Mark Sceurman

Before reading this, I assumed – per a South Park episode – that Al Gore was the only person who believed in the notorious Man-Bear-Pig chimera. Now I know otherwise. Reveling in a collage of myths and neurosis, this tome is chock-full of supposed oddities that have somehow escaped the lens of a camera (in a society where seemingly every post-1987 infant pratfall or freaking dog chasing a squirrel is filmed and aired on my damn TV each Sunday!). This is the underbelly of Americana…and show more I love this crap!

As a compilation of weirdness, this book includes the surreal-real (Rodia’s Towers, Lizzy Borden) and the surreal-gotta-be-fake (96.9% of the rest of the content). In format, the authors non-critically expose the innumerable overlaps of stories, sightings, and BS across the nation. Crybaby bridges and “Melon-heads” are seemingly in every county. It makes me think there’s some sort of return-postage, story-spinning template mailed to everyone who lives more than 40 miles from a video rental store. It’s the equivalent of a Mr. Potato Head doll where you just plug in pre-scripted elements to make a freakish thing. I wanna play:

“So me and some buds were driving along route 34 in North Carolina. It was a hazy evening so we decided to turn off on Devils Foot Road. Down the road there used to be an asylum where a disenfranchised Rumanian chemist was turning orphans into Melon Heads in either the early 1800s or 1973. The fearless leader of the Melon Heads incited an uprising and burned the stone building down with the deranged scientist trapped inside the attic with his collection of Peruvian voodoo dolls. The lead Melon Head also happened to be a woman, and had a couple babies. She/it was seeking the love of a non-Melon Head man from a higher station in life. Assuming the man would only court her/it if she/it didn’t have babies, she threw her babies off of Crybaby Bridge right there on Devil’s Elbow Road in Broken Whistle, Oklahoma. Nonetheless, the man still screened her phone calls so the scorned lady/thing can now be seen, dressed like a bunny, wandering in a perfect 120 mile radius within South Jersey. She hits one Wawa store in each Township at alarmingly regular intervals. Nowadays, if you listen close enough you can hear the tossed Melon children singing along to frightening Neil Diamond songs as gaseous red balls dance around near the removed Union Pacific tracks down by the river bed. These multi-colored balls seem to emanate from a tree whose roots resemble a skull and/or the cloven hooves of the Devil himself! According to early colonists in Northern California, the Native Americans of the region used to call it the “cracker tree,” and as you’re straining to look for it (as well as the blood-red water), your car will suddenly defy gravity and roll up hill (did I mention the wooden bridge slopes?). If you put baby powder on the hood, little melon-brat handprints will appear on the bumper! The melon kid apparitions are pulling your car up towards the hilltop where Creole-Hessian Jackson Whites have built an albino midget village – complete with a 2-liter soda bottle Stonehenge – dedicated to the New Testament! Freaked out, we started the engine and drove off, picking up some non-Melon Head hitch-hiking chick in a hoop skirt on the way. Charming at first, she became noticeably frigid as the conversation turned towards March Madness. Then she suddenly disappeared from the back seat as we passed the pet cemetery. Definitely the creepiest place in central Florida – don’t drink the water.” M. Grogan

My favorite quote from one of the authors was:

“…is it possible that there really is a strange subhuman beast lurking in the backwoods of Arkansas?”

Having lived there for a while, I’ll withhold commentary. show less

Overall I liked this book. There were some entries that gave me goosebumps and made me shiver a bit. Sadly, my home state didn't have any stories in the book, but I did really like it nonetheless since I'm a Civil War history buff and had to read this. I would recommend this book to youngsters, but it is very good. 4 out of 5 stars. Very entertaining, whether the stories are true or not :).

You gotta love these books - they originated with the serial publicationg "Weird NJ" and have expanded all over the country (and international, with Weird England). Stories are taken from regular folks, and "cleaned up" for publication. And they cover a wide range of oddness, from strange people to odd structures, eerie places and reputed hauntings. Both light and dark, funny and frightening, the series (and magazine, for that matter) are must-haves, and must-reads.

A great collection of oddities from the state of New Jersey including Folklore, Personalities, roadside attractions and more. A Great read if you are into the paranormal as well. Who knew such interesting things were just a few exits on the turnpike away!