Martha Peace

The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace is just what its subtitle says: a biblical perspective on what wives should aspire to be. With so many competing voices telling us about marriage and the role of women, it's refreshing to read what the Bible says about the subject. It's refreshing to see a design different from the dysfunction and failed experimentation of the world.

But make no mistake — this is a book that will upset you. It is not a book for those looking for quick fixes for difficult show more marriages, or commiseration over the sins of a husband, or feel-good encouragement and sentimentality. This is a hard book... but it is a good book. Like Scripture, Peace reminds us repeatedly of our own responsibility to be godly, no matter what our husbands are like. Our marriages may be difficult, but that is no excuse for sin. It's pretty black and white.

Peace, a NANC biblical counselor, often includes charts that compare sinful responses and thoughts with godly perspectives to adopt instead (for example, "I can't believe he did this to me again" would be replaced with something like, "He did this again. How can I love and help him?"). These charts are helpful tools to train our thinking. There is practical help for women in difficult marriages, especially women married to unbelievers.

The only criticism I would make is that Peace sometimes strains a little too hard to make a certain verse fit her point. She is so concerned with being biblical in all her statements that she interprets a couple verses rather widely to encompass the meaning she wants to convey. I don't want to split hairs, but I do want to be careful with handling Scripture. I wish I had noted some as I read to cite as examples. There weren't many, just a few that made me raise an eyebrow.

I read this book in two pieces — one large chunk all in one day, and then the last couple chapters exactly (quite by accident) a year later. I'm not sure why I didn't finish it sooner. Maybe it was less tempting than fiction. Maybe I felt I paid my dues with reading so much of it in one day, or that I already had all this stuff down. Or maybe it was that I began to see areas in my own life where my godliness as a wife was so far from the real standard of the Word.

I was convicted mostly on my own definition of submission and how it differs from God's (yikes, that's sin, to set up my own definition instead of following His). Biblically, I should be cultivating an attitude of submission that goes far beyond simply deferring to my husband's leadership in the decision-making process. For my own joy as well as that of my husband, I should be seeking to submit constantly and this includes the most mundane details of life. This does not preclude appeals or providential hindrances, of course. It is just a heart attitude that I am seeing is not consistently present in my life.

The doctrine and practice of submission is so open to attack by the secular world that cannot see its inherent beauty. All they see is how it has been misunderstood and abused by fallible people, and I'm sorry for it. But as I work through it in my own life, I know that it is an act of obedience to God. Therefore, it is for His glory and my good and joy. And that is why I will continue to pursue it.

I will very likely revisit this book and use it to minister to women struggling to love their husbands in the way God designed. It's a good resource. show less

More like 2.5…..There were parts that were very good. The emphasis on the heart attitude and desires was excellent. They were clear that it is our sinful desires that lead to wanting to choose actions and clothing that may bring attention to ourselves. However, the authors repeatedly mentioned that girls need to be careful so they don’t tempt men into lustful thoughts — yet Scripture is clear that it is our own sinful desires that tempt us (not other people’s actions and clothing). I show more understand the importance of not being a stumbling block, but this point was overemphasized and needs more clarification so that girls don’t think they are solely responsible for making sure that guys’ thoughts are pure. Some Scriptures are stretched to prove their point. I would only recommend this to read if I were reading and discussing it with the other person so that we could look up the verse references to study thoroughly and add a more balanced perspective to the topic. show less

I was surprised that the chapter on submitting to husbands wasn't more insulting towards non-submissive women, because earlier chapters had talked down on women for such "sins" as failing to be a natural morning person. The study guides sending me to Bible verses were good, as well as some of the suggestions for reframing feelings of frustration towards loved ones, but other areas of advice were inconsistent with basic psychology (for example, strongly recommending that parents never pause show more to reflect prior to giving physical punishment... adult brains think more clearly after a couple deep breaths...........). It reminds me of a blogger who criticized coffee-drinking in church because coffee is for relaxation and you should be attentive in church - maybe the writer drinks coffee to relax, but everyone else drinks it to be alert and attentive to important things. Peace sometimes framed her own experiences as the only Biblical way to leave, without grounding the advice in general understanding of other human beings. show less

This was a hard book to just read through but read through I did. It is a book that I will pick up again and do the study guide that came with it as there is much that I needed here. I know that other women in my family and church would greatly benefit from doing the study as well.

I agreed with most everything in this book. This is the life I have tried to live. But I did pick up a few more things that would help me to please God more in my relationship with my husband. There are chapters show more included for the wife who does not have a believer as a spouse. I know many women like this but not necessarily in an abusive situation. I love how there is scripture throughout so it tells you in many places of The Word God’s plan for the woman (wife).

The only thing that I did not really agree with was the fact that the author put emphasis on certain sins. Sin is sin. There is not one greater than the other in God’s eye. She would say that ” such and such sin was like shaking your fist at God”. Well, all sin is saying you will have your own way and essentially “shaking your fist at God”. So I do not feel that as a woman you are sinning any greater by not be submissive to your husband than you are if you covet your neighbors new car. show less