Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys

“What do boys need that they’re not getting?” In a compelling success, Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson effectively tackle the toughest issues facing adolescent boys today: identity, self-expression, and “emotional intelligence.” In their book, the two psychologists candidly discuss the ways in which society has systematically suppressed the emotional needs of boys and compressed masculinity into stereotypical ideals, impossible for any boy to meet. By using specific case studies from their combined 35 years experience in the field of child psychology, the authors succeed in describing the emotional pitfalls of boyhood from birth through the college years. Their refreshingly frank analysis of adolescent boys is key in show more understanding the emotional as well as the educational needs of this important group. In openly discussing issues, such as depression, suicide, substance abuse, and sexuality, Kindlon and Thompson reveal many boys’ underlying yearning to be accepted by their parents and peers, while struggling to maintain an emotionally engaged persona in an emotionally barren masculine world. Although a bit generalizing in its analysis of father/son relationships and sparse in its coverage of homosexuality, the book offers valuable insight into the world of boys and guides their loved ones to understand the reasoning behind some of their perplexing behaviors. As relevant for educators as it is for parents, Raising Cain is essential reading for anyone who cares about the emotional and educational successes of adolescent boys. show less

Raising Cain is one of a number of books that address the challenges of raising boys, but it stands out among them by eschewing both the glib Gender War rhetoric and the underlying political or theological agendas that often characterize other books on this topic. Instead, it is both deeply insightful and full of compassion for the emotional lives of boys and men. Rather than offering a point-by-point program, the authors focus on various goals for raising boys, and make some suggestions on how we can accomplish them. It devotes an entire chapter to the relationship between fathers and sons, and a recurrent theme of the book is finding ways to effectively close the emotional distance between ourselves and our sons.

This book addresses show more issues for boys of all ages, and also discusses difficult topics such as depression, drug use and violence among boys. Finally, all fathers were sons at one time, and Raising Cain is a book that can help us better understand not only our sons but ourselves as well. Review by Book Dads show less

Raising Cain has helped me to understand more of what might be going on in my three-year old son's head. Why can't I remember back that far to how I used to be? That would certainly make things simpler. Although it is not a guidebook, I do feel that I have a broader range of skills to positively affect my son's present and future emotional life.

Raising Cain has also given me new clues to myself as a husband, parent, and son. I am a father who wants a different type of relationship with my son than I experienced with my own father. Partly it is out of my own selfish needs, but mostly I believe my son deserves the best I can give. For me, being a father is making it up as I go along, and this book has helped me be a more patient, show more understanding, and loving dad.

Thanks for lending me the book, George. show less

This is definitely worth reading if you have anything at all to do with influencing boys. I particularly found the chapters on fathers, mothers, and causes of violence interesting and useful. The book also put into words a concept I have thought to be true for years - that a person (not just a boy) is stronger when he or she learns how to create peace from within rather than relying on it from external sources.

I liked this book a lot but I wish it would have had more concrete suggestions of how to protect the emotional life of boys interspersed throughout instead of waiting until the last chapter.

It’s a lot on how to allow your boy to express his feelings, I thought it will be more about controlling his emotions 😉
CM my role model at the office recommended it to me. Nice read though

A must read for any parent of boys. As one myself, I'm committed to helping our son cultivate a healthy emotional life. Raising Cain provides insight into doing just that.