August's Awesome or Awful....

I am happy that our weather is expected to be fine for the next week!!!! Nothing awful about that! Awesome!!

Awful: Gotta get caught up on the laundry, because.....

Awesome: I'm going to Maui for a week!!!

woo hoo!!!! MerryMary. That is truly awesome. Have a hula for me, and a mai tai, and some pineapple!

Hulas are fun, but once I start jiggling, it takes me awhile to stop!!

MerryMary in Maui! W00t! I have been there once, would love to go again...in January!

No update yet on Grandpa; they left here around 5:30 and it's a 5-hour drive, so they haven't even arrived yet. Will know more tomorrow and I'll keep you posted.

Yes, please do. We are concerned for you and for your whole family. Holding thumbs that all works out for the best!

I'm missing Japan already. Cheap food, good public transport, safe atmosphere (even at night).

Good thing I'm going to Hong Kong in a few weeks...

GN/BN: Lots of work to do. Glad I have the work, but feeling very behind at the moment.

Distracting myself, as there is no new news till tomorrow....

I MADE YARN!!!

Er... kinda. I made something that will be yarn, when it's washed and fluffed. Right now it's tightly-wound wool on a spindle that, until washed, will probably keep kinking up and tangling itself into a knot. But I made it and it isn't hopelessly lumpy!

Update from my aunt: Trying dialysis with back up blood pressure meds. They are going to try to do it slower this time and see if he can tolerate it better. The hope is that he can come through this today with out another complication.

Awful - the heat! I know, I know - summer is great etc. But all four of us are not great in the heat and all four of us are indulging in nasty summer colds. It's making house life rather... tetchy. No, no that's not right. It's bloody unbearable.

Pardon my language.

Oh and awesome - 1st stone gone, onward diet, onwards!

Now I'm going to sit here all afternoon trying to find the objectionable language in BekkaJo's above post.

>12 BekkaJo:: It's nasty here in London too. Huge crowds of people in the streets don't help either :-(

But then, I'd probably be complaining if it was pouring with rain too . . .

To quote Shaw's Pygmalion, she needs "something to eliminate the sanguinary element from her conversation." If that helps :)

Oh. That should have been bloody obvious to me.

I won Wayfinder by C. E. Murphy from ER! Whoo hoo!

Yay, Morphy!

Update from Mom: Dialysis was a success! Heart looks good, chest x-rays improving again, breathing easier, back on vent-assisted instead of total vent. Back on track!

Yea! for the SRedRose Team! I mean Family! Woo hoo!!

that's good news SRed. Phew.
And Maui...that will make Mary very merry indeed.

For me I got a shot I've had in my head a while. I am completely enamored of these ghostly wildflowers -


And...I have a job interview on Thursday. OMG. It's been so long and I really need the work.

Great news SRedRose!

Yay Morphy!!

I'm contemplating starting WW. The 10 lbs I lost 4 years ago has turned into gaining almost 40. Part is my illness/medication, part is aging, and part is my inability to control my eating habits (and lack thereof). A lifetime of high metabolism and being underweight has suddently reversed in the last 5 years, and I've never had to learn willpower or portion control or anything when it comes to food. Now it's biting me back.

My son has his learner's. Good news or bad has yet to be determined. Good news is he got everything he wanted on his school schedule.

Bad news is my aunt died and I can't make the funeral. We just got back from vacation and I just can't manage another 2-day drive. She was so much fun--I'm going to miss her.

We had a good vacation and got to spend a fair amount of time with my sister's family. It was a good visit, and with kids preparing for college, possibly the last one with everyone together. Oddly, she told me last night that her dog has been depressed since we left on Saturday.

I'm very excited that I won The Doll by Daphne du Maurier in the ER program!! :DA

Also glad to hear some of the other good news in this thread.

Awful. Today is the 30th Anniversary of a my marriage, which lasted only 27 years. No room for awesome today.

>23 Arctic-Stranger: Very sorry. Hope it gets easier over time.

>22 MrsLee: Congrats; I won Lionheart by Sharon Kay Penman. Very happy!

>20 Bookmarque: Wow! Gorgeous picture, gorgeous flowers. Don't know if I've ever seen anything like them.

>18 RandomActofMuse: Very happy to hear this. Hope he continues to improve.

Awesome: Just had a lovely lunch, sitting out the in glorious winter sunshine, under a cloudless blue sky with David and my little Meredith!

Addicted? Who’s addicted?

Just because I’m up at Dumb O-Clock playing with sheep hair and a stick with a toy wheel on it, and have gone through all the brown and pink wools already, and am contemplating pulling the blue roving outta the fiber stash drawer to play with next doesn’t mean I’m addicted. It means I’m an insomniac with a new hobby.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

Awesome - 2 days off then a weekend so 4 days in a row with no work from tomorrow! YAY!

#16 Lol!

Glad to hear everyone's awesome news. Where I am, things are neither awful nor awesome, just hot. And no A/C in our Victorian building.

#20 Bookmarque - The picture of the ghostly wildflowers is beautiful. Great job!

Awesome: Daughter turns 18 today and is excited about going off to college on the 19th.

Awful: Ditto.

She just turned 1! She just started reading! She just started school! She just started riding horses! She just started playing her trombone! The eternal lament of parents: Where did the time go?

Wish I knew, karen, and mine are still babies (5 1/2 and 4 months). Big kid's 6th birthday coming up in 4 months, and Baby will be 1 just 4 months after that. My best friend's baby just turned two and her oldest will be 6 next month. Who said they were all allowed to grow up so fast?

#23 Murray, sredrose and pollysmith and everyone else whose hearts are hurting--I'm hurting for all of you. My marriage lasted 29 years, divorced soon after our 30 year anniversary. Some days it still ambushes me--last night it was because DD was going through boxes of stuff to give away and there was the stuffed lion we picked out for her second birthday. I tell myself the man I knew died many years ago. Hold your faces to the sun and keep climbing.

#30 karenmarie--boy, do I understand that! DD has been home this summer but is leaving at the end of this month to spend a year studying in Shanghai. Of course I'm excited for her...but...well, you know. I hope I can scrape together the cash to visit her in January (also exciting but a bit daunting).

Taking my dear old cat to the vet this afternoon. He's loosing weight pretty fast. Probably won't be The End today, but I think soon.

#31 SRedRose - When my daughter was 9 I remember crying a lot because I "only" had 9 year left before she went off to college. Gulp. Now it's down to 16 days.

#32 streamsong - I hope you can get the cash together too, even if it is daunting! Travel is so much fun.

#33 tardis - I'm so sorry about your dear old cat. He's lucky to have you, for sure. I've got one named Magic who's 15, and I can see him getting slower and slower, deafer and deafer. I've been giving thought to the fact that he probably won't be here next year at this time.

oh man tardis, I know your pain. It hasn't been quite a year since my old boy Chuck died. Have strength and know you loved him as well as you could and gave him a great life.

How did it get so late so soon?
It's night before it's afternoon.
December is here before it's June.
My goodness how the time has flewn.
How did it get so late so soon?

--Dr. Seuss

Yay! MerryMary, that is so right on!!!

I kept this on the bulletin board Mary Leigh's entire senior year.

I think sending my daughter off to college was one of the best and worst days of my life.

The days are long, and the years are short.

I was doing ok yesterday until I got an angry email from ex. But the day did get better. Thanks for the good thoughts.

MerryMary - love the Dr. Seuss quote!

I'm sure August 19th will be emotion filled. Sheesh. At least I have the weekend to sorta recover before going back to work on Monday. Then everybody will be solicitous. Hope I don't tear up at work....

Why can't this be easier? Why can't it be like a switch, just flip it to "OFF" when it's clear that it's over?

The hardest part is that I still want what I wanted a month ago - That Girl gone, cut out of his life, and us fixed. And he says he wants that too, but his actions say otherwise and it hurts all the more that once again "I'll do anything" means "I'll do anything but that." You'd think I'd have learned by now, but no. If he really wanted it as badly as he says he does, he'd see the offer that's *right in front of him*, clear as day, and take it. Instead he sees it and ignores it, says "she's better than nothing because I can't have you back yet" and ignores me when I tell him that the more time he takes to fix what he needs to fix, the slimmer the chance gets. If he really wanted it as badly as he says, he'd do what it took. He won't do what it takes and that's more than obvious to me and everyone else.

And still... still here I sit, hoping he'll come to his senses. Because apparently I can out-stubborn anybody but myself.

Hon, once a cheater, always a cheater. This is just a fact of life.

yeah, I hate to say it, but I agree with Morph. that ship has sailed.

If he is willing to work on some deeper issues...and I do mean work, then he can be ready for a relationship.

I know. I'm just trying to out-stubborn me, and it isn't working. My logical brain KNOWS it's pointless, KNOWS he's incredibly unlikely to fix it despite his words, KNOWS he's not likely to prove himself worthy ever again because if he meant it he'd just DO it already. Then my heart has to get involved and say things like, "But we were so good together before this, that, and the other happened" and drag up all the happy memories and all the good things that were happening that morning, just hours before I left. I had genuinely believed that we were getting better, and I even gave him one last chance to fix it after finding that he wasn't really done with her, and he ignored that too.

Shared young kids makes it difficult. Because of the kids, I can’t just cut contact and be done with him till I heal like I have with every other breakup.

no no no no no no.
Run, don't walk away.
This man has made your life miserable and that won't stop. Be parents living apart, but that's it.

SRedRose, for a person to change a deeply seated compulsion, such as destroying the gift he has in front of him, takes a great deal of courage, commitment, time, work, and good luck, and usually an excellent therapist. If he were to change.... it would not be tomorrow, or next week, or maybe even in 6 months. Such a change would take many months of hard work. It can be done, but it very seldom is done.

Remember your skill and commitment in living healthfully through this transition is the best gift you can give yourself and your children. Let this man work out for himself what he must do. You can not do it for him, and I know you know that. You can live your own life to its fullest.

And you know The Green Dragon is here for you, everyday.

I think Nancy Pearl is awesome and here is a link which will show you why I think this: http://nancypearlbooks.wordpress.com/2011/08/01/tooth-and-claw/

I probably wasn't clear enough about the "he'd quit saying and just do" part. I'd take him back if he would show me he meant it by getting rid of her completely and devoting himself to actually fixing us. He just... won't. He won't drop her, because apparently "taking him back" means "moving back in right away and picking up where we left off." I'd need time for him to prove that he can be faithful again, which means that I wouldn't be able to pick up where we left off and move back in immediately. I've told him that the longer he waits to begin making the changes I need to see, the longer it'll be before I can take him back, and if he dallies too long I won't be willing to take him back at all. If he meant it, he'd start doing it instead of just saying he would and then not following through.

"I'm being monogamous, isn't that what you wanted to see?" he said today.

I don't care how monogamous he is with other people. He was monogamous with everyone before me. He cheated on ME, and what I need to see is him being faithful to ME, not to the Not Nice Word that broke us up. I've told him that but apparently it just doesn't click in his head that staying with her is only making things worse.

awesome! My granddaughter, whose 21 birthday is today, has been accepted as a police officer with the Fort Walton Beach Police Department, pending only her drug test and her physical (which she's passed already for other applications).

I'm so excited. This is the child who was so ill during her senior year of high school she couldn't attend at all (a latex allergy that was causing her to be taken to the ER several times a week for awhile there).

Ok, I know that were I to stray, and if I were with the person I cheated with I would have zero chance of going back to the person I cheated on. That he expects you to take him back while he is with Ms. Not Nice Word, shows he is somewhat delusional.

Bare minimum he stays clean and faithful for a long period of time before you take him back. Best scenerio, he buys her a ticket to some far away place...a one way ticket.

SRedRoses: words are just so easy to say; deeds are much more persuasive.

I found out yesterday that one of my friends has cancer (and his partner left him over it), and another's husband has left her. This morning a body was found on the street 100m from where I was sleeping. Sheesh.

On the good side, I'm being surprisingly productive at work (despite posting this at work...).

The vet felt there were things we could do for my cat that would not be too difficult and would help his quality of life so we'll see what happens. I don't want him to suffer at all but it's going to be a real wrench when he goes.

Tardis, sending you best wishes for a longer comfortable life for your boy. {{hugs}} and a scratch under the chin for the kitty.

SRedRose, I have heretofore refrained from commenting on your situation, but today I will state the obvious.

Your Relationship With R Is Not Over.

Not because you have children together. Not because he says he wants to get back with you. It is Not Over because you are still trying to figure out in your head how you can be in a wonderful lifelong exclusive loving relationship with him. You are still trying to work the angles. Unfortunately, he is trying to work his own angles, because I'm guessing that if it were a real option, he would be glad to be with both you and Ms. Not Nice Word. There are plenty of men who simply do not want to be monogamous (or maybe cannot be). Sounds like he might be one of them. Either that, or he doesn't really love you - though he may very much love the children.

Now, the whole non-monogamous arrangement works for a surprisingly large number of people in this world, even here in our nominally monogamous culture. But if it's not what you want, if that's not a relational system that can work for you, then it's not just his job to figure it out. It's yours, too. If you really can't have what you tell yourself you want, then somehow you have to change what you want. Sucks, but it's still true.

#49 SRedRose - I agree with Bookmarque and Morphidae. I'm sorry to say it, but he sounds like a major creep. If it were me I'd talk with a lawyer, get him to pony up child support, and get on with my life. He's not doing anything to show that he wants to be with you. He's just trying to wear you down and get you to accept him back on his terms. Which sound like they'll make you miserable.

Mostly I'm trying to figure out WHY he's decided he can't be monogamous anymore. He'd never cheated on anyone before me. He'd never had a polyamorous or open relationship with anyone before me either. It wasn't a problem before December. He never even looked at anyone else until December when our relationship had its first really rocky situation.

He told me the other day that he "got used" to having us both before I knew he had her. Now he's been saying "Give me time to get it out of my system" and I'm thinking, I gave you three months - two of them while we were still together - to get if out of your system; how much more time do you need?

He changed the game on me out of the blue and for whatever stupid reason I find myself unwilling to just walk away even though I have no reason to believe that he'll go back to being what he was.

Aging. Human frailty. Lack of moral courage. Stupidity. Restlessness. There are thousands of reasons. Stop worrying about his life, and start taking care of yourself. You have children to take care of, and your own self, also.

#53 - Sorry about your troubles right now. So hard to see friends hurting and knowing you cannot make it better. Also, A BODY?! Yikes! Much to close for comfort.

The police are still searching around the place. it's a little creepy.

Eek, that's way too close for comfort!

But some good news - my midwife had her own second baby today! New sweet little boy born into a wonderful, loving family :)

well, my dad told me that he is losing blood somewhere in his body according to his doctor. Now he has to undergo a series of tests to find out why. And of course I'm worried about it. I mean where is the blood? It does not appear to be exiting the body in any of the usual ways so where is it?

Hugs to all those who need it - a read through the topic shows many of you are in tough spots with relationships or pets or family.

I AM FEELING AWESOMELY HAPPY!

Two of the audio installments of my trilogy have earned out their advance!!!!! and the third volume, Shadowfane is getting very close indeed.

Huge THANKS to those here at LT who helped to support the release, and add to its growing success!

Yay, Janny!

That is great news, Janny! Congratulations. Your hard work is paying off very nicely indeed!

I also want to offer support to all our Dragoneers who are facing live challenges.

That's great Janny. I'm not a listener (though I am a reader of your work) but hubby is - I keep trying to make him read/listen to more fantasy so I'm gonna give him a big nudge in your direction :)

Latest update on Grandpa: blood work shows that for the last 4 to 5 days he is bacteria free. The antibiotics did their job. He is still very sick. The doctors feel that given enough time (weeks not days) and barring any more complications he can have a full recovery. We just have to support his kidneys and lungs for a while longer with dialysis and ventilator.

He is doing well with dialysis today. Not at the volume we would like, but taking baby steps. BP is holding with much less medication. If he isn't off the ventilator today they're scheduling a tracheotomy for Tuesday.

The Redhead and I smoked two pork butts the other night, in our grand quest to actually enter a barbecue championship next summer, and they were both very good. Considering it was our first foray, we were pleased. She wants to to a brisket. I am thinking ribs. We'll see. (Yeah, I know. Prepare for the brisket.)

A_S I pictured you and your friend holding pork butts like huge cigars and smoking them!:)

*smirk* I thought I was the only one!

Nope, me three. Very odd visual.

That's not how you do it?

I actually had a flashing vision of the two of you bending heads cozily over a cigarette lighter, eyes smoldering in the light blue haze of tobacco smoke...and then got to the pork butts. I snorted out loud at myself and scared my grandson.

I bought a ECB smoker this weekend. (El Cheapo Brinkmann) New hobby.

It's a real bitch keepin those pork butts lit, I hear. :)

Not only the pork butts had me giggling, but the briskets and ribs somehow seemed like innuendos as well. Well, we've certainly all shown our true natures with this post, yeah?

I just had an appointment with my doctor and he says that I'm not dead (yet). But he's a new graduate so he's not really sure and we should do some more tests just to be sure.
On the plus side I volunteer with the local wildlife rehabilitation society that nurses injured or orphaned wildlife back to health (if possible) and then releases them.
Wednesday was "catch and weigh everybody" day.
I had to catch (with a butterfly net) 6 adult magpies and 8 adult crows. I would like to point out that a captured adult crow is a very angry bird and when they grab onto you with their beak they are serious only to be exceeded by thedeath grip they can apply with their talons.
So I got lots of smaller or larger cuts and nips and punctures and bites.....
Looks like that Tetanus shot is coming in handy

Ok, when I left the boy in the bedroom, he was asleep. Somehow in the last 40 minutes he has not only woken up, but has also turned himself 180 degrees, has his feet on his pillow, is squealing and hitting the wall, AND has pulled the sheet off the bed.

Kids do that, I don't know how. When I was around 4 - 7 years old I used to fall out of bed a lot (after getting myself stuck sideways in the crib as a baby!). One time I tried to get back IN the bed while still asleep. My mom found me kneeling on the floor, half on the bed, totally unconscious.

In summary: sleep is hard work!

Well, there was the one time a couple months ago that I put him in bed and he woke up, spent an hour laughing at nothing, and fell asleep sitting up.

And the time 6 months ago that he woke up at midnight and had a conversation with what I presume was an imaginary friend and put himself back to sleep buried under his pillow and stuffed teddy bear.

Hugs to everyone who is getting through hard times.

Perhaps more jeer than awful, but I cut a finger, pretty badly, the evening before last, when I tried to carve some dry smoked reindeer. I'm always telling people that blunt knives are way more dangerous than sharp ones and now I got a reminder of why this is so.
I need to get a REAL knife for the kitchen here in the cabin, I really do.

The good thing is the finger just now stopped hurting.

Oh, Busifer! That just makes me shudder. I'm sorry it was so bad and glad that it's finally not hurting. Must have been bad to have hurt for so long. (I've done serious finger damage with dull knives to the point of needing stitches.)

Sharp knives are an absolute must. It's one of my major kitchen splurges. Along with a good steel to keep the non-serrated ones sharp.

Same here, and now it is extended to the kitchen in the cabin - normally I view it as the domain of my FIL's wife but after this that will change... :)

An excuse to go shopping!

turned into a rainy sleepy sunday here, hohum!

Did you know that when you type in your credit card number wrong when ordering from Pizza Hut they'll give you a call to correct it when it gets declined?

Iiiinteresting.

87 - !

Scary. Cross referencing much?

We can run but we can no longer hide.

Cut fingers and such aside I'm having a great vacation, so that's my August Awesome :)

we were without power for two hours last night. I slept thru it

My 3 1/2 year olds discovery of Lego - awesome.

Oh and my nearly 6 month old has just about cut his first 2 teeth. Woot!

Awesome: Despite being dreadfully behind on my 75-book challenge, I've realized that if I just reread my collection of Georgette Heyer Regency romances, I'll probably make it, as I've been zipping through them. And enjoying them, though I probably should branch out to the ones I haven't already read ten or twenty times.

StedRose: I'm still seething on your behalf at R's comment, "I'm being monogamous, isn't that what you wanted?" It's such a colossal mindf**k, pardon my French. What on earth could be his motivation in saying something so hurtful, so much designed to make you feel inferior? Especially as it's pretty clear that the only reason he's monogamous with her is that you won't accommodate his desire to cheat on her with you! I mean, think about what he's telling her or implying to her--surely it's not that she's just a convenience until he can get you to come back?

Think of him as a drug. You know it's bad for you but you crave the way it makes you feel. You still have to stay away from it if you don't want the misery that comes from it.

that goes for me as well ejj, my drug is Jim and I crave interaction even tho It makes me feel awful. I have to stop obbessing. He just emailed me that he's going to some resort in Mexico and wants me to go with him. Yeah right.

Don't know if it would be helpful to any of you struggling with relationships or not, but I Googled some sites on emotional manipulation and found some very good/scary articles there. It might be worth your time to read some of them. What it amounts to is that someone can only manipulate you if you let them. Recognizing what is going on is one of the first steps. Not one of the articles gave much hope for the future of such relationships.

This is very sad for me, because someone I love dearly is in such a relationship and there is very little I can do if he won't do anything for himself.

I am a survivor of a VERY bad/unhealthy relationship (first husband). For me, it came to a choice between being alive, normal (whatever that is), not traumatized every day, and the opposite of all that; the main one being NOT alive.

Luckily, no children were involved. When I found out what I had gotten into, I made a choice not to bring children into it. It took me over four years to make the choice to save myself. I had been so emotionally & physically victimized for so long, that it took a long time for me to decide I wasn't going to be a victim any more.

What works for one of us, might not work for all of us. While each of you work our your own needs, I'm praying for all of you.

AWESOME: I did survive, and went on to a healthy relationship.

I have a big hooray and hugs for all the strong survivors on this thread. Whether you have survived or are surviving, we're here for you!

Earlier on in this mess ("earlier on" being a whole 3 weeks ago) he apparently told her (in front of a mutual friend, who then told me, not that I asked for that information) that she was just there because he didn't want to be alone and he was still in love with me and all that. I don't know why she stayed with him after that. She's either delusional or very patient/persistent in believing he'll eventually decide to replace me with her beyond just the physical stuff. Some screws loose in BOTH their heads, if you ask me (not that you did).

Dunno what he's telling her now, don't care. This morning he called to arrange a visit with the kids and he started yammering on about how he'd fix it, he'd prove it, he'd win me back, etc. I told him to quit telling me and start showing me, because he's been saying he'd fix it for three months and I've seen almost no evidence to support his claims. His response was "I can't right now."

I didn't ask why he can't right now. I figure, if he means it, he'll show me. If not, he'll show me that too. His words are unreliable now and if he wants me to believe him he'll prove it with actions, not words. And in any case, this is not the man I was practically married to. I don't know who this is. He looks like R. He sounds like R. But he isn't acting like R.

Anyway. Enough about that. I have a Grandpa update, of a sort.

They can't do a tracheotomy yet - something about the risk of a secondary infection being too high. If he gets another infection on top of the sepsis, it will kill him. So he's still on the ventilator, still under heavy sedation, still has a feeding tube.

Beyond that, he's stable. No improvement, but no decline either. So until something changes, all is quiet on the Grandpa Front. No news means no changes, and we're hoping that good news comes soon. At least that he doesn't need the sedation and the breathing tube anymore.

Coming in late on some things here.

a) We used to call our middle son Laughs In His Sleep, because he did.

b) Do you know what the difference between Reindeer and Caribou is?

(Reindeer fly. Actually, in Alaska, caribou are wild, and therefore you cannot sell any part of them for meat or trophy. Reindeer are domesticated, hence reindeer sausage.)

Smoked ribs last night. Not so good. AND my daughter bought her ticket to go to SF to live with her boyfriend and help him build mud huts. (Actually Cob Housing. You can see some of the houses here: http://cobhouse.net/pictures.html)

She flies out Sept. 9. Sigh. They leave the nest so soon.

(My middle son, on the other hand, may never fly!)

>99 Arctic-Stranger: They look like hobbit houses. Cool.

Grandpa has pulled a Grandpa again. My mom and her siblings are headed back up to Georgia for the third time in two weeks; today Grandpa's heart stopped for two minutes on dialysis. His body can't handle it, but his kidneys have stopped working because of the sepsis. They're meeting first thing in the morning with the kidney specialist and the cardiologist.

Oh dear Rose! Stay strong!

#99 - Out of curiousity... In Sweden (and Finland, and Norway, I think) reindeer are marked with the owner mark but really only tended lightly - they wander free for most of the year, only rounded up anually for slaughter and counting, and twice a year for moving between winter/summer pastures (which are not fenced in). Is it the same in Alaska?

We have several reindeer ranches throughout the state. They tend to herd up, so I don't think they need much care. As far as I know there are no reindeer "fences."

Ranches? OK, here the keeping of reindeer is the domain of the Same "villages". I use citation marks because reindeer-owning Same migrate over the year, so the villages designate a group of people rather than a place.

Got an update from my uncle this morning. Grandpa's condition has deteriorated to the point that they can't do anything else for him. Everything they've tried has worked for a little while, but now they've done everything they and treatment is "no longer a viable option," according to the doctors. His kidneys have completely shut down and whenever they try to run dialysis, his heart stops.

They're just waiting it out at this point. It could be a day or a month. So the family is all going to be headed up to Georgia this week to say goodbye.

He's 71. He got a sinus infection. It was just a sinus infection. I'm not ready to lose him yet.

Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry to hear this news. I hear you that you are not ready for this! It is so hard to lose someone you love when you've not had time to prepare yourself. Be gentle with yourself. And say whatever you need to say when you see him, even if it is a whisper in his ear. He may hear you. {{hugs to you}}.

(((((Rose)))))

Awesome: Today is my 4th Thingaversary. Many thanks to the GD regulars for infinite good company in that time.

Congratulations, Hugh!!

Thank you, Karen!

SRedRose - I am so sorry it's come to this with your Grandpa. Hugs to you and your family.

RedRose - I feel for you. Hugs to all.

On a lighter note... Will definitely has his first two teeth (ow). Oh and I learnt the salient lesson of not giving prune puree to a baby that already poos too much. However many prunes you may have that need using up. Yuk.

Turns out nobody is going to Georgia to say goodbye. My mom just called. The doctors are saying it’s a matter of hours before he’s gone. There wouldn’t be time for us to drive up because it’s a 6-hour drive with good weather and no stops. It’s been raining off and on all day and my two kids can’t make it 6 hours without needing to stop for diaper changes and food, and my sisters aren’t home yet from a trip they took this weekend for the baby sister’s birthday - they’re still a two-hour drive way from home, so it would be 2 1/2 hours if they left right now before we could leave to head up there. Mom says we wouldn’t get there in time even if we left right now. He’ll be gone before we even make it to the state line.

She wasn't going to tell me that. She only told me because I asked her when we were going to head up there. She told me not to tell my sisters or cousins yet because they think it would be best if they told us all together.

I am oscillating between mild contentment with life and existential ennui, or some such nonsense. It can be hard to justify my own life's woes when others have it far worse- and therein lies the rub. Is it selfish or egotistical or self-pitying to be sad regarding deep, personal existential problems when children are starving to death by the millions all over the world at this moment? Does the suffering of others negate my own lesser suffering?

I feel sad often- but is it justified? Does it need to be? I feel like I should be old enough to figure it out, but I can't shake the feeling that sometimes I still feel like a kid inside. Maybe this is just morning blah.

"Does the suffering of others negate my own lesser suffering?"

I've always felt that trying to ignore your own suffering because it's "insignificant" in comparison is the same as bottling it up. Sooner or later it's going to explode because you never dealt with it.

Mom just called again. They pronounced Grandpa dead at 1:30. My sisters already knew because my aunt told one cousin, who told my sisters. The kids are on their way home now and Mom and her siblings will be home on Friday. They're staying up there till then to help Grandpa's wife with funeral arrangements and whatnot. They're planning a memorial service down here for next week.

oh I'm sorry SRedRose...that's a sad thing, but at least it wasn't long and drawn out.

Well, not longer, at any rate. He'd been in the hospital about a month already.

SRedRose - so sorry to hear about your grandpa. {{{hugs}}}

monohex - I don't think we should compare suffering - there's always someone who is worse off than we are, but that doesn't make us feel better about our own issues - just guilty, which makes us feel worse. Or that's how it is for me, anyway. {{hugs}} for you, too.

I feel blah, too - first day back at work after a very nice vacation, but headachy and tired for no real reason. I ought to go to tai chi tonight to blow out the cobwebs, but I'll probably stay home and putter, then go to bed early.

Rose I'm so sorry, My mother also passed away before I had time to see her, I know how it hurts but He's better now just remember that and he knows you love him

It has just occurred to me that pizza has become my comfort food. I've ordered pizza probably 5 times in the last 5 weeks, and only once for convenience because I didn't want to cook. The rest of them were because I was stressed out or upset about something and I suddenly got a pizza craving.

I should check that before it kills my bank account and what little waistline I actually have...

Hugs for those that need one.

I just hope that nobody here that we know is being hit by the riots/looting/etc. that's going on in the UK at the moment. Won't vent my feelings on the matter as I don't want to get political here. Just want to wish everyone that might be affected good luck and hope you're all safe.

I'm off to bed soon hoping to get to sleep to the accompanying sounds of the odd siren and the circling of a police helicopter.

#121 - Echoing that. What a mess, I hope everyone in the UK is OK.

I'll stay away from politics but can't but notice we seem to live in a time when society is falling apart. We need to invent warp technology, to make the Vulcans want to make friends... (if it ever was that easy).

I'm feeling rather stressed about my next conference. I'm not feeling properly prepared for the conference, the trip, and for the classes I'm leaving online for the students to work on while I'm away.

I'm up to the bad dreams stage. I don't tend to have naked dreams (thank goodness!), but I have "I forgot something" dreams where I wake up convinced that I've forgotten something tiny but really important and I can't remember what it is. It takes me quite some time to convince myself that it was a dream.

On the plus side, my pay came through with the backpay for before my contract was sorted out. So at least I'm not stressed about money (for once...).

I'm feeling very alone tonight. It's been one hell of a summer for me.

In April, my daughter was born. Happy. Very happy.

In May, when she was six weeks and one day old, her father, my fiance, the love of my life, confessed his affair. This led to seven weeks of daily fighting, begging, pleading, working, trying, hoping he'd go back to being the man I fell in love with.

Never happened. In July, when she was three months and two days old, I discovered evidence of his continued emotional affair (he swears up and down he wasn't sleeping with her) with the girl he cheated with, and I left him. This led to where I am now, feeling sad, angry, hurt, betrayed, inadequate, unloved, and all those other ugly feelings that come along with finding out that everything you had hoped for has just been scattered and trampled.

Today. Today, my grandfather died. Now, I know the rest of my family is hurting over this as much as I am. But the rest of my family is either happily married/attached with a spouse/significant other they can lean on and cry to/with, or happily single with no one they wish to lean on and cry to/with.

And I'm sitting here on my couch, with my four-months-and-four-days old daughter sleeping in her wrap on my chest and my mother's cat curled up by my ankles, torn between wanting R to be here so I could lean on and cry to him, and hating That Girl even more for taking away the person who used to always be there for me when I was upset, and being mad at him for letting her take him away.

I've been good about not contacting him beyond telling him that my grandfather had left us, 10 hours ago when it happened. I've not called or texted him in an effort to find comfort where I shouldn't look for it anymore. But it still hurts.

Oh, RedRose, this is the time when you will miss someone to share in your loss. Can you visit family or do you have a close friend you can cry with?

In the meantime, enjoy cuddling your baby.

((hugs))

Hang in there, SRedRose - I know it all seems like Just Too Much, but you will get through it and there will be better days. Like Dory says, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming....."

Hugs to you, kidlet, and daughter.

The only family who's in town right now are my sisters, my cousins, and my kids, all of whom are younger than I am and are looking to the eldest four of the 12 (myself, one sister, two cousins) to be the "strong ones" like we usually are. Our parents are all up in Georgia helping Grandpa's widow with memorial service arrangements, so I won't be able to fall apart with family until Friday when they get back. The friends who knew him all live out of town now; some of them will be back for his memorial service here.

more ((((hugs)))) for you Rose

Hugs for those who need them.

On a lighter note: I'M 60 TODAY, AND SO VERY HAPPY ABOUT IT. What's up with that?

Well come to the savvy sixties! Congratulations, and happy birthday, too.

Happy Birthday, millhold!!!

I'll be there in 2 years too.

Happy birthday!

Happy Birthday! I'll be there in two more years as well so save me a seat!

Happy birthday!

Thanks everybody! I was just soooooo excited about it. Yesterday was a great day, and everything went beautifully.

Today, well, today is a normal day, but I'm determined NOT to let it get me down. I don't want to ruin my glow from yesterday. :-)

Awesome trip to the Tyrrell Museum in Drumheller yesterday! Saw both of the guys who came out to our site, and I got shown around the backsides, including the prep labs and storage rooms. The paleontologist was pretty happy about the new pieces I brought, and four of them actually fit with the big piece that had the original teeth - confirmed as icthyosaur teeth. Also got to see some pretty neat stuff, including the new anklyosaur from Fort McMurray - possibly the most complete in the world! (mind you, most of it is in big chunks of rock in boxes). Our icthyosaur head is on display to the public, part of a display of the 25 most significant finds. The big Sikanni icthyosaur is on display too - takes up most of a room. I got to see its actual head in the back, there is just a cast on display. Spent most of the rest of the day taking in the public areas and outside. Got a few neat-looking books at the gift shop.

Hugs for those having an awful August.

NorthernStar I am so envious! Several years ago we camped at Dinosaur Provincial Park and also visited the Tyrrell Museum. But the best thing of all was that my sister took us to visit with Lawrence Halmquist (sp?). He showed us around his workrooms and gave me a few samples of things. Absolutely fascinating!

Did you work on the site you wrote about? Is that your job?

Note to Self: Coffee at 10pm is also not a cure for insomnia. Tends to make it worse. Try another something else. After you’re done being Wide Awake And Wired.

(Yesterday my Note To Self moment was, “Arguing with CleverBot at 3:30 in the morning is not a cure for insomnia. Try something else.”)

RedRose, my condolences to you and your family. I hope you never go through a worse time in your life than right now.

Millhold, congrats! Happy birthday. Yay for being happy at the milestone b-days.

NorthernStar, awesome. Really wonderful that you get to be involved in something so interesting.

My Awful: I have a friend who is generally pretty dark. She sent an email saying basically that she hates the government, illegal aliens, drug dealers, where she lives (near the border with Mexico), most people, etc.; she said if she didn't have animals (seven dogs and goodness knows how many cats) she'd stick a gun in her mouth. Then I was reading her blog and discovered she has a gun and has been practicing because she's convinced she needs it for protection.

I don't really think she'll do it, but she is so depressed and angst-filled all the time. I have no idea what to say other than expressing sympathy . . . but you really can't make another person happy.

Thanks, ejj. It probably has to get a little worse - it still feels vaguely bad-dream-ish and not very real yet, but that will probably change come Sunday and the memorial service/interment.

I'm sorry your friend is having troubles :(

nhlsecord - some friends and I found the site with the icthyosaurs on a paddling trip. We did know there were fossils to look for, but not what or how good. We sent pictures to the dinosaur museum in Tumbler Ridge, and when they weren't interested we contacted the Tyrrell. They were interested enough to want to see the fossils, so we took two of their people in. The head, which is now on display, and the teeth I found came from that trip.

Awesome: collected the giveaway Progeny I won last month from the post office on my way to work today. Big thank-yous to all concerned!

Awful: having to keep my nose out of the book when I'm supposed to be working!

(Which is a minor awful compared to the ones Rose and EJJ described above -- hugs to you both -- but a major test of won'tpower nonetheless.)

*sending extra "won't power" across the seas to hfglen! Job first, read second, that is what my Zombie Economics book would advise. The author likens unemployment to being in a graveyard. Spooky.

Awful: down to one week before we take daughter to her freshman year at college.

Awesome: just finished a good book and have a new fiction and a new non-fiction sitting in my bookbag just waiting for lunch.

"Job first, read second" is a good rule, but not much fun. Speaking of job.....

Red Rose, try tea next time something decaf

NorthernStar, that is truly AWESOME. What a thing for you to hold in your memory!

hlglen et al: When I have a really good first person shooter game to play (and they last for days and days), I have to constantly say to myself "Work first, play later", which to me means do housework for an hour, play the rest of the day. But now I am reading Dance With Dragons and I have to have it back to the library in 2 weeks and it's big, so I have to read at least 100 pages a day so my reminder is reversed - read for an hour, then work a little bit, then read again.

Life is odd sometimes.

>147 nhlsecord: I'm not an especially speedy reader, but I tore through that book. Martin certainly has the knack of making his readers want to know what happens next.

Just heard my mom refer to herself as "Lisa MaidenName" and it was weird. I mean, I knew she'd changed her name back after the divorce but she's been "Lisa MarriedName" my whole life and it was just strange!

I concur. Life is strange. There definitely are times when reading comes first! Definitely.

*warning, whine spill ahead*

Not only have I had guests from Hell the last two days, yesterday being the worst, but I worked our schedule so one coworker could go on a trip she very much wanted to go on. This particular coworker has been a gem. No complaints, always filling in as needed, very diligent and careful in her work. I WANT HER TO GO ON HER TRIP. So, I get called for jury duty in the middle of it. O.K., I can work around that and be rather sleepy on the jury if I have to (this coworker pulls the night shift, so that's what needs filling. Then, another coworker has to go for angiogram, he is the other night shift worker. O.K. he came out fine, just a bit worn down, but still, his health is shaky. We can make it though. Today, another coworker quit without a 2 week notice. He's very bitter and doesn't really care whether he screws up other people's lives right now. I'm not sure we will make it this time. Gah.

I don't love my job, but I need it right now. Just hope I survive the madness.

*whispers* Happy, so far I still get three days off in a row, Sun., Mon. and Tues. Those may be my last days off for a month.

MrsLee, enjoy your time off. You clearly deserve some good relaxation!!!

Minor Awful: I have some serious decisions to make in the next week or so, that could have major long-term impacts on my health and on my career. Normally I would call my best friend to hash over recent developments, but she's not answering/not home!!!

Grrr.

Hugs for Rose.

"There, there" and a pat for Mrs. Lee.

Holding thumbs for w2w.

Strength and purpose for hfglen.

And a Happy Birthday dance for millhold. (I'm still older than you.) (A little bit.)

I've now received two phone calls from a pharmacy that I don't have any prescriptions at. Someone keeps giving them my phone number instead of their own.

Maybe I should just go fill a prescription there, so they'll have it correctly on file. But I already fill prescriptions at three different pharmacies (for various reasons). I don't want to add a fourth just because some woman can't remember her own phone number!

#149 SRedRose - when I got married at the age of 38, for the first year that I answered the phone at work "Karen MarriedName" I giggled to myself and thought how funny my married name sounded. It was almost a game to me. I did keep my maiden name as my "new" middle name legally, and gave my middle name "Marie" to my daughter as her middle name.

Now, after 20 years of being married, it would sound strange to use my maiden name!

My mother did the same thing - kept her maiden name as her middle name and gave her middle name to me as my middle name. When the divorce was final she just "reset" her name back to what it had originally been!

I've been off the boards a bit lately. Hugs to SRedRose and anyone else who needs them.

Upset that my hip has been hurting since vacation. I'm hoping/praying I haven't damaged it. I have a knee that needs replacing; I don't need the hip to go too.

The kid started school this week as a junior!! Eek! We've gotta start looking at colleges.

RitaFaye - we are just sending our daughter off to her freshman year of college next Friday. We went through all the college stuff you're going to go through.

Good news is that we survived and are extremely happy with the choice of college and our daughter's chances of success there.

The two biggest things to do in my opinion are to have your child determine the TYPE of college that they feel they would do well at (size, distance from home, majors offered if s/he has already decided what to major in, public/private, etc.) and as soon as you can in kid's senior year to complete the FAFSA and look for scholarships and grants.

There are a lot of websites to help kid narrow down choices of colleges. Start going to college open houses in junior year if you can. We didn't, but it would have helped eliminate several early choices, saving effort and worry later on.

Good luck!

Yesterday we bought a small desk lamp and a battery backup/UPS for daughter's computer. Today or tomorrow is buying a small microwave oven. Her roommate is supplying the refrigerator. We also need XL twin bed linens, toiletries, and a few basic office supplies, but we think that's all. Daughter's only going to be 1 hr 20 minutes away, though, so if she doesn't have something right away we can either bring it or she can buy it herself.

We're staging her things on the dining room table.

This is not solely an August Awful but more like a 2011 Awful but I can't stop worrying about my future retirement money.
About 15 years ago the Swedish national retirement funding system was remade and is now heavily dependent on the stock market. Need I say any more?
Also, in theory I myself can affect the outcome, some, but in reality I lack the skills and knowledge and time needed.

In some ways retirement is too far away but from another point of view all too close in time...

*takes a deep breath*

I know, I know - don't borrow sorrows from the future... but sometimes that requires some mental strength.

Awful. A man attacked his family today and killed his wife, two children (5+6) and two other adults. He has later died in hospital. This all happened about two roads over from where I live. This just does NOT happen in Jersey. This sort of thing never happens over here. The whole community is in shock. Names not yet released so we don't know if it's anyone we know.

Just truly sad that things like this can happen and that someone could do that to children.

Busifer, I understand what you are feeling. I know many people who were relying on retirement funds and mutual funds including myself but just in a small way. I think we need to go back to self reliance and mattress stuffing and gardening.

I'm trying to not worry about my 401K and not look at it every day, but it has lost about 8% since the downward rating here in the US. It will eventually come back up.

Hang in there, Busifer.

And BekkaJo, it is so scary when violence comes that close to you. I feel for all of you, and am especially and always shocked when children are murdered. Can you imagine getting the call that your daughter and two grandchildren have been killed? I feel so sorry for the wife's family.

I actually thought about converting my 401K to cash about a month ago, but other things got in the way and then I thought that was too reactionary. May be not so much reactionary...

Remember if you are "sitting on" cash and not making any interest or anything, your buying power will deteriorate over time as inflation makes each of today's dollars worth less stuff in the future. Even a savings account, paying very little interest, is a place where your dollars grow less powerful. Catch 22, my friends. I am not giving advice, just saying try to do some research before you make decisions.

We buried Grandpa today. The memorial service was good. Well, considering. I managed to get through it with minimal crying, at least. The usual stuff - eulogy, memories, songs, prayers, a forever-long receiving line, goodbyes. Some of the ladies from the church had cookies, punch, and coffee set out in the fellowship hall, and we talked a little more there, making plans for getting to Turkey Creek with the ashes.

Drove up with the family to the church graveyard where Grandma's ashes are buried, between her parents' graves. More memories, more tears. Some irreverent jokes and laughter. My uncle borrowed a vase from a neighboring grave to dig a hole and buried the ashes there (yes, he put it back). Spent a little more time with my great-aunt and her daughter, who live right next door to the church, and then headed home.

We couldn't place the memorial stone there because *technically* they're not buried there (ashes don't count or something), so we're keeping the stone at my house.

So. I'm... here. Grandpa's gone, and I'm sad for that.

Aweful = Coldsores :( Possibly the worst I've ever had :( It was a cluster of blisters that was about 1.5cm round, then the blisters burst & oozed & spread & now I've got a yukky big scab on my face :(

Awesome = Trying to help a friend name her kitten :)

Awesome: A week in Maui with family.

Awful: Coming home (7 hours on a plane with 3 children under 8 years old)

Awesome: The kids were troopers. I was so proud.

Awful: Driving home 4 hours from daughter's home.

Awesome: MY OWN BED!

Yay for own bed! Nothing better.

>165 RandomActofMuse: I'm confused by this, as we have a headstone on the grave where my parents' ashes are buried. Is it a rule just for that cemetery or the locality?

Awesome: it snowed yesterday and today. This may not mean much to some of you who see it every winter but we don't get snow here. The last time it snowed down to sea level was 35 years ago so it was wonderful to sit here watching the snowflakes fall in my little back courtyard in the middle of the city. No photos because the snow didn't stay unfortunately.

Awful: my central heating has died!

Awesome: I can see some light in my life now that I have finally made the decision to walk out of my marriage.

Awful: The process of packing and still living under the same roof before I do.

ejj, I think it might be just that cemetery. Or maybe it's because they don't have their own plot - they're buried between/on top of her parents' graves and not in their own designated spot. I'm not entirely sure; my mother wasn't very clear on WHY, only that the church told her we weren't allowed to put the stone there.

#161 Tonight's news here said they were of Polish origin.

Family murders are relatively common here (as in, hitting the news every week or 2), and curiously, relatively often with a policeman/woman as perpetrator. Nevertheless, I can only sympathise with you and the community.

Awesome - home in my own bed again last night. Love visiting my sister, and spending a bit of time in the big city, but home is always good. Missed my cats, too.

Awful - one of the cats was mad enough at me for being away, and being shut in the house while I was gone, that he pissed on the carpet in my bedroom. (more than once) Was too tired by the time I got home to do more than the minimum about it. Kept waking up to the odor of cat pee.

Fortunately the wall-to-wall carpet is old and I've already got some bamboo flooring to replace it with. I was hoping to get to that project over the next two weeks. Now I really have to get it done ASAP.

Grumpy~! I went in for another ultrasound a week ago and found that the complex cyst is still there, but slightly smaller. So my new dr. told me before the test that that would mean surgery. His nurse calls the day after the test, when I was in the shower, and said she would call back. She didn't. So I called the next day. They were out of the office that day. I called the NEXT day, Friday. She was busy. She didn't call back. So I called TODAY. They weren't in the office AGAIN. Maybe tomorrow!

In the meantime, it still stinking HURTS, and I want to know when we can DO something!!!!! But now, we can't do anything for a while, because SCHOOL STARTS NEXT WEEK!

Sorry for the capitals, but I am Grumpy!!

On a somewhat related note, we got my daughter into a charter high school and we are all relieved! But that means I have more work to be done, because she needs to get registered for class and we need to buy uniforms. Plus I have to go to her school and my son's and fill out paperwork and pay fees. That's why I wanted to get all this stuff with my health taken care of sooner, because school starting involves so much work! But I am so super glad she has a school that I'm not going to complain about the work. Just about the doctor. :P

Cindy, you need a smile. So here is a picture of my 4-month-old, who has recently figured out that she can hold things. And has decided that she must have one for each hand. Especially when the "thing" is her binky.

#172 The painful irony being that the most recent worldwide news article about Jersey before this was that we were pretty much the safest place to live in the western world. Last murder was about 6 years ago.

Plus they clarified details and there were three children, the youngest being 18 months old. Who does that to a baby? So horrid :(

#175 RedRose she's a cutey! Will is 6 months now - it's gone so fast. But he can sit up these days and has two teeth he wont let anyone see.

Ah, Rose, what a smile maker.

Note to self: hurry up and process photos of my cuties!!

Awful: Been fighting with the state vocational rehab program. They are paying for me to go to college for an accounting degree yet getting them to actually PAY for the tuition and books takes numerous phone calls and emails each semester. It's aggravating. My classes start next Monday and it took me until yesterday to authorize payment on my books. Since I do everything online, the books have to be mailed to me so I can only hope that they get here in time.

Awesome: Pool therapy! I go twice a week and exercise for AN HOUR. An hour is amazing for me and I don't have enough words to say how much I enjoy being in the pool. I grew up in Florida - so basically I grew up in a pool. I've missed it so much due to my mobility issues and lack of pools in Minnesota. It's also fabulous that I'm actually getting exercise. This should really kick start more weight loss!

“Please don’t eat my braid.”
“Please don’t eat my nose.”
“Please don’t eat my glasses.”
“Please don’t eat my shoulder.”

Can you tell I have a teething baby?

That is a sweet picture! Thanks.

No word from the doctor yet. Grrrr.

Awwwww, sweet baby! I hope there is good news from the doctor.

I feel awful - I had to take my dear old cat on his final trip to the vet today to be put to sleep. It isn't like it was a surprise - he was over 20, and his kidneys were failing. He had a good life. Nothing really makes it easier, though.

No, nothing makes it easier. I'm sorry Your old friend crossed the rainbow bridge.

{{{tardis}}}

Hugs for you, tardis. May your memories bring you smiles to replace your tears.

Hugs, tardis. I know you'll miss him terribly.

oh, tardis, I know just what that might be feeling like... I am still sad after putting down a kitty I had for nearly 20 years ... I continue to miss her even though it has been years and all I have now is doggies. She is with me in my heart and always will be as I know your dear old cat will be, too.

Tardis, my sympathies also. I had to put both my kitties down this year.

I've said no more cats, but it seems we've been adopted by a gray and white. She's about half feral...will come up and talk to me, but won't allow me to touch her. So I told her I'd feed her, but she can't come in the house. :)

So sorry, Tardis. Losing furkids hurts.

Awesome: My day today. Went with three friends from my library book club to see The Help, which we read a few months ago, then went to a Japanese restaurant and had a yummy hibachi meal. Just before the movie we ducked into a Border's, which, sadly, is going out of business and thus has many discounts. Bought two books! Naamah's Kiss by Jacqueline Carey and My Life in France by Julia Child and Alex Prud'homme.

Books, movie, and food: can a day be more perfect?

Not okay. Just not. There are some conversations that should never be had.

You'd think I'd learn. But no. ejj, you're right - he's like a drug, and I'm like an addict.

Or maybe I'm just an idiot.

Gonna write at length in my journal. Gonna put some things in a box and hide it till I decide whether I want to burn 'em, bury 'em, or just get rid of 'em. Gonna try to get back the pieces of my heart that he stole and hid from me, though I don't know how yet.

Gonna somehow find Happy in the midst of all this Angry-Sad-Hurt. Dunno how I'll do that either. Yet.

That little word "yet" is a word of hope. I have faith in you.

Hugs for everyone in need. cmbohn, I'm hoping you've got hold of your doctor by now! Uncertainty is a royal pain, what with the worry... :(

Thanks, Busifer. Yes, he called. And naturally, I missed the call and his switchboard was already off. It's like I'm cursed! Will call again tomorrow.

Hugs to Tardis. I'm so sorry.

Tardis, I'm sorry you lost your fur-buddy. It's never easy.

ejj - I loved Naamah's Kiss. Enjoy!

Awful: I've bought WAY too many books this month! It isn't like I don't already have a pile that reaches Mars! Addict!

Awesome: Books!

Sending good vibes and quiet support to tardis and Sredrose.

even more awesome! On Monday my granddaughter will be sworn in as a police officer! It's been a very long road for her, past multiple knee surgeries (soccer) and an allergy to latex that nearly killed her. I'm so proud of her!

Thanks to all for condolences. Yesterday was bad, today is better. At some point in the next few weeks I'll start looking for a couple of kittens which will be Awesome.

SRedRose, hang in there. One foot in front of the other. You just go on, and sooner or later it gets better. Hope it's sooner. Also cmbohn. Waiting is hell.

Majika, that is awesome! Well done your granddaughter!

>197 majkia: HA! I read that as your grandmother will be sworn in as a police officer. For a minute I was all, "Go, Grandma!"

oh tardis, I'm so sorry. I had to let my 18-year-old Chuck go last October and I still cry about him. I hope you have good memories and don't get too sad.

my awful this month has been getting my M-I-L into yet another elder care facility. This one is the final one, but she still thinks it's temporary. She's childlike and adultlike in one go and it breaks my heart. I started crying in front of the staff just before she got there and had to stifle myself quick. She was such a pistol in her prime years that it kills me to see her like this, even though I didn't know her when she wasn't sick. It really sucks to get old. I don't know why people prize it above everything when in most cases it's humiliating, frustrating, painful and ignoble.

#200 I agree with you complete about elder care and getting old. My mother is in a nursing home - good mind, bad body. The residents are treated very well, but the sadness I see there really upsets me. I don't want to end up like that, but, you know, my mother never took care of herself in terms of diet and exercise and was quite overweight. She never expected to live this long, but there she is in her 90s and learning to walk again.

I just don't know what to think about it all.

Just had an Awful phone call from my daughter. One of the tiny babies at Day Care died today. They went in to get him up from a nap and he was blue. Mary Leigh arrived as usual to pick up her kids and found the place surrounded by paramedics, ambulance, cop cars, and policemen. Had to sign her kids out with the sheriff.

My grandchildren seem to be ok, but Mary Leigh is traumatized. Little One needs to go to bed for the night, but she's afraid to put her down. The Day Care provider, Teresa, is a wonderful woman and a wonderful care-giver. I can't imagine what she must be going through. And the parents of the baby. How awful. My heart breaks for all of them.

MerryMary, that's an Awful for sure. A nightmare for everyone. Hugs to your daughter and you.

Thanks, tardis.

Oh, my goodness. Hugs for all of you. What a terrible thing!

That's terrifying, MM. I'm so sorry for the family and everyone else involved.

Hugz for all that want or need them & Happy Dancing with all that have joys to share!

My Aweful - I ate bad food on Monday night & spent from about 2am til midday on Tues being violently ill. I'm not good at being sick, I mean I know no-one really is but I tend to panic & think I'm dying coz I cant breathe, I've always been like that & I can laugh at myself about it afterwards but at the time its scary and even moreso coz I live by myself! Poor cats were scared of the noises & convulsions their human was making!

My Awesome - I feel sooo healthy today! I have sore muscles still from being so violently sick (who knew that could be such a good workout, lol) & I still have a scab on my face from my coldsore, but apart from that I feel better than I have in a long time!

#202 - How terrible! My heart aches...

Hurray! finally spoke with the doctor!

The cyst has shrunk, which means it's not cancer. That's the good news. But since it's still there, that means I'll be having surgery. So we'll get a full hysterectomy scheduled . Four weeks off work, he said. Which, since I'm a SAHM, could get scary! But we'll see.

So glad to be moving forward on this!

Also, went to my nephew's 7th birthday party last night. I can't believe that baby I used to tend is so big! We had a lot of fun.

>209 cmbohn:
I almost envy you. Not the cyst, and worrying whether it's benign or malignant, but the hysterectomy. On days like this I'd give almost anything to have this useless organ removed.

Yeah, I'm pleased about that!

#210 - Word!

MM that so tragic! I was in a battered womens shelter once and one of the babies died of SIDS. That mother was already feeling guilt and confused at leaving her husband and to be hit with that as well! My own baby at the time was about the same age. I didn't put him down for almost two days

#202 MM - I can hardly imagine the anguish everybody involved is going through with the death of that baby.

When my nephew came home from the hospital in 1981 and was down for nap and my sister and I had a few minutes to breathe with the 2-year old also down for nap, we'd play cards. Every 10 minutes or so we'd look up, both stand up at the same time, and walk to Ryan's bedroom to make sure he was still breathing. This is either pre-baby monitor or sister-couldn't-afford-one or they weren't considered critial - can't remember.

We had a baby monitor for our now-18-year old daughter but I still went in there regularly.

Kidlet is officially a kindergartener! I registered him for school this afternoon and he starts on Monday!

Congrats, SRedRose! Good luck to him and you both. Kindergarten is a big step and I hope he adjusts quickly.

yay! Kidlet!

Well, some of you know how my month began, so there's no point repeating that.

In happier news, I've been appointed godmother of a friend's baby. :)

Talked to my daughter this morning. She's sort of numb, but she did finally put the baby down in her own crib. Checked on and off all night, she said. The two older kids were coming home on their school bus and followed the ambulance to the house. They were then herded to the back yard until Mom came. They haven't said much. She and Ross are watching them closely. Of course, they have to find alternate day care for the next couple of weeks, at least. So sad all around.

Cindy: So thankful for your news. Now to get through the next step.

Rose: Happy for you and Kidlet. A whole new world for him!

I made a mistake and acted like today was Friday and opened the chat room...hahaha

So, maybe it can be a Thursday party? Join us in chat?

It is Friday.

Depends on where in the world you are sitting.... Thursday evening here in my house.

Ahh... The joys of being worldwide.

I'm happy it's still Thursday night - I have another hour or so with daughter. Tomorrow we take her to college for her freshman year.

Rrrk... while looking for something in my mom's closet I came across my wedding sari, which I had been hiding here from R until our wedding day.

I could have done without seeing that for a while yet.

I hate when things that evoke painful thoughts or memories leap out and bite you on the .......nose

I took it out of the closet, folded it up in tissue paper, and put it in a box with my wedding jewelry and some other things he bought for me that I don’t want to get rid of yet but don’t want to look at either. Jade bangles, the necklace he bought me for my birthday two years ago that I wore every day, some earrings he surprised me with when we were first dating. I plan to put it on a high shelf in my own closet and hopefully I won’t have to come across it again for a while.

Awesome ~~ Last night, took youngest neice shopping for books for one of her college lit classes. Went to Borders (found only 1), then went to Half Price Books, and found 5 more. Bought 2 copies of each of them, so I can read and discuss them with her. Also took her to dinner. We had a great 4 hours together. I'm so happy she's old enough to appreciate that we're making memories with each other, and that has become more important to her than what we actually do.

Awful ~~ This is her senior college year; next fall she'll be going AWAY to start her Masters! I'm so proud of her, but I'm already dreading how much I'll miss her (which is the awful part). She is such an amazing young woman!

My awful - I gained ANOTHER 5 lbs! Bad health is sure rough on your weight. And then after the surgery, I'll be sitting around for another few weeks! I've got to stop eating junk! And maybe everything else too.

Strange mix of Awful and Awesome tonight:

Awesome: I came very close to finishing my first "grown up" knitted project - a baby alpaca scarf using a twisted knit stockinette stitch.

Awful: I ran out of yarn while binding off, so I had to unknit the bind off row and one more row. I was successful in unknitting the bind off row, but I messed up when I started unknitting the last row. Yikes! I don't know what I did wrong, and I don't know how to fix it!!! I do know that at least I didn't drop any stitches, but it just looks very wrong. So now I have to wait until someone can look at it and help me get back my beautiful scarf!

walk2work, have you tried Ravelry yet? If you can post pictures, someone there might be able to help you fix it.

walk2work - Is it the kind of stitch where you do different things on alternating rows? It could be you need to unknit another row to make it look right.

Awful: Grrrrr mini-rant…working at a preschool at present, back section of yard under a bit of water due to drainage, or lack of….what to do? Ban kids, put thingies around it so no-one will go there…yeah right, those little cone thingies will be like bees to a honey pot right! So we put timber stepping stones and some tyres through the water so the kids can have fun. What does a teacher see? Gross motor skills of balance and planning, co-operation, turn-taking, hearing kids say “this is fun” and “I could do this all day” even my little boy with Autism was joining in and telling us to watch out for the crocodiles. What does Mum see? What does she do? abuse/badger son because he got wet and muddy! Grrr….not happy! What did I hear? She made him scrub his clothes clean. Even more unhappy!

Awesome: Picked a bunch of sweet peas, freshias and larkspurs from the garden and my house smells sweet...or it did until my baby walked into the room...off to change a dirty nappy!

ETA: knitters unite! How can we help walk2work?

233 : I'm with you there - I work in the under-two's room of a day care nursery, and when babies are going to start, we always warn parents not to send them in in 'good' clothes, because they WILL be doing messy play and be being encouraged to feed themselves, but half of the parents still complain at first about paint or food stains. (We do try to protect their clothes, honestly!)

Most of the parents soon learn to send them in old or cheap clothes that don't matter.

There are as many rules about keeping clean as there are parental units.

I always knew my son had a good day by the amount of dirt on him at the end of the day. He's 21, very creative, athletic, and well-adjusted. Kids need to get dirty!! Kids and clothes are both washable. So keep up the good work, all you preschool teachers! As Mike Rowe says, "It's time to get dirty."

#233 I'll add my Grrr to that! I love my kids but they are both grubby pretty much all the time since they are into absolutely everything. It's a rare day these days that they don't both go through 2 or more outfits - luckily they're both hot kiddies so don't wear much!

On awful news - *wail* my washing machine just died. Admittedly it was second hand when we bought it 6 years ago. But darn it! It's the second month of our year of being utterly completely broke - and this happens. And our monthly electric bill gets doubled. Damn. Financial disaster upcoming methinks :(

I feel accomplished. Sorta. Maybe it’s because I’m still mad. Maybe I’ll regret it later, maybe not, won’t know till I get to "later".

Anywho. R dropped by today to return the money he borrowed for gas last week. On his way out of state to visit That Girl’s family for the weekend.

In June, when we were still together, there was a family reunion that had been in the works for over a year. He didn’t want to go because he didn’t want to take the time off work. I BEGGED him to take the time off, to please come with us, and he would just get mad when I mentioned it. Needless to say, he didn’t go.

Well. That Girl wants him to go to Georgia for a weekend for a family wedding. And he happily takes the time off work to go.

Nice to know where his fiancee and children stood in comparison with his whore girlfriend in the same fleeping situation.

He could see that I was angry, so he asked me why and I told him. Then I told him that I didn’t want to talk to him anymore because all he does is give me “reason” after “reason” and they all read like excuses to me. I told him to try not to get killed or pulled over (he’s a terrible driver) because he’s useless to his daughter dead or in jail (my standard line to him before was “Don’t get killed because you’re useless to me dead.”)

I might wish I hadn’t been so final with the “anymore” later, but right now I’m okay.

>238 RandomActofMuse: You're not going to be able to avoid talking to him some of the time because of the kids, but there's a difference between arranging visitations or the like and getting into discussions about your relationship and his mistakes and your pain. If you can avoid that, so much the better.

I once told the love of my life that I didn't want to see him ever again. I never have, though I thought about him a lot during the decades since. Thanks to the Internet, I'm pretty sure where he lives and that he's married, but I don't know a thing more than that about him. Except maybe that I probably made the right decision at the time.

SRedRose - and you loaned money to R because.......?

Daughter's been at college one whole day. I miss her and am happy for her and am just getting used to the idea that she's really starting a whole new phase of her life separate from her dad and me.

Because I'm too nice for my own good?

next time tell him to take a hike! have you considered getting a court order for him to stay away from you?
You need to heal and plan your life

The courts won't issue no-contact orders or restraining orders unless there's a provable threat of danger.

Mixed feelings: I play a version of Scrabble on Facebook called Lexulous. I'm pretty fair at it and don't cheat by using word generators (what is the point). Started a game about an hour ago with someone whose first word was 186 points: he used all his letters and the triple word score space. Every move he's played since then has been all his letters. How is this even possible? Meanwhile, I have four "i"s . . .

I do this for fun, so it's not a big deal, but I'd much rather play a close game than one in which I have zero chance from the first move!

SRedRose - too nice for your own good indeed! I'd start practicing the word "NO" if I were you.

I personally loan money to people very very rarely because I learned from an early age that I can NEVER expect that money back no matter what they say or promise. So I consider it a gift instead of a loan and there are few people I'm willing to gift money to anymore.

I have a book to recommend for anyone who has accidentally been "too nice" or "just not thinking" about money.... It is a fun read, full of good advice and lots of reasons for laughing at the zombies we all seem to collect. It's Zombie Economics: A Guide to Personal Finance by Lisa Desjardins and Rick Emerson. Go get it! It has a chapter on what the zombies in our lives might be look like and the tricks they might use to infect us. Do it. This is especially a good book for any one under the age of 50, giving excellent suggestions for surviving during tough times, which we are having, worldwide. Even if the general economy gets better, you'll be even better yet by reading and following the suggestions in this little book.

I'll add that to my list of "Books to check if the library has." And my "back to school reading list" - now that Kidlet is going back to school (Tomorrow! Eek!) I'll have 6 hours a day that don't revolve around keeping him entertained, which means I'll actually be able to get some housework and reading and crafting and going-to-the-gym done!

oh, I know that "oh, goodie, school starts soon" feeling....

Awesome - Next semester of college starts tomorrow. I'm working on an Associates in Accounting. I do it all online and enjoy it very much. Plus I've been on the Dean's List twice!

MrMorphy has built a new walkway. It's purdy! The old one was crumbling apart and it made it difficult both for me to walk on and the Metro Mobility drivers to push my wheelchair over.

Awful - Intestinal pain for the last 24 hours. I am NOT comfortable. It's moving along, so it's not a blockage, but it's no fun.

SRedRose, against my better judgement, I'm going to say this once, of course you must lead your own life the way you choose, but here is what I see.

You have become his mother. You give him advice, console him and lay guilt trips on him, even lend him money. This is not the way to gain his respect or get him back. He needs the door shut firmly in his face. You need to change your cell phone number. Any visits with his daughter should be arranged with a trusted third party such as a friend, grandparent or aunt. This man is still using you as a doormat to wipe his feet on and you are allowing it.

Sorry if it offends or hurts, but if you continue to allow him access to your life not only will he see no need for change, but you will not heal or move forward in your own life.

OK, I'm done.

#250 - Well said, and I agree 100% with the advice.

I'm trying. It isn't as easy for me to do as it is for others to say.

I’m still okay with not having any contact beyond what is strictly necessary for arranging kid-visitation. I didn't call him last night to let him say goodnight to Kidlet, and he didn't call. I'm not going to remind him of the child support hearing next week - if he forgets it, it's all on him. I've not called or texted him since he left yesterday and he hasn't called or texted me either. When he does (I'm sure there will be a "when he does") I'm going to have to try very, very hard to be cold to him. I'm not cold to people in general and I know I have to be to shut him out, but it's not who I am and it's not as easy as it looks.

SRedRose, I know! Words are easy, actions much harder. The most important thing for you to remember is the Airplane Oxygen Rule: put the O2 mask over your face first so that later you are able to help your children. You must keep a focus on your health and well being! Your self confidence and self care must be your first priority.

We women are often brought up to believe our first job is to care for the important people in our lives and we are not taught that self-care must come first because we can not be effective, wise, and mature care givers if we ourselves are suffering. Taking care of the man who immaturely has abandoned you and his children is not worthy of being on your list of priorities. He needs to take care of himself, by himself.

We are here for you. This is a tough time and I am sure all of us are holding you in our hearts.

#252 - Talking the talk and walking the walk are two entirely separate things, I know, from somewhat painful experience, but MrsLee gives good advice nonetheless.
Anyhow, I think you're very strong, given your situation, and I'm sure you'll manage to get through this.

Like Maggie says - we're here for you.

I'm not trying to take care of him. I just haven't figured out how to hate him yet and that's the only way I've ever been able to stop caring about someone I've loved. I have to hate them for a little while to stop being the Mother Hen I've always been before I can forgive them. And this one's just plain difficult to kick.

I get the needing the "hate" him for a bit. You'll figure it out. Life is full of difficulties, and yet, this too shall pass.

For some reason I keep hearing you saying these words in a Gandalf kind of voice :D

He and I are of the same era, I think....

I dropped my Suddenly-Too-Big Kid off at his first day of Kindergarten today. New school, new teacher, new friends. At his last school he was the ONLY kid in a chair in the whole school, which made the pick-up/drop-off thing difficult. That shouldn't be an issue anymore; he's not the only child in a wheelchair at this school. There are so many wheelchair kids that there's a special drop-off and pick-up zone for them.

Today's the day the grandkidlet get's sworn in as a police officer. I'll probably be very bad and post a picture of her in my reading thread. Must remember camera....

Good starts both for SRedRose's kidlet and majkia's grandkidlet.

My daughter is starting her first day as a freshman at Pfeiffer University in NC. We took her over there on Friday and they had a busy weekend getting settled in and having a service day on Saturday (daughter worked on a farm). Sunday was bingo for books and a campfire by the lake. Two brief e-mails saying that she loves it and is getting along great with her roommate.

Great to hear that, Karen!

Lots of happy new beginnings! Congrats and best wishes and continued success to all.

Awesome: Beautiful day out and I feel really well.

Awful (or is it?): Hung up on my PITA* neighbor last night and have ignored her nine subsequent phone calls.

*PITA = Pain in the . . . .

Kidlet's first day of school went well. He had a dental cleaning this morning, which he didn't appreciate, but the dentist says he's cavity free. This surprises me, considering that he won't let me brush those back teeth. He's okay with the front teeth but he will not keep his mouth open to getthe molars. Dentist gave us a prescription for a mouth prop, which looks like a torture device. I don't want to use it but if he doesn't become more cooperative with the toothbrush, I'm going to have to.

#237 Further to my previous that my washing machine died when I couldn't afford to get a new one. My parents just turned round and bought me a brand new one. I know they aren't short of money at all, but I still feel really guilty. Still - new washing machine/drier in one. Happiness is clean clothes for my family.

# 265 - how nice that your parents came through for you! Don't feel guilty if they can afford it, it's nice sometimes to get someone something you know they really will appreciate and use. If you think of them with love every time you use it, they will be well paid back. Our commercial culture is too full of useless gifts.

I'm worried; my youngest cat went out on Sunday evening, and hasn't been back since. He's always made it back before morning, and this is now two nights. He's super friendly, and pretty fearless, and I alternate between worrying that a bear, coyote or owl got him, or that he's been picked up by a stranger. I tried to keep him inside, but even as a little kitten he was always trying to make a break for it every time the door was opened. He has a collar with his name and the phone number, and an ear tatoo. I'm going to make some posters to put up at the post office and grocery stores.

eta: finished painting the bedroom, and don't like the colour - too pastel a shade! I'm going to try again - may as well fix it before I do the floor, and if I don't like it after one night, it'll just get worse

Awful: Getting the winter blues, the closest thing I have to a grandpa is dead, my grandma who taught me how to speak is frail and in hospital, my mother is away tending to her while my brother has just been let go from his job hence he's hanging around the house playing video games and trying to motivate me like some Call Of Duty influenced youngified drill sarge who wants to help me with my major malfunctions. That and I've felt like there's a (metaphorical) grey plastic bag hanging over my head like those Darkmantles in the D&D Monsters Manual for a long time. It's awful, and I hope I manage to get out of it before university gets more stressful in the later months.

Awesome: Met Bruce Bereford (the Breaker Morant guy) at a Q&A, yet again a notable Australian creative person gave me a better chance than Germaine Greer did. My outrageous confidence when approaching random celebrities in public is well documented by the Techpriests of the Imperium.

I want to watch my big pile of Blu-Rays I've been picking up as the winter sales go on, but I need to feel in the right mood to try and watch them on the big TV in the living room. My dad's phone calls are noisy and it's hard for me to concentrate on my movie if he's talking on Skype (attic with no doors for privacy = Designed by Bloody Stupid Johnson this house is).

Oh man! I got a speeding ticket yesterday coming home from work! And the worst part is : I know that stretch of road is a speed trap! What was I thinking!
but on an awesome note

Nicole Kaitlyn was born this morning! MY fourth grandbaby! More later after I've been to the hospital

Congrats!

thx RRose

Awful ~~ small, free standing, bookshelf over filled with videos, has collapsed, and every time I walk by it, more of them slide off into the floor. My legs and back are too bad for me to get them off the floor right now, and I don't know where I'll find to put them when I can get them picked up.

Awesome ~~ that's the worst problem I have right now, so I'm doing pretty well.

Polly: deny, deny, deny. I was caught allegedly speeding twice a couple of years ago and both got pled down. I admit my motive was financial desperation, as the fines for speeding in NY state are unbelievable (up to $600 per incident).

Awesome: I slept thought the night last night, the first time in years, I think. Desperately trying to figure out what made that happen!

More annoying than awful, but still - I inadvertently stood up a friend today. I thought we were meeting on Friday, turns out it was today. I didn't get her "Where are you?" text till 2 hours after she sent it, either. So now I am sitting at my desk kicking myself and feeling crap. :-(

i don't know if I can deny i,t ejj, since it was caught on radar, but thanks for the suggestion

Hugs for those who are low and high fives for those who are high - specially you Polly on the new grandbaby.

Awesome - new washing machine here and already working away merrily. Woot!

Not so awesome - work is really really horrible at them moment and it's sapping all my energy in it's soul sucking cynical corporate nastiness :(

Though another quite awesome, my daughter did a picture for a notice at nursery (along with a couple of other kids) and I had it pointed out to me as being of a similar standard to the best drawers over a year older than her. So go Cass!

My hand is sore from writing so much. I'm copying over my journal entries - letters I've written to R that I'll never send and he'll never see - into a paper journal so I can get them off my computer journal.

Why not print them out and paste them into the journal? That way you don't have to agonize over feelings while writing.

Awesome: daughter's loving her first few days as a freshman in college.

Awful: Aack, Sackerfalcon! You reminded me that I didn't reply to a friend's Facebook request to have lunch with them on Sunday..... I plead brain rot what with getting kid off to college and the ensuing mental collapse. But still. I need to get in touch and apologize.

#277 about #276 I was thinking the same thing, Morphy, but wasn't going to ask. Good for you!

No printer :/ And I don't want to spend 10 cents a page to print them at the library.

The feelings are surprisingly not that bad. Angry's pretty strong right now and Sad hasn't had a chance to take over; I've gotten through the most emotional of them already without crying and without being sad. Maybe I've just tuned it out so I can get through it, but right now they're just words and there's no emotion connected to them.

Hang in there, SRedRose!

R just called me. I haven’t called him since he left for Georgia on Saturday. It’s Wednesday and this is the first contact I’ve had with him in four days. He wanted to inform me that That Girl has been cheating on him with her ex. And he found out because her ex called him to find out what’s been going on because That Girl has been stringing him along the whole time too - lying about where she’s living, what she’s doing, all that.

Like anyone’s surprised? He cheated with her - he had to have known she’d cheat on him at some point.

Then he tells me that he doesn’t really care and he thinks he’s just going to let her get away with it.

So, why tell me? Is he trying to rub it in or something, act like he’s a better person or whatever because he’s just dealing with it and I couldn’t?

I asked him why he was telling me this, and he says, “I just thought you would want to know.”

Uh… why? WHY would I want to know that?

This whole thing reeks of high-school drama. And I refuse to be sucked in. I left high school almost nine years ago. I’m a grown-up now and I’m not going to let him drag me into this clusterf*ck with him, That Girl, and That Girl’s ex.

Oh Rose! that man is so messed up! stay strong! You don't need him!

I don't mean this to be sarcastic, Rose, but really you should save these posts. You might have a book going on here. Because one day you'll overcome this and you should be able to help somebody.

I have a journal going, remember? (Oh, believe you me... all of this is in it too.)

On a lighter note!

My sister's dog... just got stuck... in Kidlette's cradle.

The cradle's in the living room so I have somewhere to put Kidlette for naps. Peanut and Scamp were playing tag and Peanut tried to chase him off the chair. Scamp jumped and cleared the cradle. Peanut, not so much. Poor pup couldn't get out again!

First day at new school for my daughter and it went pretty well! I'm so relieved. I've been as stressed as she has! And we got her uniform skirt in time too.

Awesome: after doing cardio and walking for a week (Why do you think there was an earthquake?), my joints and muscles feel loose and relaxed, even straight out of bed in the mornings. I've cut almost all carbs out of my diet, which makes my skin look great for some reason. I can't remember the last time I ate, or even wanted to eat, any junk food.

Awful: the last time I put myself on this regimen, a kidney stone decided to make an appearance. Probably a coincidence, but the apprehension sill lurks.

Dayna, I need to do the same. I am waking up so looooooggggie in the morning I know I need less sugars and more exercises. Will I do it? Probably not. Dumb, I know.

no junk food? thats scary!

#286 No fair! I've cut out most carbs too and my skin is hating me for it! My body likes me more though.

>289 BekkaJo:
I have two dry, dark patches of skin on either side of my mouth that clear up when I stop the carbs. I can't figure out the correlation at all.

hmmm that is strange

I am looking for work. I still have my job, mind you, and it's stable- but I'm having serious trouble staying afloat financially right now. This is a both positive and negative. Positive, because I need a change and hopefully it will be for the better. Negative, for well... obvious reasons.

I've been feeling shaky for days with the realization that I'm actually broke now. Not even a safety net. Most likely, every cent of my next paycheck will go towards rent alone. It is scary. I do have the potential safety net of my girlfriend (who I live with), and my parents who live in the area, but I don't want to have to rely on them. I feel ashamed that it has come to this.

Sleep has been very difficult lately, as I consistently lie awake in bed staring into the gloom, silently panicking.

The job search intimidates me. I'm unsure of my skills. The thought of making a disastrous choice fills me with dread. I look in places I can think to look, but there are so many unknowns. I'm missing whole fields of opportunity because I'm not even aware they're out there. I'm terrified.

#292 ~~ thinking of you.

> Si, keep going. Just keep going . . . It will work out as the Universe intends, if you approach each moment with integrity.

> Dayna, I have heard Dr. Oz tell that impaired carb metabolism (precursor or insulin-resistant diabetes? I can't quite remember) can manifest a symptom of darkened skin especially under the arms and on the back of the neck. Perhaps the dark patches on your face are also a signal that you need to improve your body's carbohydrate metabolism. Exercise usually helps.

I have impaired carb metabolism, and I could tell that I overate yesterday (birthday meals + visit from grad school friend). Vision was a little wonky last night and I felt loggy, too. Back to the healing diet today!

#292 - Holding my thumbs for you.

> 231- 233 Sorry I've been gone - Birthday this week and other busy stuff going on. I checked with an experienced knitter I know, and we concur that the scarf repair will mostly require Ripping Back. Trouble now is that I don't know how to do this without losing stitches. And because I am doing a twisted knit stitch, I can't tell from helps-photos whether my ripping back effort will maintain the integrity of the stitch pattern. So I have to have a real, live person look at what I'm doing.

Awesome: I know a couple of experienced knitters in real life who should be able to help.

Awful: It will be a week or two before I can get the time to see them in person.

Awesome: I am starting a new knitting project anyway - a sweater vest.

Good luck, mono. My husband is looking for work too. He has a job, but he's realizing that he needs something else. It's working for a friend's startup, and the longer he's there, the more DH sees that there are serious problems. It's a bummer, because he was really excited about making this work. So now he's looking for full-time, and hoping to work part time for his friend. But when you're working hard and have nothing to show for it, like you're talking about, it's so depressing. Our medical bills are just piling up and it's scary.

Tomorrow is our 33rd wedding anniversary so I guess that's an awesome (that we haven't murdered one another).

If you want to see something truly frightening, here is the inside of a wedding card we got from my office at the time. I don't remember anyone taking that picture, and yes, I was, most likely, uhm, deeply in drink at the time. How to embarrass your kids and grandkids...

http://flic.kr/p/agiUcW

#286 - 290, 294 Why We Get Fat: And What to Do About it by Gary Taubes - excellent book about the benefits of a low carb diet and how insulin, fat, glucose, etc. are related to health, heart attacks strokes, cancer, diabetes, gout, etc. Scientific studies, observations, and logical explanations for the obesity and diabetes epidemic in this country and quite a bit of the world.

Just finished reading it.

It's all common sense, as far as I'm concerned. Carbohydrates are just fancy sugars, and too much sugar is bad for me. I have zero problems eating a bratwurst with no bun.

Ummmmm, BRATWURST!

>298 majkia: I particularly enjoyed reading the snarky comments.

>302 ejj1955:. We military types are known for our snark :)

Cleaned out the checking account with ANOTHER back to school trip. My money tree is withered away.

Decidedly neither awful nor awesome, just mildly interesting: Received a BookMooch book today, The Renaissance Cookbook. Though it is on lovely faux parchment paper with what might conceivably be a Renaissance-appropriate font resembling quill-pen printing, I began to wonder a bit about the authenticity when I saw Tabasco given as an ingredient. The preface says "The recipes have been updated for ease of preparation . . . but the ingredients are basically the same as those used by the people of the Renaissance."

Uh huh. Basically.

Tabasco during the Renaissance? What a hoot! My laugh for the evening.

Just keep swimming... just keep swimming... just keep swimming... oh, wait. I forgot. I don't know how to swim.

Any other suggestions?

SRedRose - seems like you're keeping your head above the waves - keep it up!

Thought I was safe from the R drama, till That Girl’s mother contacted me. She Facebook messaged me. Because she’s a “mutual friend”. She’s one of his friends and he’s one of mine because it’s the easiest way to share pictures of the kids; I have him set to limited access to my profile. While my profile is private, you can message anyone who hasn’t blocked you.

She was asking questions about R’s past behavior with me. I told her that his past and current behaviors with me were none of her concern and to please not contact me anymore

She has been blocked now. So has That Girl and That Girl's ex (all friends of R's on Facebook), just in case they decide to try pulling anything. I wish they’d stop trying to drag me into it.

SredRose - don't you hate it when life starts to resemble a bad soap opera! Or maybe the beginning of a murder mystery, or a country music song. Actually, I like the murder mystery idea - either R or That Girl would be the victim, and you would be unjustly suspected of having done it. The real killer would probably be the mother.

(edited to add - I used to invent various dire fates for my ex)

Yes, I do hate that. Especially when just after I responded the email from her mother, there was a rude text message sent to me from R's phone by That Girl.

I didn’t respond to it, but still. Don’t these people ever GO AWAY? I’m doing my best to stay out of it by not contacting him first, not asking about the situation he’s gotten himself into, not tolerating any talk of it, but they all seem bound and determined to drag me under anyway!

I swear to whatever gods are out there, if I didn't have to be in contact with him because of the kids, I'd block him from any contact from me in whatever avenue I could. I don't even want him back anymore - I'm at the point where I can say I finally hate him. I just want the drama done now.

I've been the only one acting even a little like a grown-up through any of this since DECEMBER. I'm so tired of being the only one who's behaving like an adult in the situation.

Good for you for just not responding and blocking her. That's the best way to handle it, I think. To decline to be part of this any more. Keep it up.

Cat is still blue.

No hot water for almost a week. Waiting for landlord to decide whether to order parts that plumber thinks it needs or just replace the whole water tank! Having to choose between cold showers or boiling enough water with kettle and pans is not something I'd wish on anyone.

I feel guilty: weather is just beautiful here. It is Friday. I will not be in chat this evening because I've found a woman to help me clean the house in anticipation of a friend dog sitting for me over the Labor Day weekend.

I am concerned and hoping for the best for my friends who are facing a "big storm"! Yikes. Stay safe, all!

SRedRose ~~ holding thumbs for you to get through that "hate" emotion, and pass on to feeling only *indifference.* It's much less stressful, and doesn't waste emotional energy.

I LOVE THIS BABY'S SMILE!!!!


Also, link to video of my sister's dog getting stuck in the cradle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBgZE7dwGTU

Major league cutie! Thanks for posting - always makes me feel good to see a happy baby.

She's been a charmer since Day One. Love this picture.

Oh so cute!

beautiful picture of a beautiful little girl!

Oh, gummy happy baby grins! What a little sweetheart!

I love happy babies! Here's my favorite little man, my great-great-nephew:

What a doll-baby! And civic-minded, too!

A very nicely done photograph. Compliments to the photographer.

I'm pretty sure it was his mom, my beloved great-niece Jessica. She's also responsible for that sticker he's wearing.

Exciting: Early yesterday morning DD left for her year of college in Shanghai. She should be on the ground there, now, maybe going through customs. She is supposed to be met by someone arranged for by her prof here in the US.

Worried: DD has a sleep disorder, a form of narcolesy that will put a whole new spin on jet lag. Nevertheless, she insisted on flying alone. I told her that if I don't hear from her by Sunday, I'm starting to call her emergency contact numbers in China.

Also worried: my 84 & 85 year old parents have been in the hospital 5 times between them since May. I was leaning hard on DD while she was here this summer to help juggle my parents's medical issues, my FT job and my small horse operation. In addition, DD's father, my ex, has emphysema and has been on fulltime oxygen since December. DD's goodbye's to family may well have been final farewell's. I'm not sure if she believes this--I voiced it to her but she thinks I'm being overdramatic). I'm afraid the year ahead looks stormy.

326> sounds like a lot on your plate! But at least you have us to lean on!

Hugs streamsong.

Cute babies!! How adorable!!

Well, as aggaravating as WW has been for a complete nondieter, I am officially down 11 lbs as of this am, and I'm eating fairly well. So if I can get back to a healthy weight, I should be able to maintain it if I stick to the guidelines.

Aggravation with Sears customer service, but I think it's straightened out now. Scared the manager badly enough last night that he called me personally to let me know my grill had arrived on a truck this morning and is waiting at the store. And I didn't even raise my voice to him.

RitaFaye, when I stopped WW as I'd reached close enough to my goal weight, I started eating like I'd been starved. Really wanted those fats and those sugars and those carbs. So, based on my experience (gained 5-6 lbs) I'd say be sure you eat all that is allowed each day and do not skimp more than recommended. I think your body remembers and will make up for it later. Good luck.

I'm over weight but healthy and my doc has never mentioned losing it so I wonder if I should worry about it?

Kidlette has discovered the fun that is the Koosh Ball:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ttbHq5JH6o

Not awesome nor awful, but a comment on all this food'n'eating discussion. Feel free to skip ;-)

Personally I think the most important thing is you - any You, including me - feel good about yourself. What other people say doesn't matter as long as you feel content and healthy. You're only going to live once and that is now so why make it hurt?

That said excess weight is bad for your health. Innards, heart... the skeleton... everything takes a beating from the extra kilos. So anyone with a sedentary lifestyle, which would be a majority of the people living in some kind of modern situation, need keep some things in mind. For example, people who worked the fields, manually, every day, NEEDED the carbohydrates, for fast energy. So the old wisdom of yore says "eat you potatoes, girl", even if we don't need all that extra fast energy at all, any more. So you need look yourself in the mirror and say "old wisdom is wrong, I don't need that potato". Even when your MIL looks at you like you're crazy ;-)

Instead, discover the goodness of fish (as a kid I hated fish - the key is to find those fishes that you like, and skip the rest), add greens and some light exercise, if possible. Find what's good for YOU, don't listen to the diet gurus.
Excess of anything is what is bad.
Spoken like a true Scandinavian ;-)

Busifer - The line about "excess weight" - which is not necessarily the result of a sedentary lifestyle, and puts the focus on fat people when being sedentary is bad for all body types - is irrelevant. Also, there is no known effective method for successful long-term weight-loss, there is no evidence that losing weight in improves health, and in fact weight cycling or yo-yo dieting can cause weight gain as well as many of the health problems popularly associated with being fat.

I agree with the rest of it, though. Be happy, be active, and eat well - without worrying about losing weight.

I agree with the idea that you have one life, and it is today! I agree that moderation is really The Goal and the rest will take care of itself. It is especially important for me to stop imagining what other people are saying about me and how I look. A cliche which helps me is "stop comparing your insides to others outsides".

RitaFaye--congrats on the 11 pounds gone. That is hard work and it is awesome!

I'm going to be joining you in committing to WW--I didn't let my membership lapse, but have not been following it. I'm thinking of trying OA along with it to get my head around the emotional aspects. Didn't the Dragon used to have a weight loss support thread? I'm interested in reviving it, if anyone else is.

Cheers! Short email from DD who is safely in her dorm room in Shanghai. The international activiation didn't go through on her cell phone, and her internet isn't active in her dorm room so she's basically still out of touch, but she's where she needs to be. There is a two week orientation for international students before classes start.

I would support reactivation of a weight loss thread but I'd be using it more as a Eat Well thread. I need to focus on getting the low fat proteins, and eating my veggies! My "devil" is the combination of sugar and fat. "Get thee behind me, devil!"

I would love it if people created a separate weight loss thread because I would prefer to not have to read about it myself.

#333 - Hmn, perhaps I was unclear? I detest any kind of dieting, I think it's the antithesis of a good life. Like you say, dieting is often a sure way to gain weight, not least because you force yourself to eat untasty stuff. So when it's over you can celebrate, right?
If you love the taste of potatoes removing them only makes it worse.

Research has shown, however, that a lot of excess kilos around the waist makes life hard for the innards, often resulting in digestive problems. Also, carrying around a lot of weight is hard on the bones and joints, and feet, causing pain.

None of these are proved be life-threatening but might act to lower the general quality of life for the person in question. Which is the opposite of living the good life, now ;-)
So when I use the term "excess weight" it has absolutely NOTHING to do with actual weight but the weight that is "excess" - kilos that make your life painful. What that weight might be I don't care about. Me, I'm not exactly slim. And I don't care. Because I feel good the way I am.

338 Busifer - I'm not sure it matters (on a personal or public level, not a scientific level) what "excess" weight might or might not cause, because there is no way to get rid of it.

#339 - Perhaps. I know two people, one heavily overweight man and a overweight woman (no relation, they have at one time or another worked at the same place as me) who each did stomach surgery (also unrelated - they don't know each other). One, the woman, used the kind were you keep part of the stomach sack; the guy had the whole thing removed. Both looks healthy now. I imagine it's a pretty expensive kind of surgery outside of the Swedish health insurance system, and surgery is not for everyone any way, so that's why I say "perhaps".
But I also know more than one who have managed to lose 3-6 kilos and thus feel much better just by keeping off carbohydrates, and in their case those kilos was their personal "excess weight".

The initial reason for my first post on this topic was I'm fed up with people talking about their dieting and about carbohydrates and fat and sugar, and not only here but at work and on the bus and... It feels like the world has gone OCD on food and I'm fed up with it :(

People care more about how they smell than how their fellow humans fare and it makes me mad.

Sorry, end rant, just keep on walking, nothing to see here...
*waves*

*waving back, blows a couple of kisses*

We are still celebrating the birth of our first grandchild on August 12. Click my name for a first-day picture.

Aw, such a cutie! Congrats to your family too:)

Wonderful Jim! Congratulations on happy cuddles and story times in the future for you. :)

#340 - "People care more about how they smell than how their fellow humans fare"

Dealing with the public as I do, I wish more people cared about how they smelled, because I would fare better if they did. ;)

Congratulations, Grandpa Jim. Such bright eyes!

#344 - Ha, I can definitely see that; met some of those too }:(

340 Busifer - I agree, I think diet culture is horrible and frequently causes disordered eating more than healthy eating, obsession with food, etc.

But I think that bariatric surgery is part and parcel with it. When else do you take a healthy, functioning organ and mutilate it? You say they "look" healthy, but you can tell almost nothing about a person's health by how they look. Weight is not equal to health. Plus, there are awful side effects that come with that surgery, including a startlingly high danger of death. Losing weight is not worth dying!

Awesome: My Show What You Grow (bench show) results: 4 firsts (beets, pickled beets, leeks, rhubarb. 3 seconds: mariachi peppers, sungold cherry tomatoes, and my ikea phalaenopsis orchid. 3 thirds: cucumbers, carrots and black currants. I'm pleased.

Teeth. Need I say more? I hate teeth!

Child support hearing was today. He starts paying at the end of September. I was nice and waived back child support - we were living together from her birth till she was 3 months old and I didn't see the point in demanding support for the two months that have already passed without any support. I'm too tired of this mess to be vindictive. I'd rather just do what needs doing without having to make it any worse.

I hope he pays regularly Rose. With no excuses

Payments are taken directly out of his paycheck and are paid through the county so they can track it. Any money he pays me directly is counted as a “gift” and is not applicable toward his child support payments. He only gets “credit” for the money he pays through the county’s system.

He has a little leeway; if he’s short on a payment they give him a few weeks to “make up” the rest. If he’s delinquent for too long without making up what he missed, there are punishments for it, including but not limited to suspension of his driver’s license, court fines, and jail time.

#352 - That's good to hear!

Most sensible child support plan I've ever heard of.

I agree. I'm glad they put it in place; not too long ago there were so many frustrated parents because they were getting payments directly from the other parent and there was no way to track them, especially when the payments were spotty. The way this is set up makes it difficult to completely skip a payment and keeps the noncustodial parent accountable, for the most part. It does have its goof-ups, but it's certainly better than the old way of doing it!

I knew it wouldn't last.

He just called me to ask if we could convince the child support office to let him pay half of what he’s supposed to pay because otherwise he can’t afford things like rent, utilities, etc. He’s supposed to pay the minimum state guideline amount, which is 22% of his income.

I told him to call them in the morning. They’re probably going to say no, which means he’s going to hassle me about giving him half the money back to him every week. And I know he needs to pay rent; his alternative is moving to another city to live with his parents.

I also know that his mother is going to ask me why I can’t give him the money back when he needs it. (His father’s kinda hard to tell, even though he’s been on my side through all of this. Not sure what he’ll do now that it’s a matter of his son supporting his kid, or his son paying the rent.) I mean, in all honesty, I could make do with less right now (she's breastfed, cloth diapered, and not in daycare), but what happens when she’s older and I actually need all of that money?

How can he not pay his rent with 78% of his income? He's keeping the vast majority of what he makes.

Don't give in to any suterfuge Rose! He will find a way to survive they always do. He needs to take responsibilty for the child he fathered and its not easy to raise a child She needs every red cent of that money! Save all reciepts and keep track of even the gas to take her to the doctor! Don't let him bamboozle you!

He doesn't make a lot. 78% of his income isn't enough to pay $700 for rent plus electric, water, internet (which he needs for one of his jobs), car insurance, gas, and food. He really does need 90% to have all of that.

Well....

I told him to call the child support office in the morning to schedule a meeting. I doubt they'll agree to drop the rate by half, and if they don't and he has to move in with his parents in another town because he can't afford to stay here, I'll a) feel terrible about it and b) never hear the end of it.

SRedRose: The child support he owes you is needed by you and the child. It is your job to take care of yourself and the child. Every penny that you do not spend today should be put into savings for the emergencies which will, without doubt, occur. Emergencies always occur when you are raising children. His welfare is not your responsibility.

Think about this: if a young woman, his age, with a job came up to you in the mall when you are sitting and resting and said to you: "Please, please, please give me half of the child support money you are receiving." She has a job but needs more money to support the life style she currently has. What would you say? "Yes, sure, I know you need it and I don't need it just now"..... Really?

Please listen to the wise woman voice inside yourself, your intuition, and do what you know is the right thing to do. This guy has abandoned you to one of the most difficult jobs in the world, and one of the most important. He needs to take care of himself, and support his child.

He can get a roommate. Your child needs support to live a decent life, and it's only going to get more expensive as she grows older. He should have thought of that when he was first tempted to be unfaithful to your relationship.

If he really, really can't afford the minimum, make him take it up with the authorities. What he's asking you to do is tantamount to defrauding you and/or the government. What he doesn't give, he should still be responsible for; and if you give him money back, it will be credited to him as if he gave all he was supposed to give. In the meantime, your daughter will be impoverished, with no way for you to get the difference when it matters.

This is why I told him to call them to see if it can be lowered. I'm not doing it for him.

He lives in a one-bedroom apartment with That Girl and doesn’t expect her to stay much longer. He decided to text me to inform me not 5 minutes ago that he's broken up with That Girl, so he's on his own for housing costs. Tiny one-bedroom place, not exactly conducive to a roommate.

If he has to leave town because he can’t afford to stay here, it’ll make getting the child support money more difficult. He’ll lose his jobs and have to find them up there, and will be in a different county, which complicates things even further.

This is not how things were supposed to turn out. I'm so frustrated with that lying, cheating bastard I could scream, but that might wake the baby.

Rose..do the maths. How much should you get to feed, clothe and shelter his children? Halve it....will you and your children be able to survive?

He only has to pay 53% of one child's costs; the boy isn't his (he never adopted him) and we were never married, so no alimony.

We are in your corner, girl. We are your coaches. Breathe deeply, and often, and remember your priorities.

P.S. If it is more difficult to get the child support out of him, that is the State's Problem. Not Yours. The monkey is on the authorities' back and your child's father's and his parents'. You say they care...well, they can put their money where their mouths are, too. Stay strong.

Here's my thoughts, and then I'll stay out of it. Don't let him talk you into agreeing to a lower amount. If the court decides to lower it, that's their right. But my understanding is once it's lowered, it can be very difficult to get it raised again. You never knowwhat might happen.

Also, if he has to move away, it should not make a difference. In the past, I had to garnish a paycheck for child support in another state. If he changes jobs, it may lag a few weeks as the new paperwork is processed, but that should be the only hassle.

His kid, his responsibility, he needs to figure out how to make it happen, not you.

Hugs and prayers.

I’m exhausted. I’ve been fighting him to force him to do the right thing instead of walking all over me and taking advantage of my too-nice-for-my-own-good nature for almost 9 months now. Started in December with the incident that sparked this. Quieted down in February and was dormant till May, when it became a daily battle that has yet to come to an end. I’m so tired of fighting and he just won’t leave me alone.

SRedRose - be strong for your lovely daughter if you can't do it for yourself. That man wants to take the support money away from HER. Don't let him take advantage of your good nature. You don't know what the future holds, and you may need every penny to keep her safe, warm and fed.

If he has to find cheaper accomodation or another job, or ask his parents for help, that is NOT your problem. Besides, you already know he lies to you - what makes you think he is truthful now? If he is getting his parents to pressure you too, that is pretty despicable. Trust the courts, if they think it is fair, it probably is.

Awful - my lovely cat Spike has been gone over a week now. I am very afraid that a coyote or something got him. It gets harder every day to think positively that I will see him again. I may never know what happened.

I have lots of people looking for him, so if he is OK, I hope to find him soon. So far the only leads haven't turned up anything concrete.

#371 - Holding thumbs for Spike returning. When I grew up our cat was gone for three weeks. She was a bit thin when she came back but was otherwise in good condition. She had lived out in the woods.

SRedRose - I can only agree with what everyone else is saying. His child, his problem to solve. These are things he should had considered back when - he didn't and now he needs to take on the consequences. If he can't survive on what's left of his pay-check after he has done his duties - well, it's his problem, not yours. Your responsibility is your kids. That it is, today and because of his small salary, only a tiny amount of money doesn't change a thing - it's a matter of principle. And, like someone said - raising the levels later on probably will be hard.

SRedRose--I'd like to share something I've been struggling with and have learned about 30 years too late.

Being able to meet all your bills on time is wonderful, but doesn't mean you're making out OK financially.

Dave Ramsey suggests starting out by saving $1000 in an emergency fund and then expand it to three months of your expenses. Suze Orman says you need 6-8 months of expenses in your emergency fund.

If you don't have this sort of money in your emergency fund, you can't afford to be the good guy, giving the money that may be needed to feed your kids and enable this guy.

You have such a sweet, sweet spirit and want to help him out. You're still in love with the guy you thought and hoped he was.

He's not that guy.

Somewhere along the line, he's decided his actions are not his problem. An adult should be figuring out how HE can make his money problems work--a second job at MickeyD's or delivering pizzas to support his beautiful daughter is not outrageous. Instead of taking responsibility for his actions, he's treating you like his mommy. "Oh, I'm such a naughty boy but you love me anyway and you'll fix this for me. And oh, by the way I'm such a victim--That Girl is bad and has left poor little me and now *sniff sob* I just don't have enough money".

And if you won't fix it, he's going to ask his real mommy to nag you into it.

Since this is the Green Dragon, offer him some cheese to go with his whine.

Hugs to you!!!! You and your kids are so worth it!!! You are standing up and taking the responsibility in a tough situation. I am so proud of you.

Northern Star--Hugs for you and good wishes. Been there myself with a beloved fur friend, and I empathize with your anxiety and sadness.

I'm with everyone else RedRose - as you say, just becuase you don't need it this instant doesn't mean that you wont need the money tomorrow or the day after. This is his child and he needs to get his a*se in gear and man up. I think the states system for payment is brilliant - I know so many people who've been screwed on other, less helpful, systems. Plus remember - if they think it's do-able for him, then he should be able to manage. Hugs.

On a conflicted but stressed note, I'm off on Thurs to spend 6 days at the in-laws. Back on the 4 hour evil boat with both kids and, to add an extra cachet of stress this time round, my Mother. Sigh. Plus the main reason we're going is for a wedding on Sat - which means leaving the kids. Big kid, no prob, wee boy? First time we've both left him for a night since he was born. I know he's 6 1/2 months old but still - I feel like the devil.

Sorry about the missing Spike, NorthernStar. I hope he turns up soon. I had a kitty, Merlin, who was gone for about 10 days. We thought she was dead, too, but turned up with scratches around her neck and skinny - we think she got caught in some barbed wire and took a while to get out. Another cat, Imsai, managed to get herself stuck in someone's garage for a week one time. There can still be a good outcome.

SRedRose - Ditto what everybody else has said. He shouldn't even be ASKING you to reduce the amount or give him some of it back. If you're flush with cash because he's paid, put it in a savings account. Start a college fund for kidlette. Do not let him bamboozle you. He can find another apartment that works with a roommate. He can get another job. Don't even speak with him about this. He's despicable and knows how to manipulate you. See a counselor. Talk to a social worker. You need someone to help you be strong against this weasel.

Awesome: Daughter's loving college so far. We took her there on the 19th of August and I've only had a few mom moments. She's acting responsibly, getting involved, checking her e-mail regularly (she hates e-mail) and has a fantastic roommate. We'll see her mid-October - fall break.

Awful: Minor awful, but I've had a headache for most of the last two days. Haven't head headaches in a long time, and can't figure out what's causing it.

I've been having daily headaches for a few days too. I think it's a sinus infection. Taking son to the dr. today and I'm going to ask for an antibiotic.

I have a headache that I think is from a bad tooth I need to get looked at

#378 - Ouch, that is such a PAIN, not least to the wallet :(
I hope it turns out good.

August awful: There's not enough money on this planet to pay what I'd want to play middle manager in a huge organisation. That is a fact. Period. Nevertheless I'm some kind of "acting" boss in the interim while we wait for our new manager to start.
My boss' boss is officially responsible but totally out of time so I end up deciding this or that and not being able to get any decision on anything I think too expensive for me to act on independently.
Meanwhile I'm supposed to work on my assignment, with my client, making money to all and everyone.
Ha.

The weather is great for me to be working out in the garden now and I've been doing well fertilizing and replanting some vegetables. So today I go out to water things, I tripped on something and heard a big CRUNCH" from my leg. I ended up bent over the beans trying not to vomit or faint and I couldn't move because my leg hurt so much. I kept saying to myself "Don't throw up on the beans!"

I yelled for C and, when he finally heard me, he came running with a chair and helped me into it. I still didn't know if I'd broken my leg or just hurt the muscle but I couldn't sit up without feeling sick and faint so I went down onto the ground. C drove the van into the garden and managed to get me up into it (I weigh twice as much as he does but I was able to stand on one leg and lean on him). I stopped being dizzy and was able to get up into the house with his help and onto the bed.

My sister told me what to do for the leg (not broken, obvious by this time) and I can get around fairly well with C's old crutches.

But no gardening this week :{

And C is exhausted.

I finally got a computer at school today, after 2 weeks of nagging the Techs (and finally going over his head and complaining to my principal). So I finally got to check my emails, and SURPRISE! I found that I'd gotten a $2500 Grant from Dollar General Literacy Grants. Yay!

381> I'm so sorry! Have you been to the doctor?

382> Yay! Money to spend improving your students opportunnities!

I feel a rut coming on.

So I'm fixing it.

Thursday if my first day of a gym membership. I plan to get back into yoga classes, and also to get some inches off my middle. I lost all of my baby weight and then some with breastfeeding, but I've his that plateau I knew was coming because I wasn't really getting any exercise, and I'm aiming to lose about 6 inches. I'm not so much concerned about the number on the scale as I am about the number on the tape measure, y'know?

And I can't afford those ballroom dance classes - $300 for 8 weeks? Yikes. I thought about getting back into bellydance (haven't done that since my almost-6-year-old was a baby), but those rates are pretty steep too; my original teacher has gone up to $150 for 8 weeks and doesn't take pay-per-class payments anymore, and the only other one in town is as expensive as the ballroom dance company.

Soooo, next week I will finally crack open my REAL bellydance DVDs, instead of just my "Core Training for Bellydancers" DVD. And I'm saving up to buy the Shimmy DVDs ($50 a season! Ouch!) because we don't get FitTV anymore. Rrk.

My Awesome - I helped save a little life yesterday :) There was a stray kitten under my mums boss's daughters house & the daughters husband said he was going to call the pound if a new home wasnt found yesterday. Being a stray she wouldnt have survived at the pound (They PTS any cats that they think might take effort to be re-homable), so I rang arround a few rescuers I know of & found her a place at a no-kill shelter with a lady who has tamed ferals before so should have no trouble bringing a young stray out of her shell :) It was only a small part I played, but it really made me feel good, I think I need to find a way to somehow get involved in rescue work. I dont have the physical space or headspace to do fostering (plus I'm sure I'd end up keeping them all) but I'm determined to find a way to get involved, its really lifted my spirits just having a part in this one rescue & I think I could do with more of that - & I'm sure there are animals out there I can help in some way :)

No Awefuls today :) The new system we launched at work on monday is causing a few issues but thats been expected & I've got the support I need so not as aweful as I was expecting!

381 - Hope it heals quickly!

I had a lovely day today. Took my daughter to lunch, then we browsed in a used bookstore. After that we purchased some delectable goodies from a bakery and ate them in a park.

She had to go to work, so then I went to lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in awhile (yep, I ate with her, too) and visited several hours with another friend.

Good day, but I'm kinda socialized out. Need my downtime. :)

Awesome: Perfect last day of winter. Went to the park with Meredith and she had a fabulous time.

My awesome was a fun book group tonight. We read The Hiding Place and had a good time talking about it. I have missed a lot with feeling rotten, and it was good to see my friends.

Awful - lots of pain right now. My surgery can't come fast enough. October is such a long time away and I don't even have a date yet.

Awesome: I have a four day vacation in Victoria BC. A lovely boat ride to, and from. A fun filled visit with LibraryThingers while there! What could be better? Book shopping, too, no doubt.

awesome: are leaving for Denmark today to go to my first lecture series for my master in children's and youth culture. Can't wait to start

awful: a little awful. I will only be in Denmark for a few days, so no time to visit my family

Caught a cold. Rrk. Woke up this morning to a crabby big kid (who hadn't slept well all night), a hungry baby, a sinus headache so bad my teeth hurt, and a nose that can't decide between stuffy and runny. Not fun.

A W F U L !!!

There was an armed robbery on campus this morning, so our campus is on high alert. It happened right outside the building in which I work, and where many of the services I'm responsible for are located. Everybody is very nervous now.

Like Rose I've caught a cold. Terrible. And every time it happens I'm afraid it will turn into another multi-month nightmare.
Not likely, but...

My leg is feeling better but still painful so I can't get any work done and it's hard to find a comfortable position, but I've been able to read The Outlander by Gil Adamson. I'm really enjoying it and C is being very nice to me.

Rose, I have found the Tylenol Sinus works really well. But you'd better check if you're still nursing. Good luck.

Hugs, sympathy, and cheers all around.

One more thought on StedRose and R: you say he might have to move back in with his parents . . . umm, isn't that what you and the kids had to do?? As someone else already pointed out, he can work more, spend less, move in to a less expensive place, share an apartment with others, etc. Not your problem to solve.

Awesome: Okay, I feel like a teenager writing this, but I kinda have a crush on someone. It probably won't amount to anything, but it's been so long since I even thought about this stuff, it's kinda fun. It just makes the world's colors a bit brighter to be thinking along these lines, you know?

Awesome, and more real: Got to take two of my great-nieces to dinner yesterday and wander around Office Depot with them. Bought them very small items for school. Totally enjoyed being around them: they're cute and smart and polite and growing up to be wonderful people.

No gym for me tomorrow. Too sick - don't wanna be sneezing all over everything and sinus headaches and finicky nose aren't conducive to working out. Maybe next week.

Both awesome and awful:
The nearby extension of Purdue University now has an iron beam from World Trade Center on display. I feel like I should go see it.

Okay. Have you people been spreading your germs with your posts? Runny nose; bad cough; popping ears; slightly sore throat, and beginning to be the least little bit grumpy!

Oh. Wait. I guess I need to wait for the September thread.

New thread in honor of the new month:

http://www.librarything.com/topic/123019