immediately curb the expectation for anything above average (Clive Cussler fans please ignore the previous statement). show less

This book dates to the "how about Die Hard in a hot air balloon?" era of Hollywood creativity, and its plot can be summed up as Die-Hard-in-a-book. It's better than it sounds, however: the protagonist is clever and resourceful, and the bad guy is as engaging as Hans Gruber. The flaws in the writing are obvious: the writer is sometimes too enamoured of his own wit, the flashback sequences are sometimes pointless and unrevealing, and, as another reviewer mentioned, the phoenetically rendered speech is distracting. However, the action sequences are well written, the story itself in subtle, and the conclusion is satisfying. Well worth reading.

This was one of the best thrillers I have ever read! It was a real page turner. I couldn't wait to find out what would happen next. I can't say that about a lot of "thrillers" I read. And to think I got it for only a nickel at a used bookstore.

One morning, Dave Elliot is in his office and his boss, the company president, walks in. With a gun. To shoot Dave. Dave's old (he's 47) special forces training kicks in and he knocks out the man and takes his gun. What is happening? He leaves his office only to run into a couple of bulky men with obvious shoulder holsters under their jackets. A shootout ensues. Dave escapes. He goes up several floors from his 45th floor office in New York City to see his best friend and lawyer, who tries to kill show more him. He escapes. What the hell is going on? The next thing you know Dave is running for his life from all kinds of burly men with guns and a psychopath leader of the group who communicates to Dave via a radio of some sort that Dave has taken from one of the men he took out. He decides to call a TV station to call in a bomb threat so the cops will come and everyone will evacuate the building. He'll escape in the chaos. He reaches the first floor and there are lots of men with guns down there. All of a sudden he hears someone scream that they see him, go get him. He turns and sees his wife standing with these men. It's crazy! Dave does eventually get out, and goes to a lab he had gone to the day before for a tour where something odd had happened. When he gets there, the building is empty. He decides to return to the office tower -- where the men with guns are -- to look at this company's file in his boss's desk. He has to know what's going on and why. He gets back in the building and finds dozens of men waiting for him. What he does next is genius. What he finds out is shocking. The twist at the end of the book is brilliant. The last couple of pages provide a good climax to the story. It's a very satisfying book and I'll probably reread it several times. Definitely recommended. show less

I recently re-read Vertical Run by Joseph Garber. It is another of my favorites where someone’s life is suddenly and inexplicably turned upside-down. The protagonist is left trying to survive, while wondering what changed.

In this case, Dave Elliot goes to work as an executive running a few divisions for the conglomerate, Senterex. As he is preparing for his day in his 45th floor Manhattan office, his boss, Bernie Levy comes into his office and tries to kill him. And then his day gets worse.

I love Vertical Run for its intensity, mystery, and plot twists. All the parts work together well. Dave Elliot is a fun good guy. And John Ransome is a cold, calculating bad guy.

My complete review is on my blog, Nate's Library, specifically at: show more target="_top">http://nates-library.blogspot.com/2009/01/joseph-garber-vertical-run.html show less

David Elliott tries to figure out why, after he arrives at his office one morning, everyone is trying to kill him. Very good, fast-paced page-turner, strong on the strategy, tactics, and mind games of attack and defense. One minor flaw was the heavy-handed, overly phonetic presentation of the hillbilly speech of David’s wartime mentor.

Good fast paced thriller that's a little weak in the writing department. One dimensional characters, but that's standard for this genre. I'm surprised this has not been made into an action movie.