Etched in Sand: A True Story of Five Siblings Who Survived an Unspeakable Childhood on Long Island

Etched in Sand: A True Story of Five Siblings Who Survived an Unspeakable Childhood on Long Island by Regina Calcaterra is the true story of the abuse and neglect the author and her siblings suffered through - at the hands of their mother and in a system that wasn't working as it should. Regina notes that her childhood made her very aware of how people in power can impact the lives of others and this knowledge helped lead her to her present day career in public service.

Regina has two older sister, Cherie and Camille, and a younger brother and sister, Norman and Rosie. Regina makes it clear that their mother, Cookie, was a drunk who was always avoiding the cops. She abused and neglected her children, abandoning them for weeks at a time. show more She stole, wrote bad checks, and always had a series of warrants out for her arrest. While Cookie's "aim is to put in as little effort as possible to get what she can from whom she can, including the system (pg.31)" Regina (and her older sisters) wanted to keep themselves out of the system entirely.

These children were in an impossible situation. With their mother there was rampant abuse and neglect for certain, but in the system (foster care) lurked other very real potential dangers. As I was reading this powerful memoir, I literally had to set the book aside several times. It was so frustrating to see a system that wasn't working or groups that were unable to work together or across state lines.

It was encouraging and inspirational to see how Regina overcame the odds. As an emancipated teen in the system it certainly appeared that she would be lucky to escape from her childhood without any long term trauma. To see how hard and tirelessly Regina worked to overcome her background is a testimony to her determination. The determination she had to try and keep her siblings together or in contact with each other was touching.

At the same time, Regina is trying to confirm that her father really is the man Cookie has always said is her father. He won't admit it is true but the evidence seems to confirm Cookie is telling the truth. It was good to see a conclusion to this question, although the fact that she had to ask it is heart-breaking.

In Etched in Sand Regina writes about her childhood in the present tense with a simple straightforward honesty which makes the narrative feel more raw and tragic, if that is even possible. We know she survived this horrific childhood to become the successful adult she is today, but while reading about some of the abuse... oh.my.goodness. It's probably for the best that it is written in this manner, a recounting of the facts as she experienced them when a child.

This is a well-written personal account of a woman who overcame a deplorable childhood. It might be difficult for some people to read about the abuse, but for those who can, the triumphant conclusion of Regina's story today will outshine the appalling facts of her childhood.

Very Highly Recommended

Disclosure: I received a copy of this book from HarperCollins and TLC for review purposes. show less

Wow, what an incredible story! I did not want to put this book down.

This is the story of five children. Five children with the same mother, five children all with different fathers. That's just the tip of the iceberg. Cookie was one piece of work, a nasty, neglectful, abusive and hateful egg donor.

While it was difficult to read of the horrid childhood these five siblings had, what they overcame was remarkable. With all that the person who gave birth to them (who does not deserve the title of mother) did to them, all the separations in foster care and for a large part of their childhood raising themselves, they managed to become functioning adults, breaking that cycle of abuse. They all have scars, both physical and mental, how could show more they not, but they all still rose above it all and have a strong sense of family and their connection. For so long, all they really had was each other, but as adults they still had that bond. What they had to do to survive was shocking; their mother sometimes leaving these young children for months at a time, they had a remarkable caring for and sense of responsibility to each other.

I cannot understand how so many times the system failed these children, over and over. Between the bureaucracy and paperwork and neglect of social services, these children were put in the position for abuse to just keep on happening. I just couldn't wrap my head around that many men sticking around Cookie long enough to get her pregnant. They had to see who she was, what was the attraction? Since they all dumped her, they eventually saw the light, but they are all okay just leaving their kid and the others with her? And what made Cookie such a horrible person? And it wasn't just Cookie and the sperm donors at fault. Where were the grandparents and aunts and uncles? They all failed these children. They all let that abuse go on, no one stepped in.

What a strong person Regina is. I have such admiration for her strength, courage and drive. My heart broke for her when she was telling her story; the unspeakable things done to her, the quest to know who she is. And Paul? Seriously? What a waste he was, 35 years and counting. All I feel for him is disgust.

This is a book that will leave an impression on you. It's so moving and emotional and you won't forget the story of these five children. show less

What a heartbreaking story. And the fact that it's true makes it all the more so. Regina and her siblings defied all odds to become stable, loving family members in their own right. Regina took her healing a step farther and became an attorney who joined the government with the idea of enacting change for children in foster care.

While this is an unflinching look at life of abuse and neglect, it doesn't wallow in self pity. It also doesn't make excuses. While the mother of these children was probably mentally ill, she was in control enough of her faculties to make cruel and selfish choices, and was smart enough to manipulate the system.

The look at the foster care system is not a pretty one. Turned away more times than helped, the show more caseworkers portrayed here were squarely on the side of the mother, and very rarely took the author's complaints and warnings seriously. This was an example of a broken system that did not look out for the welfare of the children.

I normally would not have read this book, but it was a choice in my F2F bookclub; and, I am a better person because of it.

Recommended. show less

Regina Calcaterra’s Etched in Sand: A True Story of Five Siblings Who Survived an Unspeakable Childhood on Long Island is the sort of book you desperately wish were fiction. These horrible things can’t really have happened, can they? No “mother” could be so heartless. No “parent” could be so cruel. No system in place to help children could be so neglectful, and no children could really be forced to steal or starve to death in a lonely, worn-out hell.

This book is jarring. Gut-wrenching. Horrifying. Despite the obvious pain and difficulty, though, we know from the beginning that Regina not only survives her mother’s abuse . . . but thrives. That glimmer of hope — that small, tiny ray of sunshine in the distance — is what show more kept me motivated to turn the pages. Regina is a woman you come to know and love: someone you want to cheer on and support. Someone who needs that support.

Why read a memoir detailing such neglect? The power of Regina’s story — which is her siblings’ story, too. Even in her darkest moments, she never loses sight of the most important people in her life: her family. Though the system fails Cookie’s children in many ways, they never give up fighting for one another. And knowing that Regina goes on to become wildly strong and successful, brave and resilient, well . . . it makes it all worthwhile.

Though occasionally tough to read, Etched in Sand was impossible to put down. I finished the book in two sittings, desperate to make sure that Camile, Cherie, Norman, Rosie and Regina would somehow land on their feet.

Somehow, through it all, Regina’s first-person account does not come off as bitter — or even angry. Someone who has every right to be a fire-breathing dragon when recounting the horrible things she was forced to do, see and decide as a teen manages to tell her tale without malice. Regina’s writing strikes a delicate balance between factual detachment and impassioned storytelling, and I found that impressive. Crazy, even.

For much of the story, I felt focused on the idea of revenge . . . this hope that their mother would finally be forced to pay for what she did to them — either with jail time or mental anguish. Preferably both. In the process, I wanted her to repent and apologize. To be less of an unspeakably horrible monster, basically.

But real life doesn’t always work that way. By the close of Calcaterra’s powerful memoir, I was thinking more about forgiveness . . . and how important it is for the soul. Despite Cookie’s attempts to break them down and wreck them, her children found a way to move forward.

The best revenge, they say, is living well. show less

A gripping account of how Regina and her 3 sisters and 1 brother survived being homeless, beatings, stealing food and clothing and suffered malnutrition. My heart ached for their suffering. The title "Etched in Sand" came from "their countless homes - fragile, temporary sand castles that we were forced to create in the most resourceful ways, only for them to be knocked down by the rising tides and uncontrollable elements around us."

4.3

This book really touched me, as it takes place on Long Island (where I live and grew up) and involves 5 siblings (I am also one of five). It is an incredible story of 5 children who banded together to survive a horrible childhood at the hands of an alcoholic, abusive mother who often left them to fend for themselves in trailer parks, abandoned homes, and homeless shelters. Calcaterra (the author) and her siblings lied, stole, and made up stories to explain the marks of their abuse until Calcaterra was emancipated and went to live with a foster family. Calcaterra keeps her story very realistic and includes blunt details. Although there are many heavy descriptions of abuse and mistreatment, "Etched in Sand" provides a new perspective for show more many and inspires people to avoid taking their own lives for granted. Overall, it is an amazing story of strength and managing through social services and the foster care system in the US. It is hard to believe that the novel is a true story. It allows readers to have a new appreciation for life. show less