Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey

So, I am at my friend Heather's house for a Christmas party for all of us who had been in the same Hospice Grief Group this year. It was so much fun laughing and giggling with these girls who have become like a second family to me. We all went through the same thing at the same time- losing a parent- and that brings you together like little else can.

Well, while I knew Heather liked to read and she was writing a book about her mother, I had no idea just how MUCH she liked to read. She had show more several bookcases of books, plus she told me boxes downstairs. I instantly loved her even more. She picked up a book called A Woman of Independent Means by Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey. I had heard of the book but never read it. When Heather learned this, she put the book in my hands and said read this book. It is my favorite.

So, after I finished reading Thousand Pieces of Gold, I picked up this book to read. And I LOVED it. I seriously, completely, adoringly love this book. I have to go get myself my own copy.

This book, first published in 1978, is based partially off of Hailey's grandmother and partially based off of the feminist movement of the 1970s. The heroine, Elizabeth, called Bess, was born in 1890 and inherited a legacy- of both wealth and of a spirit full of determination, ambition, and a passion for life. The book is written in an epistolary format, as letters from Bess to all of the loved ones in her life. From Bess' letters the reader gathers all the information they need. Bess goes through trials in her life that could knock even a strong woman down- yet Bess is determined to prevail. The reader witnesses Bess go from a simple grade-school girl to a devoted wife and mother to a self-sufficient, courageous woman with an open mind and a willing soul.

I learned so many life lessons from this book. Bess taught me so much about how to love an independent spirit and how to become more of an independent woman myself. What could be a greater gift from a book than to show you a reflection of yourself? The language was charming, classy, and enthralling. I was drawn into the story and always wanted to know what happened to Bess next and what choice she would decide to make. I wanted to see where she would go abroad next, who she would decide to write to next and why, I wanted to see what choices she made at every turn of her life, from her daughter getting hit by a car to her decisions to invest in the stock market and be in control of her finances to how she related to those around her, whether a childhood friend or her mother-in-law.

Bess fascinated me and I had to close the book last night so I wouldn't finish it until today. I didn't want to leave Bess. I loved how completely capable she was, how socially adept, how open-minded she is to others different from herself (she even gets her "colored" housekeeper into her exclusive Dallas Shakespeare Club when she realizes how well-versed in Shakespeare she is and wants to support her in this.) I loved almost everything about Bess. She did have kind of a wondering eye, if nothing else, and she was more than a little stubborn, but she did own her responsibilities and she owned her mistakes.

I really recommend this book to women everywhere. If you haven't read it, run over to your library or bookstore and read this book! I can hardly wait to hear what you think of it, too.

A FEW OF MY FAVORITE QUOTES (although there are many more):

"I am always amazed to hear people say the first weeks or months of marriage are the best and then, 'the honeymoon is over.' Of course I thought I loved you with all my heart when we were married, but it took marriage to teach me the outer limits of my anatomy, both physical and spiritual, and now I know that every moment we share further increases my capacity for love." (to her husband, Rob, in 1917)

"I see now how much of what a man becomes is due to the woman at his side. A life can go in so many different directions and though a man may be the captain of his soul, he needs a good navigator at his side if he dares sail into uncharted seas." (to her father and stepmother, in 1919)

"Our parents- and the older generation they represent- provide a barrier against death, and when both of them are gone, as both of mine are now, there is nothing between us and our own mortality. Now it is my turn to stand as a shield between my children and the enemy." (to her sister-in-law, in 1922)

"Nature as a process provides for no growth past physical maturity. Only the individual, through an effort of will and imagination, can add, enhance, enrich. Life unresisted merely subtracts. I no longer believe an individual can change the fate of other people, no matter how much she loves them, but I will not relinquish the responsibility for my own life until the day I die." (to a friend, in 1942)

" J'ai le coeur gros- a French expression to denote a heart swollen with emotion." (in a letter to friends, in 1967) show less

Easy to read (almost read whole book on long coach trip home) but well-written and engrossing epistolary novel. All the letters emanate from an imagined correspondence of her late grandmother ...to friends and relatives...which give the story of her whole life.From her first marriage.....the children, the heartbreaks, business success..and failure...through a second marriage, an unexplored infatuation, bust ups, bereavements...
The most meaningful bit for me was her later life: a husband with show more dementia, her children with their own lives; the inability to indulge in holidays etc any longer, a preoccupation with death.
"I look around at how few of my friends are left. We are like the survivors of some terrible storm. The quality of life can no longer concern us. For the moment it is enough just to exist." show less

The story of a marriage told in an interesting way. Starting in 1959, Joanna keeps a diary of her marriage thoughts, and now - 24 years later, she's left the diaries for her daughter Julia to read. But before that happens, David, her husband reads the entries and adds his own perspective on what happened and what he thought to most of them. So you get the story of the marriage from two different perspectives. I wonder what is more real? Writing about the marriage as it happens, or looking show more back on it 24 years later and trying to make sense of it? show less

At the turn of the century, a time when women had few choices, Bess Steed Garner inherits a legacy–not only of wealth but of determination and desire, making her truly a woman of independent means. We accompany Bess as she endures life's trials and triumphs with the will to defy a society that demands conformity.