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Loving Our Kids On Purpose: Making A…

Loving Our Kids On Purpose: Making A Heart-To-Heart Connection

by Danny Silk

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This was one of two books that I recently read on parenting, both written by Christian authors. I had mixed feelings about the other book (Shepherding a Child's Heart, which I also reviewed), but I absolutely loved this book.

The author takes the Love and Logic philosophy, and examines how that parenting practice is actually very Biblical, using a mixture of practical examples and theological explanations to demonstrate how to put this effective approach to parenting to use. He begins, as most parenting books do, by building the philosophical foundation, and proceeds from there to expound on some broad principles of practice. The author reminds us to think of how Jesus loves us: he knows all our faults and failures, he forgives us and loves us unconditionally, and he calls us to be transformed to righteous living. In the same way, we should love our kids unconditionally and intentionally, not accepting their bad behavior, but forgiving them and guiding them to live Godly lives.

How does this relate to the daily act of discipline? Seeking to discipline out of love and not anger is one part. A big part. Another application of his philosophy is allowing children to have choices, within reasonable and safe limits, and letting them experience the consequences of those choices (again, the consequences should be limited by concerns for safety). As Silk points out, God has given us freedom of choice since our creation, so we should also extend that privilege to our children, following the example of God our father. Another important part of this parenting approach is ensuring that children face the logical consequences of their actions. No backing down, no giving in to their manipulations, but letting them learn that when they perform certain actions, they need to be prepared to meet the consequences of those actions. Not because that is how the world works, but because that is how God operates - he forgives us and helps us, but we do face consequences. Always, our decision to let them face consequences needs to be blended with mercy and forgiveness. The overall goal of parenting should be to help our children, not about ourselves.

This is a book that I am sure to read over and over, particularly as my girls get older and they can have more mature conversations and exchanges (they are only three and one at this point). I particularly liked his filler phrases that he recommends all parents use, when a child is liable to bridle at the use of logical consequences with protests or manipulations; instead of giving their angry (unjustified) words any heed, just tune them out and respond with stock phrases like "You may be right", "I know", "That could be true", and so on. I'm going to have to practice these. I also appreciated that the author used meaningful and specific examples of how to employ his method. I've read other parenting books where the author writes "for example" and then gives us an anecdote so vague and broad that the point is lost. Not so here. Very real, very touching, life examples. I highly recommend this book to all parents. In fact, I've already bought another copy to give to a parent I know. An excellent guide to discipline based on faith. ( )
  nmhale | Aug 22, 2011 |
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Amazon.com Product Description (ISBN 0768427398, Paperback)

You CAN raise good kids!

Loving Our Kids on Purpose combines the principles of the Kingdom of God and revival to form a powerful strategy for parents.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom (2 Corinthians 3:17). Rather than the traditional approaches that train children to learn to accept being controlled by well-meaning parents and adults, this book teaches parents how to train children to manage their freedoms and protect their important heart-to-heart relationships.

Children were designed with the core need of freedom. To deny this or live ignorant of it eventually destroys the trust connection between parent and child.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love (1 John 4:18 NKJV).

Loving Our Kids on Purpose introduces paradigms, perceptions, skills, and ideas that will help parents reduce fear by eliminating the tool of punishment and strengthening the core character of their children by empowering their self-control and value for their relationship with their parents.

(retrieved from Amazon Thu, 12 Mar 2015 18:24:05 -0400)

This book shows you how to plant in your children the principles of the Kingdom of God and a heart for the Lord. e easily implemented plan gives you the tools to raise your children in the joy and fullness of the Lord Jesus. Rather than traditional approaches, this book teaches parents how to train children to manage their freedoms and protect their important heart-to-heart relationships.… (more)

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