Valerie Frankel (1) (1965–)

Sassy and funny combo of chick-lit, fish-out-of-water tale, and a sendup of touchy-feely "retreat" experiences.

When a dyed-in-the-wool Manhattanite decides to change her dating field by pulling up stakes and buying an old Vermont farmhouse, her plans get derailed by an invasion of mice. Then, with perfect logic, she follows the fellow she met on the train to a New Age retreat where he hoped to turn his lousy romantic track record around. Things develop from there.

There's a fair amount of show more sex talk but little action, which is a nice twist on the genre's formulaic hot-monkey-love episodes. show less

I won this in a Goodreads First Reads giveaway as an Advance Reader Copy.

I really enjoyed the author's sense of humor and writing style. This is not the type of book that I normally read so it was a nice departure for me. However, I was turned off about 3/4 of the way through the book by the constant snarking at other people. Granted, this book IS called It's Hard Not to Hate You so I suppose snarking is a given but I simply got tired of it, especially the chapter about kids and parenting. show more It is a pet peeve of mine, as a parent of children with special needs, when women are compelled to judge children and other mothers. The feminist and disability advocate in me cries out in revolt, "NO! Let's band together! Not beat each other up!" So there was that. I would have probably given this book a higher rating had that chapter not existed. show less

I needed a pep talk. I was feeling down about my stomach. Depending on the chair, my belly would touch my thighs when I sat down. I had gained some weight over my vacation. I need to go up a size in pants. I was talking a good game about loving my body as is and getting off the diet merry-go-round, but on the inside I was a hypocrit and self-hating. So, I returned to this memoir "Thin Is the New Happy" to see if it would give a swift kick in my well-padded rear.

It did, sort of.

Val got show more lessons in yo-yo dieting and self-hatred very early on in her life, and it took her nearly 40 years to get over it. She received from her mother, her classmates, her co-workers, and mainly herself (she internalized the criticisms and insults hurled at her). Val confronts her demons and then exorcizes them, and her exorcism is just more than a nice makeover. Eventually does pull herself together, and that it is motivating as hell.

Near the end of the book, she talks about healthy eating and not dieting, and how no-diet causes her to lose a dress size. I found this is a little difficult to swallow, because I want Val to not focus on losing dress sizes but focusing on how diets really don't work. It's almost like she is saying "I found another way to get slimmer."

It's a quick, funny and sometimes painful read but I recommend it highly even if your issue isn't dieting or body image. show less

Valerie Frankel just might be my new snarky author crush.

It's hard not to like her, really, in her latest memoir. It's Hard Not To Hate You details Frankel's struggles with jealousy, insecurity, dissatisfaction and health troubles, as well as her life with Steve, her musician husband, and their two daughters. Frankel is a professional writer and her peeks into the freelance life were fascinating -- especially as she works from home and has scores of books bearing her name at Barnes & show more Noble.

But the real meat and potatoes of this memoir? Frankel's struggles with haterdom. While she is a new-to-me author, I appreciated Frankel's insights into why it's "hard not to hate" her spouse (a man she actually dearly loves, of course); the nasty, holier-than-thou neighbor who refuses to acknowledge her presence; the subtlety racist woman from her daughter's school who can't distinguish between she and another Jewish mother (though they look nothing alike). The book feels like tunneling into Frankel's soul -- and she does eventually get to the bottom of the hate and discovers where much of it stems from. And, like any addiction, owning up to the problem is the first step.

I'm a lifelong hater. Moody, bossy and controlling, it's hard for me to admit that my bad moods often spoil things for others -- but I know that's the case. As I've gotten older, I've learned to check my negative energy, resist complaining when things aren't going my way and realize that not everything is about me. That final bit is a realization Frankel and I share -- that no, the world isn't out to punish me. The jerk who cut me off in traffic wasn't cutting me off in traffic, you know? He was just being a jerk. And I happened to be minding my own business on the highway during his Reign of Jerkdom.

I appreciated Frankel's many nuggets of wisdom, specifically regarding the need to own your jealousies rather than trying to swallow them whole. We're taught that it's uncouth and petty to feel jealous, but that's not really true -- is it? You can feel anything you'd like. Now, it's not as though you're going to walk around slapping the coworker who just got a big promotion or sucker-punching some dude who won $1,000 in scratch-offs. You're just going to feel the jealousy and move on, right? But you can't bottle up that dissatisfaction, no matter the feeling. You can't hide from your negative reaction to your friends' behaviors, and you can't ignore the inconsiderate things people do in public. If you do, you'll be lighting a flame under your own inner boil. And it'll reach a roil in no time.

You know -- if you're like Frankel and me. The one thought I had while reading It's Hard Not To Hate You is that some people will love it and some people won't. It was nice to read a book that felt like a personal address to me, but that doesn't mean it's a book for everyone (what book is?). As much as I enjoyed It's Hard Not To Hate You, I can appreciate that it might be a tough read for others. But if you like your memoirs humorous and are a fan of greats Jen Lancaster and Laurie Notaro, I'd urge you to give this one a try. It might cool your Hater-ade consumption, too. show less