If Only He Knew

Half way through this book I had it figured out.

Rule 1: If there is a problem, it is the man’s fault.
Rule 2: For all other cases see rule number 1.

But having finished the book that isn’t quite what he says. I went back to see where he said it, and he never comes out and says it. He does challenge someone to disprove it. The man tried, but did not succeed. Smalley demonstrated in every case that he had caused the problems which he was blaming on his wife.

The book has many examples of where the man hurt their marriage through his insensitivity, and how that just does not work. And for balance, there are also examples of doing things right. There are tables and questionnaires to help the reader realize that the man needs to take show more responsibility for the health of the marriage.

So stated in another way:

If there is a problem in the marriage, it is the man’s responsibility to take ownership of the problem, listen, understand, apologize, and make it right. Trying to force the issue by criticism, etc makes it worse. So to summarize the book in one sentence:

Rule 1: The man is responsible for the quality of the marriage.

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A few notes from the book:
1. Your wife needs to feel that she is very valuable in your life. more important than your mother, your children, your friends, your secretary, and your job.
2. When your wife is stressed out and hurting, she needs to know that you are willing to share an intimate moment of comfort without demanding explanations or giving lectures.
3. She needs open unobstructed communication.
4. She needs to be praised so she can feel a valuable part of your life.
5. She needs to feel free to help you without fearing retaliation and anger.
6. She needs to know that you will defend and protect her.
7. She needs to know that her opinion is so valuable that you will discus decisions with her, and act only after carefully evaluating her advice.
8. She needs to share her life with you in every area - home, family, and outside interests.
9. She needs you to be the kind of man her son can follow and her daughter would want to marry.
10. She needs to be tenderly held often, just to be near you apart from times of sexual intimacy.
When her needs are met, a woman gains security and glows with a sense of well-being. Some of her glow will rub off on you, especially if you are responsible for it in the first place. show less

The author explains a woman's deepest needs, shows a man how to meet those needs and gives 10 simple steps to strengthen any marriage. Make her feel important !

Do you want your wife to: - understand you? - appreciate you? - be more responsive sexually? - support you during hard times? - admire you? - share your interests? - listen to what you have to say? Gary Smalley explains a woman's deepest needs, shows a man how to meet those needs, and gives ten simple steps to strengthen any marriage. He helps men to understand not only how to respond to a woman's feelings, but also how to make her feel more important.

Do you want your wife to: - understand you? - appreciate you? - be more responsive sexually? - support you during hard times? - admire you? - share your interests? - listen to what you have to say?

If Only He Knew by Gary Smalley/ Norma Smalley (?)

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