Ape's 2011 Challenge (25)

Prequel
Thread #1 (Book 1)
Thread #2 (Book 2)
Thread #3 (Books 3-5)
Thread #4 (Books 6-10)
Thread #5 (Books 11-13)
Thread #6 (Books 14-15)
Thread #7 (Books 16-22)
Thread #8 (Books 23-25)
Thread #9 (Books 26-28)
Thread #10 (Books 28-32)
Thread #11 (Books 33-34)
Thread #12 (Books 34-37)
Thread #13 (Books 38-41)
Thread #14 (Books 42-44)
Thread #15 (Books 44-48)
Thread #16 (Books 48-51)
Thread #17 (Books 52-55)
Thread #18 (Books 56-58)
Thread #19 (Books 59-61)
Thread #20 (Books 62-65)
Thread #21 (Books 66-67)
Thread #22 (Books 68-73)
Thread #23 (Book 74)
Thread #24 (Books 74-76)

Books Read: 78
Pages Read: 19,160

January:
1. Wave of Terror by Theodore Odrach
2. Southern Storm by Terri Blackstock
3. The Ten Thousand by Michael Curtis Ford
4. The Medical Detective by Sandra Hempel
5. Biohazard by Ken Alibek

February:
6. The Atlantic Sound by Cary Phillips
7. The Killers Within by Michael Shnayerson
8. The Cellist of Sarajevo by Steven Galloway
9. Book of Clouds by Chloe Aridjis
10. Victorian Painting by Julian Treuherz

March:
11. Perdido Street Station by China Mieville
12. Zombie Haiku by Ryan Mecum
13. Vampire Haiku by Ryan Mecum
14. Gods and Legions by Micahel Curtis Ford
15. Day by Day Armageddon by J. L. Bourne

April
16. Never Suck a Dead Man's Hand by Dana Kollmann
17. Terror on Troll Mountain by M.D. Spenser
18. Plague by Edward Marriott
19. Where the Sky Ends by M. G. Stephens
20. What I Was by Meg Rosoff
21. I Am Zoe Handke by Eric Larsen
22. Leonardo da Vinci (DK Art Book)
23. The End of the Alphabet by C. S. Richardson

May
24. The Bounty by Caroline Alexander
25. Muse of Fire by Dan Simmons
26. Peace by Richard Bausch
27. Prisons of Light by Kitty Ferguson
28. Van Gogh (DK Art Book)
29. Riddled with Life by Marlene Zuk
30. The Wild Trees by Richard Preston
31. The Pearl by John Steinbeck
32. Rembrandt (DK Art Book)

June
33. The Sword of Hannibal by Terry McCarthy
34. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
35. Greek Fire, Poison Arrows, and Scorpion Bombs by Adrienne Mayor
36. Cannery Row by John Steinbeck
37. The Time Machine by H.G. Wells
38. The Uncommon Reader by Alan Bennett
39. The Moon is Down by John Steinbeck
40. Aristotle Leads the Way by Joy Hakim
41. Tribes by Arthur Slade

July
42. The Plague by Albert Camus
43. The Canterville Ghost by Oscar Wilde
44. The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein
45. Charlatan by Pope Brock
46. Dead City by Joe McKinney
47. Wicked Bugs by Amy Stewart
48. Wicked Plants by Amy Stewart
49. Achilles by Elizabeth Cook

August
50. Dark Banquet by Bill Schutt
51. The Solitude of Prime Numbers by Paolo Giordano
52. Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser
53. America (The Book) by Jon Stewart
54. Plague Year by Jeff Carlson
55. Plague War by Jeff Carlson
56. Plague Zone by Jeff Carlson

September
57. Parasite Rex by Carl Zimmer
58. ESPN Guide to Psycho Fan Behavior by Warren St. John
59. The Reapers are the Angels by Alden Bell
60. Trauma by Graham Masterton
61. No Reservations by Anthony Bourdain
62. God of War by Matthew Stover
63. Second Genesis by Jeffrey Anderson
64. The Soul of a Man Under Socialism by Oscar Wilde
65. The Tattoo Chronicles by Kat Von D

October
66. Dead of Night by Jonathan Maberry
67. Midnight Mass by F. Paul Wilson
68. Shapeshifter by J. F. Gonzalez
69. The Man in the Picture by Susan Hill
70. The Taking by Dean Koontz
71. The Nightmare Factory by Thomas Ligotti
72. Arkham Asylum: Madness by Sam Kieth

November
73. Earth (The Book) by Jon Stewart
74. Harbor by John Ajvide Lindqvist
75. Montana 1948 by Larry Watson
76. Play Dead by Ryan Brown

December
77. The Madonnas of Leningrad by Debra Dean
78. Locust by Jeffrey A. Lockwood

Sweet holy crap--I'm first?? :o

ETA: Woah, I am. I love the octopus book thingy, btw. I can't figure out if they destroyed the book to make the critter or what. Nifty.

That pic reminds me of this tshirt. . . still debating whether or not to get it.

ETA: Also, this thread with a link to an article about someone making sculptures from books and their pages and anonymously leaving them in public places. . . really round-a-bout way of doing this, but whatevs.

It looks photoshopped, but I understand your concern. I found a LOT of pictures like that and many of them featured destroyed books. *Weeps*

77. The Madonnas of Leningrad by Debra Dean



Pages: 230
Rating: 4/5

Historical Fiction, Art, Alzheimer's

An old woman is suffering from dementia, Alzheimer's, a rapid degradation of the mind in which her memories fade as fast as they are created. She is to attend a wedding, one in which she can't place names to any of the faces she sees and can barely process what is happening. Her long-term memories are perfectly intact, however, and so she lives almost entirely in the past, reliving her experience in Leningrad under a Nazi invasion, where she occupied her mind by committing the entire museum's collection of art to memory despite it's having been transferred away from the war zone.

The Madonnas of Leningrad is one of those books that has so much to say. It is multi-dimensional without be convoluted, and it's not convoluted despite the subject. Debra Dean manages to give the reader a wealth of experiences and touches on many subjects such as art, history, mental disorders, love, family, and survival in a book that is relatively short but still rich and compelling.

One of the better books I've read in a while.

You didn't use the continue this thread button :-(

Katie: An article about book destruction? Noooo, I must not read... *Pokes eyes out so he can't see it*

Nora: I know, I forgot. :(

Aw, but the lady did it with really good intentions and they're so puuuuuurrrrrrrdy.

for Madonna's of Leningrad. Sounds very good.

and you get a tiny for not using the thread continuation button:)

Katie: Yeah, I know, all the pictures on Google were really cool-looking too...even if they were hard to look at... *Cries*

Calm: I've heard it's not the size that matters, but how you wiggle it. That star has a lot of wiggle, so I guess I'm okay with it. :P

And thanks for the thumb! :)

Yello! Only ten messages, I'm doin' well. So, right, what EXACTLY does this thread continuation thingy do? The same job as a 'New Thread' link but with less effort?

*glares at the new and highly advanced linky thing suspiciously*

I know this is a new thread and all, but are the Dr. Who Timey Wimey cookies still available? And if I eat one, will David Tennant show up at my door? Please?

I might be making this up (*coughs proudly*) but wasn't the Timey Wimey stuff all Matt Smith? Who, I have to say as a recent returnee to Doctor Who (I sorta quit after David Tennant), is actually bloody brilliant. Sorry Matt, evidently I should have had more faith... :(

'Twas David Tennant who said it. If either one of them show up, I'd be happy ;)

Ellie: If you use the thread continuation thingy when you start a new thread, it'll link everyone to the new one, which will have "This is a continuation of ~thread X~" at the top.

Nooo! No more hot guys showing up on my thread! It makes me feel inferior! No, from now on only she will be showing up as a result of Timey Wimey shenanigans. I just have to figure out what time period she is from...

But Stephen, the Doctor almost always brings a girl with him. And he could teach you about alien microbes.

>15 Ape: - Euuuw. She's like a weird cavewoman Lady Gaga.

Katie - My mistake... *bows to the Doctor Who goddess*

Now, Stephen, when it comes to the Good Doctor's sidekicks I'm not massively fond of Rose or Martha, but Amy Pond is one hot redhead...

Katie: *Gasp* Don't call women alien microbes, that's not nice!

Ellie: Aww, c'mon, she's adorable! Although having loaded the full size image now (I just googled "hot steampunk chick" and linked to the first image with breasts...) I'm somewhat certain she might be underage. *rolls eyes* Oh well, everyone knows I'm MUCH more attracted to this girl, even if I have no clue what she looks like. :D

I'm heeeeeeeeeeeeeere! Did you miss me, Stephen? Keep in mind that if you say no, I know a very nice moose who will squish you. :)

Hi Micky! I see I'm low enough on your list of priorities to be ignored for nearly 20 POSTS! :_(

#3: But it's brown! And $20 (I haven't a clue what the s/h is on top of that)! And did I mention brown! Just messing with you. ;)

Thanks for the article link. Honestly, I didn't read the whole thing; I just oggled the mini sculptures. They're pretty amazing, if they did destroy books in the process (sob).

#4: (sighs with relief) Ok, I'll tell myself it was photoshopped. Just photoshopped.

#15: I don't think it matters much which time period she's from. I'm having left nipple sympathy pains just looking at her. But I think it'd be fair to post her any time guys get posted on here. She's hardly rough on the eyes. :)

#18: For some reason, that pic makes me wonder if there's a site out there like People of Walmart but for libraries (eg, Nerds of Libraries). Hmm.... must google that.

Left nipple syndrome!? Does that mean I have left testicle syndrome every time you all insist on posting hunky men on my thread? Ah, well, at least I have a name for it now. :(

Thanks for your permission, though. I will use it with the utmost amount of integrity and honor.

*Starts searching for women wearing nothing but thongs and nipple tassles*

>20 Ape: I wasn't ignoring you. Really! I just am working on that whole world domination thing you wanted me to tackle since I now have a library job. But it's not going so great. The whole moose army thing is kind of a debacle. ;)

#22: No, sympathy pains. Her left nipple looks like it's getting squashed into oblivion; that's why my own's starting to hurt.

lol @ your testicles bothering you when you look at hunky men on your thread. You said it! I didn't. :P

Oh, and make sure you type women when you're googling thongs and nipple tassles, because there are these fun little fetish pics of MEN in them. Wanna see? :)

Oh, wait. I knew there was a reason I came back to this thread. It was in regard to People of Walmart (in message #21) and the possibility there might be a Weirdos of the Library site or something. Alas, nothing. :(

But I did find kind of a nifty Flickr account: People Sleeping in Libraries (warning, Stephen and other dialup folks: it takes f-o-r-e-v-e-r to load). I work in a library, and I honestly LOVE these patrons (not being sarcastic). They're quiet/don't ask me questions, and rarely destroy property on purpose (drool kinda ruins paper, though).

There was another site (Asians Sleeping in the Library), but I wasn't able to wait around for it to load. Good luck to anyone who has a faster connection! :)

Micky: Right, okay, you are forgiven. :)

Sara: Oh! Right. Guess I didn't pay enough attention to her nipples. *Blushes* I'll take a pass on the men wearing nipple tassles. o.O

But yes on the thongs? :D

Noooo! :(

Only 5 threads behind!

Hi! Cool book-boat-giant-squid pic. And i thought I'd never get to say all those words in one go!

(pouts)

Yay!

*goes back to trying to get moose to march in formation*

...without humping each other. Oh oops, did I say that out loud? :P

Jeanne: There's a hidden prize in each thread, you CAN'T leave them unopened! ;)

Sara: There there, cheer up. Here, look what I found. Click. It's a shirt. For children...

Micky: Here's what you do. Fill them up with all kinds of crap about how Canada is the most amazing polar region ever, how they are the greatest army that has ever existed, and tell them how impossible it would be for them to ever fail at anything they seek to accomplish. Make them super arrogant. Then they'll all start walking around with their heads in eachother's asses, and for mooses that should vaguely resemble a battle formation.

:)

Sara: Right, my plan fixes that issue to. Unless... well, no, I refuse to believe there could be any pleasure involved with my plan, considering the antlers and all...

lmao @ the kids' nipple tassle tshirt! I think I'm more surprised my work computer didn't block it. Thanks for that! :D It just looks ridiculous.

I'll leave the moose formation alone. I just had a sudden flashback of The Human Centipede. :X

You're welcome! And, I'm sorry!

Not to worry. That movie's kind of like LSD (no exp. here)--you get flashbacks at the craziest times.



That's my G-rated flashback.

Weird, I remember that book a little differently... :P

Sara, did you really have to corrupt my memory of that picture book? I kind of love it.

I've given up on the moose. This whole world domination thing just isn't going to happen, I'm afraid, Stephen. How about a consolation prize of... um... yeah, I'm out of ideas.

Plan B. Save up all your money. Visit Ohio. Kidnap all the 'library grunts' at my local library, and everyone else within a 50 mile radius who is unemployed or likes books. DON'T HARM THEM IN ANY WAY! Take them somewhere nice, give them lots of food, and books, and anything else they might like. (Is there anything else besides food and books? I assume so...) I'll apply for a job at my local library. No one else will. I'll get hired. Then you release all the people you kidnapped, UNHARMED.

You might be asking yourself, "what do I get out of all this?" Well, I'll have my dream job and I'll probably be less pessimistic about everything. Wait, but those are good thing for me. *Rubs chin* Well, I'll have money to spend on books again! No wait, that's me again. Ummm, how about...oh hell, I'll just make you cookies in the space-time oven! Totally worth all the trouble.

Hmm, but I'd have to go to Ohio. What's in Ohio? It doesn't even have a catchy song about it like Oklahoma. ;)

There's a lake in my town. An UNFROZEN one. Do they have those in Canada?

The only Ohio songs I know are "Four Dead in Ohio" and "Ohio (Come Back to Texas)". Catchy, but not particularly flattering.

Funny, I live here and haven't heard either of those...

They're not death metal songs.

Can't you just make your space-time oven kidnap them? It seems like something it could do. . . .

What's all this kidnap nonsense? I can think of a much more permanent solution.

#39: Oh, and you're welcome, Micky. :) It's kind of corrupted my childhood memory of it, too.

Nora: Yeah, not many death metal musicians write songs about Ohio. o.O

Katie: Nope, I didn't buy the one with the kidnap function. :(

Sara: NooooOOOooo! They are my beloved librarians! I love the library! I appreciate them and all the work they do! I just want their job. So I only need them to disappear for a week or two.

>42 Ape: Ever heard of the Great Lakes, Stephen? I live in the wrong province, but I hear rumours they never freeze over. Besides, what's so wrong with ice roads. :D

>43 norabelle414: Oh, oh, oh, I know the Bowling for Soup song. Yeah, not really a ringing endorsement to head to Ohio.

Plus, um, Stephen, I am a librarian and our community is quite small. Kidnapping a bunch of librarians from Ohio might have really bad repercussions for my future career. So I think you're stuck with trying to brainwash them so that they'll hire you. Can the space-time oven do that?

Micky: But you live on the wrong side of the country to see the great lakes, don't you? And if you come all the way over to see them, well, you might as well come to Ohio and kidnap all the librarians while you are at it.

Nope, no brainwash button on the oven either. I got stuck with the budget version, I think.

>50 Ape: Well, there are two and a half provinces between me and the great lakes, yes. But I'm not likely to head out on a trip expressly to see them. Or to kidnap all the librarians in Ohio. I think you're going to have to find another partner in crime for this nefarious plot. Might I suggest Sara? Or maybe Ellie?

As for your space-time oven, it sounds pretty lame. Especially given the lack of time travel that's occurred around here lately. *pterodactyl flies by*

I don't trust Sara alone with them, and Ellie might be more likely to kidnap ME!

*ahem*
I've yet to receive any timey-wimey cookies, nor then has David showed up at my door.
What are you going to do about this, is what I'd like to know...

#52: XD Stephen knows me too well.

53: I'd love to know where my cookies and Mr. Tennant are as well. Any answers, Stephen?!?

I'm planning on baking some TARDIS cookies with my friends at the end of March and am wondering if I can use your time-oven to make them authentic.

Amber: Didn't you read the cookie disclaimer? David only shows up once per year, and only if you earn your yearly quota of 125,000 Cookie Points (.25 points per cookie). Eating non-timey-wimey cookies disqualifies you, and the Timey-Wimey Cookie Baker reserves the right to send a mean, rude, inconsiderate look-alike who doesn't look anything like David if he so chooses. Sheesh, it was all printed RIGHT THERE IN PLAIN SIGHT! *Points under the oven*

Sara: Everyone who reads your thread knows you too well. :P

Laura: Sorry, some people have convinced themselves, for whatever reason, that eating lots of cookies will make attractive men appear on their doorstep. While I question the logic of this strategy, considering the only type of man that would be attractive to cookie-eating book readers are...well, weird ones like me, I will not dispute the claim if it increases cookie consumption.

*Makes a new batch and ensures some are saved for Laura* Here you go!

Katie: Pshaw! My oven is not for rent! Besides, these things are not under my control. The worm hole in the oven merely has the unfortunate side-effects on my baking, I have no way of knowing what exactly will happen to the things I bake in them...

*Looks up at Amber floating around the ceiling* Oh, dear...

*humph!*
I just may have to take my timey-wimey cookie eating business elsewhere, if this is the kind of service I get.

But...but mine have SPRINKLES!

I'd hold out for a thread that provides timey-wimey cupcakes. Much better deal there. :D

Or timey-wimey cakes.

How about timey-wimey pies?

Okay, I've written down all your suggestions. I'll go make them 2 days ago.

>63 Ape: wham! what a punch line.
love it.
Did you miss me? I was away for 48 WHOLE hours

Yes, Megan! *Hugs*

That was a good punchline.

Anyway, what the bloomin' nora is going on around here? I've been away from LT for a couple of days and I only have 17 MESSAGES to catch up on?

*firmly turns off Stephen's TV, pulls on a large steel-toed boot and gets ready to give him a really good kick off the sofa*

But Ellie, the sofa is good for reading. Maybe you should kick the remote instead?

Obviously nobody loves me! :_(

I do! I've just been busy with work stuff since Friday...

People care more about work than me! :_(

work = money = computer = talking to you

I'm at the bottom of Nora's priority list! :_(

Not true! I like you better than my brother

*Stifles weeping* ...well, from what I've heard that really isn't say much...but thanks. :)

I like you. Does that help?

Micky doesn't love me! :_(

*adopts matronly condescending tone*
I think someone's seeing the glass half empty Stephen...

Nonsense, I always look at the glass as half full. It's just always half full of crap I don't like.

#78: You don't want to know what I was just about to google.

Oh, and just to share the love from Micky's thread: http://librarianheygirl.tumblr.com . I know how much you love Ryan Gosling. :P

The glass isn't half empty or half full; it's just twice as big as it needs to be.

Or as Stephen says: "half full of crap". Literally. Potty mouth. :P

Stephen, what could you possibly have against Ryan Gosling? He's Canadian. And he loves libraries (and librarians). :D

And taking his clothes off.

Sara: Pffft. Sadly those pictures are FAKE! They just took 'hot steamy' pictures and added (inaccurate) text to them. When I go to the library it really is filled with attractive bookish women. So your photo gallery doesn't bother me one bit! >:)

Nora: Haha, that too!

Micky: Ryan Gosling? I barely know who that is, to be honest. I've seen The Notebook and that's it. I've never been fluent in the world of celebrities. *Shrugs*

>76 Ape: Nope. But liking you should be more than sufficient, young man. *glares over glasses*

Really? You're going to cry because a twenty-something librarian in Canada likes you? Really?

so what happens when someone dislikes you?

Micky: *Sniffle* N-no...I...got something in my eye... *rubs eyes*

Katie: Oh, that I'm used to, it's perfectly natural. :)

I love you more than enough to compensate for all those cold-hearted harpies.

So, if your emotional reaction goes the opposite, would love set you bawling?

#84: Something's fake on the internet??! Nope, not gonna believe it. Next you're gonna tell me that sweet Nigerian guy who keeps e-mailing me isn't going to give me $10,000,000 like he promised after I gave him my bank account and social security numbers. Phhbbtt! We'll see who's laughing now when I'm a millionaire! Ha! :P

I was gonna post these guys to get my I'm-not-listening-to-you point across, but it's not freakin' Christmas yet (or maybe I should say freaky Christmas, because that was just yikes! hungry little buggers), so (sigh) this somewhat in-its-own-way adorable kitty will have to do:



Are we talking about the fake Ryan Gosling quotes or the sleeping Asian site (which I still can't load, 'cause they're so freakin' huge)? If the Ryan one, I love the "I'd never argue with you over a 20 cent library fine," because it reminds me so much of our patrons. (>>Rant: We have a 6-year-old boy who has been sent to collections for $1,000+ in fines. His mother is queen of producing juvenile delinquints. Won't mention the other brood; it'd take forever. If we actually get the money from them (lmao & wiping a tear away), we could probably build another library. Ryan Gosling, you should really give his movies a chance. Yes, I know he's Canadian (hey, we still talk to Micky, don't we? ::whispers loudly:: Wave @ her so she doesn't think we're talking smack about her. ::waves @ Micky::), but most of them aren't The Notebook type. Maybe you should try Lars and the Real Girl (the one about the guy who thinks his sex doll is really his girlfriend--no, unfortunately, not a comedy). It just might be up your alley. Not passing judgment. We all wish our "significant other" would just shut up once in awhile. Or forever. Whatever. :P

Btw, to balance things out (for posting all the guy links), I'm sure you're already aware of this site, but there's a Naked Girls Book Club. Just in case you were curious. Sorry, you can't join, but you can look. :P (FYI: looong loading time. Or just cheat and google "naked girls reading". Weirdness: Gollum appeared on my results page! :D & 0_o Maybe 'cause I used the words together.)

(pauses) Wait, who made Stephen cry? >:/

Ryan Gosling will forever be Young Hercules to me. Also he was in Remember the Titans.

Nora: Hurray!

Katie: Yes, in fear... *Shivers*

Sara: I didn't hate The Notebook. I didn't like it because of the infidelity thing, but I won't say it was terrible. Lars and the Real Girl does NOT sound like something I would like, and I can't look at naked reading girls. The books are...too distracting. That kind of thing can be dangerous, like texting and driving.

Oh, and MICKY did it. She doesn't love me! :(

Ugh! Remember the Titans! We were forced to watch that movie SO MANY TIMES in school, I never want to see it ever again.

You think YOU had to watch that movie a lot in school!?

Remember the Titans is about MY high school. You have no idea.

Haha, oh dear, I can imagine. My condolences.

#94: There was infidelity in The Notebook? Huh, wasn't paying much attention to it. But it's been a few years.

Really, Lars and the Real Girl isn't half-bad. Everyone keeps listing it as a comedy (I think because of the mention of a sex doll), but I found it pretty darn sad. The guy had some serious social problems, but at least his family and town help him out.

Re: the naked girls reading. (shrugs) It's up to you. I found it kind of interesting. And as for texting and driving, they should ban texting and walking, too. I ran shuffled right into a trash can while doing that. Oh, "slightly" embarrassing.

Aawww, Micky. What'd you go and do that to Stephen for?

Ha ha-ing @ norabelle. Oh, those poor, poor kids who're gonna have to watch that every year (not that I've seen the movie yet). But people need to move on. Yes, there was a movie made here. No, we didn't see any of the profits. Go back to staring slack-jawed at the teacher. That's a good student.

Don't get me wrong, Remember the Titans is a really good movie, with a great cast. And it's like 85% true. But I watched it probably once every 2 months from the day it came out (the entire school system went on a field trip to the movie theater) until I was old enough to skip school.

Sara: Wasn't the entire story about the lady cheating on her fiancee with Mr. Rugged and Handsome? Of course her fiancee was a jerk, and considering the sexism and repression of women of the time I would argue that her actions were justifiable. But I can't say I ever 'enjoy' a movie abou infidelity. I'm general more fond of people who cut their relationship off before screwing another person. I seem to be in the minority there though, which is simply...interesting....

Nora: Oh yes, agree, it was a good movie...the first couple times I watched it. I'm just sick to death of it now though, can't appreciate it one bit.

this is looking like an old thread! so many posts.. LOVE the pic on top!

Yay, Kath visited! She loves me! Unlike Micky. :(

#100: I actually own The Notebook (the movie, not the book), but I don't really want to rewatch it right now to remember the storyline. (I'm in the middle of an old 70's horror movie involving Satanists and prostitutes. Nothing trumps that, you know. Not to mention it takes place in Canada, which should make Micky happy. Everyone knows Satanists and prostitutes abound up there. ;)

Anywho, I did the next best thing: IMDb'd the darn movie--babble babble blah blah blah--and what do you know? You're right. She runs back to her first crush after years and years apart, even though she's married. Meh, don't blame her on the crush part. But I agree: divorce first, fornicate later, then go to the doctor for some penicillin, 'cause god only knows where that guy's been in the years in between.

About being the minority about people cheating on their spouses, from what I've heard from friends/family, it comes down to creating this dream family for the kids (or their relatives, etc). Not to mention for the women, if she holds out long enough, her husband will die first and she'll inherit some money. Hmm. I've always thought marriage was a weird legal loophole for prostitution. But that's just me.

I think it was Ryan Gosling in The Believer. I liked that one. It's been a long time since I've seen it, but I believe the premise was: Ryan Gosling is (part?) Jewish but is a neo-Nazi and is about him coming to terms with himself and heritage.

I don't remember if he was part Jewish; all I remember was he was, um, very set in his ways. Ok, his character was a total dick. But good movie, I agree! :) I have that one, too. One of my favorites of his was Murder by Numbers (he's pretty evil in that one, too), because it was (I think) the first movie I saw him in. But I have the memory of someone with Alzheimer's, so don't pay attention to a word I say. I don't. ;)

Ahmahgah! I forgot he was in Murder by Numbers. To be honest, I can only remember 1 or 2 actors from a movie unless I've seen a bajillion times. So, Sandra Bullock is for that one. I had to do some IMDB'ing. He was indeed Jewish in that movie. Also learned, he was in Frankenstein and Me. Also made appearances on Goosebumps and Are You Afraid of the Dark. . . which I assume I saw him in because I was obsessed with those shows.

Thanks for letting me know about The Believer. It's been years since I've seen that one, but like I said before, it was good.

:D @ Goosebumps and Are You Afraid of the Dark. I'll have to see if we have any of those at work. (pops over to IMDb first) Thanks btw! :)

Sara: Actually, once kids are involved I can SORT OF understand the whole thing with staying together for the kids. That doesn't justify the cheating, however. "Hey ~spouse~, since we hate eachother lets get a divorce. We're unhappy and we fight and what's the point? Maybe it's time we both move on. What? The kids? Right, of course. Well fine, but maybe we should see other people or something, it's obvious we aren't happy with eachother anymore." Okay yes, that sounds cruel, and it IS, but significantly less so than infidelity, in my opinion.

Katie: Yay Goosebumps! I was absolutely obsessed with those books as a kid. I still have a box full of them I kept from childhood. :)

I don't think my kids read those....they got skipped over I think?
That reminds me...I have some books to take ti the nephlet :)

Hey Stephen - just dropping by to wish you a happy Friday!

I stayed far away from the Goosebumps series when I was a kid - not one into scary stuff. . . .

Hellooooo! I loved The Notebook. If you want a movie about BAD infidelity, watch Unfaithful. That one has a poor child (Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle, ha!) and sex and a dead guy and all kinds of guilt and heartbreak.

The Notebook is really all about GOOD infidelity because if she'd married the other dude she'd have been Completely Unhappy wondering what happened to the sexy man by the lake. They were Meant To Be! He read poetry and built her a house, people, EVEN THOUGH SHE WASN'T THERE! And as we all know, it ended so beautifully even though I couldn't stop crying for about two hours afterwards.

P.S. Stephen, you bad bad boy! No money and still buying presents! Thank you very much for Modoc - my mum's already baggsied it for second reading and I'm making sure I've got a box of tissues ready for the inevitable sad ending! I will be sending you a PM in a minute but I wanted to say thanks here as well so everyone knows how nice you are when you're not thinking about naked ladies in libraries. :)

Kath: I was a big fan. One of my teachers even gave me a VHS tape of one of the television episodes, because she caught me looking at it (she had left it on a table in the back of the room) and she knew how much I liked the books.

Hi Brit! I've always been fond of dark imagery, as early as elementary school I was fascinated by things like the covers of Goosebumps books.

Ellie: GOOD infidelity!? :( I agree completely that she would have been unhappy otherwise, and that the man she was married to was...well...ick, BUT it seems incredibly selfish to completely disregard another person's feelings for your own benefit. She should have left the man she was with, and she should have went with the Hunky one, but she could have broken off the relationship she was in first. Again, considering the time period, I understand, but...ick.

I can't say I'm some shining example of a moral human being. I embrace many aspects of modern society that many would deem deplorable. But I would never intentionally do anything do hurt anyone, I'm a bit of a pacifist really, and even if I was trapped in a lovely relationship I would never cheat on the person I'm with for fear of hurting them. I may not love them, but that doesn't mean I would do something like THAT to them.

I've only seen bits and pieces of the movie, but in the book version of The Notebook, the girl's significant other (I feel like he was her fiance but maybe they were already married) was a really good guy.

Nora: Really? :( I believe during the initial infidelity (in the movie) they were engaged, but after they got married she left him permanently for Mr. Hunky.

*Sigh* Yeah, not a fan...

I read it a long time ago. It's the only Nicholas Sparks book I've ever read all the way through, because I find his work to be underhandedly misogynistic, not to mention boring, repetitive, and predictable. Also I think he's an ass.

ETA: according to Wikipedia, the other guy is her fiance in both the book and the movie.

I thought it was her fiance too, glad I'm not imagining things. Good guy, but if you're going for a sweeping romantic novel, not The Right Guy. I'm a sucker for a Destined To Be Together romance, I'm afraid...

And yes, Sparks is rather formulaic and a pretty clunky writer, but you can't beat him for one of those 'I need a good weep' afternoons when you just want to eat chocolate and get some emotion out of your system! :)

Bah! *Goes back to his book about locust swarms*

I'm reading about a coelacanth! *Goes back to her book about an extinct fish*

Cool! I'm reading about the Rocky Mountain locust specifically, which I believe is extinct, but I don't know because I haven't finished the book yet. :P

Hmm, people have been chatty 'round here lately. And Stephen only whined about my not loving him 3 or 4 times. Pretty impressive! Can't liking you be enough, Ohio boy?

>112 Ape: She should have left the man she was with, and she should have went with the Hunky one, but she could have broken off the relationship she was in first.
I totally agree, but so often it doenst happen like that. People seem to think that once a relationship is "over in their head" they can just jump to the next person and not even think about how this makes the person left behind/cheated on feel. It has happened to 3 people (of both sexes) I know and is devastating to them.

Micky: I wasn't whining! *Pouts*

Megan: It's so inconsiderate, so say the very least. There are so many different situations a person can find themselves in and none of them seem to justify cheating on someone. We aren't exactly living in the golden age of honesty and integrity, I guess...

#108: I think the kids would suffer more if the parents stayed together and hated each other. Kids aren't stupid (no matter the age), and can pick up on stuff like that.

Hmm, maybe that's how swinging got started. Like "If you cheat, I get to cheat--AND you have to watch" sort of thing. Dunno.

#109: Yeah, I think I missed out on the whole Goosebumps craze, because I was in that odd in-between generation where they were too juvenile for me (I was in middle school @ the time). I think I'd moved on to Stephen King, V. C. Andrews, and John Saul by then. Still slipped some Christopher Pike in when my friends weren't looking.

#111: Oh, I love Unfaithful! (Again, Stephen, not saying infidelity is ok.) Lots of dark-haired, French-accented naughtiness and dead bodies (or maybe just 1) in car trunks. Lovely. :) And I totally forgot "Dewey" was in that one. Diane's character must've really gotten an early start on being unfaithful, because that kid looks nothing like her or Richard Gere. Casting really did an oopsie there.

#121: Yep, I totally agree with the once a relationship is "over in their head" they can just jump to the next person. I think people make way too many assumptions in any type of relationship (friends, family, whatever), and not all of us are mind readers yet. Workin' on it, though. :P

(eyeballs Stephen) That's just gross! It won't fit in there!

I think the kids would suffer more if the parents stayed together and hated each other. Kids aren't stupid (no matter the age), and can pick up on stuff like that.

It's true, it was better off that my parents got a divorce. BUT, it would have been a hell of a lot better if they would have just gotten a divorce in the first place. Instead my father cheated on my mom and then they got divorced anyway. So, really, it amazes me that people who apparently love eachother enough to get married and HAVE KIDS TOGETHER are incapable of talking about such things. C'mon, really... -.-

(eyeballs Stephen) That's just gross! It won't fit in there!

Wait wait, what the heck are you talking about!? *Scours the thread to see what Sara could possibly be referring to*

I'm honing my mind reading skills. All I can say is someone's doing something they shouldn't, so maybe it wasn't you this time? (eyeballs Micky)

I'm so confused. :(

As you should be. You haven't been practicing Mind Reading 101, have you?

Fun thought: Mind read through a mind reader!

Sara: You tell me!

Katie: That fun thought was implanted by me, in case you were wondering.

Do we have a mind reading circle happening?!? A mobius strip of brain waves? Who had the original thought? Will these philosophical wonderings overload and burn our neurons?

I like "pet" better. (You can tell I'm tired. I'm selective reading again.)

Btw, thanks, Stephen, for recommending Zombie Haiku like a bazillion years ago. I finally read it tonight and (surprisingly) liked it a bit better than Vampire Haiku. Hmph, go figure. Now I just need to hunt down Werewolf Haiku....

My brain has been at the beck and call of Galifianakis' awkwardness and humor for a long time. . . since Out Cold I think. And, again, IMDB is a revelator--he was in Bubble Boy! I need to rewatch that brilliant movie (the newer one, anyway).

I didn't do it! Unless it's making Stephen pout, which let's face it, I do all the time.

*eats pie right in front of Stephen without offering to share*

Sara: Really? Hmmm, I liked Vampire Haiku. I need to get my hands on a copy. *Checks Big Library's website* Nope. *Grumbles* They only have Vampire Haiku.

Katie: He was in Bubble Boy!? Hmmm, I never watched that one all the way through so maybe I missed it...

Micky: I've had enough pie and cake recently to last me awhile, no pouting over that for me.

Sooo, last night I decided to send a huge, rambling email to my local library commenting on their new catalog and badgering them about my job application I have submitted there. Feels like one of those drunk people that call an ex late at night or something. If I'm lucky it'll be perceived as...charming...maybe.

Persistent maybe? Or stalker-ish? ;) j/k. Believe me, I would love to send my library a letter about how poorly things are handled at my current branch. As an employee, they just poo-poo everything and sweep it under the proverbial rug. But writing as an actual patron--aha! That gets their attention. So maybe your creepy ramblings will have some sort of response. Maybe good. Maybe bad. o_0 You didn't sign it, did you?

I did, it sort of requird a signature considering I was asking about the job application I sent in and all...

aww how nice of the teacher :)

not able to catch up but wanted to say hello :)

Hi Kath! Yeah, it was very nice of her. I was always ordering the books from these Schoolastic book catalogs that were passed out to us all the time. We didn't have a lot of money and my parents were never the kind to relent to incessant begging, but I could sucker a Goosebumps book or two out of them from time to time. >:D

Oh hai! On the infidelity thing, of COURSE it's crap if you're, like, AN ACTUAL PERSON in ACTUAL LIFE with a CHEATING SCUMBAG of a wife/husband/love puppet. But if you're in a MOVIE where you're totally DESTINED to be with the HUNK BY THE LAKE WITH THE NICE ARM MUSCLES then I say go for it. Because let's face it, your POOR NEGLECTED OTHER will always be nice enough to let you go so you aren't MISERABLE. Not to mention, the other has a UNIFORM which will probably make him a LADY MAGNET so he'll be fine anyway.

Oh, and clearly the French book dealer in 'Unfaithful' with the Astronomical Libido and the penchant for Naughty Public Sex is way hotter than paranoid Richard Gere and his business suits. Just sayin'...

NEW THING LEARNED TODAY: the coelacanth isn't extinct after all. Or so I'm getting from the huge picture of a Curator Lady With Enormous Fish (Not A Euphemism) at the end of the first chapter. I've put it back on one side for a bit to read Ape House instead because wouldn't you know, I'm getting a second chance at my trip to town this week! And this time I have no Christmas shopping to do. Which means library time, AND a full hour or more of browsing at Waterstones, without a list, an agenda, or a tight schedule. Marvellous. I fully expect to spend a startling sum of money. :)

Not that I need to, because OH GOOD HEAVENS another book arrived, didn't it Stephen? With a cute little owl on the front and a shiny shiny cover! A book that just screams READ ME WITH HOT CHOCOLATE WHEN IT'S SNOWING OUTSIDE, OR ELSE. Awwwww. *grins in a very soppy girlie way* Fank you sweetpea. :D

Ellie: *Sniff* I think I'm just a sucker for that eternal love crap. Oh well. :(

Well I learned that all the previous theories of the Rocky Mountain lotus disappearance (Bison depopulation, climate change, bison depopulation (again), fire, etc) were all wrong, and I believe the author is about to pitch HIS theory/discovery of the true reason for the locust extinction, which will either be awesome or full of anooying speculation that will piss me off. :)

Wait, was the cover LITERALLY shiny? :D

Good on you for a rambling catalogue-commenting email to your library, hope it gets the results you wanted. And that job too :)

I'm waiting patiently for you to finish your book so I can see if my Rocky Mountain Locust extinction theory is the same as the author's. Without, you know, actually taking the time to read it myself :-P

Also, I hope your e-mail to your library went something along the lines of "Your catalog sucks! You need to hire an adorable young man to fix it for you!"

Megan: I was mostly asking if they were making online requests possible. I'm afraid of breaking the website by mass requesting. >:P

Nora: Well, I've been reading it for 9 days and I'm only 180 pages into it...and I've got 90 pages to go, so... Oh, and I was given an Amazon gift card for Christmas and ordered a bunch of video games (cheap used ones, so I got a bunch) so, ummm, yeah, it might take me awhile.

Oh, and no, I didn't make fun of my library's catalog! It's very nice, really. I do wish they would alphabetize their DVDs (I'd be happy to do it) and I'm frequently disappointed in the books they select for their fantasy/science fiction section (they pick 1 book from a trilogy, buy it, and then never buy the rest of the series) but overall I'm quite happy with it all. Okay, and maybe they could use some new science books. It seems 95 percent of the books in the section are from the 90's...but really, I can't complain! Much...

>144 Ape: If it makes you feel better, I've been bugging my library for months to get books in the Soulless series by Gail Carriger, and they finally did . . . . But only the 4th one in the series

Ha ha-ing @ #145. Not laughing @ you, my dear, but that's how snarky librarians can be sometimes.

>144 Ape: oh ok, not quite a ramble then :)

Nora: Clearly your library isn't as cool as mine. It has 4 of the books. >:P

Sara: Is it the glue from the book bindings that causes that?

Megan: Oh, it was still a ramble I think, just not so angry. Like when you go on and on about weird and random topics like bananas or the ethics of animal-shaped pincushions when it is late at night and you are too tired to string together cohesive thoughts or add periods to your sentences so you risk having your readers pass out from lack of oxygen because some people really don't take breaths when they aren't given the opportunity to do so in a lengthy sentence and even more do so if they are reading said sentence late at night when they are too tired to string together cohesive thoughts or add their own period to lengthy sentences written by other people who are inconsiderate and fail to realize that their readers might be passing out from oxygen deprivation because they forgot to add periods as result of their own sleep deprivations.

*Takes deep breath*

...on another note, always wear a pincusion when eating animal-shaped bananas. Wait, I got that wrong, never ....ummm... eat pinsushion-shaped...okay dammit, who drew a penis on the chalkboard!? >:(

>148 Ape: - Ha! Sometimes I wonder if you may actually be a comedy genius maskerading as a boy from Ohio. Or possibly just an evil genius - jury's still out on that one...

Yes, the cover is really shiny! Very festive and wintry. :)

Bananas are the universe's novelty food. Delicious and very handy for work, sure, but when a guy comes into the shop you might as well be sitting eating a penis-shaped lollipop. And animal-shaped pincushions are never okay. Stop sticking pins into the nice cat/puppy/raccoon/unicorn and move on with your life.

#148: No, we're just born evil, I think. The glue-sniffing is just an added bonus. ;)

lol-ing as usual at all the nonsense. :D

Oh, and movie-wise, you (Stephen) might want to add Crazy Stupid Love as a movie not to watch, even though it has your man-crush in it: Steve Carell. It has the usual divorce, infidelity, yadda yadda yadda (romantic comedies seem to abound in that). Plus I felt like setting Ryan Gosling's man-whore character on fire . . . very, very slowly. I think I might actually enjoy that. In my head, of course. Tootles. :)

Ellie: Comedic genius is often confused with general silliness. We tend to laugh at silly people in movies, so it's perfectly possible to seem like some very controlled and intelligent commedian when in reality you're just a big goofball. :)

Yes, men really are hopeless when it comes to phallus-shaped objects. Bananas, popsicles, those oversized candy canes...we really can't be trusted with any of those.

Sara: Yeah, I kind of got that from the trailer. Doesn't Steve Carell get cheated on? NOOOO! You can't do that to Carell! He's too nice! :(

How about Punch Drunk Love? Have you seen that one? I think you may like it, from what I remember of it...

Nope, I haven't seen Punch Drunk Love. *Googles* Wait, Adam Sandler? In 2002? How did I miss that one...

There's a guy who moved to Bakewell recently and has been to the shop at least once a week ever since. He's been getting more and more flirty every week, chatting for up to an hour about all sorts of things and looking really guilty if my mum emerges from the office, like he's been caught in the act. (As if maybe she'll run at him like Molly Weasley, shouting "NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!!") I wonder if HE first visited the shop when I was eating a banana?

Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd write. :P

Stephen: Yep. And he's really *really* good in it (and it's not a slapstick comedy - far from it).

Ellie: *snork!* Would Mrs. Weasley really use that sort of language? I've been reading the wrong Rowling, apparently...

>148 Ape: I totally understand the brain muddle and resulting rants one gets from sleep deprivation. Last night at 12.15 I was THIS CLOSE to running away and joining the circus (or at least just running away) to escape a serial getter-upper 3 year old, who btw, has NO rational bone in his body, and his incessant ranting about "needing medicine for a sore leg/lip/knee/tummy/elbow" (talk about hypochondriac in the making).

>154 elliepotten: Ellie, bananas are difficult to eat in a non suggestive way, unless you use a plate and a knife and fork!

>155 scaifea: - It's definitely something like that, isn't it? It came straight up when I Googled it, anyway!

>156 LovingLit: - At which point they become so non-suggestive that I, and anyone who happens to be in the immediate vicinity at the time, may be so consumed by the reverse banana magic that we will never get laid ever again...

*whispers* I had no idea bananas were this powerful!

Ellie: Nope, no banana required, I'm sure you have that kind of effect on more men than you realize. ;)

Amber: I love when those silly comedians turn out to be good in serious movies. Adam Sandler is definitely one of them, with things like 50 First Dates and Click. (And The Wedding Singer, apparently, although I never liked that one.)

Megan: Wow, I wonder where he got that from, being so irrational the way he is. Wait, did you say you were going to run away and joining the circus!?

Ellie: What? Really? Is this scientific? Well no wonder I've gone so long without getting laid. It's the damn bananas! All these years practicing my banana form and technique and it's all been for naught!

Umm, yes. Carry on.

*leaves thread to eat a banana where she will disturb no one*

Micky: Didn't you just hear what I said? That's entirely the wrong way to do it! :(

Oh dear, we have a huge problem, everyone. Our very own Sara (aka Saraslibrary) has recently informed me that The Dollar Tree, a chain store where everything is just one little dollar, sells books. Books. For $1. I checked. They did. Crap. *Locks wallet in a safe and hands Ellie the key* Guard that with your life!

Unfortunately they were stocking the book shelves (or the coloring books, more accurately) as I was browsing, so I didn't stay for long. Funny, Ellie just mentioned how annoying it is when a customer comes in JUST as she is about to start messing with the shelves...I guess it's frustrating for everyone involved. Please don't hurt them, Ellie, it's not their fault!

Anyway, I did buy the following:

All the Sad Young Literary Men by Keith Gessen
Draining the Sea by Micheline Aharonian Marcom
Tuna: A Love Story by Richard Ellis

I also checked out 5 books from the library, I have 4 Christmas books I ordered for myself due to arrive tomorrow, and another one floating around somewhere in the USPS, so...yeah, yay for books I guess. :D

(I'm too broke to BUY books often so I get over-excited...sorry!)

78. Locust by Jeffrey A. Lockwood



Pages: 283
Rating: 4/5

Nonfiction: Natural History, Entomology (Locusts)

In the late 1800's Americans were struggling to settle the west, a barren inhospitable wasteland with very little farmable land. If the farmers didn't have it rough already, it was horrifying when out of nowhere great swarms of locusts descended on their crops and rapidly consumed everything they worked so hard for right before their eyes.

The Rocky Mountain locust was certainly a pest, but the most curious thing about them is their sudden disappearance. Great swarms of these insects caused mass starvation and mayhem and them simply vanished. It's unimaginable that something that created so much terror among such a vast area of the country could go extinct, but it happened.

Lockwood writes with a passion and his involvement with the investigation of the locusts makes the book all the more compelling. He discovered Rocky Mountain locust samples frozen within glaciers in Wyoming and came up with a popular hypothesis as to the disappearance of the insects, which he pitches at the end of the book.

I won't say I'm not skeptical of Lockwood's hypothesis, but I found the book a joy to read and educational to boot. Fascinating and enlightening, as any good nonfiction ought to be.

Good review, Stephen. Also an interesting and varied selection of books you got at the Dollar Tree. I'll be looking forward to hearing about them in greater detail as you read them.

whatt is his theeeorryyyyyy

I second Nora's query.

*eats candy cane*

>165 MickyFine: Ooh! Candy cane! Share? *bats eyelashes*

Ok! *breaks candy cane in half and gives one piece to Nora*

Judy: Yeah, ummm, about that...I still haven't read the books I bought myself LAST year. Who knows, maybe I'll get to them quickly... ...

Nora/Micky: Well, basically, he compared the locust to Monarch butterflies. Monarch 'swarm' towards Mexico once a year where they overwinter in a specific forest of trees. Anyone could cut down that forest in a single year and totally decimate the butterfly population. Lockwood described this as 'bottlenecking,' and claimed that the locust's Permanent Zone (as he called it) was destroyed by migrating farmers.

It's full of holes and a bit silly, really. The locust wasn't migratory, I don't think, and they laid their eggs pretty much everywhere from my understanding, so long as the ground was of their preferred consistency.

I don't know why it's so hard to believe that people didn't just hunt them to death. Look what we did with bison, and those weren't even a PEST. There were government programs and massive funds to deal with (i.e. destroy) Rocky Mountain locust. Granted people didn't typically kill locusts that weren't invading their farms, but...meh, just not too sure about this 'bottlenecking' hypothesis.

I would like to note that Mr. Lockwood came up with the hypothesis BEFORE he had any evidence proving it. He was having a conversation about the butterflies and thought "oh hey, maybe that's what happened to the locust" and then started trying to prove it. In other words, he made it up, which is why I prefer more solid and observable science over hypothetical/theoretical science fiction.

>167 MickyFine: Let's suck on the ends of the candy canes until they are pointy and then stab people!

>168 Ape: That's a lame theory. My theory is Rocky Mountain Locusts are regular grasshoppers that are in a "swarm phase". (This is a known phenomenon in some organisms, esp. primative ones). So Rocky Mountain Locusts still exist, just in a different form as regular grasshoppers

Which means, they could rise again!

#161: So very sorry. :( Bwahahaha! Pshaw, not. Glad you found some books that were readable (sometimes it's a bunch of junk).

And as for Ellie's frustration over customers interrupting her shelving, I think she's in the right to, oh, stab them with a pointy candy cane. (Thanks, norabelle, for the evil idea! I will do so merrily.) Whenever I shelves movies, the patrons swarm me like vultures. And that's being nice. So stab away, Ellie!

And btw, am I the only one who finds the title Tuna: A Love Story a little on the bestiality side? (silence) Yeah, I knew it was just me. I'll go away now.

I have no idea how I managed to so lose your thread, Stefano. But I'm glad i found you again ..... and I love the pic on this thread. How very clever ... now I want one of those too!

Not going to even try catching up to 170 posts ... so I'll just start fresh from here.

Nora: This theory was discussed. Problem is, as far as I know, no known grasshopper is genetically close enough for that to be. :(

Sara: Yes, there was a lot of...uhhh, 'junk.' Namely celebrity biographies and self-help...stuff...

And no, I wasn't thinking bestiality...although "A love story" with a giant picture of a tuna fish on the cover was, indeed...well, awkward.

CARO HATES ME! :(

>169 norabelle414: Let's suck on the ends of the candy canes until they are pointy and then stab people!

Someone is being naughty and might not get a visit from Father Christmas this year! (Im pretty sure stabbing is on the NOT nice list.....)

>173 Ape: there there Stephen, Father Christmas loves you, and the owners of the $1 book shop will I'm sure....after you start selling your possessions to acquire more books.

>174 LovingLit: Trick's on you! I haven't believed in Santa in more than two years!

#173: Yeah, I was gonna throw a lesbian joke or two in there, but (sigh) I'm too p.c. to go there.

Megan: Santa hasn't been to my house in MANY MANY years. Obviously he hates me. :(

Nora: What!? It's okay, he obviously hates me enough for the both of us, so maybe he'll just ignore that and still give you presents.

Sara: Lesbian jokes are very much preferable to bestiality ones, for future reference. :)

Oooh! Candy canes! Finally a food on here I like. Now I get to join the suggestive sucking party ;P

Suggestive sucking party!? *Faints*

Oh no! Stephen fainted! Quick, someone poke him!

Nora, is your candy cane gone?

*sets new pack of candy canes out of the Moose's reach*

*pokes Stephen in the cheek with pointy candy cane*

#177: Yup, you know I went there--I googled lesbians and bestiality together. But when will I learn?? Never at work. All I get are gay parades and nature pictures. :(

#180: Why, yes, I will poke, Stephen.* Shall be my pleasure. >:) Just give me a minute. I'm a little nervous.

*If you are remotely hesitant about clicking that link, go with your gut--don't do it. Except Micky! Micky must click that link. She must learn about the birds and bees. And Cthulhu codpieces. o_0

Sara, did you ever see the anime Reign the Conqueror? For some unfathomable reason, almost all of the male characters wore codpieces and banana hammocks. Here's a silly parody-ish thing. I will say it's NSFW. Enjoy.

>182 saraslibrary: woops, looked at link before reading disclaimer.

Stephen Father Christmas will come through one day, but dont hold your breath, cos SPOILER ALERT he's not real!! END SPOILER

*Wakes up before something horrible happens*

Megan: LALALALALA NOT LISTENING!

--Wait--

You want a chubby old man to sneak into your house and eat your cookies?

Oh, and I've been awake all night hiding things in your house, since I guess you like that sort of thing. They're probably things you won't like though, and that will show up at the most inopportune moments :P

You want a chubby old man to sneak into your house and eat your cookies?

In exchange for giant piles of shiny and brightly colored presents? Definitely! :)

*Sends Shyanne to sniff out all the scary surprises*

Crumb! I clicked the link before reading the disclaimer. Now I need to scrub my brain. Maybe looking at something better will help. Much better.

Warning: Stephen, don't look at that. Have a candy cane instead! :)

#183: Nope, never saw that anime. I had to wait to get to work to watch it, 'cause YouTube takes forever to load on my computer. All I have to say to that episode is What the Fepic?? o_0 That was undoubtedly weird, especially since I've never seen the series. Liked the male near-nakedness and codpieces, though. :)

#184: Yup, always read disclaimers and the small print; otherwise, you'll be doing what Micky is undoubtedly doing--scrubbing her eyes with bleach and SOS pads.

#187: You might want to rethink that, Stephen. Who knows what that dirty ol' man might do to you while you're sleeping. If you find cookie crumbs in your underwear, you'll know. Oh, you'll know.

#188: Hee hee. Oh *ahem* I mean, that's terrible that you had to see that, Micky. ;) That link'll do--though it might scar Stephen for life if he's licking a candy cane when he clicks it. Might just be enough to turn him "curious." (ducks for cover)

*Ignore presumably hunky naked man, since that's all Micky ever talks about*

More books in the mail today!
Fever 1793
The Fever: How Malaria Has Ruled Humankind for 500,000 Years
The Secret Life of Lobsters
The Passionate Observer
The Snake Charmer

Ahhh. *Sighs contendedly*

*Ignore presumably hunky naked man, since that's all Micky ever talks about*

Excuse me, young man, if you wander over to my thread, I did something very nice for you. And I talk about things besides hunky men. I talk about books. Maybe the picture is of books! (It isn't)

My link is of books as well.

And I talk about things besides hunky men. I talk about books.

You mean those books with all the hunky men all over the cover? ;)

Might just be enough to turn him "curious." (ducks for cover)

I'm afraid I am biologically, physiologically, and psychologically incapable of being attracted to men. I'm a very open-minded person, but men are repulsive even when they are clothed, so... *Shudders*

But what if you were a monkey.... would it work the same way?

(Micky, don't click. It'll ruin another childhood book for you.)

That's one of the few things I'm not curious about, I'm afraid.

But if you were a monkey, you would be all over that janitor dude and you know it. :P Your "Ape" nickname is no accident. Monkey = gay. Bananas and all.

Ah, but apes aren't monkeys. ;)

No, they're just bigger, hairier versions of monkeys. Uh oh. I think I just complimented you there. Take back! Take back!

*Raises eyebrow in suspicion* Bigger and hairier is a complement? Ick, I do NOT see the appeal of men... o.O

Neither do I. Now spiders.... spiders I can understand.

>200 saraslibrary: ....ah....what the? I can safely say that .....Spiders I DONT understand

lol . . . Naw, I'm just messing with Stephen. You just never know what you'll find on google searches. They're just the oddest things. (And NO, I wasn't googling "oral sex giant spiders", so :P!)

Okay, that's incredibly weird. The worst part is...it seems vaguely familiar, I think I've seen that before. o.O

Ha ha ha! That's probably something you shouldn't admit, but yeah, I agree--I've seen it somewhere else, too. Not sure where though. Probably on your thread, long time ago. :P

That must be it then, YOU must have posted it here in the past. Was it when I read one of my animal/insect mating ritual books? I bet that was it. Let me check my reading list for this year...

...Riddled with Life? Thread #10 it is, then! I'll load that up now, and... Nope! Huh, darn. Maybe it was Wicked Bugs, not insect sex but I can understand where you're mind would go with that title. *Spends half an hour waiting for thread #15 to load* Crap! Not there either. I know it was you, it HAD to be. :P

ummm hmmm.. things proceed as usual here, I see....

Kath! You are always on my side! Click the spider picture, tell me you've seen it before, HERE, and that Sara posted it! I refuse to believe that innocent ol' me could have come across it all by himself. It must have been under Sara's corrupting influence.

LMAO! I know I shouldn't be laughing, but I totally understand that freaked out feeling when you know you've seen something but you're not sure where. Here, I'll try and help you find it. Maybe it was on one of my threads....

I am not clicking that link. I know better. Plus my optometrist told me I need to stop washing my eyes with bleach so I'm not allowed to click on suspicious links. :P

#209: But think of it this way: you'll have the bluest eyes ever. Or actually, wouldn't it just strip the color away completely. Ah, never mind. No more bleach for you, missy. ;)

Btw, I'm not finding the spider pic through the "Search site" box in the top right corner. :/ But today's my day off from work, so I have aaallll day to look for it. (sigh) I have no life.

I'm not finding it. Let's just go with the theory that we both hallucinated seeing that pic before. Makes sense to me. (shrugs)

Well, I've never seen it before yesterday, but I see it in my head now thanks to you lot. Its not right that picture, not right in the head. But it is strangely interesting.

189--Sara, the real show is weird too. It's Alexander the Great with out there magic and prophecies. I think it aired 5(?) years ago, a while anyway. I don't remember much other than that and codpieces.

I hadn't seen that pic before either. . . and I like link-clicking. But it made me remember that Eight-Legged Freaks movie, lol. Since we established that we're all apparently psychic here, and I'm going to assume at least one of have seen that movie, I determine that you must have had a psychically linked dream afterwards.

Sara: Fine...but I'm afraid of where or why I might have seen that picture in the fast... o.o

Micky: There's no nudity at all, I swear!

Megan: Interesting...sure. Very weird though. And Micky has no clue what it is. *Snickers*

Katie: I've seen Eight-Legged Freaks. Saw it in theaters, actually. I typically dislike "OMG GIANT SPIDER/SNAKE/CROCODILE" movies, but that was one of the better ones.

#212: "Interesting" bad or "interesting" slightly-getting-turned-on . . . ? (readjusts halo) Just curious.

#213: Well, who wouldn't remember the codpieces?? But no, I never saw it. I haven't had cable in years and years. :(

And yes, I loved Eight Legged Freaks too. :) Don't think there was ever spider sex scene in it, though.... Or maybe I mentally blocked it out.

#214: Maybe we both saw it when we were googling pics? I even went through my old comments and didn't find any links of it, so I'm officially stumped.

Micky: Yeah, he's actually right for once: there's no nudity. But it's like Iread said: it's just not right.

(lightbulb) I just re-read the little caption about AIDS at the bottom. Didn't we talk about banning sex or STDs on my thread or yours, Stephen? Maybe there's a clue! Brb....

Interesting in a 'morbidly curious' sort of way. *Points to the nonfiction books he's read* Like that...

(sighs) I've got nothing. But I know I've seen and/or posted that pic somewhere else. Maybe it already got flagged and deleted. :( All that perverse work for nothing.

(looks around for a book) The Very Human Centipede? I don't see any books. Ha, wait! Have you even read a book this month? Or have we been keeping you from reading? >:) *ahem* I mean: :( That would be sad then. Very, very sad. You can always look at my December book list and pat yourself on the back for not being a dimwit like me and reading kids picture books at least. ;)

I've admittedly been reading slow as of late because I've been playing more video games than reading books. Of course, I was reading just as slow last month and I didn't have that as an excuse then, so... *Shrug* I've read 2 books though, The Modonnas of Leningrad and Locust! (Posts 5 and 162)

Although I do have important news. I've figured out why Micky doesn't love me! It's because I'm not hunky or naked. Yep, that's the only kind of man she loves, which means MICKY HATES ME! *weeps*

What games are you playing Stephen?

Well, in the past couple weeks I've finished Dante's Inferno and Resistance 2, and right now I'm 5-6 hours into The Saboteur and DOZENS of hours into my sister's copy of The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. After those I still have Bionic Commando, Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazzard, and my sister's copy of Red Dead Redemption to play through. :)

#219: (scrolls up) Hey, what do you know? You weren't lying. Well, congrats. That's two more than I've done.

If it makes you feel any better, Micky hates me, too, but for other reasons . . . . (hint: I'm not a guy, and I keep trying to pervert her innocent little mind).

been lurking and chortling .....always entertaining here on Stefano's thread.

Ok, let's get this straight: I hate no one.

Stephen, I also find men attractive who are neither hunky or naked. See Exhibit A and Exhibit B. Liking you will have to be sufficient for now, young man. Maybe if you're very good you can have some platonic love next year. :)

Sara, I would be totally doomed if I hated women seeing as I exist in libraryland where the population is predominantly female (as I'm sure you're well aware of). I think I just treat you with the healthy respect necessary for someone with such... interesting tastes. :)

#224: You hate no one? Oh, I'll bet I could find one or two people you mind not like . . . . (digs out her big book of serial killers and sex offenders)

Yeah, but do you know why they have sex appeal? It's their accent! (I can vouch for this. I have never dated an American-made guy. Sorry, I'm only into imports. ;) Btw, you know Stephen's not gonna click on those links, right? So I had to click on them for him. It was very hard to do, but you're welcome, Stephen. :P

It's predominantly female here? I just assumed it was like every other web site--all men masquerading as women, as usual. Hee hee--and respect? You don't need to do that. My family doesn't do that, so I'm comfortable with just being tolerated like a boil or an extra appendage.

just be tolerated like a boil or an extra appendage.
Like that glazed-over look people get when you try to tell them about a really awesome book you're reading? I know that feeling well . . .

Precisely! :)

Hiya Stephen!
I'm back from the dead and trying to get back into the swing of things. Is there a group yet for 2012? I figured if anyone would know, you would!
I hope everything is going well with you. :)
Also, I LOVE the pic at the top of this thread!!!

Sara: Of course I didn't lie, I never do. ... ...OMG THERE'S A SPIDER IN YOUR HAIR! ...

*Waves at Caro*

Micky: Only one of those images is loading, so I'm guessing the other one is one of those buff hunky types.

Sara: We respect you here, Sara. Granted that respect may be seeded in fear but it's there nonetheless. :D

Nora: *Snaps to attention after Nora finishes talking* Uhhhh...what did you say? What? I was TOO paying attention. It's just...I thought you were about to say something about glazed donuts and got distracted... so... what were yous aying again... ?

HI RACHEL! It's nice to see you again. No, I don't think there is a new group yet, but there should be one soon, assuming one hasn't been made in the last day or so.

>229 Ape: My eyes are up here, buddy! Stop staring at my donuts!

They're so shiny...

#229: Wait a minute, buster. Which hair are we talking about here?

As for the second pic, Stephen, it's just James McAvoy. It took forever for me to load, too.

Nothing wrong with a little healthy fear, but no, I'm (kinda) harmless. >:)

#230: Yum, donuts. You know what that means--google!!

#229: Wait a minute, buster. Which hair are we talking about here?

*Slaps forehead* I'm obviously trying to wipe that picture from my memory, I forgot already. At least I didn't say centipede.

#233: I don't know if that's a good or bad sign--that you could forget that pic so easily. Oooh, not nice. I'm gonna make you watch that movie one day, and I promise you, you will never be able to look at a centipede the same way again.

Oh, and strike the donut google search! All I can say is I'm so glad I don't eat donuts anyway, because I now know how those holes are made. :X

But just so my google search wasn't in vain, let's play a little game of Let's Find the Donut! (I really need that one for my dungeon wall.) Be forewarned, Micky: there is a nipple showing. But it's actually one of the tamer pics out there.

I like donuts so I'm not playing. :P

Ok, I will admit the accents are a factor in those non-beefcakes. But this guy is American. So there! *does an I win I win dance*

Umm, hi Stephen!

Who...? (checks his movies) No wonder I didn't know who he was. He was that dude who's in maybe 5 minutes of The Hangover (which I love, btw). But American you say? :( Oh wait! I can remedy that. Duct tape!

P.S. Micky, but you like pigs, right? And perhaps pigeons?

Sara: Pic? Which pic did I forget? *Clicks link again* OMG, it's a giant friggin' spider! *Eats Nora's donuts*

Micky: I stay away from imdb links, I'm afraid, that site is hell to load on dial-up. So I'll just have to make up my own person to fill in the blank. Micky has a crush on Gaahl! Sorry, Micky, as much as I would otherwise approve I'm afraid he wouldn't be interested. He's gay.

Noooo my donuts! Now I'll have to drink all my wine on an empty stomach :-(

Ack! First you leave your donuts all over the place for me to see and then threaten me with intentional inebriation? Foul temptress!

:P

#237: But it's a NICE giant friggin' spider. There's a difference.

I still can't believe you guys eat donuts when it's a known fact the cooks stick their {roosters} through the dough to make the hole. You lot disgust me. :P And the "sugar glaze"? Let's not go there.

And Stephen, that's just mean. Gaahl isn't gay. He would so have unprotected, premarital sex with our virgin flower Micky, missionary-style and through a clean white sheet, of course. You're just jealous he won't do that with you. :P

Oh! Almost forgot the disclaimer: Micky, whatever you do, do NOT google Gaahl. If you want to imagine what he's like, think Rob Zombie, just gayer and more foreign.

Ok, I'm very, very sad that you can't access IMDb, Stephen. It is one of the most fabulous places ever!

But to amend your mental image, it's this guy.

Sara, I know him more for his character in the National Treasure movies (thou shalt not judge my (not so) guilty pleasures). My family often refers to that character as my future husband. I don't complain. ;)

I totally agree on IMDb being "one of the most fabulous places ever!" But Wikipedia works just as well, Stephen, if you're looking for movie info that doesn't take forever to load. (Yeah, yeah, I know you're not too interested in movies, but just a FYI.)

Oops, I got an error when I tried your link, Micky. How 'bout we just post his pic here from his Wiki page (Stephen LOVES it when we post hot guys on his thread; he can't get enough of it):



I shall not judge you on your guilty pleasures. Believe me, I have no room to talk smack about other people's favorite movies/actors! (says the girl with Bikini Girls on Ice in her To Be Watched pile; sorry, Stephen, it's an IMDb page)

But wait--if you guys get married, won't you have to move to the U.S. since his work is down here? You'll be one of us! :O You might want to rethink that marriage thing. Being American--now there's a scary thought for a Canadian. ;)

Sara: I figure so many women stick so many penises directly into their mouths that surely eating a donut that may have been touched by a penis is completely harmless. ...okay, wait, I REALLY don't like that logic. KEEP YOUR PENISES AWAY FROM MY DONUTS! >:(
ETA: Oh, and keep them away from NORA'S donuts too!

Don't make fun of Gaahl, he's awesome! Way betterer than stupid trendy commercial Rob Zombie pfffft... :)

Micky: It's okay, I'm not a huge movie person anyway so I don't have much use for the site.

Sara: ...Gaahl is way coolerer than whoever that guy is too...

Geez I feel like i can't keep up over here! I'm playing Assassin's Creed: Revelations. Haven't gotten into Elder Scrolls, but Skyrim might make me crack.

Which system do you have? It has a crippling bug on the PS3 that makes it nigh unplayable after your save file gets to a certain size. The game starts lagging horribly, with some of the worst frame rates I've ever seen in a video game. I understand there is a patch for it, but from what I've read it isn't working all too well. It's an amazing game though, very very immersive.

eeee - that's doesn't sound good. I have a 360.

PS3? Whats that? (joke)

Brit: Should be okay on the 360. I guess it has something to do with the save game file being too big, which apparently isn't an issue on the 360. *Shrug* Anyway, yeah, it's awesome.

I actually haven't played any of the Assassin's Creed games...I keep seeing the first couple for $7-$15 but the never make it into my basket whenever I'm treating myself to video games. :(

Megan: It's 1 more than PS2! Unless it's a multiplication problem, in which case it's about 50 percent more.

#243: I figure so many women stick so many penises directly into their mouths -- Um, you're getting real life mixed up with porn again, my dear. Do we need another intervention here?

lmao @ KEEP YOUR PENISES AWAY FROM MY DONUTS! >:( -- I dare you to say that to a Dunkin Donuts employee. Running quickly out of the store after that would be totally acceptable and recommended.

Rob Zombie ... Gaahl ... you know they're long-lost brothers. Or (I wouldn't be surprised) the same person.

>242 saraslibrary: Nah, he would totally become Canadian for me. ;) Saves many problems.

Hi Stephen! *twines twinkle lights around Mo's antlers*

>248 Ape: Ok now you've really lost me (I got my only ever fail ever in a University Statistical Mathematics course).

And as for the rest of this conversation, as it has reached the gutter and is heading for subterranean, Ill just sneak out while I'm still my naive and innocent self.

Sara: Pornography is real life! It's not like their actors or anything, and besides... all women have orgasms in 20 seconds, and make weird noises like that. I know it! ...what? Why are you looking at me like that? OH! I get it, right, you are questioning my experience...with porn. Fine, I admit it, I only read about the noises they make in pornography and whatnot...but that doesn't make what I say any less true! :(

Micky: Pssst, that guy is secretly a serial murderer who crosses the Canadian border, abducts young women, straps them to a chair, licks their eyeballs, and then dismembers them while they are still alive before dumping the pieces in various dumpsters through the United States. Although if you think he's marriage material then, well, go with what your heart tells you. ;)

Megan: PS multiplied by 3 would be 50 percent more than the total of PS multiplied by 2. Unless PS is two numbers instead of one, in which case...awww, screw it, you're right, math is no fun. Gimme biology any day!

Stephen please don't whip me with a wet noodle for being MIA on your thread for the last 168 posts. On a quick scan I saw the words "underwear", "google", "orgasm", "suck", and "hot" repeated quite a few times with one book review somewhere in the middle, so I'm assuming things are normal here on Ye Olde Ape Thread.

*smooch* and a ((((HUG)))) from your chubby Wisconsin friend who likes to disappear from time to time. :)

>252 Ape: maths hard, internet language hard too, I only just found out what imo means. lol (I even know now that that doesn't mean "lots of love")

Laura! *Hugs* Nice to see you. To make up for you absence I request that you click the link in post 200, to see the lovely picture Sara has scarred all of our minds with. Then you will be One of Us. :)

Megan: Haha, it's a horrible language, definitely worth ignoring.

New thread is up! *Points to link below this post*