Misty Bernall

It is worth noting people who have examined the shootings and interviewed witnesses are certain that Valeen Schnur, not Cassie Bernall was asked the question and answered "Yes" but only after hesitation and prevarication. Valeen survived so she isn't a handy martyr. These facts come from the girl hiding under the table with Cassie as well as the others closest to her in her final moment. Now the book is more about her life than that moment, it does use the title and the idea she was show more specifically targeted for her faith in its promotion.

It is interesting that the one student that was without doubt singled out, Isaiah Shoels, for being black not Christian, has faded into obscurity while this myth of martyrdom survives. show less

This is a memoir written by the mother of one of the teenagers killed in the Columbine High School shootings.

I'm wary of being too honest in my review of this book because of the sensitivity of the subject matter, and the obvious grief that the author and her family suffered after the loss of their daughter. This review should not be read as a judgment on the Bernalls' parenting skills - it is simply my opinion based on what's written in the book, and nothing more.

While Mrs Bernall has show more bravely outlined her struggles with her teenage daughter Cassie prior to April 1999, it seems to me that Cassie had an extremely difficult adolescence, largely because of her parents' excessive attempts to control her behaviour. As a mildly rebellious teenager myself, Cassie didn't sound to me as though she was very different from most teenagers - experimenting with drugs and the occult, dressing "alternatively", making friends with people that parents don't approve of, staying out late and so on.

The turning point for Cassie's mother appeared to be when she was going through her daughter's drawers to look for something (a teen bible), and discovered a batch of letters in which Cassie and her friend appeared to be discussing how to murder their parents. Cassie's parents reacted by giving copies of the letters to the local Sheriff, telling their pastor, and getting a restraining order stopping Cassie from being anywhere near her best friend. Mrs Bernall searched her daughter's backpack daily, removed her from the local high school and put her in a Christian Fellowship school, and did not allow her to go anywhere other than the church youth group. They moved house to get away from Cassie's old friends, who were trying to maintain contact with her. Mrs Bernall also looked through her daughter's notebooks and CDs, and makes reference to finding Marilyn Manson CDs with "negative" messages. By her mother's own admission, Cassie already had self-esteem issues and was self-harming. I am not a mother, but I have been a teenager, and I would not have reacted well to being treated like this. Adolescence is a difficult time when hormones affect our thoughts and behaviour - how many times have you heard a teenager say "I wish you were dead" or "I wish I was dead" to a parent? It happens, and it doesn't make young people inherently evil. Nor does suffering from depression or using sub-cultures as something to identify with and a way of expressing themselves.

I find it really difficult to understand how young people can suddenly become ultra-religious, and to be honest this type of indoctrination gives me the creeps, but then I don't have first-hand experience of small-town American culture - from what I've seen the church movement manages to ensnare a lot of impressionable young people. I was brought up Roman Catholic, and by the time I was 12 I had started to question things and decide that it just wasn't something I believed in. I found other interests and didn't stop behaving in a christian (small c) way just because I had stopped believing in organised religion.

The author vetted Columbine High School for her daughter by "talking to parents and looking at the students." Looking at them? Throughout the book Mrs Bernall does not hide her tendency to judge people by how they look, or to justify her fear of alternative-looking young people. It's unfortunate that Harris & Klebold had precisely the appearance that she was hoping to protect her daughter from, but clearly they were also damaged young people. Their preference to wear black clothes was a symptom of their emotional state, not the root cause of their behaviour.

I suppose what saddened me about this account was the way that being Christian with a big C was felt to be Cassie's only way to "redemption", the irony being that she was purportedly shot by Eric Harris & Dylan Klebold for confirming her belief in God. Only one witness substantiates this claim, but I suppose thinking of their daughter as a "martyr" gives the family a way of coping with what happened. show less

The event in the title didn't happen, according to Dave Cullen's research. Not a bad book otherwise, but definitely perpetuates the terrible stereotyping and general fear state that permeated the time about things like Marilyn Manson.

In She Said Yes: The Martyrdom of Cassie Bernall by Misty Bernall, Cassie's mother expresses that her daughter's death matters more or at least as much as what lead to her answer of "Yes" at the hands of the Columbine shooters.

She makes the case that without faith and parents that happened to find out that their child was in trouble, Cassie could have had a very different, but equally infamous life as the shooters. The story is of what was as well as what could have been for a deeply show more troubled, but incredibly determined, teen.

It is the power of a mother's love that hopes all things which brings us Cassie's story. Her mother asks "why my daughter?" "My death is not my own, but yours, and its significance depends on what you do with it" she quotes from a Hebrew prayer service for fallen soldiers. What significance does her daughter's death have?

Whether or not the exchange between the gunman and Cassie actually took place, which is apparently debatable, doesn't really matter. We want that exchange to have happened. She's a heroine. For evil to have looked into the face of good, and for good, even in the face of death, to have triumphed is uplifting. Faith does not come easily for Cassie, nor most of us. Yet, in the end, when it was really all that mattered, it did come. She was not alone, and she did not doubt. So, it isn't the truth of the exchange that matters. The significance is the desire within us to answer "Yes." show less