Megan Phelps-Roper
Author of Unfollow: A Journey from Hatred to Hope, Leaving the Westboro Baptist Church
About the Author
Image credit: giving a TED Talk in January 2017 in New York City
Works by Megan Phelps-Roper
Unfollow: A Journey from Hatred to Hope, Leaving the Westboro Baptist Church (2019) 498 copies, 21 reviews
Tagged
Common Knowledge
- Birthdate
- 1986-01-31
- Gender
- female
- Education
- Washburn University
- Occupations
- activist
- Agent
- Mel Flashman
- Nationality
- USA
- Birthplace
- Topeka, Kansas, USA
- Associated Place (for map)
- Kansas, USA
Members
Reviews
I've read a number of books following people becoming disenchanted with their religion and quitting. This is SUPERB and very well-considered and reasoned.
I had seen Louis Theroux' documentary on the "most hated family" in America- the controversial Phelps famly of Westboro, Kansas, much given to picketing funerals with messages of God's hatred of...apparently most of humanity.
Megan, 26 year old daughter and granddaughter of commited church members, and a leading light in their activities, show more begins questioning the inconsistencies and unscriptural foundation of their doctrines.
Eventually breaking away (and thus ending all permitted contact with her very close family), she recalls the past- much of it very positive- and forges new friendships as she leaves behind the controlled, childlike world of the church...
Interestingly, two of the people who offer her friendship are a couple of Jehovahs Witnessses (who themelves abandon their religion a bit later).
I thought the author's comment on any controlling movement were very well written:
"The church's radical, recalcitrant position is the result of very common, very human, forces - everything from fear, family, guilt and shame, to cognitive dissonance and confirmation bias. These are forces whose power affects us all, consciously and subconsciously, to one degree or another at every stage of our lives. And when these forces are coupled with group dynamics and a belief system that caters to so many of our most basic needs as human beings- a sense of meaning, of identity, of purpose, of reward, of goodness, of community - they provide group members with an astonishing level of motivation to cohere and conform, no matter the cost.
Others with stories like mine have shown me repeatedly that the root of Westboro's ideology - the idea that our beliefs were "THE one true way"- is not by any means limited to Westboro members....It gives a comforting sense of certainty, freeing the believer from existential angst and providing a sense of stability- a foundation on which to build a life. But the costs of that certainty can be enormous and difficult to identify. Ultimately the same quality that makes Westboro so easy to dismiss- its extremism- is also what helps highlight the destructive nature of viewing the world in black and whire, the danger of becoming calcified in a position and impervious to change." show less
I had seen Louis Theroux' documentary on the "most hated family" in America- the controversial Phelps famly of Westboro, Kansas, much given to picketing funerals with messages of God's hatred of...apparently most of humanity.
Megan, 26 year old daughter and granddaughter of commited church members, and a leading light in their activities, show more begins questioning the inconsistencies and unscriptural foundation of their doctrines.
Eventually breaking away (and thus ending all permitted contact with her very close family), she recalls the past- much of it very positive- and forges new friendships as she leaves behind the controlled, childlike world of the church...
Interestingly, two of the people who offer her friendship are a couple of Jehovahs Witnessses (who themelves abandon their religion a bit later).
I thought the author's comment on any controlling movement were very well written:
"The church's radical, recalcitrant position is the result of very common, very human, forces - everything from fear, family, guilt and shame, to cognitive dissonance and confirmation bias. These are forces whose power affects us all, consciously and subconsciously, to one degree or another at every stage of our lives. And when these forces are coupled with group dynamics and a belief system that caters to so many of our most basic needs as human beings- a sense of meaning, of identity, of purpose, of reward, of goodness, of community - they provide group members with an astonishing level of motivation to cohere and conform, no matter the cost.
Others with stories like mine have shown me repeatedly that the root of Westboro's ideology - the idea that our beliefs were "THE one true way"- is not by any means limited to Westboro members....It gives a comforting sense of certainty, freeing the believer from existential angst and providing a sense of stability- a foundation on which to build a life. But the costs of that certainty can be enormous and difficult to identify. Ultimately the same quality that makes Westboro so easy to dismiss- its extremism- is also what helps highlight the destructive nature of viewing the world in black and whire, the danger of becoming calcified in a position and impervious to change." show less
Megan Phelps-Roper was raised in the Westboro Baptist Church, one of the most vitriolic Christian sects in the U.S. Since the 1980s the "church" has picketed and broadcast hateful and harmful speech and Phelps-Roper, founder Fred Phelps' granddaughter, had been participating since she was old enough to hold up a sign, convinced that she and her family were the only moral ones, and the rest of the world was wrong. It was only in her mid-20s that her worldview began to crack and she began to show more see the hypocrisy through the façade.
Although Phelps-Roper does a pretty good job describing the rationale and stories the church told itself and its members to justify why they were correct in their extreme beliefs, to the point where it is understandable that as a child she would have been fully indoctrinated without it even occurring to her to question authority, it is still really difficult to sympathize with the utter cruelty she willfully participated in as a full-grown adult. I'm glad she did the brave thing and got out, and I'd be curious to learn how she has further evolved in her thinking and as a person in the six years following the book's publication. The themes in this book of extremism, intolerance, hatred and oppression are especially timely as I write this in February 2025. show less
Although Phelps-Roper does a pretty good job describing the rationale and stories the church told itself and its members to justify why they were correct in their extreme beliefs, to the point where it is understandable that as a child she would have been fully indoctrinated without it even occurring to her to question authority, it is still really difficult to sympathize with the utter cruelty she willfully participated in as a full-grown adult. I'm glad she did the brave thing and got out, and I'd be curious to learn how she has further evolved in her thinking and as a person in the six years following the book's publication. The themes in this book of extremism, intolerance, hatred and oppression are especially timely as I write this in February 2025. show less
As granddaughter of the pastor and founder of Westboro Baptist church, Megan Phelps-Roper grew up in a warm and loving extended family . . . who went out every day to picket various functions and organizations, hurling invective and carrying signs that the vast majority of people find extraordinarily offensive. As she grows from a teen to a young adult, Phelps-Roper becomes her mother's right hand in her work with the organization, and one of the most prominent social media voices in show more Westboro. However, as the church leadership shifts, she starts questioning everything she's ever been taught. A secret online conversation with a kind, patient lawyer makes her wonder: what if she were to leave?
I found this hard reading, especially some of the descriptions of the abhorrent things done and said by Westboro members, and Phelps-Roper herself prior to leaving the church. It also felt like Westboro was reading an entirely different Bible from the one I grew up reading. I feel that Phelps-Roper does a good job of showing the brainwashing that takes place, as well as her complicated feelings of affection for her family, even as she becomes convinced that what they are doing is wrong. As someone who converted from an Evangelical denomination to the Eastern Orthodox Church in college, I could sympathize with some of Phelps-Roper's experiences, though mine were in every way more gentle. I would have liked to see a little bit more about the romance between Phelps-Roper and the lawyer, whom she eventually marries -- I'll admit, the age difference between them squicks me out just a little -- and a little bit more of her life after Westboro. Still, a great read, especially if (like me) you've ever wondered how a group that's purportedly "Christian" could spew such hatred. show less
I found this hard reading, especially some of the descriptions of the abhorrent things done and said by Westboro members, and Phelps-Roper herself prior to leaving the church. It also felt like Westboro was reading an entirely different Bible from the one I grew up reading. I feel that Phelps-Roper does a good job of showing the brainwashing that takes place, as well as her complicated feelings of affection for her family, even as she becomes convinced that what they are doing is wrong. As someone who converted from an Evangelical denomination to the Eastern Orthodox Church in college, I could sympathize with some of Phelps-Roper's experiences, though mine were in every way more gentle. I would have liked to see a little bit more about the romance between Phelps-Roper and the lawyer, whom she eventually marries -- I'll admit, the age difference between them squicks me out just a little -- and a little bit more of her life after Westboro. Still, a great read, especially if (like me) you've ever wondered how a group that's purportedly "Christian" could spew such hatred. show less
Rating: 5 out of 5
As far as a discussion of the merits of the writing of this book goes, it is well worth reading. Unfollow equals, if not excels, Educated, in this regard. To compare the actual contents of these two books would be a more-or-less an apples to oranges situation, but they do repeat several of the show more same themes.
Megan Phelps-Roper’s story is an especially compelling one for persons such as myself, having left a cultlike family, so this ‘review’ will have a few elements less on the merits of Unfollow and more a discussion of some things that stood out to me.
If you’re worried about reading this book because of Megan Phelps-Roper’s (MPR) creation of The Witch Trials of J.K. Rowling podcast, you have to understand that MPR operates from a position in which speech and the airing of opinions led to her leaving her family’s cult. Central to her leaving Westboro were respectful conversations on social media, especially Twitter. She writes:
Fundamentalist Christianity in the United States is a widespread phenomenon, (as a whole Fundamentalism is well outside the scope of this Goodreads rant) the Westboro Baptist Church is one of the more prominent, infamous, and controversial, sects in petri dish. MPR is the granddaughter of Westboro’s major founding figure. This book can be roughly and imprecisely hewn into two parts, the first third or so being mostly an exploration and exposition of Westboro’s dogma and its expressions. The latter two-thirds focus much more heavily on MPR’s personal experience and path towards leaving the church. The first portion is very well written, but dryer and less compelling, just don’t think the entire book maintains that same tone.
Once we get into the latter two-thirds, MPR’s story is revealed. It is very moving with nary a note of self-pity to be found. She details the way that her family’s psychology and programming put up defenses around their theology and activism, the entrenched us vs. them ideology that pervaded every aspect of social life, and of the chillingly Orwellian way that her family and the church rewrote both general and personal histories to prop up their teachings.
MPR discusses the role that doubt played in her leaving, as well as how it developed.
One thing that stood out to me about MPR’s story was how brave and cognizant she was when preparing to make the leap outside Westboro. She meticulously and strategically documents her family life, wanting to preserve each good memory, thought, and scene, to preserve them from the rewrite that will come once she leaves. This is something that I personally did not have the courage too. In discussing our methods of leaving our families’ cults, a friend and I, agreed that we just closed our eyes and ran, the consequences being too painful for us to sort through. It is only now, with years of hindsight and distance from those experiences, that my friend and I are able to start working through what happened. Not so with MPR. She and her sister, Grace, work through the entire thing, attempting to work out all the kinks ahead of time. While reading their plans, their anxiety and emotional investment are palpable (and commendable). Despite their efforts, the process of leaving is messing. It culminates in a very moving scene:
The book then delves into MPR and Grace’s life after Westboro, being an excellent narrative of deconstruction coupled with insight and winsomeness.
I highly recommend this book, speaking from an objective perspective (at least partially), rather than a personal, this book portrays American Fundamentalisms nasty side in a way that will leave the reader more empowered to understand, and thus, effectively engage with, a large minority of Americans. show less
“My daily existence was a living testimony against the slanders hurled at my family, and made it easy to dismiss the accusers as liars who could not be trusted in any context”
As far as a discussion of the merits of the writing of this book goes, it is well worth reading. Unfollow equals, if not excels, Educated, in this regard. To compare the actual contents of these two books would be a more-or-less an apples to oranges situation, but they do repeat several of the show more same themes.
Megan Phelps-Roper’s story is an especially compelling one for persons such as myself, having left a cultlike family, so this ‘review’ will have a few elements less on the merits of Unfollow and more a discussion of some things that stood out to me.
If you’re worried about reading this book because of Megan Phelps-Roper’s (MPR) creation of The Witch Trials of J.K. Rowling podcast, you have to understand that MPR operates from a position in which speech and the airing of opinions led to her leaving her family’s cult. Central to her leaving Westboro were respectful conversations on social media, especially Twitter. She writes:
“Instead of booting me from the platform (Twitter) for “hate speech,” as many had demanded, it had put me in conversation with people and ideas that effectively challenged beliefs that had been hammered into me since I was a child—and that conversation had been far more illuminating than decades’ worth of rage, isolation, and efforts to shame and silence.”
Fundamentalist Christianity in the United States is a widespread phenomenon, (as a whole Fundamentalism is well outside the scope of this Goodreads rant) the Westboro Baptist Church is one of the more prominent, infamous, and controversial, sects in petri dish. MPR is the granddaughter of Westboro’s major founding figure. This book can be roughly and imprecisely hewn into two parts, the first third or so being mostly an exploration and exposition of Westboro’s dogma and its expressions. The latter two-thirds focus much more heavily on MPR’s personal experience and path towards leaving the church. The first portion is very well written, but dryer and less compelling, just don’t think the entire book maintains that same tone.
Once we get into the latter two-thirds, MPR’s story is revealed. It is very moving with nary a note of self-pity to be found. She details the way that her family’s psychology and programming put up defenses around their theology and activism, the entrenched us vs. them ideology that pervaded every aspect of social life, and of the chillingly Orwellian way that her family and the church rewrote both general and personal histories to prop up their teachings.
MPR discusses the role that doubt played in her leaving, as well as how it developed.
“As long as I stayed and did what I was told—as long as I believed—everything would turn out okay.”While its easy for us on the outside to see the obvious and self-perpetuating fallacy in the above line, the stakes are so much higher when doubt is what will undermine not only your entire social life (entirely consumed in your family and its church) but also send your soul to the realm of eternal torment.
One thing that stood out to me about MPR’s story was how brave and cognizant she was when preparing to make the leap outside Westboro. She meticulously and strategically documents her family life, wanting to preserve each good memory, thought, and scene, to preserve them from the rewrite that will come once she leaves. This is something that I personally did not have the courage too. In discussing our methods of leaving our families’ cults, a friend and I, agreed that we just closed our eyes and ran, the consequences being too painful for us to sort through. It is only now, with years of hindsight and distance from those experiences, that my friend and I are able to start working through what happened. Not so with MPR. She and her sister, Grace, work through the entire thing, attempting to work out all the kinks ahead of time. While reading their plans, their anxiety and emotional investment are palpable (and commendable). Despite their efforts, the process of leaving is messing. It culminates in a very moving scene:
It was time for final hugs.
Dad first.
“Well, we’re not gonna be doing this for a while.” He didn’t mean it unkindly.
And then Mom.
“Goodbye, doll.”
I was shaking.
I don’t remember if I said anything. I just held them tight for as long as they let me. Grace and I turned to cross the yard to the van.
“Girls?” Mom called out.
We turned.
“You can always come back.”
Her hope broke me more than her tears.
The book then delves into MPR and Grace’s life after Westboro, being an excellent narrative of deconstruction coupled with insight and winsomeness.
I highly recommend this book, speaking from an objective perspective (at least partially), rather than a personal, this book portrays American Fundamentalisms nasty side in a way that will leave the reader more empowered to understand, and thus, effectively engage with, a large minority of Americans. show less
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- 2
- Members
- 499
- Popularity
- #49,588
- Rating
- 4.1
- Reviews
- 21
- ISBNs
- 9