Just Add Water

Total Points -- 85 out of 100
4.5 Stars -- Highly recommended

1. Plot -- 17 Points

Maybe it's because I'm a dog person, maybe it's because I love a woman who can hold her own with obnoxious manipulators, but I adored this book, even despite my doubts. If it weren't for RJ, the adopted dog, you might think Hetta Coffey, the civil engineer who traipses through life with a voice that can carry across a room, is shallow, selfish, and skilled at wreaking havoc on people who get on her nerves. Boisterous beyond belief, she's tumbling through life like some demented Texas tumbleweed in San Francisco. Hetta is outrageously over-the-top in so many ways, from the constant name dropping, delight in shopping for everything from jewelry to men, and show more living her single life constantly on the move. How she gets from her San Francisco palace with the hot tub to a live-aboard yacht has to be one of the wackiest storylines I've ever read. And note to the author -- I would have named the boat "Redemption", because this really is a wonderful tale of a woman old enough to know better, who finally gets her act together and finds herself, just when she falls into the hands of a murderous creep.

2. Characters -- 18 Points

I started this book expecting a wild and funny ride. After all, the premise was a hoot. A woman with a yacht? Single, known to imbibe, lavish tastes, hot for men....The first chapter or two, I found myself wondering if I had lost my mind, even as I laughed my way through the pages. The language? Ah-paw-lin'! I've been told my language can make a sailor blush, but Hetta Coffey is the Queen of Cuss. What's more, she has to be the absolute bottom-dweller when it comes to political correctness. Holy sea cow! I cringed my way through some of her more outrageous quips. And her sidekick, Jan, just encourages her. Hetta's a civil engineer from Texas, armed and dangerous in more ways than one. But even as I kept on reading, I began to understand the hard knocks and heartaches that made Hetta who and what she was. In all my years of reading, I have NEVER experienced a character like her in any book, and by the time I finished (an hour late for work, mind you!), I was a big fan. My favorite part? Oh, the men! In Jinx Schwartz's hands, they've got no chance of saving their sorry behinds if they're bastards, and if they're keepers? I found myself hoping Hetta would overcome her fear of rejection in time to lasso a good one. Allison, the legal adviser, has some of the best lines of all and a personality that blends smart with savvy.

3. Setting -- 18 Points

From San Fransisco to Texas, this is not your typical setting. The details, the descriptions, the scenes -- these all add a richness to the story. Once Hetta gets serious about buying a boat and we follow her adventures at the yacht club and on the water, it's all good. She seems to be transformed by her experiences as the sea charms her, and readers can understand why Hetta will not be heading back to dry land any time soon, even as she struggles to understand the responsibility of being captain of her vessel.

4. Pacing -- 16 Points

At times, my head spun. The conversation, the one-liners, the wild talk -- it was all fast-paced and often laugh-out-loud funny. I appreciated the way the author allowed Hetta to develop as a person, to show her vulnerability as the layers were peeled away, and as the chinks in her armor became more apparent, so did Hetta's real strengths.

5. Tone -- 16 Points

The story itself is rock solid and clever in its unfolding. The characters are complicated in many ways and come off as self-absorbed at times, at least superficially. A couple of little hitches in Hetta's get-along seemed overly forced during the introduction of the character (I suppose some men might describe her as a big-mouthed broad....) In the first quarter of the book, the author's humor kept me reading, even as I wondered whether I would really like the characters at the end, but I actually did. There was a reward in taking a chance and boarding Hetta's yacht, because the journey was, from start to finish, unpredictable and enjoyable. Sometimes, especially when the humor was at its wildest or most barbed, I found myself wondering if the book was a just a device for the author to launch a running monologue, but in the end, there was real substance in the story. show less

Hetta Coffey is an engineer working for herself and not doing too shabby. Except for that time in Japan where she fell for Hudson Williams. How was she to know that oily snake was a crook and would disappear taking money from her account as well as his company’s? But she’s moved on. It’s been years since he rabbited and a year since she heard from Interpol about him. About the time she gets bad news about her canine companion, RJ, she starts experiencing strange happenings around her house. Worried about RJ and dealing with the shock and outrage (as well as litigation) of being fired from a job in Seattle, she puts thoughts of weirdness to the side. Until Hudson Williams ends up floating like an expired goldfish in her hot tub. show more Why is he back, why couldn’t he have stayed gone and why, by all that’s holy, is he in her beloved hot tub? Hetta is about to find out.

This book is a lot of fun to read. Hetta is brash and bold with a mouth that doesn’t have much of a filter. Her friends are great and her life is amusing. The reason behind her mysterious happenings are easy for us to spot because Hudson gives us a clue in the beginning, but it’s hard watching Hetta putting the clues together. How can she possibly connect what’s happening to that creep Hudson? It’s like watching Columbo. We know who the killer is, but Columbo has to figure it out. That’s exactly what this book is like, only with more humor, shenanigans and booze. And yacht hunting. Because Hetta gets it into her head that she needs a yacht and, by golly, she finds one.

I recommend this book to anyone who likes a strong heroine and a story that has humor, some romance and a mystery to solve.

*Book source ~ Many thanks to the author for providing me with a review copy. Please see disclaimer page on my blog. show less

Book 1 in light mystery series. A fun read about loud, abrasive Hetta Cofffey, a self-employed civil engineer with a swath of failed multi-national affairs in her jet stream.Plying the San Francisco waterfront, trolling for triceps, her attention is snagged by a parade of passing yachts-especially their male skippers-and experiences a champagne-induced epiphany. If she had a boat, she could get a man.Inspite of a spectacular ignorance of all things nautical, Hetta buys her dream boat, but a shadowy stalker, an inconvenient body, and Hetta?s own self-destructive foibles imperil her goal. Hetta Coffey brings a whole new meaning to the phrase ?sink or swim?.

Just Add Water – Review by Martha A. Cheves, Author of Stir, Laugh, Repeat
‘Picking up my ballpoint, I filled in under SAILING EXPERIENCE, Caribbean, Mediterranean, and trans-Pacific. I left out the fact that all of this cognitive content was gained on cruise ships the size of small cities. The next question was easy. WHY DO YOU WANT TO LEARN TO SAIL? It is against my nature to answer this type of question with any honesty, but I thought, what the hey? And wrote: Meet new people. Learn a skill. Find a mate.’

Being as honest as possible, Hetta Coffee fills out her application for sailing lessons being given by the Gay Nineties Sailing Club. The whole idea of learning to sail was Hetta’s and she actually convinced her best friend show more Jan that it is the perfect way to meet men. In fact, Jan set up the lessons. Hetta wished she had paid attention to the actual name of the club. So, after 4 hours on board a sailing vessel made up of all women, both Hetta and Jan decided they just might need to find another club to learn their new skill through.

Hetta’s pricy home, complete with dog playground and trap door, sits among homes owned by several of the NBA players. It’s large but has become quite costly, plus Hetta soon finds out that someone has found access into her home and is apparently searching for something. And she’s pretty sure she knows what they are searching for and even who the intruder might be. Five years earlier she was given a key to a bottle club in Tokyo. A bottle club is a lounge that rents you a locker allowing you to store your own drinking preference to be enjoyed whenever you are in town. But when her one and only suspect turns up as a floater in her own hot tub, she decides she has had enough and should move on. So when the owner of the “Sea Cock” makes her an offer she can’t pass up, she sells her home and buys herself a yacht. But as I’m sure you can guess, the troubles don’t stop there.

Just Add Water has been a joy to read. Jinx Schwartz’ style of writing includes a good murder mystery, a lot of suspense, many suspects and a ton of humor. This is such an enjoyable light mystery read.

2006
WhoooDoo Mysteries
341 pages
ISBN# 1-932695-20-6


Review Stir, Laugh, Repeat at Amazon.com Stir, Laugh, Repeat show less

Hetta Coffey is an engineering consultant who, at the beginning of this book, is working for an American consulting company in Japan. Her fiancée, an American whom she met after arriving in Japan, is working at another company.

When he is found to be stealing from the company and using company shipments to smuggle stolen goods, he gets out ahead of being arrested, and along the way cleans out her bank account. The only thing he can't get is the key to a certain locker, that he left in her innocent keeping, which she wears on a chain around her neck.

Five years later, she's back in the US, owns a house in Oakland, and has her own consulting business. She still wears the key, as a reminder that men can't be trusted. The only male in her show more emotional life is a yellow Lab, adopted from a shelter, whom she calls RJ.

Then strange and interesting things start to happen.

She and her friend Jan meet the Jenkins brothers, Lars and Bob, a.k.a. "Jenks." She and Jenks initially really don't like each other, but you know immediately where that has to go. Especially since Jenks runs a security company, and Hetta is going to be needed security, very soon...

She starts getting hangup calls, and strange things seem to be happening around her house, including her dog getting out of his very secure enclosure to harass the mailman, and someone seemingly having gone through her jewelry box.

Hetta and Jan are from Texas, and they don't like "Yankees." Lars and Jenks are Yankees, and since Boston is mentioned at some point, that doesn't mean they're just fans of the New York Yankees baseball team. Hetta and Jan find repeated need to mention their dislike of Yankees. What fun.

Hetta repeatedly exercises quite impressively bad judgment, and, for a woman who prides herself on being strong and independent, and despite a willingness to be quite impressively rude sometimes, other times is depressingly polite when she needs to be assertive, because the plot requires her to agree to something a little normal rudeness would help her avoid.

She is also, for a woman who says men can't be trusted, amazingly trusting of men trying to put something over on her.

Honestly, I'm being a bit unfair. The plot would be fun if I didn't find Hetta so annoying. Also, the dog dies. Not by violence, or so Hetta can prove she's a responsible adult (good thing!), but still a cheap grab for emotion. Too many writers find it far too easy to kill the dog, and I don't like it. I would not have picked up this audiobook if I knew that there was a dog who would die in it.

But for people who don't find Hetta annoying, and who don't have my reaction to writers killing dogs for the easy emotion, this is probably a fun book.

I bought this audiobook. show less

The story line and the premise are both very good. I just had trouble identifying with the characters. Some of the book was amusing and entertaining.

This is a “fluff” read about a woman who has it all, including a disappearing, dishonest boyfriend, but wants more now that he has gone bye-bye. There is a mystery involved, but there is an awful lot of yacht-clubbing and boredom as well. It was mildly entertaining, and I appreciated the strength of friendships, but it was too long for an unsubstantial story. I borrowed this ebook through Kindle Unlimited. 2 ½ stars out of 5.