A Plague Upon Your Family

1.5 rounded up to 2 (just okay)

Book 3 of my zombie-a-thon,

CW: About what you'd expect in a zombie horror

Well that was filled with sooooo much toxic masculinity and a side helping of racism paired with some vintage fat-shaming.

It was all passed off as humorous jokes, but I don't know guys, are quips about men covering up their emotions by making jokes about oestrogen levels and needing to use tampax and feeling embarrassed about even having emotions when they lose loved ones still where we are at as a society? I feel like we have moved on from this macho-man type behaviour.

It did end on a cracker cliff-hanger and I am going to give one more book a go because I want to know how they get out of this cluster-fudge .

I was at about 50/50 whether I was going to finish this due to several annoyances, some of which were present in the first book and are not just present in this book but intensely magnified. In preparation for this review, I began to write out the grievances so I could remember and thoroughly explain my thoughts when I finished the book; however, it was in writing all that out that I decided to abandon this book immediately.

I honestly don't know that I've ever been more torn about a protagonist in any other book I've ever read. I constantly went between respecting Mike and then wishing he would just be eaten by the zombies already. I have decided that I wish the latter, and here's why:

**minor spoilers**

- Grotesque and morbidly show more fascinating descriptions of zombie gore, I can handle. I can even handle the explorations of the darker side of humanity with the serial rapist from the first book. What I can't handle are the numerous, lengthy, and detailed descriptions of bodily functions that litter this book. Every ten pages Mike is crapping his pants or farting or peeing on himself or getting covered in his own rope-y snot, then he has paragraphs-long internal dialog about it all. This happened in the first book a lot, too, but I mostly overlooked it. I can't overlook it anymore. If these sections were taken out of the book, I would not be surprised if it were 50 pages shorter. I began to feel like they were only added in to create length because they certainly don't generate any value for the actual storyline. Seriously, how often can one crap or pee their pants or fart or have their sinuses dump themselves and, even if one does, how many times can one philosophize about it? I get that maybe things like that might happen in a situation like this when people are scared out of their wits and their bodies are under stress, but that often? And why dwell on it in excruciating detail like that? Just... yuck. I also find it unbelievable that he and his wife have been married so long, yet somehow deny that the other has bodily functions and are afraid to fart in front of each other or things like that. Really? Maybe that denial is why Mike spends so much time thinking about it all, and I guess it would make sense given how awkward their marriage seems to be (more on that later).

- The painfully drawn-out comedy of errors that was the sheriff's office incident was basically when I lost all respect for Mike as a hero and everyone else in his party because they continued to look to him for guidance. I almost stopped reading right then, but decided to give it another chance. I gave up when they got to the motel because I could tell by the way Mike was patting himself on the back about how they'd all coalesced into a group that thinks ahead and plans together that the motel would just be yet another string of bad decisions that would be painful to get out of and make me further lose respect for him and everyone else in his party. By this time, I had learned that any time he was self-congratulatory like that, his thoughts were quickly disproved by their actions. I began to wish that the book was following Alex and his family and April instead of Mike's family.

- The weird relationship Mike has with his wife where he demonizes her in one breath but then praises her in the other became caustic for me, as did her contradictory statements and feelings about him. I get that maybe this is supposed to reflect the complicated feelings we might have about our significant others on some level in real life, but I could no longer overlook it because it got to a point where I just didn't understand why they were even pretending to be a couple any longer, which then basically made all the internal dialogue Mike had about saving his "family" and how important she is to him come off as lies (both to himself and to the reader). It was confusing and distracting.

- Mike keeps talking about how he has "prepared" his sons for this kind of thing and he's so proud of that, but he didn't seem to value teaching any of the women in his life how to shoot a gun or defend themselves?? I just don't get it. Even if you feel that guns are a "man's territory" under normal circumstances, why wouldn't you make sure EVERYONE IN YOUR PARTY can load each kind of firearm available and shoot with some accuracy to protect the party as a whole?? It's naive to think that somehow all the men are going to survive this whole thing. What are the women supposed to do if they find themselves alone because all the men have died protecting them? We already saw how well that worked out in the gas station with Mike's wife and daughter when they stupidly went off on their own and had no idea how to load or use the firearm they for some reason brought with them--and that even after all that they they still didn't ask to be given education in this area!! Seriously?? They were seconds away from death because they didn't understand how to use the tool that could have easily saved them, yet it didn't occur to them to ask to learn how to use said tool once they returned to the relative safety of the housing compound. It's one thing to be uninterested or "not believe" in guns before all this; it's another be uninterested and play the damsel in distress with no way to protect yourself during an actual apocalypse. There is just no excuse for any of this. If the women did show interest it was in a comic relief way. Sometimes it was when the women were alone for the reader's benefit (like the gas station incident), and other times it was right in front of the men (like when Erin was ineptly trying to fend off zombies during the rescue with Paul and had no skill whatsoever) and instead of trying to educate them, the men were like, "Haha, women trying to use those things is so cute, of course they don't know what they're doing because they're women." Really? How is this even along the lines of Mike's past and personality? Would a military person really sit there while that lack of education actually makes them more dangerous to the living (particularly with children in their party) and completely ineffective where protection is concerned? So, apparently all women don't have a clue about firearms by dint of being a woman and that is funny (uh, sorry, but no one has a clue about them, man or woman, until they are formally educated about them), women aren't worth teaching these skills even in emergency situations, and the women don't view themselves as worth educating because men are around to protect them. All of this was so inane I just couldn't get over it. Seriously, in an actual zombie apocalypse, clinging to gender assignments with the whole man-protects-woman thing or the fear of tools like that even to the detriment of your party is completely ludicrous. (And, in case you're wondering, I practice what I preach here, as I have been educated about firearms.)

- Why are they putting up with Justin, who has so obviously turned to the dark side?? This is also completely ludicrous, particularly when you consider that Tommy must know what's going on with him. I get that Justin is Mike's son, but he is CLEARLY A THREAT to them, he has done nothing to earn his place with them in a long time, the way Mike is touted in this book you would think he'd maybe figure out that Justin may not be as weak as he is pretending AND that Justin is probably how the baddies who are targeting them are finding them so easily, and Justin has on more than one occasion made his malice toward Mike plain. Like April, I would've gone with Alex, if nothing else to get away from creepy Justin. Or at the very least blindfold Justin and plug his ears or something to try to stop him from giving the baddies information.

- It's like the TV show "Lost" where they kept adding more and more mysteries and unexplained things and we just had to accept them episode after episode as they compounded. There's Tommy's spirit guide and psychic abilities. There's Eliza the vampire and/or some other male baddie who is stalking Mike and have some sort of vendetta against him. There's Justin (also a vampire now?). There's zombies. Oh but wait there are two kinds of zombies now, some that seem to be from the original H1N1 problem and now some that are also vampires? There's telepathy. There's psychic abilities. I mean, for God's sake. Enough already. I am still mildly curious about what all this means, but rather than torture myself with the rest of these books, I will probably just go read spoilers in other reviews so the mystery will be solved and I am sparing myself from Mike's behavior. show less

After being rescued from his attic, Micheal Talbot, his family and a few survivors are on the run from the zombies. What they don't know is that the zombie horde is not nearly as mindless as it seems. Unlike other survivors, the Talbot's and the people they travel with are being hunted. At first, Micheal doesn't want to believe this is the case but Tommy's warning becomes dire and his son Justin is starting to show terrible side effects after surviving a zombie attack. How much of Tommy is still human is something they will have to discover, as the Talbots struggle to survive, even as it seems that their son is looking for an opportunity to lead them to their deaths. Can the Talbots stay one step of the zombie plague that is determined show more to consume them.

I actually had to pause before writing this review and not because Tufo's story is particularly complex. He added new elements like zombies being able to move quickly, the dead from Talbot's neighbourhood stalking him and even a zombie/vampire hybrid. This of course helped to raise the level of peril and added a sense of urgency to each step the Talbots tale. I could feel the anguish of Michael when confronted with toddler zombies intent on devouring him. It was symbolic of a loss of innocence, of a way of life which would never return. If only Tufo had focused on these elements of his story but alas that was not to be. When Tufo was not overwhelming the story with puerile commentary about farts and various other bodily functions, the story was like an ism lalapalooza.

A Plague Upon Your Family, is easily one of the most offensive books I have read in this genre. Please keep in mind that I have read a lot of shit. There isn't a single ism that Tufo didn't engage in in this story, which makes me wonder why Tufo believes that the pain of marginalized people is appropriate fodder for his second rate offensive comedy? I almost don't know where to begin.

We met BT (read: Big Tiny) in Zombie Fallout. He is the only Black man among the survivors and of course, he is big and intimidating because well, aren't all Black men? Michael Talbot vacillates between trying to calm BT's ridiculous, ever-present rage and counting on his physical size and strength. BT is simply angry for the sake of being angry, as all Black men are stereotyped to be. If someone seems even remotely disagreeable to BT, like refusing to drink out of a bottle after he has had a sip from it, it must be because BT is Black. There is no nuance to this character. He is simply a big Black hulk, who doesn't seem to have a sense for his own survival and is dedicated to Talbot's leadership for some reason I cannot even begin to fathom. In fact, when BT isn't ridiculously angry, he spends his time propping up Mike Talbot's leadership and self esteem.

Then we have Jen, the sole lesbian of the group. After being described as a waste because of her lack of interest in men in the first book, I suppose it was too much to hope that her character would improve. When Jenn steps in to help Talbot fight off the zombies, she's described as "a gun toting man-hating lesbian" (pg 76). It only gets better from there folks. When she is able to move quickly, BT says, "Who would have thought a lesbian would have that kind of speed?" (pg. 123) Is there something about homosexuality which denotes that one must move with the speed of a turtle? The line doesn't even make any sense! Lesbians apparently are also more aware as we learned on page 209.
"Do you think lesbians are more spatially aware than your normal female?" I asked BT. "I mean they have to put their own furniture together and shit. Use a tape measure to hang shelves, that kind of thing."
This actually hits the mark of being both sexist and homophobic. Jenn never becomes anything more than a stereotype and in the end, died falling off a truck when Talbot couldn't save her. Normally, I am not happy when the sole member of a marginalized group gets killed off in a story, but in this case, it was an absolute relief because it means a break from all of the homophobia Tufo engaged in.

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I don't know that I'd go as far as to say the book is misogynistic... more like the author pokes fun at the stereotypical relationship where the wife has the husband's balls in a cup. But, perhaps, it's the fact that the narrator mentions this fact EVERY SINGLE TIME the wife is in the scene that makes people think it's misogynistic.

The fart humor (yes, I use that word VERY loosely... kinda like the sphincter control in the story) is here - and more frequent - than in book one. I guess the fact that the dog, or the narrator, farts in every chapter is FUNNN-Y. I laughed and laughed and laughed, until I farted.

So, those points aside... did I like this book? Not as much as book one, where we see the family escape from zombies... this show more installment has them leading zombies across the country. This could have been okay except for the tiny little fact that about 1/3 of the way through, the narrator REALIZED a) that they are being followed by the zombie hoarde and b) WHY they are being followed. And, instead of dealing with WHY they are being followed (there are things he could have done to stop this following), he just continues on, blundering into one event, then another.

I don't mind fantastical plotting, but I do require that the characters - once they know what a problem is - at least attempt to deal with it... not just keep carrying on because that's the only way the story is longer than 80 pages.

The story is sorta wrapped up here... well, not really, but at least it's not a cliffhanger ending. I already own the next couple books in this series, but they are quite a ways down my to-read list now. The fart subplot left a bit of a stink in the air and I'll wait for that to clear before continuing the series. show less

The Zombie Fallout Series by Mark Tufo thus far consists of Dr. Hugh Mann (a prequel), Zombie Fallout, A Plague Upon Your Family, and The End.... Although distinct books, I am reviewing them together because that is the way that I read them. Once I finished each book, I was so wrapped up in the story that I immediately purchased the next. Cumulatively, they are an epic apocalyptic tale, which reminded me of Steven King's The Stand and Robert McCammon's Swan Song. If you read the first book, and are anything like me, you'll feel compelled to read the entire series. I recommend that you read the prequel Dr. Hugh Mann after the third book. It makes perfect sense then, but is a different story and style from the rest of the books. Zombie show more Fallout (book 1) sets the stage and is a better starting point.

Told in diary format primarily from the point of view of Mike Talbot, a tough and crude ex-Marine and self-proclaimed survivalist, the series follows a small group of family and friends (and the amazingly flatulent bulldog Henry) who are doing their best to survive a zombie apocalypse caused by a tainted swine flu vaccine. Led by Mike, they stay one small step ahead of the zombies who turn out to be a bit more complicated than George Romero envisioned. Mike's perspective is hysterically funny, primarily because he is a bundle of contradictions - a big tough man afraid of germs and bossed around by his wife, a survivalist who makes plans that are so half-baked that he calls them "ideas" instead of plans, and a ruthless killer who is tender, fiercely protective of his family, and takes incredible, spontaneous risks for strangers. Mike is a down to earth, farting (but never in front of his wife), and beer-drinking man. As such, the humor is sometimes a bit crude, but this makes the story ring true. Mike is also unfailingly loyal, which is endearing, as he cares for a motley collection of friends and family. His friends, particularly the enigmatic Tommy, make for an interesting supporting cast.

In the second book, A Plague Upon Your Family, Mike and crew escape from Little Turtle and go on the run from Eliza and the hordes of no-longer mindless zombies. Complicating matters, Mike's son Justin has developed some strange connection with Eliza and Mike can no longer trust him.

Elements of horror, paranormal, supernatural, and dark humor elevate this series beyond your typical zombie fare. These elements, along with Mike's quirky personality & fierce, protective love of his companions, make this series poignant and worth reading. Highly recommended. show less

I won this book as a Goodreads First Reads giveaway.

How does this franchise have so many fans? Seriously?

I tried to read this book, I really did. Maybe if I hadn't had to sit through the first one, it wouldn't be so bad... but 100 pages in and I am so very done.

Michael Talbot is still a chauvinistic, misogynistic twit. The writing is still horrid, and focuses on the most ridiculous stuff. I'm sorry, but I don't need to read about the main character's farting habits. In detail. Inconsistencies ranging from how long the zombie apocalypse has been going on to how people actually fall if they are running away from something. It was all very bad.

But really, the thing that finished for me was zombie vampires. Done. This is not revolutionary. show more This is not some big breakthrough to the genre. It is a ridiculously stupid idea.

I will most emphatically not be continuing with this book, or the series. show less

getting better! I liked the first book alot and this one is better! Our main man, Mike Talbot is once again doing what he can to keep his family alive and together and totally doing it HIS way. There is something else to fear besides zombies, in Eliza, who is a um...zombie/vampire. I almost did not read these books because I thought that sounded pretty dumb....I am so glad I persisted because Mark Tufo is a writing God and I all I can say is READ his stuff!! He keeps me laughing in between the shivers of fear and looking over my shoulder. Ready for round 3.