Dan Savage

Dan Savage reflects on the process of adopting his son.

Dan Savage is a funny guy, but as I got older, I found his column increasingly a one-trick pony of edgy crass humor and advice -- I thought I'd outgrown him, or he was chafing against his pigeon hole after nearly 30 years inside it, or the format of a sex advice column mocking-become-real was too limiting, or something. I decide to come to this book only because it gets great reviews. After reading The Kid (published back in 1999), I show more have a new appreciation for Dan Savage. His experience of adopting has extra oomph from being (a) an early gay adoption, (b) an early open adoption, (c) written for laughs, (d) in a very self-aware way. He handles a lot of emotionally charged subjects extremely well, with nuance and appreciation, he treats seriously the pain of open adoption as well as the joy, and the book is chock-full of entertaining and interesting asides. There also isn't much crass sex talk, although he is direct about his orientation, preferences and choices; he doesn't pull punches in being judgmental, but he owns that judgmentalness with self-aware jabs as well. He also treats his issues with fat people (at length!). I thought the huge amount of discussion on this topic was Dan Savage telling his side of his fight with Lindy West (a la this), but it turns out this book was written way before Lindy West used the controversy to establish herself -- he's just obsessed with weight, perhaps in the way that only being majorly identified with a subculture that values people for looks above all else can make someone.

I wasn't expecting this, but I will probably seek out other books by Dan Savage. I'm very curious if my renewed appreciation of his writing is a function of going back in time 20 years to when he was less jaded, or whether it's a function of the memoir format giving Dan Savage a chance to stretch his writing muscles after having answered literally every relevant sex advice question in the universe what must be hundreds or thousands of times. Either way, I'd love to read more by the thoughtful and reflective voice who wrote this humorous memoir. show less

Summary: When Dan Savage decided he was ready to be a father, the process was a bit more complicated then for most people. Because Dan is gay, he and his boyfriend Terry were limited in their options for having children. They had had discussions with lesbian friends about fathering a biological child, but in the end, they decided that adoption represented the only practical solution. But in the late '90s, adoption by gay parents was legal in only a handful of states, and even in the liberal show more and progressive Pacific Northwest, Dan and Terry worried if a birth mom would ever pick a gay couple to raise her child. But as they entered the adoption process, they found that had surprises and challenges and heartbreak and joy in store for them that they never would have anticipated.

Review: I've been a fan of Dan Savage's for a long time. Probably since about the time he published this book, in fact. But prior to this year, I'd only read one of his books. So I knew this book was out there, and knew it was something I'd probably enjoy (despite the fact that memoirs are typically not a favorite genre of mine). I also knew, at least in broad outline, the story of how Dan and Terry adopted DJ, their son. Savage is an advice columnist, focused on the lives of the people asking for advice, so he doesn't talk a lot about his family and his personal life on his blog or in his podcasts. But I'd assimilated enough pieces over time to put together at least a vague idea of the story. The book, of course, goes into a lot more detail than I'd heard before. I think that's one of the things that made this such an interesting reading experience: the fact that it was a memoir, that it was personal, that we get to see inside Dan's everyday life, and see Terry as a person rather than a passing mention.

While the subject matter isn't something that would have made me pick this book up if I hadn't been familiar with the author - gay adoption stories, or even adoption stories in general, aren't something that holds a particular interest for me - I thought The Kid was not only an interesting look into the adoption process, but also an interesting read due to its very clear place in time. I was worried that this book would be dated - DJ, who isn't born until near the end of the book, is now a 15-year-old kid. And it was dated, but in such a way that made me surprisingly happy. So much has changed in the arena of gay rights in the past 15 years; among other things, Savage writes in the book about Terry being his boyfriend (he dislikes the word "partner"), and how he doesn't think that he'll see marriage equality in his lifetime. I was hoping that the audiobook production, which was just recorded this year (well after Terry and Dan were married in Washington state), would include a new foreword or afterword in which Savage addresses some of the changes the past 15 years have wrought. It didn't, sadly, but I suppose I know Savage's opinion well enough from having read his column all this time.

Listening to Savage read this book was a great experience. I didn't have the same problems with The Kid as I did with American Savage - perhaps because it's an older book and Savage has a little more distance on it, or perhaps because it's material that was new to me, but I thought his reading sounded natural and lively but still distinct from the off-the-cuff style of his podcasts. Hearing the story not only from his perspective, but also in his voice, really brought the book to life, and I laughed out loud in quite a few places, but I also surprised myself by tearing up several times - especially since I already knew how the story ended. 4 out of 5 stars.

Recommendation: Unlike American Savage, I think The Kid is perfectly accessible to readers who aren't already fans of Savage's, but who are interested in issues of gay rights, adoption, and/or memoirs with a snarky sense of humor. show less

Dan Savage can never be accused of being shy or quiet. One can’t be and make a living as a sex advice columnist, and a gay one at that. Over the years, he has made a name for himself not only for the advice he gives but also for his rabid following and his impact on the equal rights movement, especially the It Gets Better project. In American Savage, Mr. Savage tackles an eclectic range of topics that include his experiences as a parent, his mother’s death, gay pride, the political left, show more and others. He provides thoughtful insight into each topic while remaining true to his ideals and manages to insert his unique brand of humor as well.

One of the best things about American Savage is the care Mr. Savage takes to cite all statistics and quotes he references throughout the book. Not only that, but he takes the time to explain the context of his chosen quote or statistic. As he posits the dangers of taking facts out of context or of the failure of various news media to fact-check, this is reassuring that he practices what he preaches. This is important given how many hot-button topics upon which he expounds throughout the book – national healthcare, doctor-assisted suicide, sex education, and religion, just to name a few. A reader may not agree with his opinions, but one has to appreciate his diligence at providing the full picture of any given argument rather than just a one-sided rant without data to back up his statements.

Mr. Savage is not afraid to admit his mistakes, nor does he avoid calling a spade a spade. This can make for an amusing, although somewhat crude, dialogue as he discusses how much he has learned over his twenty years of writing his column and sets the record straight for those who might use some of his columns to skew an issue. Those who follow Mr. Savage, or politics, know about his involvement in Rick Santorum’s Google problem. It was all over the headlines last year. In case you don’t know what the kerfuffle is, be warned before you Google it that it is not for the squeamish, easily offended, or socially conservative. For those who already know, or are not afraid of what they are going to find, the chapter in which Mr. Savage sets the record straight on Santorum’s Google problem is sharp, politically aware, and absolutely hilarious. It is a perfect example of how careful Mr. Savage is to make sure everyone understands both sides of an argument.

Mr. Savage not only spends his time writing his column, but he does quite a bit of public speaking as well. This stands him in good stead as narrator for the audiobook. His voice is enjoyable, while his presentation is even more so. He masters the irony and the sarcasm that sneaks its way into the narrative. However, it is when he is discussing his mother’s death and his own son’s “coming out” where his performance truly shines. The emotion he tries to disguise is absolutely heart-breaking and does more to prove how honest and open he is about everything than anything else he could say about his experiences or his opinions. Some books are meant to be read, and some books are meant to be enjoyed as an auditory experience. Given Mr. Savage’s speaking prowess, and the enhanced enjoyment his performance brings to his written word, American Savage is one novel meant to be enjoyed via audiobook.

Just like the Rick Santorum issue, American Savage is not necessarily for conservatives given his very progressive opinions. However, while he has no problem ridiculing the conservative left, he does present their viewpoints and does allow readers to form their own opinions. This speaks to his brilliance in remaining relevant, insightful, and – for all his mockery – fair. He uses his own personal experience but backs up his opinions with scientific data and actual quotes from public sources, but most importantly, he cites everything he uses so that a reader can also do his or her own research. The end product is amusing, informative, tremendously thought-provoking, and definite worthwhile reading in our current political chaos. show less

A friend of mine recommended this book to me, warning me that it's FILLED with the author saying "the 'f' word." She knows me well enough to know that doesn't bother me in the slightest--I think it was more a case of her wanting me to be proud of her for getting through all the swears! :)

I absolutely loved this book. I really enjoy memoirs, and Dan Savage speaks my language (including the abundance of 'f' words!). I found it interesting to hear his take on why or why not same sex couples show more should get married, why he and HIS partner, in particular, should or should not get married, and what his mother, his siblings, his & his partner's son, and everyone else in the world has to say on the topic!

I think it's fair to say this book is meant to be read & enjoyed by those who are more liberal-minded, i.e. those who are supportive of our LGBTQA members of the community. However, I also feel that it would be a good read for those members of the conservative crowd who are maybe curious about same sex marriages or maybe who just need to have a little reassurance about why "breeders" (heterosexuals) should marry, as well. (Or, as the case may be, SHOULD NOT marry.)

There's also a lot of talk about tattoos, with an emphasis on whether or not to get a loved one's name tattooed on your body. (Hint: not a good idea.)

I truly enjoyed this book, and I'm going to really try to find the time to listen to Savage Love more frequently (Dan Savage's advice column, via podcast). show less