Coming Clean: A Memoir

Kimberly Rae Miller grew up in almost unimaginable squalor, complete with rats, fleas, and unusable kitchens and bathrooms. The author's parents couldn't help themselves; their homes were overrun with her hoarder father's "papers" and junk and her depressed mother's unnecessary, often unopened online purchases. It's a sad story--it's clear that Miller had to take the role of "parent" to her own parents from a young age--but it is leavened with humor in places and has a happy ending. Miller is remarkably free of bitterness and it is clear that she loves her mom and dad despite their issues.

One nagging question remains, however: how did the family cope with the economic burdens of their lifestyle, which involved eating out every night show more because the kitchen was inaccessible and unsanitary, and discarding dirty clothes and buying new ones rather than doing laundry? show less

Author Kimberly Rae Miller was raised by two loving parents, one of whom is a hoarder, and the other who has, at times, been a compulsive shopper. This memoir tells Ms. Miller’s story through vivid anecdotes that really bring the reader as much into her world as possible, without dwelling so much on the details that shows like ‘Hoarders’ love to emphasize (cat carcasses, anyone?). Yes, she is clear on what she means by hoarding, and yes, sometimes the descriptions are enough to make one maybe not want to eat during those paragraphs, but in reality Ms. Miller is telling a very thoughtful story about the complicated but devoted relationship she maintains with her parents.

Ms. Miller was a shy child who tried to keep the reality of show more her father’s hoarding from the rest of the world. She began acting as a way to take on another personality in the hopes of figuring out how she could navigate the world. She shares stories of the time child protective services came, not because of the hoarding, but because of a lie she told, and the terror her parents felt because they knew she’d be taken away if CPS saw their home. She talks about the multiple surgeries her mother had, and how after each one the family faced more challenges. She talks about her nightmares and her need for her own place that is clean and under her control.

I really enjoyed this book. I think Ms. Miller’s writing style was vivid enough to create a mental picture in the reader’s mind without resorting to the type of sensationalism that a lesser editor might demand. She was allowed to tell her story, which is largely shaped by her experience with her parents and the hoarding, yes, but that isn’t everything about her. Ultimately I found this book to be about family, and how people do the best they can with what they have. After reading this book I find myself feeling affection towards Ms. Miller’s parents, and admiration for Ms. Miller’s ability to share her story in such a gracious way. show less

I bought the book thinking that it was how one person came to growing up in a hoarding environment to become a minimalist. I was so very very wrong. This book is a detailed account of a child growing up in abject squalor and to call it living in a hoarding environment is an understatement. After each time I got through a few chapters, I felt dirty and felt compelled to clean and downsize in my own living space. I don't have a lot of stuff and it's not super messy where I am, but I can kind of see why the author reacts the way she does to such a life she lived. The book is also not for the faint of heart, it was quite depressing to try to go through chapter after chapter hoping things would eventually get better. It does in its own way, show more but things still felt very wanting at the end of the book. I want to know more about how she copes with the world after living like she did with hoarding parents like she did. What did she ultimately learn and apply to her life now? Much of the book is kind of a matter of fact describing of the craziness of her life as a child and young adult and how her mind was at different points and the excuses she made for the parents' behavior. show less

I recently experienced a bad run in which I was repeatedly disappointed with the memoirs I read. Kimberly Rae Miller has renewed my faith in the craft. Her autobiographical book is both heartbreaking and uplifting as she recounts her life with hoarding parents.

Like many of us, she quashed her emotions, particularly her anger, toward her parents. It is easier to forget and ignore than to face the contradictory and unpleasant feelings that come from complicated child-parent relationships. However, when she began to suffer from nightmares and fits of cleaning and purging all of her possessions, she began to open herself up to the pain that she tried for so long to deny.

Although her parents loved her, she often found herself in the show more parenting role. Cleaning their house over and over again, just for them to cram more possessions back in within a short time was frustrating and exhausting. Her childhood homes were ruins in which bathrooms were unusable. She never had friends over – she didn’t even let them see which house she lived in because the conditions outside were a glimpse of the havoc inside. She was wise enough to know that the malady was a struggle for them as well and that her parents were not capable of overcoming it themselves. She was also brave enough to relinquish her feelings of responsibility to fix them. show less

Thanks to the popularity of reality television, there are few people these days who are unaware of the term 'hoarding' or 'hoarder'. But when Kimberly Rae Miller was growing up, the term was not as well known.

Kimberly is the child of hoarders. And she's sharing her story in her memoir Coming Clean.

I chose to listen to Coming Clean. The author herself read the book and this only served to intensify her story.

Kimberly's father saved information - papers of all sorts, unable to throw anything out. Over the years, the paper (and more) overtakes their home, the pipes burst, the front door won't fully open, they're living with rats, bugs, filth, feces - and only discovered after they move, a stranger in the attic. Her mother became a show more compulsive shopper, only adding to the mix and the mess.

Miller has fond memories of her childhood - she is a much loved child. But as a child Kim had no idea that their family was 'different'. Slowly she comes to the realization - and knows that she has to keep her home life a secret. As time passes, the hoarding takes a toll, both mentally and physically, on Kim and her parents. Still, they are unable to stop collecting.

Miller expresses her story with honesty and candor, sharing her hopes, fears, and attempts to forge her own life, while still caring for her parents.

"We see people with a mental illness living their worst nightmare on TV because they’re desperate for help and will put themselves in that situation. Of course it’s a spectacle. But as a child of a hoarder, I can show this through eyes of love. I love my parents."

Coming clean was an eye opening account and an excellent listen. Frightening, heart-breaking and real. show less

Fascinating memoir of a woman who grew up in a hoarding household. Having pack-rat tendencies myself I was intrigued, horrified and vindicated about my own stacks and piles in comparison. This is full-blown cable TV style hoarding -- including rats, fleas, and whole rooms that couldn't be entered. How Kimberly manages to have a "normal" life for herself (only -- the parents were a lost cause)and become a successful person is an interesting story. However it did have some James Frey moments for me and I hope her fact checkers were more diligent. For example, in jr. high/high school, when getting rides home she would have people drop her 4 doors away so it wasn't her own run-down shuttered house she was entering. This was in the 90s -- show more really? As a parent that doesn't seem believeable to me. There are other instances that I questioned too -- neglect and sneakiness that might have been do-able in the 70s and 80s when parenting wasn't a full-time occupation. However, kudos to her for pulling herself out of the morass, literally, and maintaining a loving relationship with 2 very flawed parents. It made me clean out a few closets after reading!! show less

Thanks to Hoarders we all know about hoarding, and most of us have a visceral reaction to it. Miller lived through it, growing up with two hoarding parents. Her farther was the main hoarder, but after a failed operation left her bedridden, Miller's mother developed a shopping habit. As a teenager Miller lived in a home with no heat and water, where she couldn't shower, flush the toilet, or cook. There was a layer of swampy sludge on the floor. As a college student Miller attempted suicide. As an adult she becomes a compulsive cleaner.

This memoir is a stark account of the human cost of hoarding. It's hard not to feel badly for Miller. As an adult, however, Miller becomes an enabler. She regularly cleans her parents' house. When they show more move, they whine until she agrees to pack and clean for them. I was never clear on how Miller's parents had enough money to sustain their hoarding: her father is a school bus driver, her mother is disabled. In addition to the constant shopping, they eat out because they can't cook at home, they buy new clothes because they can't use their washing machine. I was fascinated by how one could finance such a habit on small salaries. Miller certainly has plenty on her plate. She's her parents' only child. There's no resolution to this memoir. By the end Miller's parents haven't sought help. I really feel for her, but she really has to stop cleaning her parents' house. show less