Ava Dellaira

After the death of her older sister, Laurel changes schools. Her entire life has been turned upside down by death, divorce, estrangement from one parent, having to make new friends and figure out life all over again. A simple school assignment: Write a letter to a dead person as if the letter could actually reach them. Laurel chooses Kurt Cobain. She writes the letter, but she never turns in the assignment. She keeps writing. Judy Garland. Janis Joplin. E.E. Cummings, River Phoenix. Amelia show more Earhart. Out pours the emotions of growing up, learning about love and sex, the pain of divorce, and the feelings of loss. She talks about her sister May and what actually happened the night she died.

This book was amazing. It brought back memories of my teenage years. The first time I snuck out of the house. The first time I drank alcohol. The need to figure out life....and myself. The emotions that Laurel was pouring out onto the page to her dead heroes were so real, and so painful. Her school assignment became her therapy.

Be ready for the range of feelings this book will bring, but it's a roller coaster ride that can't be missed. It truly shows the range of emotions we all go through when we grieve for a dead loved one, or when our lives fundamentally change and there's no returning to the way things used to be.

Have you ever wished you could have reached out to a tragically dead celebrity? I know I have. This book also reminded me of all the times I have wished that I could have told Janis Joplin to lay off the drugs and that she was very talented and an awesome person, no matter what asshats told her early in life. I have always been haunted by a recorded interview she gave before she died about going back to her hometown after becoming famous and what it was going to be like to see all the people that made her miserable as an awkward teenager. They called her a pig and threw pennies at her in school. She came back in August 1970 dressed in purple, wearing oversize sunglasses and bright orange nail polish. She came as herself...and they still gawked at her and made catty remarks behind her back. Then she was dead....never making peace with her past. Never letting it go. Some people just aren't meant to fit in. She was meant to break molds and sing her soul. That's not an easy road to travel. I'm so sorry she died alone, naked, on a hotel floor, never knowing that THEY were wrong. That she was ok as she was. It isn't necessary to be like everyone else. But, it isn't easy to be The Different One. I wish I could have told her. Could have been her friend. Could have showed her that asshats are just asshats...not important. Be the one in purple. Wear the feathers. Sing your Soul. Be. Don't destruct. Don't use heroin to escape the demons. Push the demons out. But, I was only 2 when Janis died alone on the floor of her hotel room. And, I thought about that the entire time I read this book. If I could write a letter to Janis, I would say all of that to her, what my heart and soul have always screamed every time I hear her sing, or hear an old interview. She was going back to her old high school to "shove it up their asses,'' but the victory was bittersweet. She wanted acceptance, and they had none to give. Ever since I heard her story as a teenager, I've wanted to say all that to her. This book brought all those feelings back, and the memories of my sadness when I heard of others: Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse, River Phoenix, Judy Garland, Marilyn Monroe, Chris Farley. I watch them perform as ghosts, wishing there was something that could have been done to save them. But they wouldn't have taken my warning. Perhaps their destiny was set. They had to run their course and like so many talented, beautiful people, fizzle out early. No old age years. No retirement. Just...gone. We all have flaws, even the beautiful people. And our fates are the sum of our choices.

Laurel learns this about her sister.

Beautiful book. Excellent first book. I wonder what Ava Dellaira will write next?? I will definitely be one of the first in line to read it!!

My rating: 9/10
Ages: 16 , some sexual, drug and alcohol themes but not graphic show less

Can I give this six stars? Seven? Eight? Ava Dellaira must know what's in my soul. If you've ever been lost, read it. If you've ever been left, read it. If you've ever loved a musician so much you thought you knew them, read it. If you've ever needed inspiration to learn from those who came before you, read it. If you've ever lived near the Rio Grande and eaten at a Village Inn, read it. It's a story of growing up, healing, family, love, bravery, tragedy, and recovery. It's heart-wrenching show more and uplifting. Seriously, read it. show less

It started off a little soon, but I pushed on and then boy, was I hooked. Laurel receives a writing assignment on her first day of high school to write a letter to a dead person so she writes to Kurt Cobain. She enjoys it so much that it turns into a journal of sorts and she keeps writing to other dead people (River Pheonix, Janis Joplin, Heath Ledger, Elizabeth Browning, etc.), never turning in her initial assignment. She pours out her fears, frustrations, loneliness, and developing show more friendships. It's heartbreaking as she laments for her sister (who died tragically young), the divorce of her parents and the fear of being too broken. It is very reminiscent of Stephen Chbosky's "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" in that it is a coming of age story that will stick with you long after you finish it. Wonderful, achingly sad, and beautiful. I may have shed a tear or two at the end, a wonderful debut! show less

Seventeen year old Marilyn feels trapped. She has grown up as a child actor and model, touted from agent to agent to fulfil her mother’s desire to find fame and fortune, to provide an escape from the poverty which has led them to having to move in with a volatile, disagreeable uncle. All Marilyn wants is to be able to make her own decisions, to go to university and move as far away from the superficial glitter of Hollywood as possible. Then she falls in love with James, the boy downstairs show more who shows her that life in the present can also be good. However, she also discovers that nothing stays the same, that life can change in an instant.
Angie is also seventeen and has been lovingly brought up single-handedly by her mother, Marilyn. She is mixed-race and knows little about her father, other than that he had died before she was born. She has felt his absence throughout her life and has always wanted to know more about him; the story her mother has told her doesn’t quite add up and she becomes aware that her mother has lied about the past. When she discovers a photograph, hidden in one of her mother’s drawers, of her mother looking totally in love with a young man, she becomes convinced that this is her father and becomes determined to find out more about her background. A chance discovery leads her to leave home and set off to Los Angeles, in search of someone who may be her unknown uncle, the brother of her father, and maybe she will discover that her father is, after all, still alive. Will her discoveries enable her to finally establish who she is and where she belongs, as well as why her mother has lied to her for so long?
This moving and engaging story is told from two perspectives, Marilyn’s during the late 1990’s and Angie’s in the present and explores their parallel quests for identity. These switches in time were handled very well and served to slowly uncover the various events which had led to Angie’s desperate need to establish her own identity. The story explored several disturbing themes, including physical and sexual abuse, racism, addiction and police brutality and I thought that these were dealt with in a sensitive, non-exploitative way, adding a credible depth to the story-telling.
The parallels in the stories of these two characters ran throughout the novel and served to highlight that past, unresolved conflicts are ever-present in the here and now and need to be dealt with in order to enable people to enjoy proper freedom of choice. Both Marilyn and Angie had suffered losses which had had an impact on how they related to each other and to other people and the story explored how important it is to know about one’s roots in order to feel safe and secure. It is often the little things, emerging from shared memories, looking at old photographs etc., which help to give us a sense of belonging and connectedness and the story illustrated well how insecure a person can feel if these are missing. It also highlighted that no one should be expected to live someone else’s dreams; we all need to feel free to follow our own.
I thought that the characterisations were convincing and that the self-absorbed angst of adolescence was well captured. I found it very easy to begin to care about the fates of each of the characters and this meant that I soon found myself emotionally engaged with their struggles, at times to the extent that I was moved to tears. I also felt that the writing captured a very vivid sense of time and place.
The nature of the themes explored make this is a thought-provoking book and, as such, I think it would make a good choice for reading groups.

My thanks to Readers First and Hot Key Books for sending me a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. show less