Get Out of My Life, But First Take Me and Alex Into Town: The bestselling guide to the twenty-first-century teenager

Wow! I have rarely seen such inept advice in my long reading career! Wolf's book can be divided into two aspects: the descriptive in which he does a good job of analyzing and describing behaviours, giving insight into common situations; and the prescriptive in which he gives some of the most terrible advice I've come across. The lack of originality in his approach is stunning: under the topic of nagging, he concludes "you are stuck with nagging"; under the topic of procrastination, he recommends nagging until the teen gets up and concludes "it is the only way".
The chapter under sexual education is ridiculous (no, Dr Wolf, many STDs besides AIDS are not fully curable and can be caught without even actual intercourse) and I just about show more fell off my chair when I read about drugs that "the street wisdom" of peers (...) is not to be scoffed at. It can be wrong but at times its information can be more accurate than the adult view." Personally, I'd rather have my teen get her information from a valid source...
There is no discussion of coaching, negotiation, distancing or little tricks like writing notes and letters to keep the lines of communication open... it's a glib little book full of useless pat advice with tongue-in-cheek dialogue - none of which is helpful since it's all negative.
This is a no go - there are so many other sources that so much better! show less

I zipped through Anthony Wolf's treatise on the 'new teen' - It's a great read with a couple of simple and straightforward messages. The 'new' refers to the change in child-rearing practices which, for a large part of modern society in the United States anyway and most of the developed world, no longer tolerates or utilizes corporal punishment as a method of controlling behavior. There are consequences for this when your child becomes a teen and begins the process of separating from you namely: They are not afraid of you.

The result? You can't control them.

Wolf is reassuring and sensible, however, making the point over and over again that developmentally a teen is a bit of a Jekyll and Hyde, the conscience is developing, yes, but it is show more not firmly connected to their full persona, but still sounds, in their heads, like your voice. (This will change.)
There is little point arguing and it should be avoided at all costs. Each parent should define clear boundaries and responsibilities to their teen and then just stick to that, reiterating whatever it is until the kid gets off the sofa to do whatever chore. Otherwise, expect your teen to lie, to sneak, to do whatever they feel they must to get where and what they want, but don't despair, if you have done your homework right when they were children, they will emerge as solid citizens at the end of the bleak (for you) passage.
His other main point is that of the two persons they have split into -- the emerging adult self and the baby self - pretty much the only people who see and bear the burden of the 'baby self' are the parents. At home the teen, exhausted from navigating as a responsible young adult, simply reverts to being a passive and wilful child, infantile in his or her desires.

In passing I was talking to my daughter (14) about this book and she put up her hand when I got to the baby self and said, "Stop. I don't want to know this." and "Don't you dare talk about this book to anyone." She also interrupted me while I was writing this review while she was supposed to be doing her bathroom cleaning chores before going over to a friend's house, to say that she couldn't find the brush or the toilet cleaner or anything which is ploy number 7a for getting out of doing a chore you don't want to do........ (needless to say, brush and cleaner were both where they always are beside the toilet).

Sounds exactly right, eh, Dr Wolf?

What is fabulous though, is that I feel so reassured that the insanity of it is normal and I can see the humor in it a lot more clearly. I know I have a good kid and I know this is a storm a person can weather. Large parts of [Get Out of My Life] are deliciously funny -- I am not a person who laughs out loud a lot while reading and I was laughing my head off and interrupting everyone constantly to read something I thought was hilarious to my spousal unit. A wonderful book for any parent of a teen. ***** show less

This book just misses being a five star one, but it is definitely a well above average parenting guide. It's no secret that I have two teenage boys, and with one in total "parent separation" mode and the youngest with his first girlfriend (which is actually THE first girlfriend for me to deal with) - - well, I was feeling a tad out of control this week.

This book sounded like it might make me feel less alone. And not only did it do that, but it actually made me feel like I wasn't actually the world's worst and most confused parent.

Wolf is funny and reassuring. He gives good guidance and makes you realize that you won't have absolute control over your teenagers and THAT's NORMAL AND GOOD.

I actually tend toward a more lenient, relaxed show more parenting style, and this book does support that - - so it might not be for everyone. But for me, it was just what I needed when I needed it. It's also a quick, easy, fun read.

My only quibble - - and the reason for one less star - - is I would have liked a few more real world case studies. There are lots of examples of things kids do and how parents react, but they are composites - - I think a few real world situations and how those ended up would have just made the book that much better. show less

I was led to this book by Kathy Eliscu, and may I just say, “I can’t thank you enough!”?? What I loved about this book is that it includes snippets of conversations with teenagers that made me wonder if the author could somehow have been eavesdropping in my own home. With humor and empathy, the author (who is a parent) deals with real issues that have come up for me in my own child-rearing years. Reading about conversations that I had feared were unique to me and my own family made me realize that most of what I had encountered from my children was pretty benign, and was also, in fact, expected, normal development for any teenager. Whew! The author has decades of experience working with this age group, so that gives him show more credibility in my opinion. My husband, on the other hand, doesn’t agree, and thinks that parents who subscribe to Anthony Wolf’s methods are the reason that the world is in its current, messed up state.
His message is often that parents should give themselves (and their teens!) a break. Mistakes will be made. Do your best. This message totally resonates with me; it makes me feel...relieved show less

The main idea in this book is that adolescents are in a constant, dramatic struggle between their "baby self" that wants to snuggle and play games at home, and their "independent self" that wants to be far away from home on their own. The result is regular conflict so that engagement with parents comes in the emotionally safer form of conflict and arguing. Parents need to just stick to their clearly laid out rules, understand that they won't be adhered to 100%, and that they can't be enforced, just reinforced. This, Wolf argues, is what adolescents are looking for, the constant reminders of boundaries and rules, which they are taking in and using, in a flexible kind of way. The big take-away is that you can't engage. State the rule, show more hear them out, change your mind if they convince you based on the content of their argument, but otherwise, just walk away, literally, to avoid the endless battle. After a few years (!!!!!!), it will end.

This is exactly what my partner has been telling me for years (especially the part about not engaging in debate), so I guess that means I should just listen to everything he says, at least about our kids... show less

Brilliant! A wonderfully reassuring read for all families with teenagers. No quick fire solutions but positive messages are sent out in this informative book that has made me believe there is light at the end of the tunnel. Highly recommended.

This book is filled with practical advice presented in a straightforward manner. It helped me get through some very rough patches with my own teenager. I'd read several parenting books, and I found this one the most useful by far. Not only does the book try to help you understand how the teenage mind works, but it offers simple strategies on how to deal with a variety of issues, such as homework, sex, chores, allowance and lying. After reading the book, I'm better at separating the big issues from the small ones, stopping arguments from escalating into major battles, and (believe it or not) even getting my teen to do her laundry more regularly.