pleeease - what *was* this ghastly masterpiece?

Only once have I thrown a book into a river. I regret it, and accept it's not an ecological thing to do. Not only may I have traumatized a carp, but until I remember what it was called I will be unable to contribute in a meaningful way to any Worst Book You Ever Read? threads for the rest of my life.

In my defence, I can truthfully say that the balance of my mind was disturbed before I even got to page three. By page twelve, I was in anaphylactic shock. Raw survival instincts took over, and out into the river it went. The mercy of time has done its work, and now all I can remember through the healing haze is this:

a) A young man was sitting by The Thames, or it could have a river in Holland, watching a Spice Trade ship preparing to leave. He opens up a letter from an ancestor, exhorting him to revenge of some sort – the whos and whys escape me. The plot promised an epic saga down the generations.

b) It was a debut novel, written by a man, and took two hands to lift. The back cover was studded with praise; one of those cases where the first professional reviewer, finding it incomprehensible, suspected that it might be a work of genius. Each subsequent praisemonger, not wishing to be found inadequate, overcame their private mystification and joined the chorus. And yet it must have had real merit, because the amazon reviews in its favour were well considered and well written. One camp used the like of 'challenging' 'original' or 'labyrinthine', while the other, feeling that 'cr*p' and 'garbage' might not be sufficiently nuanced literary terms, favoured 'unreadable' 'gibberish' and 'self-indulgent'.

Either way, I would like the part of my brain back that this book destroyed. It is bugging the hell out of me, so if you can help I'd really appreciate it.

ROTFL

Please. I really want to know what this book was so I can avoid it.

Do you know approximately the decade it came out?

By its length, I would guess it was started in the 1920's but came out - oh - maybe in the 80's/90's? It had probably been thrown away many times before I owned it, so it may have prematurely aged.

I can't remember exactly how it starts but the rest of your description makes me think of The Quincunx by Charles Palliser, it a very long first novel, labrythine indeed, lots of revenege, and though many love it, I personally thought it was awful. Split of amazon reviews is pretty much as you describe.

Thank you quartzite!! - no, it isn't The Quincunx but you sure were close, because my bete noire turns out to be an LT recommendation of your suggestion! Having spent three hours tag-dragging through LT and amazon, I'm very grateful to you.

After all I've said about it, I just hope Lempriere's Dictionary is not a book you personally intend to hand down through the generations. If it is, just put me down as a fish-hating philistine, because it rates a whopping 3.94 here on LT and there is far more encomia than mud on amazon ("Overwritten pretentious drivel" being easily outgunned by "A unique masterpiece" et al).

(note to self: never read a masterpiece again)

I haven't read it (or even tried) , so I remain unoffended, but glad my suggestion put you on the right path.

I read the US version & was similarly mystified -BUT, intrigued, I obtained the UK version (which is less mystifying, laying a bit of background, etc) and damned if I don't agree it is a masterpiece! Go figger; I liked some of Norfolk's other books too

I read the US version & was similarly mystified -BUT, intrigued, I obtained the UK version (which is less mystifying, laying a bit of background, etc) and damned if I don't agree it is a masterpiece!

So the US version is abridged?

yup - and rather badly