You're Wearing That?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation

Replete with examples, the author helps to identify common patterns in communication between mothers and daughters, the patterns that cause oh so much friction in daily communication. Those hot button topics? They're in here - weight, hair, clothes. Those conversations that start off bad and escalate - predictably - into an argument? They're in here too. It's difficult to read this book without seeing it through the veil of my own interactions with my mother, however the book also makes me appreciate my mother even more. It also gives me tools to defuse those hot button conversations, should I be so rational as to use them. Well worth reading if you're a daughter or a mother, or even if you're simply caught in the crossfire.

You're Wearing That? should have been a long article instead of a book. The premise that humans, especially female humans, often say one thing while meaning another, does not require hundreds pages of case studies to prove. I found myself groaning, and even skimming at times.
There were a few belly laughs that make it worth the slog, though.

E-audio loan ran out before I was done. Had some good insights. Could be very worthwhile for people struggling with mother daughter relationships, or similar relationships! However, I felt Tannen may have been stepping outside her professional expertise and into the realm of opinion in some of her interpretations. My first introduction during college in the 90's to her work was more mind-blowing for me, which probably makes me feel underwhelmed now.

I found this book enlightening as to what goes on between my own daughter and myself and how misunderstandings arise in conversations. We all tend to listen and speak according to our own realities, and this book, written by the linguist Deborah Tannen offers understanding as to our behaviors. Man examples are given, from hundreds of interviews done by Ms.Tannen in the course of her teaching students about conversations and from many people that she encountered in various ways. Ms. Tanner also tells of her reactions to her mother and her interpretation of conversations, and explains how females tend to lean toward the father, at times shutting out the mother without knowing about it or meaning to do so. This book would be an excellent show more to give to any family member, mother, daughter or friend, as it opens up ways to communicate and understand each other in a more loving way. None of us wake up each morning to hurt a mother or a daughter, but along the way, a spoken word can be taken the wrong way, and without information found in this book, a relationship can become estranged rather than closer as the individuals age. What one individual says in a comment can be taken the wrong way by the other, and only the mother-daughter relationship comes with such powerful ammunition to blast the relationship wide open. Good reading, and a great gift for any female that you care about. show less

Is there any relationship as volitile, emotionally charged, and important as the mother/daughter relationship? Tannen explores how the interactions between mother and daughter is different than other female interactions (or male female interactions, which she has covered previously).
My mother and I (thankfully) are not as bad as most of the examples in this book, but it still helps me understand how what I say can be interpreted incorrectly, even by the woman who knows me best.
This would also be a good book for fathers to read, to help them understand the strange relationship his wife and daughter have.

I enjoyed the ease of reading this book and it gave me much to think about regarding my relationship with my mother and why we don't always see eye to eye. I also think that there are ideas in this book that could apply to relationships with other women or sisters.

This book was interesting, even fascinating.
I love reading about why people think and act the way they do, and Tannen has made some amazing discoveries about why mothers and daughters interact the way they do. She also has some helpful suggestions. I enjoyed this book and I learned some things as well.