There Is No Dog

This book has such a fantastic concept that I couldn't resist picking it up. First, imagine that there is a God (if you're already a believer, bear with me). Now imagine that God isn't a bearded, wise blend of Gandalf and Santa, but a horny, arrogant, lazy and all-round typical teenage boy. If your reaction is 'OMG, Meg Rosoff is going to HELL. So is everyone who reads her filth, the blasphemous heathens!' then this isn't going to be the book for you. If your reaction is 'OMG, Meg Rosoff is clearly a genius, tell me more!' then read on!

On the surface of things, this is a novel about a boy called Bob. Bob is the God of Earth - and he's rubbish at it. He spends more time sleeping and fantasizing about naked women than he does caring about show more his creations. That job falls to his manager, Mr B, who has spent the last few millennia trying and failing to persuade Bob to accept some responsibility while he wades through paperwork and prayers from dawn until dusk. Meanwhile Bob's errant mother Mona has gambled away his pet Eck, Eck is contemplating death as he faces being cooked and served up with peppercorn sauce by his new owner, and Bob is falling madly in love with an assistant zookeeper called Lucy. His ardent desire for her could be the end of the world as we know it - but will he come to his senses in time to undo the chaos he has unleashed?

Although the book started off a bit slowly, by the end I was really glad I'd persevered. I think the lack of a really relatable and likeable leading character made things harder - every single character is deeply flawed and Bob, in particular, makes me feel glad I never had a teenage brother to put up with! At the same time, it is exactly this flawed cast of characters that makes their individual moments of brilliance, compassion and strength so compelling. I really liked Bernard, the local vicar, who reminded me a lot of Tom Hollander's Rev, with his generous heart but decidedly earthy personality. The long-suffering Eck was a delight too! I thought There Is No Dog did a great job of prompting reflection - not necessarily about religion, but about life, love, responsibility and the world - in a gentle way, whilst also poking fun at the earnest feelings and obsessive interests of teenage life. Cautiously recommended to older teens and upwards! show less

Bob's existence, like that of most teens, is a simmering stew of hormones, mood swings, mad lust and equally mad love. He is gainfully employed, as the creator and deity of our planet, so that's something. But he only got the job because his mother (Mona, kind of a party girl) won it in a celestial poker game. Having a steady job and some responsibility was supposed to help him to mature. Unfortunately, Bob is eternally a teen--hence the hormones and mood swings--and after the initial days of creation, during which he grooved on making weird things like the platypus and ended by creating man in his own image, Bob kind of sat back, rested on his laurels, then lapsed into a typical teenage funk. He'd fall in love with a mortal woman, show more there'd be floods and drought and famine, he'd have her with her consent or without it (remember Leda's swan? Europa's bull? yeah, that was Bob), and for a time things would go swimmingly.

Mr. B.--a quiet, competent bureaucrat--is Bob's assistant. Mr. B. is in charge of getting Bob back on track when he's gone too far off. Usually he takes care of the prayer detail, as well. He answers them when he can, doesn't when to do so would have too many repercussions. Mr. B. is responsible, and Bob really can't be bothered. But on a beautiful spring day, just as Bob has once again sworn off love, he overhears a prayer. "'Dear God,'" Lucy prays, "'I should like to fall in love.'" And, "transported by her loveliness" Bob decides to answer her prayer himself.

No good can come of this decision, and no good does come of it. There's rain enough to float the zoo where Lucy works as an assistant keeper. There are ice storms in England in July, drought in Africa, and any manner of other meteorological disasters at home and abroad. When Bob and Lucy get together, the sun shines, the ice melts, flowers burst into bloom. When he's not with her, there are tsunamis and earthquakes.

There Is No Dog by Meg Rosoff is a lovely, funny, clever novel. The characters, though drawn, for the most part, with just a few strokes, are yet believable. Lucy is a beautiful young woman unaware of her charms. Mr. B. is just the right mix of efficient and wry. Rosoff's descriptions of the natural world (including Bob's many disasters) are rich and tasty. And the ending is a delight, with comeuppances distributed among those deserving and love to the rest. show less

I enjoyed reading this book--it wasn't laugh-out-loud funny, more like smirk, smirk funny. God is a teen-age boy, who created the world in six days, then got bored and went back to skirt-chasing, his favorite pastime. Whenever he's sad, mad, or bad, the world sees tsunamis, earthquakes, and other cataclysms. Any ameliorations are due to the help of his faithful assistant, Mr. B. It's a wonderful satire, and actually makes as much sense as anything else as an explanation of the way the world works, or doesn't. That said, I am not sure I would classify this book as Young Adult, since the young, except for Bob, are not teen-aged but younger adults, living and working away from parents. Also, depending on the young adults you serve, this show more book could be quite offensive, even heretical. In my school district, there are so many immigrant Catholics who would find this shocking that I've decided to exclude it from the brochure I am doing. There are a few older students I might recommend this to, but very few. Still, I enjoyed Ms Rosoff's atheistic satire. And the title--There is no dog--there is no dog mentioned in the book, so it is a tongue-in-cheek reference to the author's own atheism (there is no god). show less

Not my cup of tea at all. I picked it up thinking the description of the plot was a metaphor, but no, it's not. It's literally "what if a God was a moody teen" which sounds like a prompt from tumblr that never should have been written (but would without a doubt get countless of notes with some boring addition to the original post that everyone hails as brilliant).

Bob is a bad dude, and I don't fucking care for him. He doesn't develop at all and the only good thing you can say about him is he doesn't rape the woman he gets obsessed with (the book literally points out that he does not do this ... wtf). Said woman, Lucy, is just as unlikeable, even though the book certainly want you to find her charming and sweet. She is a zookeeper and show more when a capybara escapes her response is to go "oh well, I'm not gonna go look for it because then someone will know I messed up and I might lose my job". Like wtf Lucy you should lose your job, you're bad at it and you're a bad person!!

The rest of the characters were boring and the entire thing felt like it was written by someone who wants to be Douglas Adams but really has no idea how to do it. show less

Let me start by saying that I haven’t wanted to like, marry, a book this much in years.

Seriously, THERE IS NO DOG is actually that good. You will want to kiss it and hug it and sleep with it under your pillow and make it a little blanket fort.

Look, there are a lot of reasons you will love this book. But I’m going to give you the basics because there are so many delightful surprises and, you know, Meg Rosoff is too genius for words that I can actually make. So. Here is what you need to know:

1. THERE IS NO DOG begins with the premise that God is actually a teenage boy named Bob. Bob pretty much sucks at being God and relies mostly on his assistant Mr. B. to deal with the day-to-day tasks of being God. You know, answering prayers, show more keeping civilizations from falling, etc. etc.

2. There is a creature called Eck. Eck is the last Eck in existence and he is Bob’s pet. Bob’s mom is a horrible gambler, and in a poker tournament she convinced her oponent that Eck would be a fine subsitute for money, seeing as Eck meat is the best meat like ever. Bob’s mom loses Eck, and Eck is given six weeks to live before being eaten.

3. I love Eck. I love Eck so much that if Eck came to live with me I would turn our home office into the Eck room and fill it with cakes and snacks for Eck. This is how much you will love Eck, too.

4. Bob is in love. He is determined that this time it will be real, human love, none of this coming to her in the form of a swan and yadda yadda yadda. Of course, when things don’t go his way, the weather goes completely awry and the world turns topsy turvey. It is all Mr. B. can do to keep things in order and he’s finally had it. He’s going to retire.

5. As if that isn’t enough, there are MORE characters and MORE little pockets of delightful subplots. The writing is this brilliant, lyric prose, the voice is stunning, and just talking about this book makes me all squishy inside. If you read one book this year, (and I hope you’ll read many, but I’m just saying) please make it THERE IS NO DOG by Meg Rosoff. show less

Imagine God not as a commanding old man with a mane of white hair and flowing robe, but as a hapless, horny teenage boy named Bob who stirs up natural disasters every time he falls in love. Mr. B is his assistant who for milennia has done his best to steer Bob/God in proper directions but is on the verge of throwing up his hands. After all, he's dealing with a self-absorbed god who believes "What a fabulous genius of a boyfriend I am." There are some humorous moments where you can almost see how the world could conceivably have been created by an indifferent teen. I can see how this novel is smart and satirical of beliefs about God, religion, and the afterlife. But I couldn't fully get into it and found myself plodding to the end just show more to see what happens between Bob and Lucy. show less

What if God was a teenage boy? That is the question Meg Rosoff asks in her thought-experiment-in-novel-format, There is No Dog. God, a lanky, self-centered teen named Bob, got the job as Earth’s Allmighty because his mom won it in a poker game. But Earth is a backwater, in a little known and not wanting to be known part of the universe. Because of this, the higher-than-God-powers-that-be assented, with the condition that Mr. B., a fastidious, efficient bureaucrat comes with him as his assistant.

So Bob goes crazy for about six days, where he creates really weird creatures, experiments with different lighting systems (once the earth was lit solely by crystal chandeliers) and decides it would be fun to create creatures in his own image. show more Hahahahahahaha.

Then he gets tired and lets Mr. B. take over. Bob only rouses himself from his junk food-induced coma when a pretty girl crosses his path. Then he spends all his energy and that of Mr. B, pursuing the girl until he gets her to sleep with him and he grows bored and goes back to bed (some of his less than stellar wooing ideas included disguising himself as a swan and appearing to the maiden in question as a bull).

Then his mother loses Bob’s pet in yet another poker game, Mr. B. can’t take Bob’s self-centered, lazy whinging anymore and resigns, and Bob falls head over heels for a young zookeeper’s assistant.

In a nutshell, everything goes to hell (pun intended.)

Although there are some funny bits (and just the premise alone makes me happy), this book feels more bitter and sad than anything. God comes off as a total wanker. Honestly, if I was a teenage boy, I might have some words for Ms. Rosoff because if all teenage boys are made in the image of Bob, then that would mean they are all self-centered, mother-hating, lazy, slobs driven by an excessive libido with no empathy or foresight or sense of responsibility.

Oh, but sometimes they have rare moments of genius. That is Rosoff’s God.

The real pathos comes with Mr. B, who is the real god-a beleaguered middle-aged man who has spent tens of thousands of years trying to clean up Bob’s mess. The only creatures he was allowed to create were the whales, for which he has a soft spot. But like everything else on the planet, they are suffering because of the mess Bob’s “made in his own image” creatures have wreaked. Mr. B. spends his days answering as many prayers as he can and attempting to cajole Bob into actually fixing something. Basically attempting to fix a burst pipe with a band-aid.

Although there are rare moments of transcendence, when everything in the world seems right, and the joy of being alive on Earth is palpable, those moments are few and far between (which I guess mirrors reality). The message Rosoff conveys with her usual ferocity is that God is an asshat and his creation absurd at best and criminal at worst. show less