Where I Want to Be

An interesting but not entirely successful novel that explores the relationship between two teenage sisters, one of whom, Jane, suffered from serious mental illness and has recently died after being struck by a car. Griffin presents the points of view of the siblings in alternating chapters.

Although Jane died in the spring, and it is now summer, she has been unable to leave the earth. She lingers on at the place she loved best, the now derelict home of her deceased grandparents. The reader learns that Jane’s psychosis (elevated mood, delusions, and auditory hallucinations) first presented when, as a twelve-year-old, she went on a camping trip with her grandmother and grandfather. She believed that a fish her grandfather had caught, show more subsequently eaten for supper, was trying to reassemble itself within her so that it could return to the lake. Since that time six years before, Jane had been on antipsychotics. The medication kept the worst of her symptoms at bay but it failed to alter her sense of being out of step with the rest of the world.

Though a year younger than Jane, Lily Calvert has always felt like the older sister. She’s pretty, popular, and actively involved in school clubs. She also has a sensitive, steady boyfriend, Caleb, a classmate of Jane’s with his own unusual history. It wasn’t easy for Lily to grow up with Jane. In fact, the Calvert family’s existence essentially revolved around her illness. Since her sibling’s death, Lily has leaned heavily on Caleb, who (somewhat unconvincingly) has put his own life on hold to provide emotional support to her. (While his friends are almost all off to college in the fall, he’s made no post-secondary-school plans.) Lily has also been reluctant to attend parties and social gatherings since her sister’s death. It’s a small town; her loss and the family circumstances are known to most.

The big event of the novel is a party held by a school classmate. An exchange with another attendee forces her to confront some things she’s been hiding from herself.

The alternating points of view and lots of light dialogue keep the novel moving at a brisk pace. The subject matter is heavy, but Griffin’s book is not as dreary as one might expect. In part, this is because the treatment of Lily’s bereavement is very superficial. The denouement and resolution are far too quick and neat. Not a bad read, but not a particularly memorable one either. show less

One home. One sisterhood. Two distinctly different lives. This grippingly intense story casts a heavy shroud of uncertainty, suspense, and intrigue at the first turn of a page. From chapter to chapter, readers teeter between the experiences of sisters Jane and Lily. This rotation of personal perspectives embodies far more than alternate views—it dramatically recounts a shuddering life-changing event from two very different angles. Though separated by only a couple of years in age, the sisters are miles apart in their perception of what is real and what is fantasy. As Jane sinks deeper into her insurmountable battle with mental illness, Lily struggles to make sense of the older sister she once adored. With its exceptionally dark show more premise, gut-wrenching realizations, and emotionally striking plot, this young adult novel invokes powerful introspection within the young mind. show less

Jane did not feel she was in her younger sister Lily’s shadow, even though Lily had many friends and a steady boyfriend. What saddened Jane was Lily no longer wanted to play games with her, the let’s pretend of their childhood years. Jane’s disability, her mental quirks and emotionally fragile nature brought a wall up between the girls, as neither could fully understand the other. After Jane is killed in a car accident, Lily searches for a way to deal with the memories, the belief that she could have been a better sister. But this story is also about Jane and her journey after life.
Where I Want To Be is set a few months after Jane’s death, and it alternates between Lily, who has feelings of guilt, and Jane, who is existing a show more place somewhere nearby, not quite in or out of our world. Lily is totally unaware of Jane’s situation; she is focused on her fear of change, especially as on her boyfriend Caleb has graduated from high school and is heading towards the future, a future that could see him in college, far from Providence, Rhode Island and far from Lily. Change is also something Jane is having trouble with, as she is now in a world where her grandparents are alive again, taking care of her as they did when she was a child. She accepts this but also remembers her past, where Lily was the pretty, popular one and Jane was the one who never fit in. But Jane is not jealous or petty, she is confused by the rules of the world that just don’t make sense to her. And just like Lily, Jane resists change, any change that might alter her feelings, especially those concerning of Lily.
Ultimately, this is a story of forgiveness, understanding and letting go, of realizing that change will happen and it is not all bad. Both sisters have to release the past to able to move forward with their existence, both during and after life. For readers who are ready for mature themes, including mental health problems, guilt and death, this book presents a complex and thoughtful story. show less

Lily and Jane are sisters, not very far apart. Jane, the eldest, has some serious, but unspecified, emotional/mental issues. Lily, the youngest does not. As young children they are extremely close, but as they get into high school, Lily follows the traditional teen path - hang out with friends, fall in love with boys, etc. Jane wants everything to stay exactly the same way it always has been. As a result, they grow more distant. And then, Jane is hit by a car and killed.
The whole novel takes place after that. Lily is trying to cope with the loss of her sister, and her chapters are told in first person. Jane is in some sort of after-life world-like-this-one, and her chapters are told in third person.
The book is well written, fluid with show more easy transitions from one sister to the other's narrative.
But in the end, I was left kind of blank, not feeling like there was a strong point to the novel. In the final chapters, both sisters seem to move forward and to have learned something, but I didn't feel that the story really built up to the resolution. A decent book, but I'm surprised it was a National Book Award finalist. show less

Two sisters, Jane and Lily. Jane suffers from severe depression, and while the author doesn't mention schizophrenia, it appears that Jane also is in the throes of hearing voices and slipping in and out of reality.

The family is loving and understanding and tries to the best of their ability to help Jane. When she dies in an accident, the they are left wondering if it was purposeful. Lily is left with severe grief.

The subject matter is intense, but somehow the writing style lacked depth.

I cannot recommend this one at all.

This is one of my favorite books. This book is written from the perspective of two sisters -- one before death and one after. I just love the writing of the story. I was pulled in from the beginning as the sisters worked to understand each other. It's a fascinating glimpse into the world of mental illness and how it affects one young girl and her family.

In the last days of her high school career Jane is hit by a car and killed. All her life she had been unable to discern reality from illusion, becoming trapped in a confusing world of her own creation. Her younger, prettier, more likeable sister, Lily, is left behind and suffering survivor's guilt. She falls in love for the first time and finally begins to heal. Their story unfolds in alternating first-person chapters, culminating in a mildly supernatural confrontation.

The Lily portions of the book will appeal to chick-lit fans, while Jane's perspective is considerably darker and weirder.

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