Norine Dresser

Full disclosure. I requested and received this book directly from the publisher in exchange for a review.

Saying Goodbye to Someone You Love has been the most helpful book I've read about illness, care-giving and death since 2008 when breast cancer took my mom. Cancer left ugly, painful scars on me too, emotionally and spiritually.

Page after page, tears were running down my face as I read about the stories of loss, love, pain, hope and growth. From long drawn-out illnesses to sudden, show more unexpected deaths, I could relate to these people and I felt embraced and understood. Every emotion I have experienced was mirrored back to me from these stories and I didn't feel so alone. Discussions on hospice, self-care, celebrating life and communicating wishes and feelings, last goodbyes, funerals, memorials, grieving, talking to children about illness and death, supporting others, and finally, learning that the minute someone dies, people are changed forever but we can still go on and have a meaningful, fulfilling life that honors our loved ones--all of these topics can be found within the pages of this honest, non-judgmental book.

I so wish this book would have been available all those years ago when cancer became a very unwelcome presence in my life. I can only speak from a cancer viewpoint, but I'm pretty sure when people are dealing with a terminal disease, they are given information about their condition in a very sterile, professional way--this book gave information in a loving, caring, encouraging way. I would like to see this book incorporated in all those informational packets of brochures and pamphlets the doctors hand-out to their patients and their families to help them through the difficult days that lie ahead--before, during and after someone dies.

For the past 2 years, I've navigated my way through the world taking up space, but oftentimes, not fully engaged in living. More just playing the part expected of me.
"All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts..."

That line from Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, speaks to the person I am, here and now. Since her death, I've implemented into my daily routine many of the suggestions that Ms. Dresser and Wasserman have recommended and was glad to see that I was on the right track in that respect. I am doing better, but still have very dark days.

Norine and Fredda offer a great deal of information in a loving, respectful manner and I know it will address most--if not all--of the confusing feelings swirling in a person's mind. Life will change after a loss. But, there can be peace. Saying Goodbye to Someone You Love can help you find it. Well done. show less

Really enjoyed this book. I had a friend commit suicide years ago and lost two grandpas and two friends who were way too young in the last decade. I had suffered from depression, guilt, and anxiety for years because of it...and reading this really gave me a chance to mourn, find some hope, and begin moving on with my life. It really did help me say goodbye, which I needed.

While death is inevitable, many of us fail to contemplate this Universal experience with much beyond fear and denial. This very necessary and helpful book brings gently home a better way; to be fully present and participatory in the final journey of our loved one on Earth is a gift not only to them but to our grieving selves. Both anecdotal and instructive, I would recommend this book not only for hospice workers, but for everyone approaching or immersed in this Life experience we all will have.

"Like so many examples of cultural miscommunication, no one was wrong and no one was right. Each side responded according to its own cultural traditions. Each group interpreted behavior of the other group based on completely different sets of cultural norms. It is easy to misjudge the behavior of those whose cultural backgrounds are different." p. 152

It is rare that you will never interact with a person from another culture, whether that person is a recent immigrant, a business contact, a show more student, a customer, a significant other's family, or someone from a different region. It isn't necessary to bend oneself into knots to accommodate other cultures. But it is becoming more and more important to recognize that "polite" and "rude" are not universal truths and that cultural norms and mores vary.

Dresser's book shows many real-life examples of well-meaning individuals who inadvertently insult their hosts, loose business deals, offend customers, take offense, or experience simple confusion. She then explains how misunderstandings can occur and some generalities to keep in mind when dealing with others. This is an excellent resource for educators, business people, and anyone marrying into a different culture. It's also useful for children of immigrants. Her examples are not limited to foreigner's coming into contact with Americans, though. She includes examples of people from different regions of America, people with autism, and homosexuals.

Essentially, it is important to remember that if you are looking to be offended (or to cause offense) you will succeed. But if you actually do want to interact with those around you politely and courteously, this is a great book to read through. show less