Helen Boyd

Helen Boyd is a feminist married to a crossdresser. Her husband's picture as the beautiful inquisitive looking Betty appears on the cover of the book. She knew her man liked to dress in women's clothing before she married him and states why she likes crossdressers: "Crossdressers--like gay men--have been through a personal trial and have asked difficult questions of themselves. I admire the courage of people who have to define and respect themselves in a culture that doesn't like them. I show more like people who have come up against adversity and won... People who know themselves. Socrates believed the unexamined life is not worth living. Most (people) are never forced to do that examining, but out crossdressers have no choice in the matter." What a perfect way to describe many of us here on LT, people who like to examine life and are attracted to others who do too.

She says finds crossdressers to be decent guys who love their wives and Sunday afternoon football. And when they're jerks they're the same kinds of jerks non-CD men are: selfish, sexist, insensitive, etc. Women find them attractive because they're attentive and don't objectify other women, They have a deep respect for women and take the crass things they're supposed to think about women and tuck them away in their minds. When they dress en femme they say they're just trying to express the feminine part of themselves, but that's not quite true. As Boyd says, if they were after expressing femininity they could watch the kids or do the dishes. When she and her husband go out to CD events she laughs that she and the other few genetic women are the only ones there in sensible shoes. All the guys are wearing sky high heels. So she says crossdressers are very male. Rather than expressing their feminine selves they express a masculine version of femininity, their inner objectified woman.

She says there are two things important in sexuality (for all of us): self-acceptance and responsibility. The crossdresser must be able to share fantasies with his partner in order to find his way to self-acceptance, "accepting that sexual desire is unfathomable and complicated."

"People with sexual fetishes or variants often deny and suppress them for years in what almost always proves to be a futile attempt to control and deny their sexual desires and live "normal" lives." The premier crossdresser group, Tri-Ess, insists that crossdressers are heterosexual and that there is no sexual component to their dressing, they just like to be pretty. Throughout the book Boyd acknowledges the safe haven Tri-Ess has afforded to many crossdressers but states that they need to let go of their need to appear straight and embrace the whole continuum of the transgendered community from crossdressers to transsexuals in order to advance the safety, both physical and psychological of all.

Boyd has a website myhusbandbetty.com that's a real eye opener. She doesn't have much interest in "vanilla" sex and promotes the open acceptance of all variations. The book and her website are a needed education for all of us because they show the value of accepting differences both socially and romantically. show less

Even if you don't happen to be married to a transgender husband, Helen Boyd has a lot of trenchant observations about gender roles in general. The very end of the book, written by her husband, made me cry a little -- a rather rare thing for me when I'm reading a book. I'd recommend this book to anyone who's struggled with gender-based expectations and frustration (that is, just about everyone in the world).

A really interesting narrative about how we navigate gender in different parts of our lives: how we are perceived by others, how we perceive our own gender and sexual orientation, how gender does/doesn't affect our relationships, and how love (hopefully) conquers all.

I know a fair number of trans and genderqueer people, but I don't know alot about male cross dressers. This book is a thoughtful look at different types of cross dresserss written by someone who is a lot like me (urban, feminist, reads too much) and is married to a cross dresser. It's a great book and a compelling quick read.