I'll Mature When I'm Dead : Dave Barry's Amazing Tales of Adulthood

There. I added the much-needed "rereading" shelf to my options. If I were a true nerd, I'd have "re-rereading" and "re-re-rereading" shelves; but I've never been one of those people who knows exactly how many times I've read a book. When it comes to keeping track of that kind of thing, I'm like one of those cultures who only have the numerical concepts of "one," "two," and "many." I know if I've only read a book once, and I generally remember if I've read it twice. After that, it falls into the "many" memory bin.

This is a "many" book for me. I love Dave Barry, and my son's reading him a lot now. So I'm rereading this collection in a haphazard fashion -- five minutes here and there. Five minutes can get you pretty far in a Dave Barry show more book.

What sets this collection apart is that Barry wrote it after he retired from writing his regular newspaper column, so the essays are very long. He can relax and enjoy himself without having to worry about word-count.

I like the fact that Barry is obviously a dog person (he's been writing about his dogs for decades now), yet has no illusions about dogs:

A dog is a companion that, if you feed it and pet it and pretend that you sincerely want to take away its ball, will give you, in return, totally unqualified love. You could be Charles Manson, or Hitler, or even a lawyer who advertises on television, and your dog will still think you're the greatest thing ever. This tells you something very important about dogs: They are not very bright.

On the other hand, this collection is to blame for the fact that I've read two of the Twilight books. Barry wrote a parody so hilariously awful that I had to see just how bad they were. Bad enough that I couldn't make it through the third one, is the answer. But I'll never have that time back again.

UPDATE, 10/16/14: Just reread this via Audible recording. Dave Barry reads his own work, and he's very good at it. show less

In my experience, Dave Barry is one of those writers who either makes you pee your pants laughing, or makes you shrug. I personally don't care for comedy in many of its forms - "Anchorman," "The Hangover"... movies like that don't do it for me. Stand-up? No thanks, I'll sit. But Dave Barry? He tickles me. I don't know why my funny bone is so buried, I'm not even completely sure where it is. But Dave Barry finds it every goddamn time and just kills me.

As a teenager, I would look forward to seeing his columns from the Miami Herald syndicated in the Orlando Sentinel. A few years later, his work with Ridley Pearson (the Starcatcher series) enamored me. But in this book, Barry is up to his old tricks - the short essay.

This volume is a show more collection on what it means to be an adult - everything from becoming a new father, to owning a dog, to dealing with women, to dealing with your 9-year-old daughter's dance recitals. I read this one solely at work, and my coworkers were wondering what was wrong with me, I was giggling so often. I think the target audience is just slightly older than myself, but I was definitely able to appreciate his witticisms and contrary attitude towards the establishment, really his ability to dispel anxiety with humor.

If you've never read Dave Barry, I have to recommend Dave Barry Slept Here: A Sort of History of the United States. That should get your juices going. But if you're of an age where children and prostate exams are looming in the near distant future, go for the gold with I'll Mature When I'm Dead. And in any case, make sure you actually ENJOY Barry before bringing this one to the beach, otherwise you may find yourself pretty bored and decide to wallpaper a sandcastle with its pages.

Lauren Cartelli
www.theliterarygothamite.com show less

Dave Barry emerges from retirement with a new collection about such varied topics as fatherhood, colonoscopies, and the death of the newspaper, with parodies of 24 and Twilight thrown in for good measure.

I love Dave Barry. I think he's one of the funniest people in the world. I've actually had to institute a personal policy of not reading his books in public because of the very real danger that I won't be able to keep from laughing and people will look at me funny. I have to say, though, that while this book generated a number of moderately loud chuckles, it didn't have the kind of laugh-till-you-can't-breathe effect on me that a lot of his other books have had. That may be due in part to the fact that I read much of it in a state of show more such extreme sleep deprivation that it's amazing I had any reading comprehension abilities at all. But I'm also inclined to blame the fact that the first few pieces were very much of the "Ha! Women talk about feelings a lot and buy scented candles, and men watch sports and refuse to ask for directions!" variety of humor. Dave Barry, being Dave Barry, is capable of making that amusing, but the older I get, the less funny and more annoying I find that sort of thing to be, as I continue to never actually encounter any women who are obsessed with shoes or men who speak only in grunts. But never mind. It's great to have Barry back, anyway! show less

This has been my favorite Dave Barry book of essays...ever. I've read them all. He's one of the few authors I collect, so that I can grab a book and read a brief column when I'm feeling low. In fact, I splurged and bought this hardcover brand new...something else I rarely do.

Even though I love Dave Barry, and he's WICKED funny (as my Maine friends say) - there have been times that he's been too corny/cheesy for me. Too many booger jokes perhaps...or he seemed to be trying too hard. But he's a pulitzer prize winning writer, and I have read enough of his serious works to know that this man CAN write.

This book is a perfect balance of what Barry does best. He's retired from newspaper column writing, so he had freedom to make these essays show more just what he wanted, without constraints. He's older, wiser, and in a contemplative mood. He's funny and goofy...and immature at times. But then he balances the goofiness with an essay about his brother's cancer and the need to get a colonoscopy. Or he gets emotional about his son's wedding.

I think my favorite chapter is the one titled: A Letter to a First-Time Father-to-Be.

If you like Dave Barry, get this book ASAP... show less

Barry, Dave
I'll Mature When I'm Dead

Nonfiction
If you picked up this book you are either already a Dave Barry fan or will soon be one. A witty wordsmith, Barry is never mean-spirited, always original, sporadically wise, and his collection of new essays does not disappoint. But be warned: the chapter "Fangs of Endearment: A Vampire Novel" will cause both cheering and cringing. Behold, this parody of the Twilight series is so excruciatingly right on that I had to laugh, and then cringe as well. Picture Dave Barry actually reading Twilight.
Recommended September 2010

Dave Barry is as good as ever in this (almost) all new collection of essays. Highlights include "Dance Recital," "Tips for Visiting Miami," "My Hollywood Career: The Big Dumpster," and "A Festival of Grimness." The Twilight parody "Fants of Endearment" was so spot-on I could hardly bring myself to read it, which I suppose is an accomplishment, also, in a strange way.

I loved listening to Dave Barry's humor as I was doing the Wii game 'Walk it Out.' I lost track of time and took many more steps than I usually do. And I heard most of the jokes, because Dave Barry writes as he speaks, and reads as he writes, which is a good thing in this case.

Some original insights, a lot of clever phrases, a really neat piece on the need of politicians and other people to feel like VIPs at the Republican Convention - good - and a lot of stale 'men are ruled by their dicks' & other jokes that rely on lame stereotypes - not so good -. Overall, I probably would *not* have liked this in a dead tree edition, as it was mostly too insubstantial & pointless for me.

Btw, I have never seen an episode of '24' and have no show more interest in that genre, have never read 'Twilight' and have no interest in vampires or dark romance, and have never owned nor wished to own a dog. But I still enjoyed all those parodies. Barry does have talent in that he made me laugh even at these. show less