Joan Halifax

Listening to this book was profoundly meaningful. I've admired Roshi Joan Halifax for her balance of earthy sensibility and intentional spirit-ness (which I use distinctively from spirituality). The book examines five "edge-states": altruism, empathy, integrity, respect, and engagement. In recognition of Thich Nhat Hanh's wise caution: "no mud, no lotus", Halifax unpacks each of these edge-states to dig into when altruism goes awry, when we can suffer empathic distress, recognizing empathy show more as a precursor to compassion (but not compassion itself), when mouthing off is just sanctimony and not principled moral outrage (integrity), and so much more. It would be enough for her just to speak to her own experiences--as a social justice advocate, a volunteer at maximum security penitentiaries, a hospice caregiver, a medical anthropologist and psychologist, founder of the Upaya Zen Center, and probably half a dozen other things I don't even know about. She brings in amazing stories, but also grounds a lot of what she shares in neuroscience and psychology. Roshi Joan is quick to credit all the various figures from whom she has learned (formally, and informally), and it is worth listening to the acknowledgements at the end of the book, because she says each name with intentionality and it is a very impressive list. She integrates introductions to concepts like Stephen Karpman's Drama Triangle, pathological altruism, the Hungry Ghost (in Buddhism), Darwin's original concept of natural selection unmodified by Spencer, David Halberstam's account of the self-immolation of Thích Quảng Đức in 1963, horizontal hostility/peer-aggression, Clark Strand's concept of meditating inside the life you have -- the list goes on. And even with all of this in there, her gentle but firm narration keeps it all digestible and meaningful.

Far from a feel-good self-help book, this is truly an honest investigation of what it is to be human. She offers some suggestions for practice, but ultimately she uses powerful metaphors (ending with a astounding story about her experiences at a charnel ground), storytelling, historical documentation, and scientific investigation, to help us grapple with our own condition(s). She holds up others: Fannie Lou Hamer, Florynce Kennedy, Laurance Rockefeller, and so many others. She shares their stories as well as her own. Roshi Joan offers a contemplative practice model to help guide us through these moments that challenge us at the edge, but one that is centered in active presence and acknowledgment of systemic injustice and our individual biases. This is not a stick-your-head-in-the-sand approach, but instead one of intentional centeredness to create spaces of mutuality and trust. I'll be returning to this often. show less

Joan Halifax has written a wonderful book offering help to those who are dying and their caregivers. I recently lost my mother to breast cancer and my emotions and thoughts are so jumbled and scary, I'm on a journey to come to peace with it all. My anger has overwhelmed me; my despair and depression have crippled me; and my loneliness has dominated my days. This book has reassured me about myself personally and has validated my 2 years of care giving--care giving that left me feeling show more inadequate, impotent, and had me believing I was a horrible daughter and person who now doesn't deserve to have any happiness in my life because I didn't do enough. I still have a long ways to go in my own spiritual recovery, but, this book will be one I go back to frequently on those dark days when I'm beating myself up. I just wish I would have found this book before my mom passed away. Before my whole world changed. I recommend this to every single human being walking this earth. Because someday, you will experience Being with Dying.

I miss my mom. show less

After reading this story by Joan Halifax to a group of children at the Middle Way School in New York, messages from teachers and parents started coming back…it was creating a profound ripple effect. The story unfolds in a beautiful way that creates the perfect setting for a gem of a mantra to shine: Breathe in, I am safe. Breathe out, I am free. Halifax wrote the book—based on a childhood memory of getting lost in the rain and meeting a dog—during the pandemic when she felt children show more were suffering the collective fear of the adult world. Halifax says the storm in the story is also about the storms we encounter in our life, the losses that we experience, and the courage and love to show up for what really matters. From a parent: “It has been a challenging year for me. Yesterday in the car ride home from the tea party, my son told me the story he learned at school of the blind girl who regained her sight. And then taught me the meditation from the book. It was a really beautiful moment and spot on in terms of how I am currently approaching a major health obstacle. I just wanted to share how the dharma teachings are offering life skills to these young ones.” show less

Joan Halifax has done amazing work with the the dying process. She has devoted her life to helping people as they die and their caregivers and family. In this wonderful book, Joan tells heartfelt stories of dying people. She engages the reader, using Buddhist teachings, to explore their own impending deaths. Joan makes talking about dying a much easier topic. She offers meditations at the end of each chapter.