Bite Me: A Love Story

The third in Moore's vampire series, this one is a big a hoot as the first two. A pair of newbie boyfriend/girlfriend vampires, their goth girl teenage drama queen minion and her Asian science nerd boyfriend, a wary detective and his big gay bear partner (partner as in cop partner, not big gay bear partner), a clan of stoner Safeway night shift workers/kitty vampire hunters, the Emperor of San Francisco, and a plot that throws them all together = zany hilarity. No other author can make me snork right out loud like Moore can, and I love him for it.

I have, of course, gone on record as not being the world's biggest vampire fan. I prefer characters not potentially vanting to suck my blood. But, as I have also noted before, I do love Christopher Moore's warped (or should that be varped) sense of humor and so I dip into the world of the undead for him. Unfortunately, this third and final installment in his vampite trilogy didn't live up to the other two for me. Because it is Moore, it is still funny but it pales in comparison to Bloodsucking Fiends and doesn't quite reach the heights of the middling funny of You Suck, the previous two books.

Picking up where You Suck left off, Abby Normal, Jody and Tommy's minion, has trapped our intrepid vampires in bronze statues (aptly modeled after show more Rodin's The Kiss). But while Jody and Tommy are out of commission, a new threat crops up, requiring Abby and her new boyfriend to take on a blue whore vampire, the Animals, and Chet the Bald Vampire Kitty who is turning all the cats in San Francisco and busily stalking human prey. Sounds crazy, doesn't it? That just makes it a typical Christopher Moore story. Somehow he manages to take completely disparate plot lines, even wacko plot lines, and weave them together so that they not only work but that they make the reader giggle.

Abby Normal is a major focus in this third book of the trilogy and that was a bit of a problem for me since I didn't love Abby in the previous book and found nothing here to change my mind. She is an annoying and ridiculous character and in a book full of entertaining zanies, that is a distinct handicap. I winced each time I turned the page and was faced with her journal (narrated in her own unique voice, a strange combination of goth and bubble-gum) or her over the top adolescent shenanigans, especially when in the company of her boyfriend. However, given that it was Moore and that I wanted to know what happened to the rest of the crazy characters and whether or not they would be successful in their quest to save San Francisco from the hordes of the undead, I soldiered on with the book. I even chuckled a time or two.

I'm sure that my high expectations for Moore's work made this perfectly adequate book feel more disappointing than it otherwise would have been. This is probably really only of interest to established Moore fans or those who have already started the trilogy and want to follow it through to the end. Don't make this book your first ride at Christopher Moore's carnival. It's not a bad book, it's just not one of his best. And his best, let me tell you, they are worth the price of admission. show less

I don't think I can even begin to explain the appeal of these books. A synopsis is going to make it sound ridiculous. A giant shaved vampire cat named Chet is stalking the San Francisco night? Puh-leeze.

Except that leaves out Abby Normal, Emergency Backup Mistress of the Greater Bay Area Night. I. Heart. This. Chick.

Abby is hilarious! I loved her in [b:You Suck: A Love Story|33453|You Suck A Love Story (Love Story, #2)|Christopher Moore|http://photo.goodreads.com/books/1168444145s/33453.jpg|2015399] and I was thrilled when I found out that she tells most of this newest story. She makes grown men cry. She intimidates the hell out of Foo-Dog, her manga-haired love monkey. I mean, she wears Skankenstein boots. What more do you need to show more know?

There are vampire cats, rats, and birds; a Samurai-sword-wielding old guy; UV-light jackets and dusters; UV, um, bazookas? that rack up serious points in the vampire elimination game; vampires climbing face first down walls a la Dracula; a fortune-teller who actually gets it right but doesn't understand any of it; a sea captain named Kona who speaks like a Rasta; truly crazy vampires; and overseeing it all is The Emperor of San Francisco, protector of Alcatraz, Sausalito, and Treasure Island and his two loyal men, Bummer and Lazarus. Sound over the top? It is. But it's so much fun.

So take note beyotches. There will be a test.

Yes, that's pretty much a quote. If it offended you, steer clear because this won't be the book for you. The f-bomb abounds. show less

Abby Normal and her boyfriend (also known as the manga-haired love monkey) have sealed Jodie and Tommy in bronze. You see, they are both vampires and to save them from breaking up, killing people, or being killed by two police officers, Cavuto and Rivera, that are after them. Everything isn’t all roses and rainbows now that they are out of the way. Chet the bald vampire cat is wreaking havoc all over San Francisco, indiscriminately eating the homeless and changing over more and more cats. This cat horde is getting ridiculously large and out of control and it’s up to Abby, the manga-haired love monkey, Cavuto, and Rivera to stop them before they eat everyone in San Francisco. Can they do this in time or will they perish to the fuzzy show more little vampires?

Christopher Moore’s books are always guaranteed to make you laugh with his quirky, irreverent brand of humor. For me, the Bloodsucking Fiends series was always okay, but not as good as most of his other novels. I preferred the Pine Cove books. Bite Me far surpasses the rest of the series. It manages to be really funny while also being genuinely dark and suspenseful. These two things seem to be opposing qualities, but Moore manages to combine them fluidly. I never thought that a swarm of vampire cats could actually be made scary. The very concept is simply ridiculous, but it’s actually menacing and kind of funny at the same time. This is one of the best horror comedies that I’ve ever read.

In Moore’s books, the characters always have clear voices and are instantly recognizable. This book is no different. Most of it is in Abby Normal’s point of view, a girl who is part valley girl and part goth minion. She has a way of speaking that I would find completely annoying in a real person, but it somehow comes off as endearing. Her thought processes are a little weird and especially illogical to her poor boyfriend, but that’s what really makes her narrative special. The only criticism of her part was when she said “kayso,” which was a huge amount, I thought of queso. Other than that, I really enjoyed it. Abby and the other characters seem much more fleshed out in this novel and go through more character development than in previous books. When the point of view is passed to another character, the voice is immediately established and there is never any confusion about who is narrating.

Bite Me is easily the best in Moore’s vampire series. It features a colorful cast of characters that have their own unique personalities and voices. I would recommend this horror comedy to those with a sense of humor. show less

For Halloween this year, I went as a bad standup-comedian vampire. I wrote some jokes that followed typical standup subject matter but entirely without punch lines. My style was Steven Wright minus the payoff. I dressed as a vampire, wore realistic fangs, too, and performed the routine at two parties with a plant in the audience each time directed to shout, after four jokes, “You suck!!!”

I killed.

Hahahah. Well, I kill me, anyway.

So a while back a friend loaned me the novel, You Suck because he said it was hilarious. When I realized it was part two of a trilogy, the OCD completist in me couldn’t read it without buying part one Bloodsucking Fiends and part three Bite Me. This review will cover all three installments.

All three books show more have a delightfully whimsical, campy quality. Occasionally, there are moments of pseudo-profound introspection, but these are some of the least satisfying elements in the books. The Vampire Trilogy, as Moore calls it, at its finest puts a few hilarious characters in embarrassing situations. And he’s got some brilliant lines sprinkled throughout to season the meal.

Bloodsucking Fiends is by far the least funny and least satisfying of the three. I would describe it as fun without being all that funny. There were several plot twists, especially toward the end, that were quite unconvincing. I also found one of the two main characters, the 19-year old writer wannabe, to be rather annoying and far too naïve-country-boy-comes-to-big-city while the other main character was a bit too bland. Nonetheless, Moore sustained my interest through a barreling plot and amusing characters. I was definitely a bit disappointed and almost didn’t continue, but the OCD side took control, and I’m glad it did.

You Suck upped the hilarity quotient exceedingly through the introduction of two characters of comedic brilliance, the sick-and-twisted, uber-snarky goth girl Abby Normal (I wonder if Moore stole that name from Young Frankenstein. Or more accurately, did the character steal it because her “real” name is Allison Green while Abigail von Normal is her goth name) and her gay goth bff Jared. Apparently, Abby has a small role in one of Moore’s other novels, but she becomes much more significant in You Suck, and Bite Me is really more of her novel than the two hero vampires, Tommy and Jody. Good call, I say. because she is way damn funnier and smarter than either of them. She really steals the show with her wit and attitude. I could read Abby Normal all day.

I wouldn’t be surprised to see these novels as movies some day. The late-shift supermarket stockers/vampire-hunting stoners featured practically beg for a screenplay to be written for them. And surely some starlet needs to be Abby Normal in order to break from her goody-two-shoes casting. And plus … vampires. Nobody’s done a good vampire comedy since Love at First … okay, since ever. This could work.

Occasionally, the plot seems to get away from Moore and it requires more exposition than it should, but when he focuses on character, the story kills. Overall, worth reading … good comedy is bloody hard to do. show less

In what looks like the final entry of the Love Story series, Chet the vampire cat has become something of a problem, attacking both other cats and people, Jody and Flood are bronzed this time and Elijah's other fledglings return to the city to clean up his mess.

This is my favorite of all of the Love Story book so far (granted it's been a while since I read the first two, fortunately Abby spends the first couple of pages catching us up on the past two books via her blog.) This one was just as silly and irreverant as the first two, but it also has a few more serious and kind moments that I really enjoyed and that kept it from getting too rediculous.

I loved Abby's blog updates and I know that considering the time when the first book takes show more place blogs and texting are a little out of place but I loved it anyway. The only thing that really threw me about this book was that the book would jump from character to character and when it jumped character it also seemed to jump time sometimes and I couldn't figure out if things were happening the next day or earlier the same day. But I really liked how the ending worked out and was very happy, I hope everyone else enjoys it as much as I did. show less

In what looks like the final entry of the Love Story series, Chet the vampire cat has become something of a problem, attacking both other cats and people, Jody and Flood are bronzed this time and Elijah's other fledglings return to the city to clean up his mess.

This is my favorite of all of the Love Story book so far (granted it's been a while since I read the first two, fortunately Abby spends the first couple of pages catching us up on the past two books via her blog.) This one was just as silly and irreverant as the first two, but it also has a few more serious and kind moments that I really enjoyed and that kept it from getting too rediculous.

I loved Abby's blog updates and I know that considering the time when the first book takes show more place blogs and texting are a little out of place but I loved it anyway. The only thing that really threw me about this book was that the book would jump from character to character and when it jumped character it also seemed to jump time sometimes and I couldn't figure out if things were happening the next day or earlier the same day. But I really liked how the ending worked out and was very happy, I hope everyone else enjoys it as much as I did. show less