Terry Goodkind (1948–2020)

Goodkind is at his best when providing social commentary that feels relevant as well as interesting, wrapping it around a fascinating story that stands out from the rest of the series as the uncontested best of the bunch. Many of the clichés used in his earlier novels are absent, Kahlan escapes the obnoxiously overused role of the damsel in distress for the most part and this is probably as enjoyable as she's ever been and probably ever will be. It introduces us to what is probably the show more deepest and most tragic character of the franchise and gives us a much needed new perspective of the antagonists of the last three books, and thankfully the underworld and the keeper are barely even mentioned. The primary message of the Sword of Truth series seems to culminate in its entirely in the climax of this book, it's probably the best thing Goodkind has ever written and has yet to be topped. show less

I never read anything by Scott Lynch, but I can tell we'll get along just fine.
Why should I waste my time and paragraph space diluting my dislike (or in this case, black hatred) when there's always a Kraken that needs to be unleashed?
Wise words, Lynch. I applaud your art.

Review of Wizard's First Rule and Stone of Tears take one!

As stated above, this rant should be a combo of the first two books, but more focused on book 2 .
My problems with Stone of Tears should impact on the rating a lot show more more emphatically, but I just can't send this book to the endless pits of 1-star mediocrity. There are lots of good stuff in it, lots of great, imaginative magic. Lovely world-building, too.
So why 2?

RICHARD.

Richard, do you remember that brief period of time when we were under a banner of truce? Remember our exchange of coy winks and nods of approval?
I don't.
I completely erased it from my mind because any shard of hope I harboured that our relationship was finally on the right track, heading towards a comfortable ground of mutual tolerance, shattered in a million pieces when you went back to being...well, yourself.
You just can't stop being an uppity, pompous, disdainful, selfish, conceited, dictatorial, loudmouth, smart-ass, antagonistic, pig-headed douchefuck, can you?
Richard, you are the worst male lead in the entire fiction genre. You even managed to be worse than Spiderman.
You have to work really hard at being worse than Spiderman.
You are an incompetent, know-it-all dolt with a stick up his ass. You're not convincing anyone that you have all the magic and prophecies in the bag; you just need to run your mouth to make yourself look clever and really? You make the most stupid mistakes ever.
I should mention that the first scene, in book one, Richard was staring at a mean, man-eating looking vine; the same vine he found in a jar in his father's crime scene. The vine that might have been responsible (directly or indirectly) of his father's murder.
And what does this man of sheer genius do?
He pulls at it. With his bare hands.
For someone who knows everything and is SO smart as to appoint himself as an object of enlightenment he's pretty dense.
You didn't think we forgot, Richard, about the dumbassery classic you pulled on the first two pages of the first book, eh? And of course, being Richard so brainy, he forgets to run by the healer that he has a spine crawling inside his arm.
My, my, Richard, you just get smarter and smarter, eh? Add top-notch self-preservation skills to that list too.
But why would he bother in mentioning something as trivial as a spine creeping its way into his heart when he was in the middle of the most blatant, imbecilic moment of insta-love?
Because Richard and Kahlan love each other.
They just do.
Being both of them the most pathetic pair, shallow love was inevitable!
Richard loves her more than life (oh, barf me a river) just because.
Kahlan loves him...well, because in case Goodkind forgot to mention it a tenth time and you just happened to miss it, he's a very rare person.
Does Terry Goodkind think his readers are senile? Must he always insert the cheesiest compliments using whatever character he has in hand as a mouthpiece to remind us how SPESHUL Richard is?
We get it. He's the last Pepsi in the desert. He's the bomb. He's the messiah who came to bring us light and teach us heart-moving lessons that will change our lives forever.
We got it the first time, and the second, and the third...
Anyways, save for Kahlan's role as a Confessor- I like Goodkind's take on dominatrixes, which is pretty ballsy of Goodkind, he didn't feel like sparing us the whine factor: Kahlan will always be in constant lamentation over the fact that she will never find TWE LURV. She's very strong, powerful woman... with a cotton candy heart. How drab.

Goodkind has sadistic tendencies too. I realized that by the hundredth time that Richard and Kahlan reminded me that they're FRIENDS.
We're friends. This is what friends do. I am your friend. Are you my friend? Oh, I never had a friend before! You do have a friend now.
Now, I know I'm laying it on thick, but someone needs to tell you the truth of how much your friendship sucks.
That's what friends are for.
And me thinking that was going to stop when they finally admit their undying love to each other. What was I thinking?
Those conversations are still their favourite subject, only now they use the word love/husband/wife instead of friend.
Now that's a big change! Bet no one saw that coming.

Richard's and Kahlan's boners aside, the story started looking better thanks to the mud people. I'm not going to even give myself the pain of remembering Richard's conveniently killing off the one mud dude who opposed him. How strange it was that an elder who lived with his muddy tribe for years in perfect harmony, suddenly decides to act all douchey so Richz can kill him and leave the position vacant for his good-on-his-side friend to fill. Isn't it amazing how everything always play so well for our hero?
Although, none of this even begins to cover the cheese of his speeches.
But I won't dignify them. I won't go there.

The cast of characters could be a lot, lot better, but then, it could also be worse.
Goodkind left perfectly clear on book one that his supporting cast had no other purpose than support Richard being plot devices; and of course, nothing but opaque shadows to make our Richz shine.
Zedd First Wizard's only purpose is to be in the right place at the right time. Sure he also shines as as the errand boy, but mainly he's there to arrange all the clues for Richard to “figure out” and then make a show about how impressed he is with Richard's shittastic talent. A however old First Wizard who needs to be enlightened and explained things slowly by the ever so astute and brilliant Richard Cypher.
Women characters? What women? You mean... besides Kahlan?
A flowery array of dumb, closet nymphomaniacs. Don't ask for more, you'll get naught.

Oh, Pasha. If I ever look up 'dumb fuck' in a dictionary I'll find a picture of you.
You know those scenes in a book or movie that can make or break a story?
Well, this didn't make it or break it, but I felt like breaking some bones after reading it.
It was despicable. Richard and Pasha had the most frustrating and stupid dialogues ever.
I truly hope that this series won't end up becoming pink novels inside a fantasy setting, because Goodkind really should have left out the lovers' drama.

*Trumpets*

Richard is not amused.
What with Kahlan putting him on a collar and sending him away?!
I read Richard lamenting about his love SENDING HIM AWAY about fifty times.
But then, Pasha had to become some sort of a threat and make us all chew on our elbows in anxiety thinking that Richz might forget all about the woman he loves more than life and throw himself in the lascivious arms of comatose Pasha!
It was too much trouble to create a female character with a little personality, right? How about a brain to go with her creamy brown eyes, big rounded tits and good looks?
It really doesn't pay off to have female characters act like something else other than talking uteri.
Wrong again, Goodkind.
Pasha, a Sister of Light in training that wastes no time in batting her eyelashes spreading her legs and flirting clumsily with her assignment boy.
That scene in the woods...
I'm going to forget all about it as soon as I post this rant of a review because I really want to keep reading Sword of Truth and no amount of assholery from Richard will deter me from that.

An awkward tumble in the hay of these two would have been less stomach churning than what went down. Richard, besides being everything else I said he is, is also a big, fucking hypocrite. He has more faces than an hexagonal prism.
Woe, Sister Verna got demoted because he couldn't follow a little etiquette rule involving something as simple as keeping his tongue between his ass cheeks when being addressed by a council of young boys-thirsty sorceresses! You know, those with enough power to turn his nuts into a silk purse.
Common sense, Richard.
Dear me, Richz being Sister 'Right-Wing' Verna's bitter enemy and labeling her as eternal foe as long as she keeps him on a collared leash suddenly goes all papa bear on the not-so-old hag.
Does anybody understand this guy?
“I hate you and I'm going to kill you. I don't want to kill anyone. Well, I might kill you because I'm too immature to make up my mind.”
He's a fucking idiot!
Anyways, Richz decides that his life is not worth a rabbit turd (for once, Richard is absolutely right) and he will risk getting killed to restore Verna's status as a Sister Because, you know, forget about the veil that can destroy the entire world, forget about Zedd, even Kahlan, Chase and the mud people who did nothing but support him and hold his hand through all of his numerous childish tantrums. He's going to get himself killed off out of an urge of self-righteousness and a pressing tightness in his ass. And no talking or warning about what can happen if he stays in the eeeevil woods will convince him otherwise. So he screws Pasha over.
Pasha, if you can't see past Richard's mask of hypocrisy then you're a fool.
Oh wait, you ARE a fool. Pasha's eloquent response to Richard's holier than thou tirade is “b-b-but...”
Well, THAT should take care of it! You go, girl!
If no one has a problem with Richard's double standards; his willingness to get killed to help his “archenemy” Verna but at the same time, being disgustingly comfortable with the idea of unsheathing his sword and skewering all the Sisters of the Light as shish kabob just because HE SAYS it's okay, then I clearly need to adjust my principles.
Remember, mister uppity doesn't want to kill anyone.
Pasha doesn't think she should smear his face in the fact that he's a two-faced asshole.
Pasha doesn't think. Period.
If you remove the words 'pretty' and 'handsome' from her already trifling vocabulary, she won't engage in a dialogue ever again.
And what a relief that'd be, no?
So, if someone doesn't take immediate interest in this genius of a girl, it means she's not pweety. Of course, that someone should be handsum.
See how it works? Pweety girl lurvs handsum boy.

Never mind.

I wish I could have spent more time with Chase. I give several shits about him. Sure there isn't much information about this guy so far, but at least he has a personality, a brain and is the only one who has his own story and a purpose that doesn't involve being Richard's Greek choir.

But the thing that is still highly enjoyable is the magic. Sure the whole magic lore will have more amendments than the Constitution by the time it reaches book ten but it's still highly addictive and well-planned too.

Magic, as in fantasy? Oh, I'm so sorry Mr. Goodkind, I know you don't write fantasy, you just write characters.
Who was the idiot that accused Terry of writing fantasy? I wonder.
After all, nothing touches the face of reality like wraith-like creatures, magic swords, dragons, witches, wizards, veils to the Underworld and magic powers. Why the other day at work I didn't feel like walking all the way to the back cashwrap so I decided to make a portal. That's everyday stuff!

I also assume that Goodkind is a very nice person who didn't want us to feel too Tolkien deprived. How considerate.
Thank you, Terry Goodkind for giving us Gollum Samuel.
Sam? No, just Samuel.
He's pale, he hisses, he's slimy and looks like OH! he's never been in the sunlight.
My, my, Terry, that's some ostentatious display of imagination you're treating us with!
Sam likes to call everything My Precious “mine”, and he used to be a normal hobbit person, except that it appears that The Ring the Sword of Truth corrupted him.
Oh, and for the readers' amusement, Samuel gets hauled about by being pulled with a rope around his neck!
Oh noes! IT BURNS US, TERRY!

Oh gosh.

Finally, after an endless litany of hissy fits, Richz decides that yes, he IS gifted after all. And in spite of his white hatred for magic...eh, he tends to forget about said hatred every time someone threatens to take his precious Sword from him, he will now embrace his gift.
But he totally hates magic. Like super, totally, so, so hate magic.
Took you long enough, you stupid ass of a Seeker, to put two and two together!
And he'll become the most obnoxious Gary Stu, not that he isn't already, I mean, he can't get any worse, can he?

I had high hopes for Darken Rahl. I mean, if you can't do some serious damage with your Eco-friendly tote full of black evil KABOOOOOM! magic and having a name like "Darken" (bet that no one ever sees you coming with a name like that, eh?) then you're useless. In the end, Darken was nothing but another faceless villain pulled out of a Ralph Cotton western.
Your finger-licking nervous tic was cute, but you failed.

Thank you Terry for this incomparable experience. You know, I still fancy you.
I own all the books in the series and amazingly, I don't feel like cramming them down the shredder with the toilet brush.
Sword of Truth world is worth the suffering, and now you did it, Goodkind.
You made me write a review.

Aaaaaand... cut! show less

Having lost any faith in his people, Richard abandons his command of the army and retires into the mountains to slowly nurse Kahlan back to health. The Order is too large to destroy with a direct attack, Richard can see that it is useless to fight them.

But just as Kahlan is recovering from her injuries, Nicci, a notorious Sister of the Dark and Slave Queen of Emperor Jagang, arrives at their remote cottage. Before anyone can attack her, Nicci casts an obscure spell at Kahlan that links their show more lives. Richard must come away with Nicci or Kahlan will be killed. Nicci's motives are never fully explained, but she somehow hopes to learn the secret to Richard's inner motivation. Her plan for this involves taking Richard into the heart of the Old World.

This book is really REALLY repetitive. This is now the third time that a woman of astonishing power has arrived onto the scene to take Richard as a personal slave. It's getting pretty stale at this point. Also, nothing makes sense, especially not the character of Nicci.

Nicci is supposed to be this husk of a person, someone who has bought into the Order so far that she believes nothing that happens to her matters. She's raped and beaten constantly and doesn't care because she feels and fears nothing. Then ten minutes later she's whining because she's had to stand in the rain for a few hours. One minute she plans to enslave Richard so that she can learn some mystic truth and then murder him. The next minute she's baking him bread and weeping because he doesn't like her soup. The next minute she's in a frenzy of fear because he's being tortured by the government. The next minute she is glad he's being tortured and hopes he dies. It's all nonsense. She's a sister of the Dark but she's also... SOMEHOW devoted to the Creator? She thinks magic is evil and never really applied herself to learn any of it, but she's also brimming full of power and everyone is afraid of her. Geeez.... which is it? I sincerely don't care, but at least pick one at random for consistency.

The Old World also makes no sense as a kingdom. At home everyone is starving because the society is so mired in bureaucracy that crop yields rot before they can make it to market. And yet, this kingdom is supposedly supporting an army of MILLIONS as they invade whole other countries. What do the supply lines look like? The people are too lazy to work an easy job but when they join the army they somehow become super-naturally disciplined killing machines?? You literally cannot have it both ways. The Old World is some impossible combination of North Korea and the Roman Empire.

Also, Richard goes the whole book without doing any magic. Seriously? I'm not reading fantasy epics for their rapier political commentary, that's for sure. Throw us a bone here! I guess we're supposed to believe that his carving skills are magical. And geez they would have to be. He destroyed an entire ingrained, centuries-long philosophy with a statue. Yup.

Nevermind the glaringly obvious fact that this entire book is basically a ham-fisted re-telling of Atlas Shrugged set in a quasi-fantasy universe. This book just sticks out like a sore thumb in the series. I don't get how it fits or why he wrote it like this. Just. No. show less

Empiezo a pensar que Terry Goodkind no sabe cómo terminar este proyecto. O lo que es peor, que se le estén agotando las ideas y sólo le quede volver sobre sus pasos para contarnos algo ya contado, pero de otra manera. Ya en este volumen, el décimo (aunque en España sigue dividiéndose cada libro en dos, con lo que estaríamos hablando del 19 y el 20), Goodkind riza el rizo. Si en el libro anterior nos quedamos en ascuas, sin saber qué le había sucedido a Kahlan y dónde se encontraba, show more en este los personajes se pasan más de medio libro buscándole los tres pies al gato, intentado dar con la solución al hechizo Cadena de Fuego. Esto en sí no es malo, pero cuando masticas tanto una cosa, como es el caso, hasta convertirla en una papilla sin sabor, el tema empieza a aburrir. Kahlan aparece por fin y asistimos a sus penurias, tanto por estar cautiva por las Hermanas de las Tinieblas, como por su pérdida de memoria y el que la gente ni la vea ni la recuerde. Para colmo, Goodkind se saca otro personaje más de la manga, otro jugador, una siniestra bruja con sus planes personales, por supuesto con Richard Rahl como centro de todo. Y digo yo, ¿qué necesidad había? Qué pena que Goodkind le esté dando tan mal final a su saga. Esperemos que se centre más en los siguientes. show less