In the Days of My Youth I Was Told What It Means to Be a Man: A Memoir

I am dead center between a 3 and a 4 star for this one. The book is split into three sections. The first section was an introduction to Junod's family, and most especially to his cruel, destructive, and selfish, and also loving, generous, and entertainingly larger-than-life father, Lou. There was enough tragic and entertaining material here to fill a book by itself. Junod brings some trenchant observations about the truly demented way many people define masculinity. He also addresses how damaging these definitions are and the impact on women and children. All that said, this went on way too long. Examples of Lou's depravity, wandering eye, wandering dick, and casual denial of the basic humanity of all who did not subscribe to his show more extremely narrow definition of proper behavior were so numerous that I felt desensitized. Yeah yeah, I know he banged many women, and hurt them. I know he broke up families, got off on the humiliation of women. I know he dismissed "sissies" as a waste of space. I know he degraded and diminished his wife. Enough. We learn later he did far worse things, and I think Junod was teeing that up for us, but for me, it did not work. After being immediately drawn in, there came a point where I seriously considered dnf'ing. I am glad I did not, though. This turned into a procedural of sorts, a mystery, and it was often gripping.

I saw a couple of reviews talking about how Junod betrayed his family with what he wrote. I mostly disagree with that. I think nearly everyone here was presented to the reader with empathy and without resort to black and white good and evil shortcuts. Many years ago, I regularly read and very much enjoyed Junod's work in GQ and Esquire. I stopped and refused to read anything further when he outed Kevin Spacey. We learned later that Spacey was a predator, but this is a separate issue. Had Junod uncovered evidence of the abuse of children and others without power, that would be a story that needed telling, and the incidental revelation that he was Gay would have been justifiable collateral damage. But without that story, Spacey's sexual orientation was his to reveal, and Junod took that for him, I guess for shits and giggles and the thrill of ruining a career (which in 1997 identifying someone as Gay could do). I still find the choice unforgivable, and am glad it backfired on Junod, and set his career back. I decided to read this despite that event, figuring that 25+ years was probably enough punishment (though I think he should apologize for that disgusting lapse of judgement and decency if he has not done so). I mention this because when I saw the reviews mentioned, I assumed he was careless with his family's privacy in the way he was with Spacey's, and I don't think he was for the most part. As Bill W tells us, we are only as sick as our secrets, and exposing those secrets (and there are some vile ones here, as vile as the later disclosures about Spacey) to light and air might hurt some people, but ultimately it is healing. And the perpetrators of the wrongs here are dead and also not deserving of protection. Those harmed have nothing to be ashamed of. There are a few people who stated clearly they did not want to be part of this story, and I wish he had left them out, but at least he kept their part in the story to an absolute minimum.

I recommend this, though not as a must-read. It is a fascinating story that addresses some larger societal issues that need addressing, and it does that well.

I listened to this read by the author, and I thought the narration was excellent. Junod gives his father a voice that really brings home what an asshat he was. show less