Lance Carbuncle

This is my third book from Mr. Carbuncle and I have to say, "The hits just keep coming."

After bragging to my wife about how much fun and how crazy the first two books were I decided we should read this one together. She's hooked. We both laughed our asses off every night as I read this absurd, scatological tale of a boy pushed too far. All the characters were memorable and some were so archetypal that they put the reader right back in the shark pool of high school. This really makes it sound show more like an episode of the Wonder Years, so let me just mention, "piss monkeys", re-animated fetal pigs, rampaging undead racoons... I think that's enough to give you an idea.

I believe I missed one of Carbuncle's books, so my life won't be completely empty and worthless while I'm waiting for the next one, but I'm very curious where he's going from here. show less

I sing the body poop-centric.

What is Grundish & Askew? Well, the human body is quite grundish at times and definitely askew. After all, we all get sick, we all eventually get old and die (unless we’re crushed by a large object before it’s really time for us to go…and such events are, perhaps, uber-grundish). This book purports to be a buddy story, about two downtrodden fools, but I think it’s more of a meditation on all the fucked up shit that makes us physically tick. It’s show more reminding us that we are animals, human animals, yes, but animals with body parts that go bad, organs that spring leaks, and even minds that can’t be controlled with will-power. In many ways, we are helplessly at the mercy of Mother Nature. Alzheimer’s might be in our genes. Or perhaps a grapefruit-sized tumor is preparing to burst from our neck. Grundish & Askew slaps us around a bit and says, hey motherfucker, you ain’t some kind of flying spaghetti-monster angel, you’re made out of dirt. It’s a reminder well deserved given all the self-help pabulum that people turn to when the going gets tough.

Carbuncle’s bodily theme is communicated through the quite amusing story of two white trash lowlifes committing semi-accidental murder (repeatedly) while on the run from the pigs. Is it well told?...absolutely. Very funny and with sincere, solid characters. It’s a great adventure story. In fact, I felt the story was so well written, that the occasional footnotes that were “from the author,” giving a slight post-modern spin on the book, were unnecessary and detracted from the narrative itself, which rocked like Molly Hatchet. Yes, you need a bit of a stomach to appreciate this, but any reader willing to step out of her ivory tower and get down in the muck will love it. Highly recommended. show less

I’m taking a different slant to reviewing this novel. Too much of the pullit-surprise awesomeness would be exposed and you really should take the cult-fiction journey naked.

Grundish and Askew is an unconventional 5-star novel that rules its own genre with tenacity and confidence. Nothing is off the table or taboo here. You’ll get language, violence, grossness (I think I just made that word up) and dysfunctional characters that will make your weird relations appear normal. show more Scary!

Interestingly, a fantastic revenge is inserted mid-way through the novel when the author addresses a previous critic’s comments and shoves them in the mouth of a character. For this, I get on my knees and bow whiling chanting god-like phrases. Presto, the pretentious, bloated, pompous windbag is instantly infamous! In the indie literary world we’ve named this type of reviewer Nestor Maronski (see Facebook, Twitter and Bestseller Bound for details). Yep, go ahead and Google it!

Lets examine.

“If this is a novel, it seems to me that the author has just speckled it with bizarre characters, footnotes and profanity, hoping that the shock value will be enough to carry the story."

I could not disagree more! The characters are symptoms of our own stereotypical ideologies. As a society, we’ve come together to create Grundish, Askew, Turleen and collectively provide the setting, and behaviors of their neighbors. It’s the most honest reflection of contemporary thinking. Is it shocking, in your face, blunt and downright offensive? Yes, and that is the beauty of the story.

Shall we continue…back to our favorite critic.

“…But, the book’s most painful flaw is its lack of any thoughtfully crafted deeper meaning or unifying theme.”

I can not directly comment on the previous story for which this addresses, but in Grundish and Askew there is undoubtedly several deep and meaningful themes and if a reader misses them, a hex on you! So, what are these delightful themes? I’ll give it a shot by brainstorming a few off the top of my cliché head.

* Friendship (the bromance is outstanding)
* Family (what is a family and then of course, loyalty to Turleen)
* Economic limitations: culture, race, geography and education
* Crime and justice- role of juvee, prison and revolving door
* Ageism
* Mental health and illness, dependency, and co-dependency
* The value of life and death…blah, blah, etcetera.

The comedic attributes do no lessen the greater importance of the message. In fact, ironically, it enhances the seriousness and the message(s) the author are conveying. The most obvious example is presented in the repetitive story Grundish tells Askew whenever they face separation. It begins, “Guys like us, you know, the ones that work the shit jobs and scrape by, are the loneliest guys in the world. Can’t keep jobs. Don’t fit in. They ain’t got nobody in the world that give a sideways $@*! about them…” Here’s the sign, the big whooper, the deeper meaning, the theme and/or thesis statement. This is the psychology behind the literary curtain as it pertains to this creative story.

NEXT! Wingbag continues:

“The characters are outright unlikable and the author fails to provide us with a point as to what, exactly, he is trying accomplish.”

Unlikeable? I believe that depends on each readers own experience. You might not like them, but unless the wizard forgot to give you a heart I’m certain most can sympathize. The end game of a character is not to make readers like them – how lame would that be? Characters are often devices utilized by authors to communicate. In this case, a talking donkey works perfectly. Characters may manifest in many forms spreading the spectrum from fuzzy-feel-good or horrifyingly disgusting.

Alrightly almighty douche, moving on….

"To be fair, it also cannot be said that this book is completely without any talent or redemption."

By far this is a unique, creative, inventive, character-rich, language exploring, boundary breaking and imaginative book. In my singular opinion, the author is incredibly talented, daring and unapologetic. *Note: I am not related, previously befriended, or paid by the author to state this, but if he becomes rich I might claim to be a long lost third-removed cousin by marriage.

Wait for it…this is my favorite part of the review and the kick’em while they’re down death blow:

"The editing is not awful. BUT…”

POW! Suckerpucnch! The EDITING? Really? All I can say is see footnote: [regarding made up words] author is attempting to help move words in the direction of standardization, if for no other reason then to irritate snooty vocabulary police.” My response to the final nugget and to all who include such nonsense in a review, “Oh Nestor Maronski I thought we killed you in Cutting The Fat by Maria Savva and Jason McIntyre (Google it, then buy it). show less

It's been a long time since I listened to a book in one sitting, but I could not set "Grundish and Askew" aside. Without a doubt, it is one of the funniest books I have ever read.

Grundish and Askew are two friends who are outlandish, socially inappropriate, and irreverent. I loved them, and knew them well by the ending of the novel.

Askew, whose family lineage has graced prisons for a couple of centuries, has simply bought one too many tickets to ride the crazy train, and just never got show more off. And Grundish,....well, I believe there is a whole lot more to Grundish. I'll let you decide for yourself.

Lance Carbuncle (now that's funny) has a writing style that reminds me a lot of Hunter S. Thompson. Carbuncle has more wit than Thompson, but also has that same gift of being able to create those flamboyant, unorthodox, flawed characters that draw you in without effort or thought.

The narrator was an exact match for this novel, and was character consistent. Impressive.

This book is graphic and the swearing is endless.. but somehow appropriate. It accurately reflects the characters and their way of life.

Reader, don't be overwhelmed by the reviews. It's ok. Just jump on the crazy train. Hunter S. Thompson would be the first to say, "Buy the ticket. Take the ride." show less